How you can get back someone you love?

[Igotherback]

If you're going thru a break up with someone you love, you're probably going thru some pain. You have doubts, you think it's impossible. Your partner slipped in arms of someone else, just because they're with someone else doesn't mean it's over and done. Let me tell you why:

 

If you two had months or years together you can't forget somebody instantly. If they're with someone else it's actually a great thing for you heres why:

 

"You need to explore the world, how would someone know they truly loved somebody if they didn't explore". You ever wanted to buy a new pair of sneakers like you wanted them so bad you spent a lot of money on it and no one couldn't stop you , you wear it for a couple days then BOOM you're back in them comfortable tennis shoes. See right now your ex is with them new pair of sneakers, you're them pair of comfortable tennis shoes. (I've had the same tennis shoes for 4 years, every now and then a pair a sneakers catch my eyes.)

 

Them exploring their options isn't bad. Let them. Disappear out their life. Let them have fun, you go have fun.

 

Stop contacting them, stop begging them, stop pleading with them. If you're still in the picture when they're with their new partner you give them advantage to let them know what you're doing 24/7. If they know what you're doing how can they have the oppurtunity to miss you?

 

The reason you find your ex more attractive now then ever is because you miss them.(right or wrong). Give them that same feeling, disappear and I promise they'll be drawn more to you then their new partner. Give them space to miss you. Disappear.

[ExpatInItaly]

Meh, that's simply not always accurate.

 

I've broken up with someone who didn't want the break-up. I never went back to him. I just wasn't in love anymore.

 

An ex-boyfriend had an affair after many years together. He is now married to his affair partner.

 

So while there's a lot to be said for getting out and living your own life, it cannot be claimed this will win back an ex. Many times people just outgrow each other and want different things.

[DrMario]

I would rather my ex come back naturally and if she had been intimate with somebody else, I would rather she didn't come back at all, maybe that's old fashioned by I believe if it's meant to be it will be and if it isn't then its just one of those things and there's something else in store for me, but I do agree that people shouldn't kope around and they should get out there and live life.

[ExtraSpice]

I agree that going out there and living your own life is the best way. But whether that actually works or not is not always guaranteed. However, I think the point is that by doing your own thing instead of wallowing around there is a chance that you may get him/her back and if not you have already started to move on. But if you are going to plead, beg and cling to false hope then it becomes a lose lose situation. The person is not going to want to take you back and you will feel like you have made absolutely no progress.

 

As for them being intimate with someone else during that time period, that tends to create its own problems. Though they are not bound to you you still end up feeling hurt and jealous because of it. So in that regards my thought process is more aligned with DrMario.

[Mikeyfreedom]

If you're going thru a break up with someone you love, you're probably going thru some pain. You have doubts, you think it's impossible. Your partner slipped in arms of someone else, just because they're with someone else doesn't mean it's over and done. Let me tell you why:

 

If you two had months or years together you can't forget somebody instantly. If they're with someone else it's actually a great thing for you heres why:

 

"You need to explore the world, how would someone know they truly loved somebody if they didn't explore". You ever wanted to buy a new pair of sneakers like you wanted them so bad you spent a lot of money on it and no one couldn't stop you , you wear it for a couple days then BOOM you're back in them comfortable tennis shoes. See right now your ex is with them new pair of sneakers, you're them pair of comfortable tennis shoes. (I've had the same tennis shoes for 4 years, every now and then a pair a sneakers catch my eyes.)

 

Them exploring their options isn't bad. Let them. Disappear out their life. Let them have fun, you go have fun.

 

Stop contacting them, stop begging them, stop pleading with them. If you're still in the picture when they're with their new partner you give them advantage to let them know what you're doing 24/7. If they know what you're doing how can they have the oppurtunity to miss you?

 

The reason you find your ex more attractive now then ever is because you miss them.(right or wrong). Give them that same feeling, disappear and I promise they'll be drawn more to you then their new partner. Give them space to miss you. Disappear.

 

 

I completely agree with this. I am back with my Ex, the fact she dated someone else(only a few times) I weirdly think actually saved our relationship. Things were bad between us, we were hardly talking...we finally met up that's when it all came back together again. And it was only when I had actually pretty much given up hope, got really got myself together that she saw that. It made us both realise what we meant to each other.

 

 

I got to the mindset that I was going to be OK with or without here. The day we met, I didn't meant mention the past once.

 

 

If there is ONE bit of advice I can give anyone, and as hard as it is.. concentrate on yourself. Get yourself into a good place for yourself. That way you only win both ways. Get back together, or move on and live happily for yourself. Have respect for yourself. Look after yourself and no matter what the outcome of that relationship, you will then be ok. But it is HARD and you will need to work on that everyday.

[basil67]

What if she's completely relieved to have you out of her life?

[PegNosePete]

Give them that same feeling, disappear and I promise they'll be drawn more to you then their new partner. Give them space to miss you. Disappear.

How ridiculous. There is no force on earth or in heaven that could have caused me to take my ex back. She could have ignored me all she wants, it would have changed nothing. As with all things, there is no magic formula that works every time.

 

What if she's completely relieved to have you out of her life?

