Difficulty due to very Specific Preferences

[searching1992]

I don't think it'll be "one day," that you just decide to change your mind, but if you're single and 28, or single and 33, I doubt you'll be saying the same things. It's a process.

 

Anyway, good luck to you.

 

Like I said, it's possible. It just doesn't seem likely. I've met a few guys who wanted only a virgin in their early 20s and still want one now that they're in their late 20s and early 30s. I tend to think I'll be like them.

 

As far as bending my preferences, I have said it is possible I would bend on a girl having made out. It would be tough and I don't think I would ever be completely okay with it, but maybe I could bend.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Don't the Duggars still have some unmarried daughters in the family?

[normal person]

For not trying to be mean, that was pretty mean. It's fine, though. My desires are specific and rare. I already know that. They are what they are. I didn't choose them on a whim. I've thought them over for years and have reached this point. If other people think I'm strange for it, that's on them. Not me. If it repels a girl, she's not the girl for me, anyway.

 

[...]

 

As I feared, it seems the thread is turning more into trying to lead me away from looking for what I'm looking for. As I said from the beginning, I'm really just looking for advice about where to find such a woman.

 

Sorry if it was harsh, but that's the way I'd want someone to explain it to me if I were you. You're right, we're not here to debate whether or not it's a viable approach, we're here just to tell you where to find someone like this. As I've said, I think your standards prevent you from finding just about anyone really, so they are the most the most detrimental thing to your search. It's not like you're asking asking "where should I go to find a smart girl?" it's like you're asking "where should I go to get struck by lightning twice?" It's just a near impossibility with all your parameters.

 

Some girls might be in a church but most probably won't fit your incredibly stringent criteria. If there was some place where gorgeous, anti-kissing, virgins hang out ("They all get together at Denny's on Main Street on the first Thursday of every month!"), you'd have your answer by now.

 

Such a place doesn't exist in western culture. You're not going to find a girl like this in Chicago or New Jersey or wherever you're from. You'll specifically have to research communities in places with ultra-abstinent religious sects (Mormons kiss so don't bother with Utah). You're going to have to look in Muslim communities as that's one with little to no interaction between men and women before marriage. The caveat is you'll probably have to convert to Islam to be considered. Try moving to Dearborn, Michigan. They have a large Muslim population.

 

Best of luck.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Like I said, it's possible. It just doesn't seem likely. I've met a few guys who wanted only a virgin in their early 20s and still want one now that they're in their late 20s and early 30s. I tend to think I'll be like them.

 

As far as bending my preferences, I have said it is possible I would bend on a girl having made out. It would be tough and I don't think I would ever be completely okay with it, but maybe I could bend.

 

I actually had the same mentality that you did in my early 20s...but not necessarily the woman having to be a virgin, but more so I was willing to wait until marriage if the woman was or something to that effect. But...that was only of the mind of if I had gotten married in my early 20s...like a lot of my friends did. I was kind of hyped up about it since a lot of my college mates were getting wedding dates set tot he women they met in college, but somehow it didn't turn out that way...as destiny would have it.

 

When I got to my mid-20's I was thinking, "What if I wind up never getting married or getting married much older?" You'll probably start teetering the scales a bit like I did, but...if you do get married...young...then more power to you. :-)

 

Just saying, as you age though and you wind up not marrying...you're preferences may adjust.

[TheTraveler]

Like I said, it's possible. It just doesn't seem likely. I've met a few guys who wanted only a virgin in their early 20s and still want one now that they're in their late 20s and early 30s. I tend to think I'll be like them.

 

As far as bending my preferences, I have said it is possible I would bend on a girl having made out. It would be tough and I don't think I would ever be completely okay with it, but maybe I could bend.

 

GL OP. I recommend going to church and going hard that you like being there. At your age, you can find someone, but you better get your ass to church asap. Because as you get older the type of woman you are looking for will run out.

[No_Go]

Funnily I see the point in your request.

