Really nice friend transformed into lover

[Trancobuscas]

Greetings everyone,

 

I am having problems in my relationship with a former really close friend. Let me first disclose that we are both shy, although as a male I am very shy and this is my first relationship at the age of 24. The girl is also 24, but she had two relationships before me. I met this girl at a high-school gathering and it turned out that we are going to the graduate school at the same university. At first I added her on Facebook and then ran into her a couple of times at the campus. One of the times she said let me give you my phone number and I doubt if I would be able to get it if she had not given me that. One or two months passed after this incident and I called her; we had coffee together. It was fantastic I believed that I found a really nice friend and we chatted for 2 or 3 hours. We were very alike.

 

Later we began to meet weekly, together with other friends, went to dancing classes together and we have also been to each other's homes a couple of times. We were alone these times and she was really flirting with me, but I was completely oblivious of this fact. One night she even suggested buying a bottle of wine before coming over which I complied. We drank the wine and I had a bit of nausea; however, when she tried to sleep on the couch(I am staying at a studio flat) I became a bit uneasy and later she suggested that she should leave.

 

Some time later we resumed our regular meetings and went out together one night. We again drank wine and that nice she told me some tactics about getting girls. To be honest I panicked there and that night I asked if she was interested in me(I know it is kind of lame). She got a bit angry since I asked it like this, but she accepted her interest in me. Next week we were cuddling while we were alone at her home. However, I was hesitant about what to do. Later that week I invited her to my home once again; she came and started crying. She was really into me and she said she was up to everything with me. I soothed her and we kissed for the first time there although it was a bit unnatural. She asked me many times if I was sure of my interest to which I replied yes.

 

The thing was we were like soulmates everything was similar in our lifes as we were both hardworking, raised in the same manner, similar interest and similar goals towards life. I maybe regret my decision as it could have been wiser to keep her as a friend. When we became lovers we(especially me as a male) focused on sex too much; however there were problems. I could not get fully erect and feel the same passion as her. The thing is, I was on SSRIs and looking at porn regularly(PIED[porn induced erectile dysfunction) then. Our first sex was problematic and I confessed her everything including my encounters with the escorts and she said she was perfectly fine with it as long as I wore a condom. She also understood the side-effects of SSRIs after a search on Google and she said she would wait. However, the time for full-intercourse never came unfortunately. She was also sensitive about some body parts and I touched them to her dismay which made her agitated a bit. She got pleasure and orgasmed a couple of times from it even. Most of the times I was masturbating myself or later she was masturbating me for me to get off. I know it sucks but it never occurred to me that it would be like this.

 

However, she was staying at my home and I was staying at hers and we were having great time in my opinion, but unfortunately this was not the same from her perspective. I even recommended moving in together when she said she was going to move into another house. I did not know that this was a thing I should never have said. Furthermore, I called or texted her many times and at the end she was reluctant to answer hinting that her interest in me subsided. I really want to make this relationship work and I have quit porn and masturbation to have no problems with sex. However, after around one and a half months of relationship she began to act very cold towards me and did not answer my calls. When I texted she replied very briefly and I got into the fear of being abandoned. The thing is, she is not around here right now as she is going abroad regularly for seminars and such. It has been one and a half week from our last phone conversation and almost two weeks after I saw her for the last time. I am obsessing over this a little and she still has her stuff at my apartment and my apartment key. We did not have the talk and although we had a mini discussion just before the new years. That was a moment of enlightment for me and I saw some of my mistakes. I can assure her that I will work one them and probably give her the letter I wrote to avoid angry conversations. Even if everything finished I would like to keep her around as a friend as she is very understanding and nice(at least when we were friends). I was very happy at first thinking that I found the love of my life, but now the situation is reversed. Let me also state that this is a regular habit of her as she said in her previous relationships she was the one who was called the most. I really need advice, thank you all.

[Montgomery Burns]

Greetings everyone,

 

I am having problems in my relationship with a former really close friend. Let me first disclose that we are both shy, although as a male I am very shy and this is my first relationship at the age of 24. The girl is also 24, but she had two relationships before me. I met this girl at a high-school gathering and it turned out that we are going to the graduate school at the same university. At first I added her on Facebook and then ran into her a couple of times at the campus. One of the times she said let me give you my phone number and I doubt if I would be able to get it if she had not given me that. One or two months passed after this incident and I called her; we had coffee together. It was fantastic I believed that I found a really nice friend and we chatted for 2 or 3 hours. We were very alike.

