Difficulty due to very Specific Preferences

[GunslingerRoland]

It's not whether we agree with your preference or not, it's whether it is a realistic expectation.

 

 

The average person has done more than light kissing by the time they are about 14.

 

 

So as a grown adult, the odds of finding a woman who never has in our culture who is eligible is extremely unlikely, and gets more unlikely by the year. Heck, in a few years, finding a woman who's never been married (or at least lived with a man before) will be a challenge let alone one who has never done more than kiss.

 

 

If this is really make it or break it for you, then you may want to seek professional help as to why it matters so much.

[searching1992]

OK, couple of questions:

 

Have you dated before?

What do you consider "gorgeous?" (give examples)

Can you articulate why it's so important that this women be pure to the point of kissing?

Likewise, how did you yourself end up being a spiritual but not very religious, but with a very strict moral code around purity? Did you grow up in a church community?

 

Sorry for all the questions, you just seem to have such an odd mix of qualities. I'd assume that most men who want what you're after would already be part of a community where this attitude is prized or at least accepted. Most "Christian but not religious" types are that way frankly because they want a bit more leeway in the sex department. Anyway, I'm really curious for some context.

 

I'll hit on a few points again, but first I'll respond directly to this quote. My family attended church weekly when I was a child, but we were not particularly active members. I was not raised to wait until marriage. No one in my immediate family does or did. It was a fairly conservative denomination, but not incredibly so. Waiting until marriage was part of the official teaching, but it was practically never brought up. The one time I recall it being brought up it was mentioned very quickly. So, while I am a Christian, I wouldn't say it was Christianity that really convinced me to wait.

 

I know people will disagree with me, but I simply find it most special when both partners are as sexually inexperienced as possible. I could articulate my thoughts further, but honestly I didn't come on here to defend or explain my desire. I'm just looking for advice on how to meet such a woman.

 

The types of women I consider gorgeous are the types most men do. Models, famous actresses, ect....Now, that doesn't mean I want them to strut around in their underwear like models and actresses do. I disagree that beauty and modesty is a contradiction. You can have the desire to look good only for your spouse.

 

Lastly, I have never dated before. I've turned down or not reciprocated interest in some women I haven't found attractive, though. I've yet to meet someone I have wanted to date. Also, simple lack of time has prevented me from dating. I have always been an incredibly dedicated student and have had a job most of the time since 8th grade. That hasn't left a lot of time for meeting women, but I've tried to put more focus on that the last couple years.

 

Alright, now to a few other points raised. I disagree that not particularly wanting an evangelical means I don't want her to be "too Christian." One can be dedicated to their faith, but not evangelical. You can be "very Christian" and not be evangelical. In response to normal person, you make a fair point. Simply being appealing myself does not mean more gorgeous virgin women will suddenly exist. I suppose I just meant that I'm in a reasonable position to attract such a girl should I meet one. Someone asked if I ever found a woman who has never made out. I have come across a few online, but never in real life that I know of. I don't ask every woman I meet if she has kissed or had sex before, though. Lastly, I don't need professional help for having my desires. For unrelated issues I've been to therapists/psychiatirsts before and I've mentioned this desire to them. Given, it didn't come up that I don't want her to have kissed. I did mention that I want her to be a virgin, though. I can't remember if I mentioned the gorgeous requirement, but I believe I did to at least one of them. Neither thought I was crazy or mentally troubled in any way regarding this issue.

[GunslingerRoland]

Crazy/mentally troubled is such strong wording. I didn't mean to imply that.

 

 

But you are making a choice to limit yourself to the top, what 1%? of women looks wise. And then on top of that looking to find a woman who is living with a style of morals that doesn't match the culture of the country you live in.

 

 

You can be defensive or you can take a realistic look, and realize that you are setting yourself up to end up alone.

 

 

Everyone has to find some priorities in finding a partner. If finding a woman that is that pure is truly what is most important to you, then you're probably going to need to find a way to find the rest of women that are attractive to the rest of us, but not good enough for you to be more attractive.

 

 

It's not about settling, it's about being able to appreciate natural beauty and not just the rarity of "flawlessness".

[d0nnivain]

I know people will disagree with me, but I simply find it most special when both partners are as sexually inexperienced as possible.

 

 

I vehemently disagree. Your version is some unrealistic thing. The reality is the blind leading the blind. I didn't learn to enjoy sex until an incredibly experienced lover took the time to show me what all the inexperienced guys were doing wrong.

