The double standard continues to linger?

[stillafool]

 

No guy is ever going to be proud of being number 51.

 

I can't imagine any woman being proud of being number 51 on a mans list either. [Prohibited language redacted]

Edited January 12, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[RedRobin]

Sounds like you just have man issues that really need to be handled by therapy.

 

Naa. In my circle of friends and family, men have integrity.

 

Real men aren't liars and users.

[RedRobin]

Do you really think that for a guy to be legitimately decent he should reject "womanizers" from his social circle??

 

Yes. I do think they should reject them from their social circle. I don't think decent men should give these guys cover. If they want to be considered decent. By remaining his friend, they leave the appearance that he is an OK guy... Which they aren't.

 

If they want to be considered a tool for the womanizer to utilize to get his next score then sure. Not sure why any self respecting man (or woman) would want to be a tool... Unless he or she is not so decent himself and fancies himself another user and hates women as much as the womanizer does. Or, they just don't care how his friends treat people as long as he doesn't screw them over.

 

That's not a person I'd ever keep as a friend. Or choose to do business with either.

 

See, that's the problem. Both men and women don't view other women as human beings. They are disposable and get what they deserve... According to the womanizer and the people who call him their friend. Pretty upside down if you ask me.

 

Edited: for the record, I don't think the entitlement mentality and double standards has anything to do with biology. It has everything to do with how one was raised and their cultural underpinnings. There is nothing intractable about it whatsoever, except for the handful of deceitful, selfish people who have no problems justifying poor behavior... Oh, yea... And the people who choose to associate with them.

Edited January 12, 2016 by RedRobin

[Woggle]

Isn't that extreme not doing business with a realtor because he has a friend who plays around? We all sometimes do business with less than honorable people even if it's buying a certain product.

[Rejected Rosebud]

 

See, that's the problem. Both men and women don't view other women as human beings. They are disposable and get what they deserve... According to the womanizer and the people who call him their friend. Pretty upside down if you ask me.

I think that refusing to accept a person because they have a character flaw is not viewing others as human beings.

 

Cassanova himself was an amazing historical character despite his womanizing ways - partly because of them.

 

JFK was a womanizer. I guess he shouldn't have been elected President.

 

I appreciate Lord Byron as well. You probably think they should be striken from the annals of history!

 

Also a friend of mine who happens to be quite a sexual butterfly. Sexually adventurous folks are all people, just like you and me, they can be great friends, talented artists, great contributors to society, humanitarians - why hate on them so much?

Edited January 13, 2016 by Rejected Rosebud

[joystickd]

Naa. In my circle of friends and family, men have integrity.

 

Real men aren't liars and users.

 

That's what you see and know but you never truly know someone.

[Els]

Also a friend of mine who happens to be quite a sexual butterfly. Sexually adventurous folks are all people, just like you and me, they can be great friends, talented artists, great contributors to society, humanitarians - why hate on them so much?

 

Right. I can certainly understand 'high numbers' being a dealbreaker for someone when choosing a partner (it is for me), but refusing to even talk to or befriend people with them? Dafug did I just read. As long as there is no infidelity involved, my friends' and acquaintances' sex lives are really none of my business to judge them for.

[RedRobin]

Isn't that extreme not doing business with a realtor because he has a friend who plays around? We all sometimes do business with less than honorable people even if it's buying a certain product.

 

Not me. Not knowingly. How you treat people in both your personal and private life... how you do business... The people you choose to associate with... It's all connected.

 

It's not like he is the only realtor in the world. I will look elsewhere and ask around more.

 

See, that's the difference between men who play around and women who play around. Single women don't have to lie and manipulate. Men do... Even the ones who claim they don't. I've worked around mostly men my whole life. The womanizers are like used car salesmen. They are promising... Something... If they only targeted women into casual sex, they wouldn't be able to rack up those numbers. Nope. They are good liars and manipulators.

 

If anything, the double standard ought to be reversed.... But, it keeps going because a certain segment of society believes that the ability to lie, use, and manipulate is synonymous with manhood. Just like this realtor...

[RedRobin]

I think that refusing to accept a person because they have a character flaw is not viewing others as human beings.

 

Cassanova himself was an amazing historical character despite his womanizing ways - partly because of them.

 

JFK was a womanizer. I guess he shouldn't have been elected President.

 

I appreciate Lord Byron as well. You probably think they should be striken from the annals of history!