 

Later we began to meet weekly, together with other friends, went to dancing classes together and we have also been to each other's homes a couple of times. We were alone these times and she was really flirting with me, but I was completely oblivious of this fact. One night she even suggested buying a bottle of wine before coming over which I complied. We drank the wine and I had a bit of nausea; however, when she tried to sleep on the couch(I am staying at a studio flat) I became a bit uneasy and later she suggested that she should leave.

 

Some time later we resumed our regular meetings and went out together one night. We again drank wine and that nice she told me some tactics about getting girls. To be honest I panicked there and that night I asked if she was interested in me(I know it is kind of lame). She got a bit angry since I asked it like this, but she accepted her interest in me. Next week we were cuddling while we were alone at her home. However, I was hesitant about what to do. Later that week I invited her to my home once again; she came and started crying. She was really into me and she said she was up to everything with me. I soothed her and we kissed for the first time there although it was a bit unnatural. She asked me many times if I was sure of my interest to which I replied yes.

 

The thing was we were like soulmates everything was similar in our lifes as we were both hardworking, raised in the same manner, similar interest and similar goals towards life. I maybe regret my decision as it could have been wiser to keep her as a friend. When we became lovers we(especially me as a male) focused on sex too much; however there were problems. I could not get fully erect and feel the same passion as her. The thing is, I was on SSRIs and looking at porn regularly(PIED[porn induced erectile dysfunction) then. Our first sex was problematic and I confessed her everything including my encounters with the escorts and she said she was perfectly fine with it as long as I wore a condom. She also understood the side-effects of SSRIs after a search on Google and she said she would wait. However, the time for full-intercourse never came unfortunately. She was also sensitive about some body parts and I touched them to her dismay which made her agitated a bit. She got pleasure and orgasmed a couple of times from it even. Most of the times I was masturbating myself or later she was masturbating me for me to get off. I know it sucks but it never occurred to me that it would be like this.

 

However, she was staying at my home and I was staying at hers and we were having great time in my opinion, but unfortunately this was not the same from her perspective. I even recommended moving in together when she said she was going to move into another house. I did not know that this was a thing I should never have said. Furthermore, I called or texted her many times and at the end she was reluctant to answer hinting that her interest in me subsided. I really want to make this relationship work and I have quit porn and masturbation to have no problems with sex. However, after around one and a half months of relationship she began to act very cold towards me and did not answer my calls. When I texted she replied very briefly and I got into the fear of being abandoned. The thing is, she is not around here right now as she is going abroad regularly for seminars and such. It has been one and a half week from our last phone conversation and almost two weeks after I saw her for the last time. I am obsessing over this a little and she still has her stuff at my apartment and my apartment key. We did not have the talk and although we had a mini discussion just before the new years. That was a moment of enlightment for me and I saw some of my mistakes. I can assure her that I will work one them and probably give her the letter I wrote to avoid angry conversations. Even if everything finished I would like to keep her around as a friend as she is very understanding and nice(at least when we were friends). I was very happy at first thinking that I found the love of my life, but now the situation is reversed. Let me also state that this is a regular habit of her as she said in her previous relationships she was the one who was called the most. I really need advice, thank you all.

 

Whoa. Where to begin. You're with a young lady that is very sexually attracted to you and you may be also but cant show it. Evenif we girls say its okay, I understand it really isnt. Makes us feel undesired, and eventually we check out or find someonethat can show it. I am confident that is the issue.

[preraph]

The SSRI-induced ED is something your doctor can probably fix. I was reading whether you can take VIAGRA with SSRIs and you can. The results are not 100 percent on all people, but it worked fine for others. You should speak to your doctor about it and then let her know you're trying that. Her stuff is still at your place, so she's not completely out the door. All you can do is try.

 

May I ask, when you would watch porn, did you have any ED doing that? And were you watching normal M/F intercourse, etc. porn or something more extreme. Don't answer if you don't want to. I know porn can get you into a routine that is hard to break in real life - a script, so to speak. So stay off it now you know it affects you that way. If you don't have ED using porn, though, then it may be more to do with porn addiction and/or extreme preferences.

 

Hope you get it solved.