Ten years ago

[AMJ]

I am so thankful for any advice or just listening ears. I don't have anyone to talk to. We met ten years ago one night, and nothing more than drinks and laughing, mild flirting took place. Ben was more attracted to me than I was to him, to be honest I could have cared less about a relationship at the time- I was so young. But I was attracted to him right away. We became Facebook friends, and then he was deployed for his 2nd tour in Iraq. I moved thousands of miles from home to start a new life, and we chatted online really often, because we were both alone. By now I knew Ben was married with 2 children, so our friendship was mostly platonic. Time passed, and we found ourselves living again in the same city. He became more aggressive about his feelings for me. I felt extremely guilty because I knew he wasn't happy in his marriage but wanted no part in breaking them up. I blocked him out of my life. That was 6 years ago.

 

Soon after that I met and fell head over heels for someone else, who convinced me to move 600 miles to be with him. I did, and that ended in disaster 6 months later. I spent the next three years trying to get over him. Which brings us to last summer. Ben has since moved five states and thousands of miles away, with his four children and wife. Facebook reminded me of him, so I reached out to him six months ago. Since then we've talked almost every day, for hours sometimes.

 

He says that he didn't realize I had true feelings for him back then, since I never told him so, and I stopped communicating with him. He split with his wife three years ago, and says if he had known how I had felt, he would have come to find me. He remarried someone else a year ago, and while their relationship seems better than his first marriage, he says he still loves me more than anything.

 

The only reason I feel more selfish now is that I regret not being honest with him years ago. If I had told him how I felt, we might be together now. Instead I'm alone, and all I have are text messages, phone calls, and periods of time that he's with his kids and wife and I'm alone.

 

I should probably stop talking to him, but I'm not as strong as I used to be, I don't know how to make myself let him go. I don't want to cause anyone pain, but also, life is short and we all deserve to be with the person who makes us happy, who loves us the most. No one in my entire life has loved me as much as he says he does.

[imperfectangel]

Get out now or tell him it's do or die time. Why couldn't he look you up when he split with his first wife?

[AMJ]

Our relationship has never once become physical, mostly we've always lived in different sides of the country. I can't ask anyone to break up a family and change lives of four children for my sake. He needs to decide what he wants to do, and if I'm still around when he figures it out, great. I probably won't be.

 

That's how I make sense of this situation in my mind, but the reality is not so simple. Knowing that he's sleeping with his wife, even though he says sex always ends in an argument, hurts me. He gets hurt when I say I've been on a date with someone. I get hurt when I don't hear from him for a few days. I'm just trying to find strength to stop talking to him. It's not often you find someone who loves you for who you are, who understands you without even trying, doesn't judge you, and thinks that you're perfect.

[imperfectangel]

If he understands you how didn't he know you wanted him? He clearly has no problem with divorce as he's done it before so he knows life doesn't end when a marriage does.

 

What are his actions telling you?

[AMJ]

His actions are telling me that he's juggling long-distance time with me between his real daily life (wife, job, kids). Neither of us are in a position to uproot our lives and move 2K miles to be together, but I think we both feel like it could happen in the future at some point, perhaps. Given how often we each have moved across the country in opposite directions during the past ten years of knowing each other, who knows where we will end up.

 

He says he didn't look me up when he split with his first wife because he thought I hated him. At the time, he was pursuing me, and I was conflicted about it because, I really wanted him also, but felt guilty about even talking about it. So I recall saying things that weren't kind and ignoring him for several months, before finally blocking him from my life altogether.

Edited January 7, 2016 by AMJ

[Shadowburn]

>>> No one in my entire life has loved me as much as he says he does.>>>

 

I think those are key words. He *says* he does.

10 years later, 2 more kids, he is on his second marriage. Where he was all those years? Right, living his life to the fullest, and you need to do the same. It is a little escape fantasy for him and no more, so stop wasting your time on this pretense of a relationship, stop talking to him as it obviously leads nowhere and start living real life.

[CherryVanilla]

I am so thankful for any advice or just listening ears. I don't have anyone to talk to. We met ten years ago one night, and nothing more than drinks and laughing, mild flirting took place. Ben was more attracted to me than I was to him, to be honest I could have cared less about a relationship at the time- I was so young. But I was attracted to him right away. We became Facebook friends, and then he was deployed for his 2nd tour in Iraq. I moved thousands of miles from home to start a new life, and we chatted online really often, because we were both alone. By now I knew Ben was married with 2 children, so our friendship was mostly platonic. Time passed, and we found ourselves living again in the same city. He became more aggressive about his feelings for me. I felt extremely guilty because I knew he wasn't happy in his marriage but wanted no part in breaking them up. I blocked him out of my life. That was 6 years ago.

