Shaon85 Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 I have been married for a year. My husband is someone who wants kids, but doesn't see having kids with me. We have had many fights in the past 1 year, some very nasty, we have had our good times but they've mostly been bad because with time and living with eachother we realised that we don't see eye to eye on most issues,including love. It wasn't so obvious during courtship and I never took seriously that he never said he loved me or avoided saying up even when I asked point blank. He claimed actions speak louder than words. Anyways long story short, although he badly wants kids he says he cannot see the mother if his kids in me, after a year of living together. What am I doing wrong? I gave up my job and moved to his city and havent found a proper job yet. Sad thing is, I never wanted kids but after being with him I started wanting them. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 Why oh why didn't you two talk about this stuff before getting married? These types of issues are what you are supposed to discuss in pre-martial counseling, which is why that step is so important. That said, if he doesn't want kids with you either ask him what would have to change & change it if you like. Perhaps you smoke or something & he doesn't care for that. Otherwise, just end it now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 I have been married for a year. My husband is someone who wants kids, but doesn't see having kids with me. We have had many fights in the past 1 year, some very nasty, we have had our good times but they've mostly been bad because with time and living with eachother we realised that we don't see eye to eye on most issues,including love. It wasn't so obvious during courtship and I never took seriously that he never said he loved me or avoided saying up even when I asked point blank. He claimed actions speak louder than words. Anyways long story short, although he badly wants kids he says he cannot see the mother if his kids in me, after a year of living together. What am I doing wrong? I gave up my job and moved to his city and havent found a proper job yet. Sad thing is, I never wanted kids but after being with him I started wanting them. The only thing you can do is ask him for money to move back to your home city. If he wants kids but not with you what else can you do? He's going to move on to a woman he can have kids with. Sorry this happened to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Samhain Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 Why did you get married to start with!? Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 I have been married for a year. My husband is someone who wants kids, but doesn't see having kids with me. We have had many fights in the past 1 year, some very nasty, we have had our good times but they've mostly been bad because with time and living with eachother we realised that we don't see eye to eye on most issues,including love. It wasn't so obvious during courtship and I never took seriously that he never said he loved me or avoided saying up even when I asked point blank. He claimed actions speak louder than words. Anyways long story short, although he badly wants kids he says he cannot see the mother if his kids in me, after a year of living together. What am I doing wrong? I gave up my job and moved to his city and havent found a proper job yet. Sad thing is, I never wanted kids but after being with him I started wanting them. I could ask why you married him - with him never having said "I love you" at least a few times. Sounds like maybe you wanted to marry him, and settled for this missing part. I could also ask HIM why he married you when he wanted kids (you did not at first) and now he says "but not with you". Sounds like he will leave you at some point. I don't think talking is going to fix this - but before you divorce and move back to your town - find a good marriage therapist for couples work and at least give it a try Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 I don't see anything in this r/s to hold on to. For a man to tell his new wife that she would not be an acceptable mother to the children he wants.......that's a new one even on LS. I've been on this forum 12 years, read 50,000 stories, and don't recall anything like this. Since you're financially vulnerable, I'd consult a family lawyer immediately about how to unwind this marriage with some compensation for you to support your move back to your point of origin, and adequate time to find a new job to replace the one you gave up for his benefit. Then pull the trigger on the divorce. (I rarely recommend divorce, but this one is a clear and easy case). Good luck! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 Sorry but all I see are hurt people and a divorce coming... Link to post Share on other sites
Goodgirl1985 Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 Your story made me sad. I have a similar story only that I am not even married to him. I am living with him for almost 11 years. 3 years down the road he told me that he will never marry me and I still continued the relationship. I feel that I made a horrible mistake. I isolated myself from my family and friends, lost my job and started my school. Now I know I have no place to go until I finish my school. I know this relation is dead. I am stuck because of my school and he is ok for me to live with him as I do lot of work for his business and home and also provide him occasional sex. He seemed to be do not want anything else at this moment. Sorry to give you my story as I want to caution you for not falling into the same trap and wasted time as I did. Get out as fast as you can. If he loved you at all , he would like to have a child with you at all circumstances. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 The best solution is a divorce. I'd be highly insulted if the man I married ever said such a thing to me and I would change my view of wanting kids with him very quickly. Did he only develop this view after marriage? Did you discuss children before marriage? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 He married you! He promised to love & cherish you! Did all of this come out in a fight? What I mean is...Does he REALLY feel this way or is he trying to manipulate you in some way? What he's basically saying is, "We are going to get divorced at some point". Might as well make it sooner rather than later!! It's a horrible, horrible thing being financially dependent on someone. I know. I'm so very sorry. I'm a woman who sacrificed & made herself very vulnerable for 'Marriage'. EVERYONE saw us as a couple, a family. No-one ever warned me that marriage can be fleeting & I was sacrificing too much. Women frequently give up everything to support their H's careers & become trapped. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 We have had many fights in the past 1 year, some very nasty, we have had our good times but they've mostly been bad because with time and living with each other we realised that we don't see eye to eye on most issues,including love. It wasn't so obvious during courtship and I never took seriously that he never said he loved me or avoided saying up even when I asked point blank. He claimed actions speak louder than words. Why would you want to bring a child into this relationship :confused: ??? Baby Shaon85 deserves an environment that doesn't include Mom and Dad at each others throats during their "many fights"... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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