EgoJoe Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 He leaves behind a wife and two children. I was trying to help him. I'm broken. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 Joe, I'm so, so sorry. We seem to have had a spate of 'suicide' threads of late and it's just tragic, it really is. When did this happen? You need to help your SiL and kids now. And don't expect to ever truly get over this. It's just awful. Thinking of you. Keep in touch, we will support you as best (and in the only way) we can. But get in touch with a help group. You all need professional, local, on-hand input too..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 It's not your fault. You couldn't have saved him. Im so very sorry. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 Joe, I am also a survivor. I'm so very sorry this happened. You will be feeling every emotion under the sun and its normal. Vent as much as you need. NL xx 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 I am so sorry for your loss. He must have been in tremendous pain. Know his suffering is over. Be there for his kids. Take care of yourself. When you are ready check out a group called Walk Out of the Darkness. They do a lot for the survivors of suicide & they are working to raise money for awareness, prevention & treatment for depression. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EgoJoe Posted January 8, 2016 Author Share Posted January 8, 2016 I'll post more tomorrow. Thank you for your kind words. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 I am so very sorry. It's awful to think of him having been in such pain. And now you, and his wife and kids, and everyone else who loves him, are all left to pick up the pieces. You have my sincere condolences for this huge loss, and for what you're enduring now. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 So sorry to hear this, Joe. What a heartbreaking situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Lostweekend Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 I am so sorry for your loss and for his wife and children! May he rest in peace! Link to post Share on other sites
Author EgoJoe Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 Everything has fallen to me to prepare. I am still planning his funeral. I haven't been the same person since found out. No time for details yet. Life goes on for me, just a bit too fast right now. My significant other is being so lovely. My family is flying out and banding together. We are going to be okay. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 I'm so sorry to hear this EJ, but I'm relieved to know that you have the support you need during this difficult time. Be there for his wife and his kids and take good care of yourself. Praying for you, your brother and your family. May he rest in peace. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Everything has fallen to me to prepare. I am still planning his funeral. I haven't been the same person since found out. No time for details yet. Life goes on for me, just a bit too fast right now. At the moment you're functioning on 'automatic' and thriving on adrenalin. When everything is done and dusted, things will hit you harder. Please be prepared for this, but grieve your brother in a "healthy" way. That is to say, try to not seek answers to unanswerable questions. Don't seek cause within what you could have done, should have done, or wish you had done. He wanted to go, and wild horses would never have stopped it. Mourn his passing but celebrate his legacy; he had a wife, and a family who loved him, and his family is still here. His children carry the mark of their father, so cultivate pride; be prepared to tell them whatever you can, but emphasise his affection for them. Never blame yourself. Instead, be proud of what you can still do to honour and cherish his memory. My significant other is being so lovely. My family is flying out and banding together. We are going to be okay. This is good to know, and a real relief. Blessings upon you, your family and your loved one. I will meditate this evening and send Good thoughts to you all... With much Metta, TM XX Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Please accept my heart-felt condolences for your loss. We who have experienced this sort of loss work through the endless tapes of "why" and "what could I have done" questions. You may never find the answers you seek but understand that so often, there is no rational answer and nothing you could have done... We send you our prayers and are here for you. Link to post Share on other sites
brothers343 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 I am sorry for your loss joe. It's hard when you loose the people you love. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Sorry for your loss Joe. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I've been there my brother commited suicide at 25. (((HUGS))) Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 I'm sorry for your loss, condolences to you and your whole family. Link to post Share on other sites
Fleur de cactus Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 My deepest sympathy , may you find courage and strength during this time if sorrow. Don't blame yourself , i don't think you could stop him. It is good to hear that a funeral is being arranged so that you can say good bye to him. Support from family will help. Hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EgoJoe Posted January 12, 2016 Author Share Posted January 12, 2016 I've finished all of arrangements except the eulogy and a memorial video. I've been coping much better than I ever thought I could. No sublimations or denial etc. Just pure acceptance mixed with some wistful regrets. I haven't slept without noise though. I dream of him in odd ways. My Mother has retreated within herself. My estranged Father has resurfaced. I'm not the same as I was a week ago. My older brother has been gone a week and the world keeps turning. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 My big brother (only sibling) also took his own life. There really aren't words. I'm terribly sorry. My life can be divided into 'before' & 'after'. It will always be part of me just as my beloved will. My heart goes out to you. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 So sorry that you've had to experience this. My sincere condolences as you all go through a very tough time. Link to post Share on other sites
truthtripper Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 (edited) My condolences, Joe. Throughout my life I've known several people who suicided. They were all abused in childhood. There are always good reasons why people do it(usually from covering up some ugly truth) but now is not the time to think about it. Postpone your research for when you are stronger. Edited January 20, 2016 by truthtripper Link to post Share on other sites
Author EgoJoe Posted January 24, 2016 Author Share Posted January 24, 2016 (edited) The dust has settled a bit. I don't mean to write in a cryptic fashion yet it is about as expressive as I get these days. Every thing I do for the first time since he passed the same thought creeps in, "The last time I did this my Brother was alive." It's the same with clothing, driving places, eating food etc. Family you don't typically hear from came together and we mourned. I had never planned a funeral before this. My Brother struggled with drug addiction and in the end he was likely coming down as he fought with his difficult wife and he threatened to do it. She never went to check on him. It's not her fault yet I have a complex and negative set of feelings whenever I think of her. She was the reason he was estranged from the family before all of this. Something I learned to do on Loveshack and the research that came after my break ups that brought me here was to forgive myself. I wish I had extended that knowledge to him. I did not know how to, that I needed to or to try to extend anything other than practical knowledge to him. I have many regrets and I dream of him in odd ways. Some are nightmares. I will probably seek out professional help. I have taken his children out a few times to buy toys or to a classic car museum and to various places to eat. My girlfriend and I will have them over for a weekend here soon. I think of him often in strange ways. I stare into space blankly and I am very forgetful, undisciplined and quick to anger and irritation. I am not the same. Everybody has remarked at how strong I am, how well I handled things and I just shrug it off. I don't like who I am now. I feel very cold and callous. Work feels entirely too good yet I am incredibly inefficient right now. I have a lot of anger towards my Brother, sadness about how he died, nostalgia towards our past and shame for giving too much tough love with not enough outright forgiveness. My only consolation is that my last words to him were that I loved him. That is all I have to say for now. Edited January 24, 2016 by EgoJoe 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 I am so glad you had the chance to tell him you loved him. My ex husband had an argument with his mum when he was 19, she was dead a week later from a stroke. He never got over that. Give yourself time, you don't like how you are right now but that's just your coping mechanism to get you through the worst. Link to post Share on other sites
truthtripper Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 My Brother struggled with drug addiction and in the end he was likely coming down as he fought with his difficult wife and he threatened to do it. She never went to check on him. It's not her fault yet I have a complex and negative set of feelings whenever I think of her. She was the reason he was estranged from the family before all of this. . His wife may have not appreciated your family, but ultimately it was your brother's decision to estrange himself. He was an adult and had his own mind, right? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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