 

Soon after that I met and fell head over heels for someone else, who convinced me to move 600 miles to be with him. I did, and that ended in disaster 6 months later. I spent the next three years trying to get over him. Which brings us to last summer. Ben has since moved five states and thousands of miles away, with his four children and wife. Facebook reminded me of him, so I reached out to him six months ago. Since then we've talked almost every day, for hours sometimes.

 

He says that he didn't realize I had true feelings for him back then, since I never told him so, and I stopped communicating with him. He split with his wife three years ago, and says if he had known how I had felt, he would have come to find me. He remarried someone else a year ago, and while their relationship seems better than his first marriage, he says he still loves me more than anything.

 

The only reason I feel more selfish now is that I regret not being honest with him years ago. If I had told him how I felt, we might be together now. Instead I'm alone, and all I have are text messages, phone calls, and periods of time that he's with his kids and wife and I'm alone.

 

I should probably stop talking to him, but I'm not as strong as I used to be, I don't know how to make myself let him go. I don't want to cause anyone pain, but also, life is short and we all deserve to be with the person who makes us happy, who loves us the most. No one in my entire life has loved me as much as he says he does.

 

Wow, your story sounds like a novel. Amazing.

 

Anyway, does Ben think about getting a divorce or not ?

You have to be sure about that before moving foward - or pulling back. Because my dear, if you become the other woman in this relationship you will be shattered... you won't be able to handle the fact that he is not leaving his wife for you. You'll feel excluded, devastated - and because you seem to be a kind and genuine person - you will feel guilty for being the other woman.

 

I believe that when something is meant to happen, it will happen.

I also believe Internet sometimes makes us stay in touch with people that shouldn't be in our lives anymore. Because if Internet didn't exist, if Facebook didn't exist, you probably wouldn't be talking to this guy again. So, is this really meant to be ? Should you really be talking right now?

[Darren Steez]

That's how I make sense of this situation in my mind, but the reality is not so simple. Knowing that he's sleeping with his wife, even though he says sex always ends in an argument, hurts me. He gets hurt when I say I've been on a date with someone. I get hurt when I don't hear from him for a few days. I'm just trying to find strength to stop talking to him. It's not often you find someone who loves you for who you are, who understands you without even trying, doesn't judge you, and thinks that you're perfect.

 

Sorry but that's the biggest can of hogwash...

 

If I love someone I want them to be happy.

Why is he speaking to you about his wife? If he's this upstanding guy then a) He wouldn't have cheated on not only his first wife but now his current wife.

b) This guy was married with 4 kids, currently married and he's still playing the same game with you.

c) You know he's with his wife and will probably be with her for the foreseable future but he's stopping you from meeting other people by playing the he's hurt card.

 

A relationship doesn't have to be physical for it to be cheating. Just as it doesn't have to be physical for it to mess with your head and life.

 

Just ask yourself, how will this relationship play out? You have sex? He leaves his wife for you? You get married, and everything's happily ever after?

[AMJ]

I haven't yet told him that I'm unhappy. I've only recently become really unhappy about what we're doing. For a while I felt like, having a small part of him was better than nothing at all. It's not like I'm putting or have ever put my entire life on hold for him. I'm dating other people, and when I find someone worthwhile, I'll stop communicating with Ben.

 

If he knew right now that I was hurt, he'd say we should just stop talking to each other. We've already had that conversation- that this isn't fair to me, not fair to his wife. He's not a bad person, he's human. Our situation is mostly due to ****ty timing and bad circumstances.

He was abused as a child. When I learned about the extent of what happened to him, I now understand why he married so young to someone he wasn't compatible with, and why he remarried someone else after only dating her for five months.

 

At the least, we have a good friendship and will always care about each other on some level. We've been friends for a long time and have supported each other through lots of difficult things. I'm grateful that we live far away, because it means our relationship hasn't had the opportunity to become physical. I'd never be able to live with myself if we took it to that level.

 

I agree that this is cheating, absolutely. He's working pretty hard to keep our conversations a secret, and I don't feel great about that. How will this play out? I honestly do not think we will end up together. I also don't think he'll stay with his current wife. They are both unstable and married each other too quickly. They don't have a strong relationship, and together are trying to raise seven children- four are his, three are hers from her previous marriage.