 

 

Since you won't have a clue either, there is a very real possibility that you are going to make your beloved's first time exceptionally painful which could prevent her for wanting to repeat the activity.

 

 

 

 

I could articulate my thoughts further, but honestly I didn't come on here to defend or explain my desire. I'm just looking for advice on how to meet such a woman.

 

 

You are nevertheless correct that you are entitled to your views & it's not my place to try to change you.

 

 

 

The types of women I consider gorgeous are the types most men do. Models, famous actresses, ect....Now, that doesn't mean I want them to strut around in their underwear like models and actresses do. I disagree that beauty and modesty is a contradiction. You can have the desire to look good only for your spouse.

 

 

You want her to look good to attract you then you want what, for her to stay home & basically wear a berka or a potato sack when she does leave the house?

 

 

Back to my last point to you, in the looks department alone, the woman you want doesn't exist. Women who put the amount of energy, effort & products involved in looking like a model are not going to be the virginal types you seek.

 

 

Until you revise your ideal of beauty to include the reality that most models are airbrushed, you will be very lonely.

 

 

Lastly, I have never dated before. I've turned down or not reciprocated interest in some women I haven't found attractive, though. I've yet to meet someone I have wanted to date. Also, simple lack of time has prevented me from dating. I have always been an incredibly dedicated student and have had a job most of the time since 8th grade. That hasn't left a lot of time for meeting women, but I've tried to put more focus on that the last couple years.

 

 

At mid 20s you have never dated so you have limited real world experience. I know may dedicated students who worked, me included who still found time for a social life.

 

 

I wish you luck in your quest but fear that unless you become a bit more open to actual people & a lot less hung up on the unrealistic ideal you have set up in your head, you face a lonely unhappy future.

 

 

I am not demanding that you date [a promiscuous woman] or that you accept some woman who repulses you but do become more open to real women who don't go around looking like they just step off the pages of a magazine.

Edited January 12, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

[losangelena]

I know people will disagree with me, but I simply find it most special when both partners are as sexually inexperienced as possible. I could articulate my thoughts further, but honestly I didn't come on here to defend or explain my desire. I'm just looking for advice on how to meet such a woman.

 

Then I stand by my original assertion. Go to church. And try online. Good luck to you.

[normal person]

I know people will disagree with me, but I simply find it most special when both partners are as sexually inexperienced as possible. I could articulate my thoughts further, but honestly I didn't come on here to defend or explain my desire. I'm just looking for advice on how to meet such a woman.

 

Other peoples' opinions on that aren't the issue. But opinions aside, the conventional wisdom seems to suggest that meeting someone like this with your limitations is extremely unlikely, if not impossible. It's like you're saying: "I'm not looking to debate the existence of purple unicorns. I'm just deciding that they exist and asking where I could meet one." It's like you're ignoring the obvious roadblock that's causing all the trouble.

 

 

You can have the desire to look good only for your spouse.

 

You can (technically), that doesn't mean any girl will want to. Try suggesting to your girlfriend that she doesn't need to look attractive in any place that you aren't going...

 

"Honey, you don't need makeup for dinner with your girlfriends. You don't need to dress up or be attractive since I'm not going. You can just wear sweatpants and that baggy old t shirt."

 

...and see how she takes it. Women like to look good and be desired, and not just by one person, and not just for men. They also do it to sway their standings amongst other women. Society (wrongly) often ties their worth to their beauty. Good luck convincing her you're the only one she has to look good for when the whole world has been telling her and every other female the opposite for generations.

 

In response to normal person, you make a fair point. Simply being appealing myself does not mean more gorgeous virgin women will suddenly exist. I suppose I just meant that I'm in a reasonable position to attract such a girl should I meet one.

 

Possibly. If you're the kind of guy who looks down on kissing and prioritizes studying, I don't think you're going to be dropping any panties in the 23-25 contingent. At that age, a lot of women crave fun, excitement and experiences. That's why they fawn over aggressive dominant males and not abstinent, passive ones. They know they can marry a dependable guy down the line, but there's no need for that bore while they're as attractive as they're ever going to be. At that age your abstinence is more likely to be a turn off than anything.

 

Someone asked if I ever found a woman who has never made out. I have come across a few online, but never in real life that I know of. I don't ask every woman I meet if she has kissed or had sex before, though.

