CT87chris Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 hey all ive been having a problem with my gf of the past 8 months. we live almost an hour apart and normally see each other only on weekends. i completely trust her though and know she would never betray me. this is our second time dating, and she literally came crawling back. i was seeing another girl for a while, and had to tell her about it when we began talking again. obviously, the fact that it seemed as if i didnt need my ex made her want me more, and eventually we got back together. meanwhile, it has seemed as if the relationship is falling apart. it seems like i care too much, even though i know she loves me. i give too much when im in a steady relationship and am generally too nice to my gf. i dont want to cheat on her, and we have discussed a break, but my question is, what can i do to make it seem like i dont need her or dont want her anymore, while being able to stay together? i come off as too much of a "nice guy" when i get into a serious relationship. what can i do to change this? thanks in advance chris Link to post Share on other sites
CaGirl1980 Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 I don't know if what I have to say will really help at all, but I always used to feel the same way until I found someone who needed me as much as I needed them and then it wasn't really a problem anymore. Does your girlfriend act like she really needs you? I know it sounds harsh, but try to look at it objectively. My husband and I met over the Internet so we lived on opposite sides of the country when we started dating and it went on for a year, I think that in our case the only reason it worked is because we were both needy with each other. We talked every single day and we always knew where the other was because it gave us both a sense of being important to each other. Maybe you should just try talking to her about your feelings and see what she has to say. Maybe she doesn't even notice that you're being too nice. I don't think there's really such a thing as being too nice when it comes to someone you really love. But that could just be me. In the long run it'll be hard to change who you are, so it's best to end up with someone who wants you just the way you are and who won't take advantage of your niceness. Anyways, good luck, I hope everything works out! Link to post Share on other sites
beesknees Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 why do you think your relationship is falling apart? because you're too nice? a lot of people might say to immediately enforce No Contact, and I would say yeah, being aloof and pulling back may get her attention again, is this what you want to keep doing when things are falling apart? i like nice guys- i don't think there's such a thing as being "too nice." maybe that's just 'cuz i'm a nice girl. maybe you should be with someone who appreciates all the nice things you do for her. just my 2 cents. Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted June 5, 2005 Share Posted June 5, 2005 Originally posted by CT87chris hey all ive been having a problem with my gf of the past 8 months. we live almost an hour apart and normally see each other only on weekends. i completely trust her though and know she would never betray me. this is our second time dating, and she literally came crawling back. i was seeing another girl for a while, and had to tell her about it when we began talking again. obviously, the fact that it seemed as if i didnt need my ex made her want me more, and eventually we got back together. meanwhile, it has seemed as if the relationship is falling apart. it seems like i care too much, even though i know she loves me. i give too much when im in a steady relationship and am generally too nice to my gf. i dont want to cheat on her, and we have discussed a break, but my question is, what can i do to make it seem like i dont need her or dont want her anymore, while being able to stay together? i come off as too much of a "nice guy" when i get into a serious relationship. what can i do to change this? thanks in advance chris Why pretend like you're not needy when you are? Why not get someone who you're compatible with? If you're constantly having to change who you are to make someone else happy it isn't worth it. Find someone who loves you the way you are. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 5, 2005 Share Posted June 5, 2005 Originally posted by Sal Paradise Why pretend like you're not needy when you are? Why not get someone who you're compatible with? If you're constantly having to change who you are to make someone else happy it isn't worth it. Find someone who loves you the way you are. Being needy is a sign of insecurity. Sounds like to me he needs to work on that a bit and he won't be so needy. Women do NOT like needy men. Period. That's a total turn off for them. Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted June 5, 2005 Share Posted June 5, 2005 Back away from her... It sounds like she only came crawling back because you had another girl at that time. She is posessive. Maybe she doesn't really want to be with you, but she doesn't want anyone else to be with you either. Give her the cold shoulder for a while.... Link to post Share on other sites
waiting Posted June 5, 2005 Share Posted June 5, 2005 i dont want to cheat on her, and we have discussed a break, but my question is, what can i do to make it seem like i dont need her or dont want her anymore, while being able to stay together? Why would you want to pretend yolike you don't need her or don't want her anymore, while staying with her? And if you don't want to cheat on her, don't do it. You shouldn't anyway. You can't be too much of a nice guy. If you love her, then you should treat her as nice as you can. You say you trust her and she would never betray you, so that isn't an issue. Maybe you mean you are too Passive when it comes to communicating your needs. What you need is to learn how to be more assertive, not make it seem like you don't need her. My suggestion: Make a list of your needs. Check which ones are being met. Highlight the ones that aren't being met. Think about ways that this could be remedied then bring it up in conversation with her. Communication seems to be the issue here. Whatever you do, don't pretend like you don't need her and don't want her, and DO NOT CHEAT just to make her jealous. You are not in high school anymore (assuming). Those are all forms of miscommunication and will only make your relationship deteriorate further. Link to post Share on other sites
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