That is one of those times, where absolutely nothing you do (or don't do) will change her mind.

[NoMoreJerks]

I would rather my ex come back naturally and if she had been intimate with somebody else, I would rather she didn't come back at all, maybe that's old fashioned by I believe if it's meant to be it will be and if it isn't then its just one of those things and there's something else in store for me, but I do agree that people shouldn't kope around and they should get out there and live life.

Yeah, this. Especially the bolded part. Also, at some point, you gotta think, I am worth more than being left once (or several times). I deserve someone who is sure that I am awesome and that he wants to be with me because he thinks that.

 

However, I have a question related to the ex being intimate with someone else post-break-up. How would you make sure that he wasn't lying? I have asked my ex if he had slept with anyone during our time apart, and he said no, but after he broke up with me a second time, now I am no longer sure if he had even told me the truth? He also accused ME of cheating, and so he claimed not to be sure I had not slept with anyone during our time apart. (Though HE was the one to break up with me, so it seems to be fair that he'd have to accept the consequences as a result). I told him I'd signed up for OLD, but that I hadn't gone out with anyone or slept with anyone. But he seemed to imply that he did not believe me. Has anyone been lied to about that, after asking their ex about it, and being told that he/she had not slept with anyone?

[mmmike]

Yeah, this. Especially the bolded part. Also, at some point, you gotta think, I am worth more than being left once (or several times). I deserve someone who is sure that I am awesome and that he wants to be with me because he thinks that.

 

However, I have a question related to the ex being intimate with someone else post-break-up. How would you make sure that he wasn't lying? I have asked my ex if he had slept with anyone during our time apart, and he said no, but after he broke up with me a second time, now I am no longer sure if he had even told me the truth? He also accused ME of cheating, and so he claimed not to be sure I had not slept with anyone during our time apart. (Though HE was the one to break up with me, so it seems to be fair that he'd have to accept the consequences as a result). I told him I'd signed up for OLD, but that I hadn't gone out with anyone or slept with anyone. But he seemed to imply that he did not believe me. Has anyone been lied to about that, after asking their ex about it, and being told that he/she had not slept with anyone?

 

It's none of your business if he slept with anyone during your time apart. Other than to get checked for stds... you're not together when broken up, he can do what he wants. This behavior sounds selfish. Who are you to tell him what he could and could not do when he was SINGLE? Seems ridiculous to me. Again, he was SINGLE. You weren't together at the time. Why does it matter now?

[Mikeyfreedom]

It's none of your business if he slept with anyone during your time apart. Other than to get checked for stds... you're not together when broken up, he can do what he wants. This behavior sounds selfish. Who are you to tell him what he could and could not do when he was SINGLE? Seems ridiculous to me. Again, he was SINGLE. You weren't together at the time. Why does it matter now?

 

 

I posted a similar dilemma to this on another thread, now im in a situation where my ex did date someone else for a very short while when we were apart. We have talked about it to a certain point, and to be honest I don't want to know to much about it. BUT what I will say, is that even though the thought of it hurts me if I am honest, in a way I had it coming, I treated her very badly. This guy was doing the snake maneuverer in the background, being the shoulder to cry on(with an agenda of his own of course). I look at it now like I had it coming. Why would she stick around with me when I showed her no interest.

 

 

I know she didn't cheat, she did finish things with me before whatever happened with this other guy. SO in some respects, it wasn't my business. I could have done the same thing.

 

 

What did it for me was I got MYSELF together in that period. Really and truly. And when I got the point, that I knew I was going to be fine without her(even though of course I still loved her), it all came back together.

 

 

Just be true to yourself. I think the above won't work though if you have only had brief relationship. We had a deep connection for a very long time(8 years) before things went wrong. I think if you have just been seeing each other a while, the self improvement thing won't make a difference.

[cupcakebunny]

Yeah, this. Especially the bolded part. Also, at some point, you gotta think, I am worth more than being left once (or several times). I deserve someone who is sure that I am awesome and that he wants to be with me because he thinks that.

 

However, I have a question related to the ex being intimate with someone else post-break-up. How would you make sure that he wasn't lying? I have asked my ex if he had slept with anyone during our time apart, and he said no, but after he broke up with me a second time, now I am no longer sure if he had even told me the truth? He also accused ME of cheating, and so he claimed not to be sure I had not slept with anyone during our time apart. (Though HE was the one to break up with me, so it seems to be fair that he'd have to accept the consequences as a result). I told him I'd signed up for OLD, but that I hadn't gone out with anyone or slept with anyone. But he seemed to imply that he did not believe me. Has anyone been lied to about that, after asking their ex about it, and being told that he/she had not slept with anyone?

 

 

Err -- Unless you had some sort of different arrangement it's not really anybody's business. As PP states -- be as honest and up front for the purposes of safe sex i.e. I slept with someone and was tested but other than that...it's not really fair for him or you to get upset of the other partners. If both you are so jealous about this stuff and it's causing problems I think you may need to address the relationship as a whole.

 

 

As others have stated, if you get back with your ex you SHOULD be going into it as if it's a new relationship. The issues that caused the 1st breakup should be resolved or non-existent and you would essentially be starting over again.