 

Also a friend of mine who happens to be quite a sexual butterfly. Sexually adventurous folks are all people, just like you and me, they can be great friends, talented artists, great contributors to society, humanitarians - why hate on them so much?

 

Those were different times. He would not be elected president now.

 

Bill Clinton pretty much messed things up for Al Gore... And Hillary...And you can get lose your security clearance or your job for messing around if you have a career that values discretion, honesty, and integrity.

 

People don't like to hear it, but too bad. If you wanna hang out with addicted people... And that is how I view it... Then fine.

 

To me 'sexually adventurous' is no different than people who drink too much, are addicted to drugs... Etc. these are not people I look up to or admire. I would be nice to them, but they would not be my friend. For friends, I turn to people who do not have those issues.

 

... Funny... The same people who are 'liking' your thread, are guys who have no problem treating women with high numbers as a semen storage device... And saying so here.. And would never agree to a relationship with her... But dang, they get all pissy when you tell them there are consequences for being a guy and running around.

 

Yep, there are. And I am not the only one.

[RedRobin]

The hate is strong in that one. I don't get it. I know I have my flaws, we all do. I know you and I have had our disagreements on here, but I would still share a drink with you and treat you like a human being.

 

Really? How is binning women into 'good for effing' and 'good for a relationship' treating them like a human being?

 

why should I risk MY reputation by being seen with a man who treats women like that? Who is doing his best to 'bin' me?

 

No, I would not share a drink with that man. Or associate with him in any way.

 

... And FTR, the people who recommended the womanizing men to me? I shared what I learned to them. In most cases, they knew the guy had that history, but thought he'd 'change' if he met a nice girl like me (because lots of idiots still think that's possible, I guess). I didn't appreciate being made a guinea pig and told them so, in the nicest way possible. After that, I just had a hard time trusting them... They are not my friends anymore.

Edited January 13, 2016 by RedRobin

[stillafool]

How many husbands and bfs don't want their wives and gfs going out with and hanging out with their loose gfs? How many wives and gfs get upset when their husbands and bfs hang out with their [similar] friends? Lots if not most people don't feel comfortable or secure when their SO socializes with these people. I see this on LS all the time. People judge you by the company you keep, especially men.

Edited January 13, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[joystickd]

Really? How is binning women into 'good for effing' and 'good for a relationship' treating them like a human being?

 

why should I risk MY reputation by being seen with a man who treats women like that? Who is doing his best to 'bin' me?

 

No, I would not share a drink with that man. Or associate with him in any way.

 

... And FTR, the people who recommended the womanizing men to me? I shared what I learned to them. In most cases, they knew the guy had that history, but thought he'd 'change' if he met a nice girl like me (because lots of idiots still think that's possible, I guess). I didn't appreciate being made a guinea pig and told them so, in the nicest way possible. After that, I just had a hard time trusting them... They are not my friends anymore.

 

How is putting men into categories of friend or relationship material any different than what you are saying? My suggestion is instead of talking all this about men include women in it too. They accept the behavior so you can't just get up here and talk shyte about men. It shows the level of maturity about relationships you have. A woman bears some accountability in these situations. It's the woman's choice to stay when the relationship is progressing in an undesirable way for her. Is that the man's fault that she chooses to stay. As a matter of fact how about the new hashtag women have for 2016.

[Woggle]

How many husbands and bfs don't want their wives and gfs going out with and hanging out with their loose gfs? How many wives and gfs get upset when their husbands and bfs hang out with their [similar] friends? Lots if not most people don't feel comfortable or secure when their SO socializes with these people. I see this on LS all the time. People judge you by the company you keep, especially men.

 

If she were hanging out with a bunch of cheaters then yes that would be reason for concern but if they were honest people who like play around then no big deal. There is a difference. I know Family Guy is a bad example but the other guys don't cheat on their wives because they hang out with Glenn Quagmire. The sad thing is this mentality that men can only sleep around if they trick women infantilizes women and treats them like children. Nobody forces women to sleep with these men.

[suds00]

std's are alarmingly high.

[joystickd]

Yes. I do think they should reject them from their social circle. I don't think decent men should give these guys cover. If they want to be considered decent. By remaining his friend, they leave the appearance that he is an OK guy... Which they aren't.

 

If they want to be considered a tool for the womanizer to utilize to get his next score then sure. Not sure why any self respecting man (or woman) would want to be a tool... Unless he or she is not so decent himself and fancies himself another user and hates women as much as the womanizer does. Or, they just don't care how his friends treat people as long as he doesn't screw them over.

