The double standard continues to linger?

[endlessabyss]

I'm not a feminist. But one thing I do know... At least I am not obliged to put up with abusive, cheat[ers] like women did in past generations.

 

You don't like it? Hire someone to raise your kids or don't have them. I got my tubes tied at a young age so I wouldn't be obliged to carry any man's baby by accident or by force.

 

You are welcome...

 

 

 

Salty tears

Edited January 26, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edit quote

[RedRobin]

This, and most other double standards that relate to dating linger because men and women want different things. It's really that simple. So many women on here talking about how they want a tall, confident guy, that makes them feel secure and protected. They want a guy to pay for dates, so he better have a little bit of cash too. Men, we don't care about that. A lot of men actively seek out women that have not slept around. That's just how it is. Ladies still have the freedom to have sex with however many people they like, but they may as well accept that fact that many guys will next them when it comes to a relationship. I would also tell an unemployed guy that he better get a job if he wants a woman, even if that woman happens to be out of work herself. People can cry and complain all they like, but it is what it is.

 

Ok, so if you were getting to know a woman and she said she was looking for a committed relationship with someone... She hadn't slept around... Would you keep bugging her if she decided not to date you because YOU have?

 

That's what I have a hard time wrapping my brain around. Why would a guy waste his time? If he's so popular with the ladies, it seems like there would be plenty of fish in the sea. No need to bug some woman who isn't in the same page as him... Don't you think?

[Rejected Rosebud]

This, and most other double standards that relate to dating linger because men and women want different things. It's really that simple.

Only if you blindly accept gender stereotypes, and not all of us choose to do that.

[Shining One]

Only if you blindly accept gender stereotypes, and not all of us choose to do that.

True, but plenty of people choose to selectively accept gender stereotypes in ways that are beneficial to them.

[Rejected Rosebud]

True, but plenty of people choose to selectively accept gender stereotypes in ways that are beneficial to them.

That doesn't really matter to me, we should learn about each person as an individual. If they are selecting gender stereotypes that they enjoy, we'll find that out as we get to know them. The problem is when people choose to approach others based on stereotypes.

 

I embody a lot of gender stereotypes. For example, I don't work on my car and enjoy it when my guy does. I cook and do artistic things. I am emotional. I appreciate chivalrous behavior.

 

I chose my particular guy and he chose me because we are complementary.

 

I didn't go into this with the attitude that he's a guy so he better fix my car, or I'm a girl so I better get busy in the kitchen.

 

Anyway it's a different issue than the DOUBLE STANDARD. All that means is that what's good for the goose SHOULD be good for the gander.

[endlessabyss]

True, but plenty of people choose to selectively accept gender stereotypes in ways that are beneficial to them.

 

Comedic lol.

[Shining One]

That doesn't really matter to me, we should learn about each person as an individual. If they are selecting gender stereotypes that they enjoy, we'll find that out as we get to know them. The problem is when people choose to approach others based on stereotypes.

 

I embody a lot of gender stereotypes. For example, I don't work on my car and enjoy it when my guy does. I cook and do artistic things. I am emotional. I appreciate chivalrous behavior.

 

I chose my particular guy and he chose me because we are complementary.

 

I didn't go into this with the attitude that he's a guy so he better fix my car, or I'm a girl so I better get busy in the kitchen.

 

Anyway it's a different issue than the DOUBLE STANDARD. All that means is that what's good for the goose SHOULD be good for the gander.

You are choosing men who embody traits you do not posses yourself. There's nothing wrong with that. Some men are choosing women who embody traits they do not posses. There is nothing wrong with that either.

[mrldii]

Congratulations, you have just perpetuated a gender stereotype double standard. You, a female who does not want to work on her car, enjoys a man who will work on your car. Well, some guys who sleep around might still enjoy being with a woman who does not. It all comes down to preferences. You have yours, other people have theirs. No reason to get upset over someone else's preferences.

 

What's the derogatory term for a heterosexual man who doesn't want to work on his own car and his preference - which he enjoys - is to take it to a mechanic?

 

 

~Voila~ "Double-standard."

[Rejected Rosebud]

Congratulations, you have just perpetuated a gender stereotype double standard. You, a female who does not want to work on her car, enjoys a man who will work on your car. Well, some guys who sleep around might still enjoy being with a woman who does not. It all comes down to preferences. You have yours, other people have theirs. No reason to get upset over someone else's preferences.

 

How can you not understand the difference between personal preferences and a double standard based on gender stereotypes?

[Rejected Rosebud]

You are choosing men who embody traits you do not posses yourself. There's nothing wrong with that. Some men are choosing women who embody traits they do not posses. There is nothing wrong with that either.

 

You guys really need to read some outside stuff before you post. Like I said to the other guy, personal preferences are not the same as a double standard. I think you know it.

