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is girlfriend overreacting?


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I have been with my gf for 10 months now. Before we got together we were good friends for a few years and have a few mutual friends.

 

Before we started officially seeing each other we were just mucking about for a few months as neither of us knew how each other really felt. During this time i kissed a mutual friend of ours, she tried to sleep with me but i turned her down. My now girlfriend found out and ever since has disliked this girl. I understand that, however she wants me to block her number and stop being friends with her.

 

We were all good friends at one point and i can see how this other girl has hurt my girlfriend but i feel its a bit over the top asking me to block her. This other girl goes to uni so i hardly see her and have only spoke to her for the first time in a few months this week. I didnt hide it from my gf and she says im being out of order by still talking to this girl, but its not in any flirty way or anything its just as mates and i let my gf read our whole convo to show her this but she still wants me to have nothing to do with her.

 

Im trying to get it from her point of view, if one of my mates kissed my gf just before we started seeing each other, yeah id be annoyed but we wernt together, i would stop trusting a mate if they done that to me but is it over the top her asking me to not speak to my mate at all or am i in the wrong by doing so?

 

Im not sure which way to look at it.

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If you aren't spending huge amounts of time with this woman & she's just someone you know so you are on social media & you have her phone # your GF needs to calm down. You need to be sensitive to your GFs feelings & not feed her insecurity. Don't go out of your want to contact the other women but I don't think you need to cut her out of your life.

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This girl has asked to meet up a few times in the last few weeks, not just us but with other of our mutual friends too. I havent seen her yet and its partly due to how my gf feels about her, i feel that ill be upsetting her if i hang out with her but at the same time it really is just mates and she even asked my girlfriend to come too.

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This girl has asked to meet up a few times in the last few weeks, not just us but with other of our mutual friends too. I havent seen her yet and its partly due to how my gf feels about her, i feel that ill be upsetting her if i hang out with her but at the same time it really is just mates and she even asked my girlfriend to come too.

 

Given your history with this woman, the only way you should consider spending time around her is with your girlfriend.....imo.

 

This woman who has attempted to seduce you in the past must either be a friend of your relationship (both of you) or if she has any issue with that, should stay away from you. You are the one that got away. Don't underestimate the potential for other attempts.

 

I do think that your gf should give her a chance and make an effort to get to know her before deciding to completely shut her out. Maybe all three of you can be friends.

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You are right to not meet this woman without your GF. Your GF needs to get over it & hang out with a group even if the group includes this woman.

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Yeah i get that i shouldnt meet up with her and her only, i wouldnt do that. But myself and my girlfriend have been invited out on the weekend and because the girl is going to be there my girlfriend doesnt want to go, i tell her that she is overreacting but she really doesnt like her now and asks me to block her full stop.

 

If it was me in her shoes i wouldnt want her just meeting a guy on her own but as a group thed be no problem and im trying to make her see that.

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Yeah i get that i shouldnt meet up with her and her only, i wouldnt do that. But myself and my girlfriend have been invited out on the weekend and because the girl is going to be there my girlfriend doesnt want to go, i tell her that she is overreacting but she really doesnt like her now and asks me to block her full stop.

 

If it was me in her shoes i wouldnt want her just meeting a guy on her own but as a group thed be no problem and im trying to make her see that.

 

Your girlfriend needs reassurances that the intentions of this other woman are sincerely friendly in nature only. Even if she is overreacting now, you need to decide if you are going to dismiss her feelings, or if you are going to work with her on being respectful to the relationship. I don't mean to suggest you go and block her, but have a deeper conversation with your girlfriend to get to the root of the concern she has. It's likely that she thinks this woman still has an attraction to you, and she doesn't like the idea of dangling you out in front of her for fear she will try something again, or worse, that you could be tempted.

 

So take the time to have a real good conversation about it. Hear her out, ask questions, and let her talk. Maybe her saying it out loud will really help even her articulate it to herself in a way that will allow her to come up with some other solutions together with you. Maybe it's a case of introducing the other woman to another friend of yours.