 

I'm always mind boggled when people made out, engaged in mutual masturbation, oral sex!, anal sex!! and think they are virgins

 

I made out for the first time at 27, literally 3 days before my first sexual experience (intercourse and the rest). I never kissed a guy before then in any shape or form. For me if I'm ready to kiss, I'll go for sex too.

 

I was NOT religious whatsoever. Just personal choice to prioritize other stuff first, men later.

 

My current BF was nearly virgin when we met (he was 37, had I partner before me, at 36). But in his case he waited for religious reasons.

 

We have a very active, healthy sex life despite being late bloomers according to most people. We are not each other firsts (I'm 2nd for him; he is 3rd for me, 4th kissing partner ). If we've met in our 20s though, your scenario for full exclusivity would have been feasible.

 

PS I start having sex at 27 almost as a revenge to a guy that betrayed me. Else this man would have been my first and last kiss, sex etc partner, but he chose a divorcee 10 years older than me that was the ex of his best friend .... Different people different priorities I guess

 

 

With great hesitation, I'll provide a little more background information. This isn't to start an argument about it with anyone. It is only for context. I'm not looking to be challenged.

 

As stated before, my stance is partly religious. But, that's only part of it. Like I said before, I think it is most special when both partners are each others' only partners. It's more exclusive if you've only exclusively done sexual things (including making out) with one another. I believe this exclusivity to be special and desire it strongly. This is something I've reasoned out for myself. That's why I said I'm only partly motivated by religion, since this stance isn't exactly laid out in any religion I've been part of.

 

Furthermore, this is why I would be okay with a girl who just happens to still be a virgin. We could still have the exclusivity I view as special even if she doesn't share my views. That being said, I strongly prefer a girl who is waiting until marriage herself.

 

I'm not sure this context allows for any new types of advice about where to find a gorgeous virgin, but I nonetheless have chosen to give more context for those who desire it.

Edited January 19, 2016 by No_Go

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Try Eastern Europe. The women will probably appeal to your physical preference. Also, you might have a better chance finding someone with similar religious views regarding intimacy and marriage.

 

However, if you are determined to meet someone of your own nationality then you need to step up your involvement in church events, and not just locally, but all over the country. I'm talking seminars (especially ones targeted at your age bracket about marriage and abstinence), Christian concerts, camps, and retreats. It might also be worth taking some theology courses.

 

Basically do anything that will give you the opportunity to meet as many like-minded Christian women as possible. They might not be the one, but you never know, they might just know the one you are after.

[searching1992]

Try Eastern Europe. The women will probably appeal to your physical preference. Also, you might have a better chance finding someone with similar religious views regarding intimacy and marriage.

 

However, if you are determined to meet someone of your own nationality then you need to step up your involvement in church events, and not just locally, but all over the country. I'm talking seminars (especially ones targeted at your age bracket about marriage and abstinence), Christian concerts, camps, and retreats. It might also be worth taking some theology courses.

 

Basically do anything that will give you the opportunity to meet as many like-minded Christian women as possible. They might not be the one, but you never know, they might just know the one you are after.

Interesting suggestions. I wouldn't have considered looking into retreats and seminars across the country. Do they really have seminars about abstinence? I'll have to look into these ideas more.

[GunslingerRoland]

Eastern European women are very gorgeous, but in my experience their morals are pretty similar to western women with regards to sex.

[introverted1]

My daughter is 23 and a virgin. It is certainly not something she was exhorted to be when she was growing up (her siblings have not chosen that path). I think she would identify as Christian if she had to check off a box on a form, but she is not particularly religious. Her reasons for remaining a virgin until marriage are personal, not religious. She's had 3 bfs. The current one is also a virgin and an atheist.

 

Unicorns exist!

[normal person]

My daughter is 23 and a virgin. It is certainly not something she was exhorted to be when she was growing up (her siblings have not chosen that path). I think she would identify as Christian if she had to check off a box on a form, but she is not particularly religious. Her reasons for remaining a virgin until marriage are personal, not religious. She's had 3 bfs. The current one is also a virgin and an atheist.