 

When it comes to something key in a VALUE SYSTEM, if that value is applied differently to a man than a woman, it's a DOUBLE STANDARD.

[Shining One]

When it comes to something key in a VALUE SYSTEM, if that value is applied differently to a man than a woman, it's a DOUBLE STANDARD.

The paying for dates double standard works against me quite a bit. I'm judged harshly by many women for only wanting to pay 50% while women are not judged harshly for wanting to contribute 0%.

[mrldii]

I'll bite. I've been called a sissy and had my masculinity questioned because I did not work on my own car. Are you telling me you have never heard a guy get made fun of because he can't change a tire, change his own oil, or anything like that? I have. Plenty of times.

 

Men and women (as illustrated by our friend Rejected) both respect men who are capable of doing things like working on cars, fixing things around the house, ect. Men absolutely are judged somewhat harshly if they cannot do simple "manly" things like fixing cars, building things, ect. Women generally are not.

 

Nope. Not a once. Most men I know maybe, at one time, could/did fix their own cars, but nowadays

 

due to the fact that most cars require being hooked up to a computer AND the fact that they make damned good money

 

take their cars to mechanics and pay to get 'em fixed.

 

 

I, too, used to be able to fix my own car; I'm a heterosexual, CIS female. I stopped doing it, once I was able to afford to pay others to do it.

 

I pay others to do lots of things I don't like to do. It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I have a womb and has everything to do with it being a perk of being an adult with "disposable income". Most of the men I know pay others to do the things they don't like to do, with little or no regard to the fact that they have a penis.

 

Perhaps we just hang in different circles. Mine, of course, being one filled with "feminists"...both male and female, who don't expect others to act a certain way and do certain things based on whether or not their sex organs are "innies" or "outies"; people who don't decide that - oh, lets say as an example - if someone hires a housekeeper, it's obviously due to a failure attributed to their gender.

 

 

[Shining One]

Years ago, a female friend and coworker drove me to work for about a week since I couldn't drive. I was recovering from knee surgery. One day, she got a flat on the way and she had to change the tire herself. I could not physically get down low enough to help. She did not judge me harshly for this. However, when word got around the office why we were late that day, many other women in the office tore me apart. The "best" one I heard was: "Did he have knee surgery, or a sex change?"

[RedRobin]

lots of people with double standards call it a preference.

 

I have never rejected a guy because he can't work on my car. If he has nothing in life he is competent at, then yea, that would be a problem.

 

I think both genders are well advised to learn skills that make them self sufficient. My Dad can fix any car, but he also learned how to sew at a relatively young age... And make jewelry too. He's a Master. He can do anything... And no, neither of my parents have double standards.

 

My mom? Same way. We all pitched in building the family sailboat. She and my dad built their current home from scratch. Is a fabulous cook, also can sew anything...

 

people with double standards? I don't have time for them. Male or female. Always sounds weak to me. And lazy. Using society as an excuse to behave poorly.

[RedRobin]

Absolutely not. I respect the decision of any woman who says she isn't into me or doesn't want to date me. I have way too much pride to try and pursue someone who already said no. I don't even bother to pursue women unless they show strong interest right away.

 

 

 

Dating for men is kinda like fishing with a very big net. We just cast our net in the water and check out what we caught. It's not really a waste of time to hit on a girl that isn't on the same page we are. When that same guy is hitting on say...5 or 6 other women at the same time, it's not a big deal to add one more. Especially now, with texting and social media being the preferred forms of communication for most people.

 

 

 

One can either blindly accept or blindly rail against them. Your choice. I've got better things to do than to swim against the current when it comes to things like this. You cannot change how other people think and feel so easily.

 

Well, I guess that's why I also don't date guys who do a lot of texting, etc.

 

I guess we both have our ways of sorting people out. You say you have too much pride to keep after a woman who says no... But then why the texting, etc? Why anything? Sounds lame to me.

 

I had no problems telling anyone who cared to listen what jerks those guys were, and you know what? They listened. Because I have my track record of being a fine, upstanding person... and those guys have their track record... Which ain't so hot.

 

... And there they still are... Treading water in that shyte town trying to find fresh meat and getting older and older. Tsk tsk.

[Woggle]

Shaming men who don't want to date women who get around is not going to change their mind. It is only going to make them hide how they really feel and then it comes out down the road. Wouldn't it be better if they said how they feel right from the start so you know to not even bother? Why does it bother people so much that men they don't want anyway have certain preferences?

[mrldii]

Shaming men who don't want to date women who get around is not going to change their mind. It is only going to make them hide how they really feel and then it comes out down the road. Wouldn't it be better if they said how they feel right from the start so you know to not even bother? Why does it bother people so much that men they don't want anyway have certain preferences?

 

?!?