 

As far as meant to be whatnot...I think that if the internet didn't exist people would work harder to keep in touch with people they cared about. We take it for granted that we can just find each other online. He says that after we first met, he used to literally look for me all over town. I think eventually we both joined Facebook and that's how he eventually found me again. But I think, why did we meet each other in the first place? What was the point of two people who really like each other- and eventually will love each other- but will never be able to be together, meeting?

 

Posting my story on here, and getting honest feedback from people is helpful, because I know that I should just stop talking to him again. It's just hard to do, but hearing other opinions helps.

Edited January 8, 2016 by AMJ

[imperfectangel]

Before you said you found him online? Now he found you? You won't stop communication when you date someone serious. You need to just stop communicating now as you're still helping him cheat. If your husband was messaging another woman would you be happy about it? How would it make you feel?

[AMJ]

This story is a little confusing since it's ten years long. First he found me, ten years ago. Then six years ago I cut him off. Six months ago I found him. I was curious if he was still married, and it turns out, he is- just to a new wife.

 

Yes, I know I need to end it now. I would be livid and extremely hurt if my husband had an emotional relationship with someone else. This mattered to me a lot when him and I first became friends, I never let our relationship escalate. I also then, suspected that he had lots of women he'd flirt with online. Now I think I was wrong about that, and that I minimized his feelings for me.

 

Also, I have a pretty jaded view of marriage and monogamy in general, due to my own childhood. If I ever get married, I'll probably always be somewhat prepared that my husband will cheat on me. That's a pretty ****ed up way to live your life, so I probably won't ever get married.

[bathtub-row]

It's very simple. He's married and, therefore, off-limits. Whether the two of you are having sex or not, you're already in an affair because you're both concerning yourselves with what the other is doing. In other words, this is already controlling your life.

 

I'm guessing that you might think this is the great love of your life. But I'm here to tell you that you're mistaken if you think staying in this situation is a good choice. It doesn't matter how you rationalize it -- life is too short, we keep crossing paths so it must be meant-to-be, life has beaten me up, or whatever else you might tell yourself -- it is not worth how this will beat you up and shorten your life.

 

If he wants to be with you, then he knows what to do. Don't complicate it.

[Popsicle]

Yes stop talking to him. You're just feeling lonely now. Get a single man.

[AMJ]

Wow, thanks for this helpful advice. I'll just go get myself a single man. If it were that simple, I would not be posting my problems here. Why is it not that simple? Well I've been more or less single for my entire life. I'm 33. I've never had a relationship last longer than 6 months. Now someone will say, well that means I have issues and should work on that in therapy. And I've also been in therapy for several years. The only books I read, sadly, are self-help books. Dating and finding a relationship has been a priority in my life for the past three years. I've tried every single dating website, I join groups, and sports, and have tried honestly everything else I and all of my married friends can think of to help me find a relationship. It's offensive when someone like you, who doesn't even know me, just ASSUMES that going after a married man is my goal in life, and that stealing someone else's husband is a better option to me than "finding my own single man".

 

I guess I didn't make clear the part of my story where he- this married man- actually pursued ME for several years and I put my own feelings for him aside, to respect his wife and their children, and turned him down, many, many times. Turning him down politely didn't work to the extent that I eventually cut off contact with him and blocked him from my life, again- even though I did not want to- because I thought it was the right thing to do. I thought I'd move on, and find my own "single man" That was six years ago.

[bathtub-row]

I don't think anyone is making the assumption that you're making this a goal in life. But no matter who chased who, no matter how much you put your feelings on hold, I think what most of us are trying to say is that a relationship with a MM will rip you up. Piece by piece.

 

I'm speaking from experience. xMM chased me, he was my best friend, he was completely nuts about me, we talked constantly, sex was fabulous, he resents his wife, his own kids make jokes about their marriage. What has he done? What do the majority of MM do? They stay because they value their money, reputation and kids more than they'll ever value you. It completely broke my heart and, worse, destroyed my faith in anything having to do with romantic love. All I know is that we had something wonderful and it made no difference. I would really hate to see you go through that. I'm not sure if you know what it means to lose faith on that level.

 

So if you want to go down that road, that's certainly your right. But I can almost guarantee you that you'll be back to this site, or another one, talking about what a horrible mistake you made. What a horrible, horrible mistake it was on every level. That's why I said "he's married, therefore off-limits". It's the absolute best rule to live by.