 

How about this: if she's older than 14, you can assume she's made out with someone unless she mentions otherwise. If she's older than 20, you can assume she's had sex before unless she mentions otherwise.

Edited January 12, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[No_Go]

 

How about this: if she's older than 14, you can assume she's made out with someone unless she mentions otherwise. If she's older than 20, you can assume she's had sex before unless she mentions otherwise.

 

 

 

I was 27+ when I made out & the rest for the first time, and I have NOT been religious. Just focused on other things and very introverted.

 

I used to work in a physics institute in that time and there were plenty of people, male and female, like me (also good looking btw). However, usually these people are also socially awkward - which I assume OP is to some extent too... So the dynamics will be rough (haha, it took me meeting an extreme extrovert to get introduced to adult enterntainment )

Edited January 12, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[searching1992]

In response to D0nnivain, I want to make clear that I don't expect to date a literal model and I realize magazines airbrush women. I have seen women in real life I'm attracted to. It's not common, but it happens. Secondly, we will just have to agree to disagree about it making things more special.

 

In response to normal person,[] I have friends. I've talked to women. I even have gone to bars and parties (ie, I'm familiar with the fact casual sex is commonplace). I didn't grow up in a stifled, religious environment. My parents were not particularly strict. I'm really not sheltered. I don't think of myself as being unrealistic, either. At the end of the day I just need one woman. Just one. Even if I'm looking for 1% of the 18-20 year old population, that's still a lot of women. I was just hoping for some advice on where I might be more likely to find one of them. The fact that I exist (an attractive male who has never kissed) makes me think female equivalents of me must be out there somewhere. I do think you're right that most 23-25 year olds won't want a virgin like me. It's kind of irrelevant, though, since I don't want them if they're looking to have sex. I'm actually not a passive person, either. I'm assertive in most areas of life.

 

In response to GunslingerRoland, I get what you're saying. I really do. It's just that I'm simply not into girls who aren't gorgeous virgins. Yes, that makes things tougher for me. But, I think it's better to be single than marry someone you're not really into. You're right that you have to prioritize things. I have. Like all people, I have many things I would prefer in a spouse. I don't have many absolute deal breakers. Looks and virginity just happen to be two of them. Lastly, I think if there was something "wrong" with my preferences one of the mental health workers I've seen likely would have said something.

 

Finally, I want to respond to losangelena. Thanks for reiterating the advice to try church. I think I just have to step outside of my comfort zone and try attending a very conservative church. Perhaps a Christian dating site might be a good idea, too. I have tried secular sites without much luck. I'm considering moving to a more conservative state for work once I finish graduate school, but that also depends on the job market.

 

Thanks everyone for your well wishes and advice. I was hoping for more than just church or online dating, but maybe that's simply my only options besides lucking out with a random girl. Though, I'm still not convinced finding a virgin 18-20 year old who is also gorgeous is that crazy. I would appreciate more responses if anyone has any more ideas, but it does seem like I'm getting to the end of the line.

Edited January 12, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[normal person]

I don't think of myself as being unrealistic, either. At the end of the day I just need one woman. Just one. Even if I'm looking for 1% of the 18-20 year old population, that's still a lot of women.

 

I'll take your word that you aren't sheltered, but here's where you lose me on "realistic." You say you need one girl, but you need to find her from a set of women you've already narrowed down to an infinitesimally small number. It would be a different story if you needed just one and your pool was 250K. The odds of finding the girl would be exponentially higher. But at an estimated 1% your odds of crossing paths with such a girl, being able to engage her successfully, and getting her to like you back are not all favorable. It's just basic math. You only need one, but for your knowledge, you've never even met one. Do you see how ludicrous this is?

 

 

I was just hoping for some advice on where I might be more likely to find one of them. The fact that I exist (an attractive male who has never kissed) makes me think female equivalents of me must be out there somewhere.

 

Think about this: life exists on this planet and the universe is infinite, so that makes me think life must be out there somewhere else. We still haven't found any, though. Do you have any advice on where we're likely to find them?

 

While the concept of the person may be an issue itself, you're also limited by geography, circumstances, time, etc. There probably is a girl out there who meets all your criteria and likes you back -- just like I think there probably are aliens. What I'm saying is that the prospect of actually finding her is going to be limited by a ton of things that are far beyond your control. Hence, you haven't found her yet.