 

Unicorns exist!

 

OP is looking for not just for a virgin, but one that's never done more than "light kissing." So in other words, he needs a unicorn that can fly, lick its own elbow, and poop out winning lottery tickets.

[introverted1]

OP is looking for not just for a virgin, but one that's never done more than "light kissing." So in other words, he needs a unicorn that can fly, lick its own elbow, and poop out winning lottery tickets.

 

I'll have to ask her. Although I'm pretty sure I'd have heard about the lottery tickets by now. :D

[AMJ]

I've had the worst day and really needed this post! This is fun, can I play?

 

I'm looking for a man who looks exactly like Jason Statham, yes with the sexy British accent, but is as funny as Jimmy Fallon or Chris Pratt. Actually, it's okay if he looks like Chris Pratt too. Anyway he also needs to be really smart, successful....can he be a doctor? Or like a Bruce Wayne type who inherited a fortune and gets to be Batman every night? Because I'm really turned on by heroes. Most of all he should be crazy about me and think I'm the most gorgeous desirable woman on earth. I want a unicorn, too.

[LookAtThisPOst]

...and poop out winning lottery tickets.

 

Hopefully without the poop stains. lol

[AMJ]

Just because you desire something doesn't make it right or rational.

 

I'm curious if personality factors at all into the type of woman you're looking for? Are you concerned at all about an emotional connection, an intellectual connection, common values, common sense of humor, etc? I'm only asking because you are so young, and you don't yet realize that looks will fade. When you find your gorgeous virgin princess, and decide to love her for the rest of your life, you do realize that she won't be so gorgeous and virginal forever?

 

Divorce is so common, especially among people who get married young, like you plan to do. You may want to consider that you just have a virgin fetish, and will just keep searching for the next young virgin. If I were dating you, that's what I'd be worried about. As a female, it's hard not to be creeped out by your posts.

 

All in all, the type of woman you're describing will just be generally very young, and very innocent. You might find her in a high school?

[sweet honeydew]

okay, I was that girl years ago. :-) Let's see, where would you have found me?

1. Now, the key is culture and family value. So you will find me in Asia in a conservative family. You won't see me directly. You will have to connect with my family who will semi-arrange our dating and marriage.

2. I was told to study hard. You will often find me in library.

3. You won't find me in clubs. Actually you won't even find me shopping. I am either home or school.

 

 

so, I suggest you go abroad to study, do missionary work, or go to Asia to teach English. According to westerners, we are almost all beautiful there. Aim for younger girls, but impress her family/friends is the key.

Of course, there would be different kind of problems after you get married. but that's a separate thread. You have to understand, when you marry young, people change.

Oh, let's also not forget, DO pray to God to protect your future wife and send her your way. Good luck!!

[searching1992]

I'm curious if personality factors at all into the type of woman you're looking for? Are you concerned at all about an emotional connection, an intellectual connection, common values, common sense of humor, etc? I'm only asking because you are so young, and you don't yet realize that looks will fade. When you find your gorgeous virgin princess, and decide to love her for the rest of your life, you do realize that she won't be so gorgeous and virginal forever?

 

Divorce is so common, especially among people who get married young, like you plan to do. You may want to consider that you just have a virgin fetish, and will just keep searching for the next young virgin. If I were dating you, that's what I'd be worried about. As a female, it's hard not to be creeped out by your posts.

 

All in all, the type of woman you're describing will just be generally very young, and very innocent. You might find her in a high school?

I realize looks will fade. Like I said in my original post, I'm obviously not looking for only beauty and virginity. I don't have a virgin fetish. Wanting her to be a virgin stems from wanting us to be each others' only partners. It doesn't come from wanting to sleep with a ton of virgins. Also, it's not as though I'm planning to marry at 18. I'm already 23 and won't marry for at least another few years. I'm not really going to be all that young when I marry. I assume you're joking about looking in a high school, right? I don't want to date children. Given, it's legal to date a 17 year old where I live and that could be a senior or junior in high school, but still.