[sandylee1]

You surely can't think this is the only man in the world for you?

 

If I understand correctly.. six months ago you found him? Did you know he was married (albeit to a new wife) at that point?

[AMJ]

Do I think he's the only man in the world for me? I honestly have no ****ing idea. I have no idea why my life has turned out the way it has- this story is only one of several unfortunate stories in my life, in relationships and otherwise. I have no idea if I'm meant to even find love and happiness- most days I feel like it's just not in the cards for me. When your own mother starts to accept the idea that I'm going to be a sad single old maid forever, it's pretty depressing. Except she is so miserable being married to my father that she thinks I'm lucky for being single and independent.

 

Six months ago Facebook reminded me of something he wrote to me six years ago, so I sent him a friend request. We started talking and he told me right away that he remarried to someone he'd only dated for a few months, but wasn't sure if they were going to work out for the long run.

 

Do I have concerns about potentially becoming wife #3? Absolutely. Do I feel guilty about having an emotional relationship with him? Probably not as much as I should. I've known him longer than his current wife has, and they don't have children together. I feel like I did the right thing years ago, denied my own feelings, for the sake of not breaking up his marriage. Well, his marriage broke up anyway, all on it's own. So I guess I believe that if spouses are wandering in the first place, it's only a matter of time before the marriage falls apart- with or without the help of a mistress or whatever I'm supposed to be called.

 

He says we're meant to be together, he says he should have convinced me of this years ago. We probably won't end up together. We'll probably never even get to touch each other. We live thousands of miles away. He probably won't stay with his current wife. I don't really know what type of response I was hoping to get here. Less criticism, more empathy I guess. Or maybe deep down I wanted someone to talk me out of this relationship in a way that I can make sense of.

 

And I absolutely understand what it feels like to have one's notion of romantic love shattered and hopeless. One year after I cut off contact from Ben, I DID meet MY "single guy". I fell insanely in love and thought he felt the same way, after all, he said he did. He convinced me to move hundreds of miles away to be with him, so I did. And then he said he didn't want a relationship, and never wanted to get married. I spent the next 6 months trying to change his mind, until I finally lost MY mind. He didn't even have the courage or decency to break up with me, he just ignored me. I don't even have words to describe the pain I felt.

 

It's taken me three years to get over him, and I'm nowhere near as trusting with my heart as I used to be. Now I found Ben again, and it's wrong that we tell each other we love each other, it's wrong that we have phone sex, and talk for hours and hours whenever we get the chance. He's the best thing I have in my life right now, the only tiny piece of my life that is selfish.

Edited January 14, 2016 by AMJ

[rainbowsandkittens]

Well I've been more or less single for my entire life. I'm 33. I've never had a relationship last longer than 6 months. Now someone will say, well that means I have issues and should work on that in therapy. And I've also been in therapy for several years. The only books I read, sadly, are self-help books. Dating and finding a relationship has been a priority in my life for the past three years. I've tried every single dating website, I join groups, and sports, and have tried honestly everything else I and all of my married friends can think of to help me find a relationship. It's offensive when someone like you, who doesn't even know me, just ASSUMES that going after a married man is my goal in life, and that stealing someone else's husband is a better option to me than "finding my own single man".

 

I'm a lot older than you and feel the same way. I have tried and tried. Looked and not looked. Did everything I was told to do. And yet I still feel like Charlotte from SATC, "I've been dating since I was fifteen! I'm exhausted! Where is he?"

 

Getting involved with someone already in a relationship was the last thing I ever thought I would do. When I met my MM he told me he was divorced. I thought I found a unicorn. Turns out I found the carnival version- looks like a unicorn but actually just a white horse with a fake horn....

 

I'm with you on the wanting to have just a little something for myself for once. I know it's wrong, it feels wrong. And at the same time, it was nice to have someone so interested in me for once. Someone that I was interested in too. Someone who said such nice things about me. I know it was selfish but, honestly? I was ok with that to an extent. Because I feel like I never get to be selfish. And damn, when it felt good it felt REALLY GOOD.

Edited January 14, 2016 by rainbowsandkittens

[privategal]

Our relationship has never once become physical, mostly we've always lived in different sides of the country. I can't ask anyone to break up a family and change lives of four children for my sake. He needs to decide what he wants to do, and if I'm still around when he figures it out, great. I probably won't be.

