haveing an affair and how to cope with it.

[teressa0397]

haveing affair and how to cope with it. i'am seeing this man i met him an 95. i'am still with him so its been 10 years i 'am haveing affair. my husband doesn't no. i ask myself everyday how do i get over an affair. well you really don't it eat's at you mind soul and body. this man i'am seeing has a live an girlfriend. so you see he is a very good lier. so am i. i care for my husband but i love my lover also. i wish i could wake up and say it is over with the affair but its not that easy. how do i walk away without pain or crying????? does any one out there has these answers ??. i'am liveing 2 lives you can say. one has my heart the other has all my love and more. when this other man doesnt see me i feel like i'am going crazy he has a hold on me i believe i could write a book on about affairs. i no how it works. but i dont no how to stop it. 'am tired of lieing the cheating games. i want to be me again i want to be the person i was before. any one out there please dont have anffair it isnt worth it its all bout sex but the sex's gets old sooner or later but you no i been with this man for 10 years ours hasnt but my heart and mind is getting tired worn out you can say its getting the best of me. when you read this letter i no there are someone out there is just like me if so did you get over it and how??? i'am looking for the right answer. i wasnt looking for an affair it just creep up on me you can say suddenly. you no thats how it works. you are looking for something that you are not getting at home. LOVE. you want to tell your husband but how?? and if i did he would kill us both so dont tell me to tell him its not the answer ok. it would be a killing. you no and i no it. an affair plays with your mind and heart. you cant let go. so any one out there has an advise for me??? please be nice about it, thankyou

[westernxer]

Why did you stay in your marriage so long if there was no love?

[Marshbear]

I don't think you can stop it without you and him not being in pain. Someone is going to get hurt so if you think it will be pain free then I have some swamp land in Florida I would like to sell you. You need to talk with your A and the two of you will have to agree that this is what you want and end it. I don't know how you have hidden it from your H for 10 years so you must be good at covering up the truth. I guess the answer is within you. The guilt will eat you up. I think you know what you must do. It will be hard but, as you seem to want to, it is the only answer. Listen to your heart and do what you think you must.

 

 

Peace...

[whichwayisup]

You both need to decide WHO each of you want to be with, and stick with that decision. Do you love your husband enough to end this affair and NEVER see/contact/talk to this OM? Or do you love the OM so much you want to end your marriage? (Does he love you enough to end his relationship with his gf to be just with you?)

 

This isn't fair to your H nor to his gf. It's been going on for so long - How could neither of them NOT know something isn't right? How does somebody live 2 lives for so long and NOT get caught -either by somebody seeing you both out in public or just gut feelings?

 

Either way you have some hard choices infront of you to make. Good luck as I really don't know what else to say except maybe you need some "Alone" time to figure out where your heart lays. Get some one on one therapy to help you cope because whatever happens it WILL be an emotional rollercoaster ride.

[Sal Paradise]

There is no magical way to make it all go away. You have to willing to take the pain. There is no excuse for your actions, none, zero, zippy.....

 

You have to tell your husband. He deserves to know that the woman for whom he thinks loves and respects him has betrayed him in the worst possible way. You owe him that. If he and you wish to work it out after the truth is out in the open then you need couples couselling. You need to cut off contact completely from the other man, even if your husband is unwilling to stay with you. The other mans wife doesn't deserve this. Yes he may cheat with some other woman but it doesn't have to be you. How would you feel if you were in her shoes? Have some dignity and stop this selfish, immature, malice behavior.

 

If you don't love your husband leave him. Don't waste his life because you're too much of a coward to be honest with him. Marriage is about communication and you have no ability to do that. Why should he be punished for your weakness? You have a lot of growing up to do. Stop making excuses and do what has to be done. Nothing is stopping you, except YOU!

[wyzeup]

First off, someone call the Spelling Police - quick!

 

Affairs don't just "creep up" on you - an affair is a very clear CHOICE that you made. It didn't just happen without your knowledge, consent and active participation. It's preposterous that you would claim you're having this affair because of something you're not getting at home (with your husband) - because nobody has forced you to stay in your marriage all these years if you're so truly unhappy there. Again, that's a CHOICE you made to remain with someone while living a decade long lie. There's ALWAYS a point where a person crosses that line from doing the right thing and crossing over the line.

 

You say if you told your husband he would kill you both - I'm not buying that. So if you're claiming your husband would react so violently, did you ever stop to think how he'd react if he found out on his own somehow?

 

Your husband and your lover's girlfriend deserve so much more respect and honesty than they're getting.

 

I don't understand - you say one man has your heart and the other has your love and more. So which one has which?

 

You need to get yourself into some therapy/counselling - to help you work through this mess, you really do.