 

At the end of the day though, if your girlfriend feels that that woman's interacting with you at that early stage in your developing relationship was disrespectful to her attempts to grow with you, then whether your girlfriend think she still wants you or not, you need to decide if it's worth disregarding her feelings to hang out with this group, or if you are going to decide to make your girlfriend feel supported and cared for.

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You are no longer friends (IMO) when one tries to have sex with the other. friends don't make out either, so I'm siding with your GF. This isn't something that happened years ago, it's very recent, and this person still may have feels for you. It's really not fair to make your GF uncomfortable with your desire to keep in contact. I'm sure if the tables were turned you would feel the same way. Seriously you don't have any real need to be in contact with this girl.

 

drop her number....happy wife happy life as they say.

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What are your respective ages? This sounds like at least she is somewhat young....

 

Im 25 and my gf is 22 and in her first proper relationship over a few months.

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You are no longer friends (IMO) when one tries to have sex with the other. friends don't make out either, so I'm siding with your GF. This isn't something that happened years ago, it's very recent, and this person still may have feels for you. It's really not fair to make your GF uncomfortable with your desire to keep in contact. I'm sure if the tables were turned you would feel the same way. Seriously you don't have any real need to be in contact with this girl.

 

drop her number....happy wife happy life as they say.

 

I get that its your opinion but i know loads of people who have made out and are still friends. I have already said i wouldnt like it if i was in my girlfriends position if she was to meet one on one but as a group i would have no problem.

 

I know that my girlfriend feels threatend by this girl, ill just talk to her more and assure her she has nothing to worry about.

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I know looks aren't everything...but.. is this other girl attractive ?

 

It might simply be that your GF doesn't feel comfortable around her anymore. Not that you'd try and get with her.. I don't think I'd feel relaxed if a girl who wanted to sleep with my BF was around me. Not my idea of a fun weekend TBH.

 

Did she know that you were getting with you GF when you guys made out?

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I have already said i wouldnt like it if i was in my girlfriends position if she was to meet one on one but as a group i would have no problem.

 

BUT that is your perspective, not hers.

 

 

What I see is an imbalance. Your GF is way more emotionally invested than you, so her jealousy and insecurity will be more evident. The more you defend to keep this girl as your friend, the more you GF will question your emotional investment to this relationship...just saying.

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I know looks aren't everything...but.. is this other girl attractive ?

 

It might simply be that your GF doesn't feel comfortable around her anymore. Not that you'd try and get with her.. I don't think I'd feel relaxed if a girl who wanted to sleep with my BF was around me. Not my idea of a fun weekend TBH.

 

Did she know that you were getting with you GF when you guys made out?

 

She is attractive yes & yes she knew me and my girlfriend were seeing each other, this is what i feel hurt my girlfriend the most.

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BUT that is your perspective, not hers.

 

 

What I see is an imbalance. Your GF is way more emotionally invested than you, so her jealousy and insecurity will be more evident. The more you defend to keep this girl as your friend, the more you GF will question your emotional investment to this relationship...just saying.

 

Its hard i dont want to hurt my gf and would put anyone before her but i just feel its over the top losing a friend over it. I too get insecure sometimes, i just thought i would bring this up as i need to understand from her point of view, this girl has been back from uni two weeks now and asked to meet up with me as a group three or four times and i havent seen her yet but im not going to miss out seeing my friends on saturday just because shes there i think thats silly.

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She is attractive yes & yes she knew me and my girlfriend were seeing each other, this is what i feel hurt my girlfriend the most.

Wow what a burn......

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She is attractive yes & yes she knew me and my girlfriend were seeing each other, this is what i feel hurt my girlfriend the most.

 

Thanks. In that case I totally understand why your GF feels the way she does. She moved in on you knowing you were with another girl. That's basically saying she doesn't have any respect for your GF or the relationship you had.

 

An attractive female who made a move on my BF would not be someone I had the desire to spend any time with at all. It would make any normal person feel jealous, insecure and uncomfortable.

 

To answer your question... no she's not overreacting.

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