 

That's how I make sense of this situation in my mind, but the reality is not so simple. Knowing that he's sleeping with his wife, even though he says sex always ends in an argument, hurts me. He gets hurt when I say I've been on a date with someone. I get hurt when I don't hear from him for a few days. I'm just trying to find strength to stop talking to him. It's not often you find someone who loves you for who you are, who understands you without even trying, doesn't judge you, and thinks that you're perfect.

 

Hes long distance...he doesn't barely know the real you, all your quirks and flaws, and mannerisms...he knows the online you. And love is so easy to profess when you have a single girl without the baggage of 4 kids, fights over sex, bills and scrubbing toilets.

Your pictures are always pretty, his wife probably looks understandably not put together every moment being a tired mom of 4...but theres you, a challenge, dating, showering him with attention at times...its maagnetic and addicting for him.

You are a fantasy escape and its easy when your AP is in another city or country, MM don't fear her showing up on the doorstep or have the pressure of carving out time for her.

Id just say...you want out? Your not walking away from true blue love but from affair bubble love.

True love is holding your partners hair while they vomit from the flu and cancelling plans with the friends to care for them and make soup. Its picking up the tea she likes at the grocery store, or watching his football game when you'd rather go shopping because you want to be together.

Its not a few texts, emails or calls a day with I love you the most.

Your not breaking up, your breaking an addiction.

These relationships aren't real.

Im not judging you for having it, Im just saying you can leave it.

Theres threads here with women who believed these exact words and promises and professions with every fiber of their being, and they were left, and dropped, and coldly let go.

You said it yourself his situation and breaking up a family of 4 kids was impossible...so isn't that kind of like driving down a road that says "NO OUTLET" looking for an outlet?

Simply stop, then grieve it.

[bathtub-row]

I have a friend who's in a wheelchair. She has a form of muscular dystrophy. The guys that prey on women like her are completely unbelievable. I thought it was never going to happen that she find a guy, much less a nice guy. She has a hard life, and it's not an easy life for anyone who's with her. But she's a bright and sunny person, has her own life, etc. She's in her late 30's and has been with a super nice guy for the past year. She never stopped hoping that it would work out for her. And she had an affair with a MM around the same time I was with xMM. He was nuts about her. Heartbroken when she ended it. He's still married.

 

You can find someone and I admire you for being picky. Most people aren't picky enough. And, boy, do I understand that friendship and connection with a man you have history with, who is the only ray of light in your dull day. My xMM was that ray of light for many years. I didn't think I cold go on without him.

 

So, yes, I completely understand your reasons and I'm sorry if I've made you feel judged. All I know is that given everything that happened, given everything I felt, I wish I had never met him. I wish I had never gone out to dinner with him that first time. I hate the way he has hurt me, and I hate to see anyone go through it.

 

Maybe it will work out with your MM. I honestly hope that it does. I hope he leaves his marriage if he's unhappy.

[AMJ]

I've read some of the other's stories here, and I'm in an easier place to walk away because he and I haven't ever become physical. Obviously that changes everything. I guess what I'm struggling with now is just hurting him in general. I know that sounds ridiculous, he's a selfish guy who tells some other woman that he loves her every night. But he's not a bad guy to me. And I do love him, at the least we've been friends for a decade. I don't think I could ever regret meeting him, or our relationship.

 

I've been dating other people but I don't tell him about it. I'm not used to being dishonest.

I don't know what the rules are in this situation. Do I tell him I'm dating other people? No one is serious yet. I figured that I'd end it if I became serious in a relationship. It's more common for the OW to feel hurt in this situation, but I'm pretty self-protective and haven't been in a position to be hurt yet. How can I be, we've never had sex?

 

But I get the feeling that he'd be devastated if I ended communication. He's attempted suicide before, after his first divorce, and still has PTSD from all the Iraq deployments...I've never been comfortable hurting anyone who's vulnerable let alone someone who is THIS vulnerable.

 

He really is the only person in my entire world who knows how to be supportive of the struggles I have with my family, because he has similar problems with his own family, and it means so much... I can't imagine hurting someone who's been so supportive for me. But anything I do would hurt him. Telling him I'm dating people is hurtful, and so is leading him on (to where, neither of us knows) to then eventually let him know that it's never going to work out.