 

That's not a person I'd ever keep as a friend. Or choose to do business with either.

 

See, that's the problem. Both men and women don't view other women as human beings. They are disposable and get what they deserve... According to the womanizer and the people who call him their friend. Pretty upside down if you ask me.

 

Edited: for the record, I don't think the entitlement mentality and double standards has anything to do with biology. It has everything to do with how one was raised and their cultural underpinnings. There is nothing intractable about it whatsoever, except for the handful of deceitful, selfish people who have no problems justifying poor behavior... Oh, yea... And the people who choose to associate with them.

Here's the problem. You assume these men are covering for their womanizing friends. Unless you are in that circle you don't know what's going on so the beliefs you have are based on negative experiences. Sometimes guys have womanizing friends and those guys are the ones encouraging them to stop their womanizing ways. Sometimes having a womanizing friend helps you see that a relationship is better than just running around. It's easy to say he has it good until you see first hand the complications that arise from it.

 

If you are going to not associate with someone because of who they are friends with then it shows immaturity because you are not there with them and know what's going on.

[JustGettingBy]

Why does a double standard continue to linger? Simple, humans are wired for double standards. Our brains are literally built to be cavemen, and we in our mad scramble to be able to keep up with society learn about 'things' not 'people' not 'ourselves'. The most complex pattern we're designed to handle is "all three people who ate the purple berries died within one day, so don't eat the purple berries". Anything more complex than that has to be 'labelled' or 'simplified'.

 

The fact that person X did Y action that you look down on because of situation Z is incomprehensible to us, all we care about is that Y action annoys us. When we do Y its because we were busy or stressed, but when X does Y they're an idiot.

 

Double standards, like the drunning cruger effect, special pleading and hypocracy itself aren't 'problems'. They're symptoms of a larger problem.

[Woggle]

The funny thing is that my womanizing friend is one of the few who seems genuinely happy for me and doesn't resent me for finding love. A lot of the other guys just want to pull me down. He says he would give up his [] ways if he could find a woman like my wife.

Edited January 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[RedRobin]

The funny thing is that my womanizing friend is one of the few who seems genuinely happy for me and doesn't resent me for finding love. A lot of the other guys just want to pull me down. He says he would give up his [] ways if he could find a woman like my wife.

 

Careful... Might just be your wife this 'friend' ends up with, or tries to.

 

Another reason I don't associate with them. They have no respect for relationships and their lack of conscience does not end at the womanizing part. It's all well and good as long as they aren't screwing YOU over... But they will, eventually. Me? I watch how they treat others. If they can have no problems lying and using others, then it's only a matter of time before its my turn.

 

Why the double standard exists is because men are still given a pass for having no integrity and being users. If that is the kind of stereotype you'd like to see continue, then, by all means, keep supporting it and guys who profit from it.

[Just a Guy]

In this thread I have found that the predominant emphasis is on sex directly or indirectly. Why are people focussing solely on that one aspect of a relationship? IG it were me I would first try and establish a relationship based on common interests and a compatible nature before I even thought about sex. Here it seems to me that people are putting the cart before the horse and emphasising the sexual aspect over more port ant things. If your yardstick for developing a relationship is going to be how many people the other person has slept with or not slept with then I think the relationship is doomed from the very beginning. On fact men and women who first establish a relationship based on mutual respect, common interests and s compatibility of minds and then progress to sex are much more likely to male a success of their relationship than those who jump into bed first to find out how experienced their partner is or isn't. Double standards or not I think one should just exercise plain common sense in matters of relationships.!

[RedRobin]

A lot of guys feel like they can't seem to find a decent woman worth committing to, so they just date around. I have spent time with that mindset myself.

 

 

 

Typical feminist. It's all the men's fault!

 

I'm not blaming men for the fact they are given that pass... Both genders look the other way when it comes to men's behavior. Why we, as a society, set such a low bar for men... At least when it comes to sex and relationships.. Is beyond me. That's not my experience among the men in my family or the men I call friends, choose to date, or have as mentors. The men in my life have high standards for themselves... And the women in their lives have the same high standards. For themselves and their partners. They aren't hypocrites.

 

The double standard is all about people looking the other way when it comes to men's behavior, but not women... That's the problem. Both genders do it. I don't. I judge both genders equally.... But it does tend to be men who have a sense of entitlement... Comes from years and years of society not holding them to the same standards as women.