 

I think most of your problems would be solved if you just got over the kissing thing.

[searching1992]

I'll take your word that you aren't sheltered, but here's where you lose me on "realistic." You say you need one girl, but you need to find her from a set of women you've already narrowed down to an infinitesimally small number. It would be a different story if you needed just one and your pool was 250K. The odds of finding the girl would be exponentially higher. But at an estimated 1% your odds of crossing paths with such a girl, being able to engage her successfully, and getting her to like you back are not all favorable. It's just basic math. You only need one, but for your knowledge, you've never even met one. Do you see how ludicrous this is?

 

 

 

 

Think about this: life exists on this planet and the universe is infinite, so that makes me think life must be out there somewhere else. We still haven't found any, though. Do you have any advice on where we're likely to find them?

 

While the concept of the person may be an issue itself, you're also limited by geography, circumstances, time, etc. There probably is a girl out there who meets all your criteria and likes you back -- just like I think there probably are aliens. What I'm saying is that the prospect of actually finding her is going to be limited by a ton of things that are far beyond your control. Hence, you haven't found her yet.

 

I think most of your problems would be solved if you just got over the kissing thing.

 

Finding someone on earth is easier than interstellar travel, but I see what you're saying. Honestly, these are all things I've thought before. I've even done the math before. Maybe I'm too hopeful, but it just seems like if I go to targeted areas (church seems to be the main suggestion) it shouldn't be impossibly hard to find such a woman. Hard, but not impossibly so.

 

Like I said, I might be able to look past her having made out. I'm not 100% certain on that one. I might have to see how I feel while dating such a girl. If I can't find a girl who has only lightly kissed, hopefully I am able to overlook it if it truly would solve most of my problems.

 

As a side note, I'm not sure what percentage of women I find attractive. I'm sure it's low, but I'm not sure it's one percent like some have suggested. It's probably one percent where I live, but I live somewhere with a reputation for unattractiveness (it sounds unbelievable, but from my experience it's true). I will almost certainly move once I'm done with school, so things in that regard might get better then.

[Els]

Exactly...usually women in their 20s that are still virgins are at most very plain looking, sometimes overweight, and don't fall in the gorgeous category.

 

It's easier for them to stay virgins longer only because not a lot of men...I hate to say...desire them.

 

Oh, come on. Any woman can get casual sex if they really want to - it's not exactly a challenge for a woman to find that, even if you don't look like Angelina Jolie. So the deciding factor for female virgins is usually not "I can't get any", it's a choice. What the OP's definition of 'gorgeous' is and how many of them are virgins I don't know, but it's fallacious to think that the reason female virgins are virgins is due to lack of willing male lovers.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I think I just have to step outside of my comfort zone and try attending a very conservative church. Perhaps a Christian dating site might be a good idea, too.

 

I've actually seen some of the same people on Christian dating sites as I've seen on Match.com...not much different. Christians are pretty much willing to enjoy the company, and even marry someone outside of church or the realm of Christianity.

 

Chances are the women you'll meet in a local church will likely be coupled up with someone, usually a boyfriend they've met outside of church. Not to sound like a negative nellie, but just expect that.

[road]

OP, why must she be, never been kissed?

[GunslingerRoland]

Even if I'm looking for 1% of the 18-20 year old population, that's still a lot of women.

 

 

You've narrowed yourself probably close to the 1% of women just on looks alone though. Then you've added in the purity stipulation which might take you down to another 1% of the population. So you're looking at to be generous. Maybe 1 out of 5000 women. BUT you haven't accounted for the fact that over half the women are in relationships. (probably much higher then that with the gorgeous ones). And even if they are single, they may not be at all dateable due to their personality.

 

 

You're limiting your dating pool exponentially before you even talk to a single person to see if you are compatible.

 

 

And then you want to know where to find these women in mass quantity. I can give you some tips on where to find gorgeous women, I can give you tips on where to find pure women. But the intersection is so small, you aren't going to stumble into the hot virgin party. (unless you blow up some infidels maybe? )

 

 

Find the most expensive trendy nightclub in the city, hang out there, meet women and find out if any of them are virginal enough for you. Or find the busiest church, join some groups and find out if any of the women are pretty (and still pure enough) for you. But when you say being single is better than being with the wrong person I agree, but I consider the right person about so much more than perfect looks and an arbitrary rule about their past experience.