[White Flower]

I've read some of the other's stories here, and I'm in an easier place to walk away because he and I haven't ever become physical. Obviously that changes everything. I guess what I'm struggling with now is just hurting him in general. I know that sounds ridiculous, he's a selfish guy who tells some other woman that he loves her every night. But he's not a bad guy to me. And I do love him, at the least we've been friends for a decade. I don't think I could ever regret meeting him, or our relationship.

 

I've been dating other people but I don't tell him about it. I'm not used to being dishonest.

I don't know what the rules are in this situation. Do I tell him I'm dating other people? No one is serious yet. I figured that I'd end it if I became serious in a relationship. It's more common for the OW to feel hurt in this situation, but I'm pretty self-protective and haven't been in a position to be hurt yet. How can I be, we've never had sex?

 

But I get the feeling that he'd be devastated if I ended communication. He's attempted suicide before, after his first divorce, and still has PTSD from all the Iraq deployments...I've never been comfortable hurting anyone who's vulnerable let alone someone who is THIS vulnerable.

 

He really is the only person in my entire world who knows how to be supportive of the struggles I have with my family, because he has similar problems with his own family, and it means so much... I can't imagine hurting someone who's been so supportive for me. But anything I do would hurt him. Telling him I'm dating people is hurtful, and so is leading him on (to where, neither of us knows) to then eventually let him know that it's never going to work out.

 

Why is it you only get hurt if sex is involved? And why do you believe MM never get hurt? Sex is not the qualifier for pain; our hearts are.

 

If he suffers from PTSD and has suicidal tendencies he's likely going to overwhelm you with his drama (and I'm not waving it off as petty--it's not!) but can you really accept that in your life, the gravity of that? Do you really think he's worth it? Only you know the answer so I won't try to persuade you.

 

Your business is yours and as long as he lives with someone else you don't have to tell him who you're dating. If he begins moving away from the marital bed, or does anything you feel is deserving of your loyalty, then you can decide if it's good to tell him whether you're dating others or not.

 

I knew my MM for a very long time too and I'll tell you that stereotypes are nothing but that--stereotypes. MM have feelings, love for their OWs, and confusion over what to do. It's not always as black and white as the audience who responds to you. Listen to your gut and do what's right for you.

[13Hearts]

This! Exactly!

 

i don't think anyone is making the assumption that you're making this a goal in life. But no matter who chased who, no matter how much you put your feelings on hold, i think what most of us are trying to say is that a relationship with a mm will rip you up. Piece by piece.

 

I'm speaking from experience. Xmm chased me, he was my best friend, he was completely nuts about me, we talked constantly, sex was fabulous, he resents his wife, his own kids make jokes about their marriage. What has he done? What do the majority of mm do? They stay because they value their money, reputation and kids more than they'll ever value you. It completely broke my heart and, worse, destroyed my faith in anything having to do with romantic love. All i know is that we had something wonderful and it made no difference. I would really hate to see you go through that. I'm not sure if you know what it means to lose faith on that level.

 

So if you want to go down that road, that's certainly your right. But i can almost guarantee you that you'll be back to this site, or another one, talking about what a horrible mistake you made. What a horrible, horrible mistake it was on every level. That's why i said "he's married, therefore off-limits". It's the absolute best rule to live by.

[13Hearts]

Relationships suck. But I keep having them, thinking some day I am going to find the right guy for me.

 

I know only one married couple who are happily married and enjoy spending time with eachother. The other married people I know are not happy, complain about it, or cheat on their spouse. Marriage is not for me.

 

I think you are trying to fit yourself into a role that you believe you are not going to like or are not going to be able to fit. I mean, why else choose unavailable men? Men you can't possibly marry? Or choose to remain single all these years? Sounds smart to me. I've never gotten much out of the relationships I've been in. But I sure as hell put a lot IN, emotionally, physically, financially. It's a lot of sacrifice, I think, and not much in return, or not much to show for your efforts.

 

Compared to all my other relationships, my short relationship w MM probably was the least amount of work for me, and gave me the most. Not sure why that is. That's pretty sad, if you ask me.

[AMJ]

Why is it you only get hurt if sex is involved? And why do you believe MM never get hurt? Sex is not the qualifier for pain; our hearts are.

 

 

Oh, I'm very concerned that MM will be hurt, I never said they don't have feelings. My entire last post was about how can I protect his feelings, and that I'm worried about hurting him by ending communication. For me, sex escalates a relationship, and my feelings invested are intense and much stronger than they are right now. That said, I still have very strong feelings for him, and we've never even kissed. It's surprising to me that I do have strong feelings for him, given that we've always been long-distance.