Moving back to where she is, want to resume contact but also unsure of it

[Spikiera]

Hello everyone,

 

2 weeks ago I posted here and wanted some answers (will post original story in the end).

 

Long story short, I dated a girl exclusively for about 2 months and decided to move back to my home town. She wrote an e-mail saying she will miss me but asked me to not contact her for a few months - if we are to build a friendship afterwards.

 

I know it's crazy as hell, but I cannot stop thinking about her. I contacted my old boss and he is willing to take me back (but asked me to not do this again). I've never done something like this before - even I am surprised about this action.

 

So I am heading back to where we met, where we created awesome memories together. I have not told her about it yet though.

 

Now, as the date of moving back getting closer, I feel quite nervous about contacting her because she did mention to me not to do it. Hate to admit it, but I am scared that things will not go as what I hope for.

 

I am gonna stay in this city regardless of the outcome, I guess to experience life more outside of my own home town. Life is all about choices and I am sure I won't regret my decision, although it is indeed crazy.

 

What do you guys think? Go for it??!?

 

- Original Story -

"Hello everyone, I am confused and hurt from this, your suggestions are much appreciated!

 

I met this girl about 4 months ago, we started going out a few times and established interests roughly 2 months ago. At first, we both thought we just wanted to have fun and date non-exclusively. However, I started developing feelings for her and basically let her know that if she would still like to date around then I am out. She then reached out to me saying that she wants to be dating exclusively with me. From then on, we had a great time - lots of laughters, just awesome time together. Then, I got a great job offer in my hometown where all my friends and family are. I’ve always wanted to go back. So I told her I am going back and we spent our last 2 weeks together, just very sweet and loving 2 weeks. After this, we exchanged e-mails and I told her that I would still like us to be friends because I truly care about her. She agreed at first. However, after I moved back to my hometown, she sent me an e-mail saying a lot of sweet things and how she will miss me etc - at the end of the e-mail, she said, "if you want to really be friends, please do not contact me for a few months, I need some time to make our relationship a “beautiful memory.”" I still have a lot of feelings for her and this hurts me. I respect her decision so I will stop having any communications with her. But why is she doing this? Is it necessary to cut all contact like this?

 

Some additional information:

1. She had a tough break up a year ago and before I met her, she just wanted to date around. Until me, it was always non-exclusive for her.

 

2. She told me once she knew I was leaving, that she wants the next guy to be a serious relationship. (Perhaps this is the answer to my own question?)

 

Thank you for listening."

 

Thanks everyone in advance for your input.

[lolablue17]

Of course you should contact her! Immediately!

 

You changed job for a chance to be with her. It's very romantic. She will like that (unless she's already taken)

Edited January 7, 2016 by lolablue17

[anonymousbear00101100]

Well it would certainly be a waste to not message her, seeing as you moved cities for this woman.

 

I never really got a solid indication of how much time you spent apart. If it's been a while, she might be over you and have found someone new. If it's only been a couple of weeks, I'm sure she would not be on to anyone new, especially not anything serious.

 

However, I do warn you that, seeing as you left, she may very well say "Oh I found a new guy" or just flat out "I don't want to get back together." If her feelings for you were true, I think she will be very excited to see you, but I think you should be a little bit prepared for the worst.

[sandylee1]

Don't contact her unless you want to get back in a relationship with her. It will hurt her if it's just to be friends and she'll be upset that you didn't respect her wishes .

[Spikiera]

@lolablue17 - Thank you! Yes, I think most likely I will contact her and go from there.

 

@rjblak13 - Thanks for your warning, I fully understand the outcome could very well be negative.

 

@sandylee1 - Thanks Sandy, when you said "relationship," did you mean like bf & gf status? We were not there yet before I left, it was really just dating exclusively. I was thinking to go back to where we left off and go from there. We never discussed about getting into a "bf & gf" relationship, but she did mention here and there that she is not ready for one. I myself, am not ready for one right now either.

[sandylee1]

@lolablue17 -

 

@sandylee1 - Thanks Sandy, when you said "relationship," did you mean like bf & gf status? We were not there yet before I left, it was really just dating exclusively. I was thinking to go back to where we left off and go from there. We never discussed about getting into a "bf & gf" relationship, but she did mention here and there that she is not ready for one. I myself, am not ready for one right now either.

 

Hi

 

I forget to wrap my head around this young terminology of exclusive dating and BF/GF status. When I was younger exclusive dating meant you were an item.

 

Anyway.. I meant to continue where you left off..exclusive dating.

 

How different does exclusive dating feel compared to being in a relationship? What different things do you do?

[Erik30]

If you are moving back because of her, or if she played a large part in making that decision, contact her.

 

However it's a tough situation. You only dated for two months, so a big move like that might scare her off, and you recently dumped her.

 

I guess you could send her a message, explain everything, and leave it up to her if she wants to give it another shot.

She might still be mad since you're the first guy she was serious about, or she'll be really happy to hear from you.

[Spikiera]

Hi

 

I forget to wrap my head around this young terminology of exclusive dating and BF/GF status. When I was younger exclusive dating meant you were an item.

 

Anyway.. I meant to continue where you left off..exclusive dating.

 

How different does exclusive dating feel compared to being in a relationship? What different things do you do?

 

Hi Sandy,

 

I think it feels different in the sense that GF/BF status implies a much greater amount of commitment. Honestly I've never done the so called "exclusive dating" before, so this is the first time. Prior to this, I've only done BF/GF.

 

But really, on a day to day basis, the two are virtually identical lol.

[Spikiera]

If you are moving back because of her, or if she played a large part in making that decision, contact her.

 

However it's a tough situation. You only dated for two months, so a big move like that might scare her off, and you recently dumped her.

 

I guess you could send her a message, explain everything, and leave it up to her if she wants to give it another shot.

She might still be mad since you're the first guy she was serious about, or she'll be really happy to hear from you.

 

Hey Erik, thanks for your input. I would say it plays about 50% of the role in terms of me moving back. So it is significant and I will most likely contact her this weekend!

 

I've never "dumped" her though. Before we became exclusive, I told her that I've been interviewing and there is a chance that I will go back to my home town. So it is not really a bomb I dropped on her out of nowhere.

 

I will keep my open mind, and whatever happens, happens