Is this tacky for a party?

[CuteAndInnocent]

I'm getting upset because we were invited to a kid's b-day party as part of our playgroup. The invite is to a park at this water area which costs $1 for kids (adults free). The Evite says she will cover the tickets and have cake and drinks and we need to bring our lunch.

So I'm thinking, I'm going to have to handle my 2 young kids carrying in lunch for all of us and a present? Is this tacky or am I just weird thinking this is rude that we have to bring our lunches? I have never seen this before for a party and just thinking it is an all-time low.

[SexKitten]

oops

[SexKitten]

maybe they are on a budget. maybe the money that would have paid for everyone's lunch was used to buy a present for their child.

 

 

i don't see what the problem is...just don't pack a 5 course lunch.

 

 

maybe get a smaller present...? then you won't have to carry as much...

[tanbark813]

I think it's kind of lame, but I don't have kids so I have no frame of reference.

 

That being said, I think you should pick up a fat pizza for you and your kids to go to town on and if anyone else wants any just be like, "Step off, bitches, this is ours."

[hotgurl]

that is lame. If i don't want to provide lunch I just make the party time after lunch and make sure it ends before dinner. So you don't have to spend the extra $$ for lunch but you don't seem rude either. Most kid partys are 2-3 hrs long

[CuteAndInnocent]

It can't be about the $, they usually have always had nice parties at their house with really good food. They have even had nice adult parties (for example an open house) when no one else in our group ever does things like that.

The other thing is that she's having it on the day of the week we usually do our playgroup where someone always hosts (she switched with someone else to do it on that day) and even just for playgroup the person that hosts brings lunch for everybody anyways.

[Treasa]

I think it's a little tacky, but in the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter one tiny bit. My mom and I were incredibly poor when I was younger, and as a result we really couldn't afford parties at all. As long as the kids are having fun, that's all that really matters.

 

Lately, when I want a gauge of how mad I should be over something, I ask myself, "Will I give a **** about this a year from now? Even three months from now?" If the answer is no, I don't sweat it. Life's too short to worry about who made your lunch one day out of your life.

[CuteAndInnocent]

Well it's not really just the whole thing of having to make and bring lunch, it's the whole principle that I'm mad about, just like courtesy and manners. So like this is going to be a new trend in parties where everyone always provides their own food? What's next, that we'll have to also start chipping in for all of the party costs and pay to receive the party favors?

[Treasa]

Originally posted by CuteAndInnocent

they usually have always had nice parties at their house with really good food. They have even had nice adult parties (for example an open house) when no one else in our group ever does things like that.

 

Ok, now read what you just said. These people seem pretty hospitable otherwise. I hardly think this one incident will break all of your children's good manners. It's really such a non-issue. You can control your own behavior, but you can't really control other people's. Let me stress again: as long as the kids have fun, it's no big deal.

[SexKitten]

i think maybe the way you are thinking about it is tacky, not the way the birthday party is being held.

 

what if she didn't say anything about lunch at all, just that cake and tickets would be provided? what's wrong with that? it's a child's birthday party, not the inaugural ball.

 

even if they had grand, lavish parties for every other event, so what? not every party's purpose is to feed. eat before you go, or eat after.

 

maybe they had a huge expense recently and money is tighter than usual. maybe they ponied up thousands for taxes. maybe anything.

 

the point is, none of that is your business.

 

if you have such a problem with it, don't go.

 

you're worried about carrying lunch for two kids and present. the host of the party is worried about the party and all the children and the adults involved at a pool.

 

try being concerned about your own "courtesy and manners."

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

While it's kind of tacky, it's not extreme. I would have just said cake/drinks provided.

 

However, this way the parents can bring something they know their kids will eat.

 

I noticed a new trend here now, instead of toys kids are giving money as gifts. Kids are giving like $20 as a gift! I think that is outrageous. I still buy toys LOL.