[preraph]

I just hope you've at least explored the notion that you're ONLY attracted to the best looking women and yet you want nothing to do with anything except LIGHT, mind you, kissing, may mean you're perhaps not even that attracted to women. Any guy I ever came across who was trying to limit physical contact was either ED or gay and not ready to admit it to themselves. Just a thought.

[Poutrew]

I understand your position, 1992. I even agree with you . I can't really give you any words of wisdom as far as finding a girl that meets your criterion (and don't let anyone try to convince you that what you want is BS ). One word of caution however. Once the girls in your target group actually know you are for real, expect the competition for your attention to get...interesting. You will need to watch out for the girls who see you as a challenge -breaking in a virgin- and try to convince you they are 'the one'. They will tell you whatever lie they can to get to you ...they've never kissed, never had sex, never whatever. You need to know how to work one girl against the other, because they will throw each other under the bus to win your attentions. And, no one knows their secrets like friends... "Judy may have told you she was a virgin, but did you know she gave Johnny a BJ last summer at summer camp.." or, "Sally technically is a virgin, but that's because she has a girlfriend..." And then there is the whole other category of women who pretend to be virgins and have covered their tracks by having restorative plastic surgery to repair their hymens... It may take you some time and the wisdom of Solomon to sort it all out, but I expect you will manage just fine as long as you take your time, keep an open mind, and a closed zipper...

[searching1992]

GunslingerRoland, I get it. My search is daunting. But, the simple fact of the matter is sexual past is not arbitrary to me and looks matter a lot to me. Those are key things I need in a spouse. If I can't find them, singlehood is a better option for me. I lean toward the option of looking in churches rather than trendy clubs. I'm just not a club guy and I don't think many virgins go to clubs. I think a gorgeous girl in church is more common than a virgin in a club.

 

preraph, I'm not remotely gay. I'm not attracted to men at all and I'm very attracted to gorgeous women. I want to do more than lightly kiss them, but not until I'm married.

 

Poutrew, thanks for the encouragement and advice. I've worried before that a woman could lie about her past. I'll have to be careful.

 

If things really don't go well for me, I could try and take the advice of the guys who have suggested I embrace a different culture. If I can't find a gorgeous virgin and singlehood is too lonely, I might one day consider it.

[GunslingerRoland]

GunslingerRoland, I get it. My search is daunting. But, the simple fact of the matter is sexual past is not arbitrary to me and looks matter a lot to me. Those are key things I need in a spouse. If I can't find them, singlehood is a better option for me. I lean toward the option of looking in churches rather than trendy clubs. I'm just not a club guy and I don't think many virgins go to clubs. I think a gorgeous girl in church is more common than a virgin in a club.

 

If things really don't go well for me, I could try and take the advice of the guys who have suggested I embrace a different culture. If I can't find a gorgeous virgin and singlehood is too lonely, I might one day consider it.

 

I'd argue it's totally arbitrary, where does the light kissing guideline come from? it's not from the bible. It's not from societies norm of what even constitutes sexual contact. Making out is a pretty tame activity, but you've decided to draw your line there. That is called arbitrary, it's a rule that exists in your head.

 

 

As for your virgin in the club thing... to be fair, you're probably not that likely to find your idea of pure girl even in a church. So focusing on the gorgeous part, if that really is crucial to you, might be easier. It's also a lot easier to focus in on the gorgeous ones because of their looks and then find out their past. Because if you are assuming all of the girls in the church have never made out with anyone, you'll be sadly disappointed.

 

 

Different culture might be your best bet. IMO you're way more likely to meet a gorgeous girl from say the middle east who is a totally pure virgin than a gorgeous girl from the catholic church. The problem is, if you find a traditional girl from the Eastern world, will she be willing to go for a Christian white guy, and what family issues may come from it, even if she is willing.

[searching1992]

GunslingerRoland, I'll keep in mind that maybe looking at clubs isn't the worst idea. The few times I've been to clubs it really did not seem like a place a virgin would go, though. Given, I was there. It was just because my friends were going. I guess I could meet a girl who had friends drag her there. Plus, you have to be 21 to get in to clubs. I've kind of figured most virgins will be under 21, but maybe she's a girl who shares my values. Also, I know most church girls have made out. Still, the percentage of girls who haven't in church has to be higher than the general populace.