 

If there's nothing wrong with men who get around shunning women who get around because it's "simply their preference and NOT a double standard", why would the term "shame" even enter the conversation? Why would the concept of "hid[ing] how they feel and then it comes out" be a concern?

 

 

"Shame" and "hiding things" are for people who know they're doing something wrong.

[RedRobin]

Shaming men who don't want to date women who get around is not going to change their mind. It is only going to make them hide how they really feel and then it comes out down the road. Wouldn't it be better if they said how they feel right from the start so you know to not even bother? Why does it bother people so much that men they don't want anyway have certain preferences?

 

It only bothers me when they try to date me. As for not knowing how they really feel... I just avoid men who 'date around'. That way, no double standards. They are demonstrating with their own behavior what their values are and that they hold themselves to the same standards as the women they date. Not that hard.

[mrldii]

Oh really? In that case, are women who sleep around "doing something wrong" when others shame them for their behavior?

 

How do you know that she's been sleeping around (and, therefore, "shame"-worthy) if she hasn't told you about the number of past/current lovers?

 

Doesn't quite fit the the "hiding" qualifier, now does it?

[mrldii]

I apologize. I was not aware that you were the one who made the rules.

 

 

I don't make the rules of the English language and its usage; Mr. Merriam and Mr. Webster do.

 

 

I simply correctly and accurately apply them.

[Woggle]

?!?

 

If there's nothing wrong with men who get around shunning women who get around because it's "simply their preference and NOT a double standard", why would the term "shame" even enter the conversation? Why would the concept of "hid[ing] how they feel and then it comes out" be a concern?

 

 

"Shame" and "hiding things" are for people who know they're doing something wrong.

 

People hide how they feel because they don't want to get shouted down and have to deal with the fallout. That is all that political correctness. It hasn't changed any minds and only silences people. Just because you have silenced somebody does not mean you have converted them. I am the type who would rather people just be honest about what they feel so I am know what I am dealing with.

[RedRobin]

People hide how they feel because they don't want to get shouted down and have to deal with the fallout. That is all that political correctness. It hasn't changed any minds and only silences people. Just because you have silenced somebody does not mean you have converted them. I am the type who would rather people just be honest about what they feel so I am know what I am dealing with.

 

I am not trying to convert anyone. I just want those guys to leave me alone and date women who share their values.

 

Like I said earlier... Those guys are liars and hypocrites starting on date two if they decide to try and keep seeing or talking to me after I tell them what I am looking for, my dating style, and background. Which I do on date one and likely even before then.

 

I have no problems making life a little tougher for the guys (and the people who cover for them) who try to test me after the fact or feed me BS. They had their chance to walk away with no fallout. They chose not to. That's the only way that kind of baloney will stop. There needs to be some kind of consequences for being a schmuck... Even if the only consequences are simply that he has that much tougher of a time getting another 'date' with some other woman, or I create doubt in their mind about what kind of guy he really is.

Edited January 27, 2016 by RedRobin

[mrldii]

I'm not trying to "convert" anybody, either...I simply want things to change.

 

For "double-standards" to work, it requires silence on *my* part to allow the hypocrisy to exist. As an example, I was extremely vocal when Ms. Palin advocated (for everyone else) that abstinence-only sex education in schools was THE only way, while her unwed, 17-YO pregnant daughter stood in the background on a public stage in front of cameras broadcasting nationwide, cheering her on.

 

"Double-standards" hurt all people - not just men - and not just in male-female/romantic relationships.

 

If others find it more comfortable to retain their hypocrisy by simply not talking about it, that's OK...The Truth comes out, sooner or later...one way or another.

[Woggle]

I'm not trying to "convert" anybody, either...I simply want things to change.

 

For "double-standards" to work, it requires silence on *my* part to allow the hypocrisy to exist. As an example, I was extremely vocal when Ms. Palin advocated (for everyone else) that abstinence-only sex education in schools was THE only way, while her unwed, 17-YO pregnant daughter stood in the background on a public stage in front of cameras broadcasting nationwide, cheering her on.

 

"Double-standards" hurt all people - not just men - and not just in male-female/romantic relationships.

 

If others find it more comfortable to retain their hypocrisy by simply not talking about it, that's OK...The Truth comes out, sooner or later...one way or another.

 

I don't agree with double standards but trying to change minds is like talking to a wall. People will hold on to their beliefs even more.

[mrldii]

I don't agree with double standards but trying to change minds is like talking to a wall. People will hold on to their beliefs even more.

 

 

And, silence changes nothing.

 

I've got a whole world history to prove that activism - which means speaking out about things that are wrong and need to be changed - works.

 

 

So, I guess I'll join those whose minds won't be changed. I just won't do it silently...or attempt to deceive others by simply not speaking of it.

 

Besides, "silence" would be the death knoll to a "discussion board", no?