[alphamale]

the idea behind parties and get-togehters (at least in the past) was that someone would throw one and provide everything for their guest, such as a roof, drinks, food, appetizers, entertainment, etc.....

 

then...all those people who were invited were supposed to reciprocate by inviting the host when they all had a bash. that way no one has to go around carrying sheeyot and trying to coordinate "who will bring what".

 

this way the host threw one party per year and had several others to go to over the rest of the year.

 

that is the way it should work but this small etiquette rule has been forgotten with our more casual world now.

[westernxer]

If this is what I have to put up with, I'm never having kids...

[moimeme]

Life's too short to worry about who made your lunch one day out of your life.

 

Exactly.

 

it's the whole principle that I'm mad about, just like courtesy and manners. So like this is going to be a new trend in parties where everyone always provides their own food?

 

Yes. I expect it's the end of mankind as we know it. Civilization is gone. Whatever will we do?

 

Seriously. Why get your knickers in a knot about 'the principle of the thing'? Life is far too short.

[CuteAndInnocent]

C'mon, I know it's not a big deal in the whole scheme of things, but is common etiquette just gone out the window and that's all OK? Some of you seem to think so, and to me it's becoming a place where people don't think about others.

 

It's disheartening that nowadays people don't RSVP (trying to keep leaving messages for people just to get a head count for food, party favors, etc is crazy) and I always make a point of writing thank you notes for b-day presents. Once someone sent a blanket email to the group saying, "Thanks for all the presents". I mean it takes like one minute to write a few sentences and put it in the mail. I guess people aren't reading things like Miss Manners now.

 

I was raised to always greet my elders with Mr. and Mrs, etc. and all of these courtesies which I think should be a given. I guess that some of these things are just unbelievable to me because it's not how I would act. I would just never have a party at a mealtime and tell people to bring their food (how hard and pricey is to make some hot dogs, bring some chips?). If I didn't want to provide food, then I would just not have the party at lunch or dinner times.

[Mr Spock]

Maybe it's the fact it's at an outside water park and they don't have the resources to provide food for god knows how many kids and parents that will show up.

 

If you feel that you should be fed, then don't go.

[moimeme]

C'mon, I know it's not a big deal in the whole scheme of things, but is common etiquette just gone out the window and that's all OK? Some of you seem to think so, and to me it's becoming a place where people don't think about others.

 

You are making FAR too big a deal of it. As you yourself already stated, they usually do provide food, etc. So for all the reasons people have stated, maybe it's inconvenient this ONE time. Fergawdsakes let it go. Your kids will lose out on a day of fun if you don't go because you're in a snit. Will it kill you to make a couple of sandwiches, buy a couple of juice boxes and go? Yeesh.

[moimeme]

C'mon, I know it's not a big deal in the whole scheme of things, but is common etiquette just gone out the window and that's all OK? Some of you seem to think so, and to me it's becoming a place where people don't think about others.

 

You are making FAR too big a deal of it. As you yourself already stated, they usually do provide food, etc. So for all the reasons people have stated, maybe it's inconvenient this ONE time. Fergawdsakes let it go. Your kids will lose out on a day of fun if you don't go because you're in a snit. Will it kill you to make a couple of sandwiches, buy a couple of juice boxes and go? Yeesh.

[Thinkalot]

HI- kinda late adding on to this thread, but I think it does seem a bit odd, and it's OK for you to think it's strange or a bit rude, but I dont think it's a huge deal overall. Who knows why they organised it that way? Maybe something has happened and they are having financial concerns.

 

Whatever, just take some lunch and have a good time with the kids.

 

I think the theory about wondering if this will upset you in a year's time is a good one. Keeps things in perspective. If not, let it go.

 

I am personally trying to let some things go associated with my wedding and behaviour of my MIL. Frankly, I think I will certainly still remember it in years to come, nevertheless I am trying to let it go.

 

I find it hard to let stuff go, but I honestly think choosing your battles, and knowing when something isnt worth your emotion, is a smart idea.