 

Anyway, agree to disagree about the arbitrariness of all of this. Like I said, I'm not here to argue about that kind of stuff.

[losangelena]

What about online dating? You can state your preferences on your profile, which seems easier than trolling area churches or nightclubs. OLD sometimes gets a bad rap, but I feel like in your situation, it's ideal. Makes sorting through the haystack a little easier, no?

 

I would also argue against the notion of turning to a conservative, devout, non-Christian culture to find a woman. I mean, what do you want, an eventual wife or a pure, virginal bride? I can understand you wanting to find a *woman* who's *chosen*, like yourself, to keep her purity in tact, but to try and find a young, unspoiled girl for the simple virtue of virginity sounds creepy. I feel like (unintentional or not) the underlying tone in a lot of these posts suggests that women somehow can't control themselves. That they're either sexually incline, or can only be kept away from men via a strict, societal code and threat of violence from their families (a la, the Middle East and India). Yet I don't think that's true, plus it's unfair—humans are all sexual beings, and while it's not easy to hold off, there are people of all genders who do, for a variety of reasons.

 

Anyway, now I'm really curious to know what you'd see a dating relationship and an eventual marriage looking like. What kind of woman, other than a gorgeous virgin, are you after? I knew at least a few women—of legal age!—at the church(es) I used to attend who, out of their obedience to God and their desire for purity, remained chaste until marriage. I hope that's the reason you've chosen to wait, and I sure as hell hope you're looking for an equal in that regard—a woman who's chosen this for herself, not because she's proverbially locked away by her strict father.

 

Like I said, try the online thing. You can get really niche on there.

[Els]

I would also argue against the notion of turning to a conservative, devout, non-Christian culture to find a woman. I mean, what do you want, an eventual wife or a pure, virginal bride? I can understand you wanting to find a *woman* who's *chosen*, like yourself, to keep her purity in tact, but to try and find a young, unspoiled girl for the simple virtue of virginity sounds creepy. I feel like (unintentional or not) the underlying tone in a lot of these posts suggests that women somehow can't control themselves. That they're either sexually incline, or can only be kept away from men via a strict, societal code and threat of violence from their families (a la, the Middle East and India). Yet I don't think that's true, plus it's unfair—humans are all sexual beings, and while it's not easy to hold off, there are people of all genders who do, for a variety of reasons.

 

I honestly don't see the difference between Christians who eschew sex before marriage and non-Christian cultures that eschew sex before marriage - why is the first one okay and the second not? Obviously if there is threat of violence involved that is grievous, but I wouldn't be surprised if there was threat of violence in a Christian home and no threat of violence in a non-Caucasian home.

 

The culture I grew up in has no threat of violence against women (at least, not more than the average threat found in Caucasian cultures, which is still bad, but we're just doing comparisons here...). Still, people generally lose their virginity later there compared to in Western cultures. They just do - both men and women. It's really not uncommon there for couples in their teens and early 20s to wait months before kissing, years before having oral sex, and marriage for intercourse. It's just a different culture, different way of doing things.

 

If the OP was hoping for a virgin girl but wasn't a virgin himself, or if he wanted a virgin girl who would magically fall into bed with him on the 3rd date, then that seems exploitative, unrealistic and creepy, but if he has the same rules for himself then it's really just about compatibility. I personally think there are more important things to consider in a mate, but hey, that's his prerogative to decide...

Edited January 14, 2016 by Elswyth

[searching1992]

What about online dating? You can state your preferences on your profile, which seems easier than trolling area churches or nightclubs. OLD sometimes gets a bad rap, but I feel like in your situation, it's ideal. Makes sorting through the haystack a little easier, no?

 

I would also argue against the notion of turning to a conservative, devout, non-Christian culture to find a woman. I mean, what do you want, an eventual wife or a pure, virginal bride? I can understand you wanting to find a *woman* who's *chosen*, like yourself, to keep her purity in tact, but to try and find a young, unspoiled girl for the simple virtue of virginity sounds creepy. I feel like (unintentional or not) the underlying tone in a lot of these posts suggests that women somehow can't control themselves. That they're either sexually incline, or can only be kept away from men via a strict, societal code and threat of violence from their families (a la, the Middle East and India). Yet I don't think that's true, plus it's unfair—humans are all sexual beings, and while it's not easy to hold off, there are people of all genders who do, for a variety of reasons.

