I am Hurting.

[testmeasure]

If your attorney is referring to some actual technical type of divorce I haven't heard of it.

 

In general it is preferable to have an attorney but work things out amicably if possible. Maybe that's what he's referring to?

 

Some states may require you to go to mediation before going to court. This is so you don't clog up the court system if at all possible.

 

Most cases settle out of court.

 

My attorney told me it's preferable to settle out of court if you can. I guess the "if you can" part is the hedge because obviously it wouldn't be better if you settle under horrible terms.

 

I have heard reference to something where they used some technical term to refer to it and it actually was a different kind of divorce. The reason people were mentioning it, was because apparently it's a problem because if the divorce is settled in that manner, the settlement is technically a civil contract as opposed to a court order. The people talking about it felt the civil contract was much less enforceable and "final" than a court order. And in this paragraph I have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about, because it was a while back and it was people I read a some posts somewhere and it wasn't clear to me that they knew what they were talking about. If it's different, make sure you understand all the differences, and that you get that information from an attorney. Only use the internet to verify what your attorney is telling you or raise questions for you to ask him.

 

"tell you the truth my tears get less and less each day and eventually I am going to have enough of this crap and then it will be over for sure." I realized this and also realized it would be very hard to do. Fortunately I didn't have to do it.

 

My situation had 2 key differences with your situation. There was a much younger child and my wife was constantly hostile and angry at me. I wanted to save the family, so I stayed in a bad situation probably too long and I'm realizing it probably did some PTSD damage. The thing was, she was so aggressive and hostile, I knew any move I made to end it she would use as justification to retaliate 10 fold.

 

Her initial proposed parenting plan had some key features that I was able to leverage to my great advantage. As soon as I started to fight, her offers got extreme. So I may have been right.

 

So, in my situation where I was trying to save the family on the one and or fail as gracefully as possible and be offered the most generous parenting plan. Even so, I realized it was not a good situation and if she didn't eventually I'd have to make a move.

 

I have heard people who were in situations like yours say that it does take an emotional toll over time. There is a thread here just recently where someone was having a hard time because they thought it was wrong to end a relationship for this kind of reason because of the vows.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/566128-i-asked-divorce

 

That thread got some good discussion that I think is beginning to help the person there see that it's not wrong to let go past some point.

 

I'm not an attorney, this isn't legal advice. It's opinion or whatever. Regard it as something you read somewhere on the internet, which actually is what it is.

Edited January 23, 2016 by testmeasure