 

As for the commitment part... Sounds like an excuse to me, especially when it comes from a guy. The desire for a commitment is a state of mind. You either have it or you don't. That's why I only date relationship oriented men. Their habits are developed around building intimacy... Not avoiding it.

 

Considering the fact that most women desire a commitment, it is not difficult for any guy to find a woman to commit to. The problem, again, is that low bar we set for men. What those same guys want is zero effort on their part, because they've been conditioned to be mommied emotionally and let the woman do all the relationship heavy lifting. They want someone who will commit to THEM, with little or no real commitment on his part. So yea, that's hard to find. Most healthy women want reciprocation and a partnership. To those womanizer guys, that is just too big of a burden. So its on to the next as soon as the new wears off.

[Woggle]

It might not be difficult to find a woman worth committing to but if you are a man with self respect and a desire to live a free life finding a woman worth committing is hard. You see what married guys deal with and you want no part but when you do find one worth it you go all out for her.

 

My friend would never in a million years sleep with my wife. He is one of the best friends a guy could have.

[RedRobin]

It might not be difficult to find a woman worth committing to but if you are a man with self respect and a desire to live a free life finding a woman worth committing is hard. You see what married guys deal with and you want no part but when you do find one worth it you go all out for her.

 

My friend would never in a million years sleep with my wife. He is one of the best friends a guy could have.

 

Okey dokey. Don't say I never warned you.

[RedRobin]

I can easily place the blame on women for this particular double standard. Women, for the most part, do not care how many people a man has had sex with. If a guy is good looking, charming, successful, he will have no problems getting women. Most of those women will not care if he has banged 10 women in that same week. If you ladies want this double standard to go away, more women will have to say no to those guys who get laid a lot. If I were you, I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for that to happen.

 

 

 

The world is not so black and white. I went through a stage where I would have liked a commitment, but I truly felt there were no women around that I would want a commitment with. So, I slept around. I seem to have a knack for attracting women, so I just went with it.

 

Even though I wanted a commitment, that doesn't mean I wanted a commitment with anyone. You should understand this easily enough. When you want to have sex (a state of mind) you won't have sex with just any guy, will you? No, you won't. Well, even a guy seeking a commitment is not going to accept a commitment with every single girl that lets him know she wants one.

 

 

 

Quite a bit of negative stereotyping about men here. I cannot even begin to comment on the things you've said here other than just to say that you obviously know almost nothing about men or how we think.

 

I know plenty. I know that no woman makes any man want to commit. Just like no person makes anyone stop drinking if they are an alcoholic and don't want to stop. Same thing with womanizers. It's a habit. He has to have his own reasons for wanting to stop and it almost never has anything to do with a particular woman. Even then, they will most likely have 'relapses' depending on the duration of that habit.

 

That's one truth I wish every commitment seeking woman would get into their heads. Women don't make men want to commit. He is either in that state of mind or has built those habits before he met her, or he isn't.

 

There are certain habits that our society condones in men because society has a lower opinion of a man's ability to have integrity and have good judgement. It's not MY opinion. I think both genders are equally capable of being good people... Just that men aren't expected to be. Men don't expect other men to be good to women. Women don't expect men to be good to women. At least the ones who date or associate with womanizers, that is.

 

As for the stereotype. Actions speak louder than words. You could choose to act differently and make different choices. The men I choose to keep in my life act the way they do because they are self directed differently.. Not looking to see what they can get away with. They also don't view women as commodities and never have.

 

Womanizers are good at convincing women they are looking for a commitment with 'someone', even if they aren't. They know that most women wouldn't give them the time of day if they didn't at least pretend to be looking for something serious. If you ask me, men who date around are a lot worse and are a lot more to be 'feared' for anything long term than a woman who has done a lot of dating around... Mostly because the woman doesn't have to lie or make up stories. I get it that the double standard started when it was mostly men who made the rules... But these days? If there is going to be a double standard it ought to be reversed since women don't need to lie. I'd say most men who are womanizers are very good liars. That's their main talent. Otherwise, there is nothing else special about them.

Edited January 24, 2016 by RedRobin

[Woggle]

Okey dokey. Don't say I never warned you.

 

I have known him since 1992 and he has yet to betray me so I don't think I need warning.

[BlueIris]

Typical feminist. It's all the men's fault!

 

Nope. Not typical. And she gets to think any way she wants to, just like you do.