 

Anyway, now I'm really curious to know what you'd see a dating relationship and an eventual marriage looking like. What kind of woman, other than a gorgeous virgin, are you after? I knew at least a few women—of legal age!—at the church(es) I used to attend who, out of their obedience to God and their desire for purity, remained chaste until marriage. I hope that's the reason you've chosen to wait, and I sure as hell hope you're looking for an equal in that regard—a woman who's chosen this for herself, not because she's proverbially locked away by her strict father.

 

Like I said, try the online thing. You can get really niche on there.

 

If I explore a different culture, it would be a more strict Christian one like the Philippines. Or, perhaps finding one of the minority Christian groups in the Middle East. I agree it would be problematic to have a marriage with someone totally different.

 

As to what my marriage would look like? Well, I'm somewhat flexible on that. But, I think a lot of the things I want are fairly common. Someone to talk over problems/moral quandaries with, someone to build a life with, go to church with, ect....So, ideally someone with similar enough life goals and the like.

 

I'm actually on a couple online dating sites. No luck so far, but I plan to keep trying. I figure I'll both look in real life and use dating sites.

[GunslingerRoland]

I would also argue against the notion of turning to a conservative, devout, non-Christian culture to find a woman. ...I feel like (unintentional or not) the underlying tone in a lot of these posts suggests that women somehow can't control themselves. That they're either sexually incline, or can only be kept away from men via a strict, societal code and threat of violence from their families (a la, the Middle East and India). Yet I don't think that's true, plus it's unfair—humans are all sexual beings, and while it's not easy to hold off, there are people of all genders who do, for a variety of reasons.

 

 

For me that wasn't my intention by bringing up Eastern societies. It's more a matter of cultural norms than it is about threat of violence.

 

 

I know a lot of white Christian women. Most of the women I know are Christian. And basically none of them waited for marriage for sex. (let alone making out)

 

 

I also know women from other cultures, and most of them did wait.

 

 

The man started this thread because he wants to learn how to improve his odds of winning the lottery, I'm just trying to think outside of the box here.

[GunslingerRoland]

GunslingerRoland, I'll keep in mind that maybe looking at clubs isn't the worst idea. The few times I've been to clubs it really did not seem like a place a virgin would go, though. .

 

 

Where do virgins go? Many women I know went to clubs when they were still a virgin. Although it is different here in Canada because you can drink/club at 18.

 

 

Here is another Canadian anecdote for you. Here you have a choice of two types of free public schools. Catholic school or plain public. The Catholic school is where those who are Catholic or sometimes from other Christian denominations go. The public school is where others go. I went to the public system, my wife went to the Catholic system. Guess which system had way higher incidence of teenage sex and teenage pregnancy.... yep the Catholic one.

 

 

Your theory that people in Christian churches are more likely to be virgins is very flawed.

 

 

Last time I went to church the only 18-25 year old women there were the same women you'd see at the club, wearing the same types of dresses you'd see at the club.

[searching1992]

Where do virgins go? Many women I know went to clubs when they were still a virgin. Although it is different here in Canada because you can drink/club at 18.

 

 

Here is another Canadian anecdote for you. Here you have a choice of two types of free public schools. Catholic school or plain public. The Catholic school is where those who are Catholic or sometimes from other Christian denominations go. The public school is where others go. I went to the public system, my wife went to the Catholic system. Guess which system had way higher incidence of teenage sex and teenage pregnancy.... yep the Catholic one.

 

 

Your theory that people in Christian churches are more likely to be virgins is very flawed.

 

 

Last time I went to church the only 18-25 year old women there were the same women you'd see at the club, wearing the same types of dresses you'd see at the club.

 

The difference between your example and my situation is that I'm looking for girls who choose to spend their time in church. Not kids whose parents force them to go to Catholic high school. If you're choosing an active church life, you're more likely to be waiting until marriage. Also, they still might have been having lesscsex at tge Catholic school but they were uneducated about birth control. The other reason I think my chances are better in church is that most of the girls I've come across who were still virgins (regardless of attractiveness) were very religious.

 

Anyway, like I said before, simply dating 18-19 or 20 year olds might be the best option for me. Then, hope they like me enough to wait until marriage. Like you said, you knew a lot of virgins who went to clubs at 18. The problem is that 18 year olds can't get into clubs here.