 

I get you think I'm unrealistic. But, honestly, the notion I'm looking for something impossible to find is being a bit overplayed on here. I've come across decent women who haven't kissed before. Trying to up the ante to her being gorgeous isn't that crazy to me.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I've come across decent women who haven't kissed before.

 

So how come you haven't dated them? Or have you gave them a shot?

[GunslingerRoland]

I don't have any doubts that you can meet at least a handful of women that match your criteria. The issue is that you've narrowed the population down to a handful based on two "superficial" criteria. That is without ever meeting the women to see if there is any compatibility, and that you are what they are looking for too.

 

 

I do honestly wish you luck, I just think you're setting yourself up for failure by doing too much narrowing based on less important things.

[AMJ]

I realize looks will fade. Like I said in my original post, I'm obviously not looking for only beauty and virginity.

 

I get you think I'm unrealistic. But, honestly, the notion I'm looking for something impossible to find is being a bit overplayed on here. I've come across decent women who haven't kissed before. Trying to up the ante to her being gorgeous isn't that crazy to me.

 

I guess, the point is that there are tradeoffs. You may ultimately have to decide which is more important- virginity OR beauty. If you've already met decent women who are virgins, but they weren't who you were looking for, it sounds like beauty is not your tradeoff. Physical beauty is temporary while a person's virtue is not, but that's something you need to sort out on your own. This all may not sound that "crazy to you", but it does sound that crazy to everyone else.

 

Just like you may think it sounds crazy to look for your future bride in high school, I'm saying, that's likely the only place you will find a gorgeous virgin. I was a gorgeous virgin in high school. I had three really overprotective brothers who would have killed any of their friends for trying to touch me- and a few of those guys tried anyway.

 

If a girl is gorgeous, it's likely to assume that you won't be the first attractive guy she's ever met in her whole life. By the time she's 23, likely lots of other men will have tried to date her, seduce her, love her, whatever.

 

It's a really beautiful notion to lose your virginity to the person you end up with forever. Most people don't want to admit that, because it's so far from anyone's reality. I know a few couples from high school who actually are still together, and as far as I know, have only slept with each other. It's really sweet to think about...but then I also think, wow, what a boring sex life they must have. Neither of them have any idea what they are doing.

 

I don't think anyone has mentioned this yet, and maybe sex just isn't that important to you- which is okay. But not sleeping with someone before marriage is a little scary for most people I know. That's because it's really possible to have the best chemistry with someone yet no physical chemistry. Just something to think about.

[introverted1]

Hopefully without the poop stains. lol

 

Think of all the hand sanitizer you could buy with the winning ticket!

[AMJ]

I was raised Catholic and had a crazy mother who loved to scare the hell out of me about men and sex. I made out with I think 3 different guys in all four years of high school, and kissing was definitely a big deal to me at the time. By common social standards, I was a complete prude and tease, and this was 15 years ago.

 

By the time I got to college I was the ONLY virgin I knew. Everyone made me feel like I was missing out on life. I just wanted to wait for love, not marriage. I finally found it, and then it was disappointing. Ha. I've never heard a single woman say her first time having sex was enjoyable, at all.

 

Have you ever made out with a woman?

[searching1992]

GunslingerRoland, it just comes down to the fact that those two criteria aren't unimportant to me. Everyone is different in regards to what is important to them in a partner. There might be something important to you that I find trivial. If I fail in looking for what I'm looking for, I'll have failed trying to find what will make me happy. Thank you for wishing me luck.

 

LookAtThisPost, I meant to type "decent looking." I didn't go after them since they were only decent (average) looking.

 

AMJ, I totally agree I should go after younger girls. I would date a freshmen or sophomore in college without hesitation. I'm just not sure I have to go as far as roaming the high schools for 17 year old students there. And, no, I haven't made out with a girl before. I'm waiting until marriage for that.

[LookAtThisPOst]

aren't unimportant

 

Is that the same thing as saying it is important?

 

I didn't go after them since they were only decent (average) looking.

 

You would probably need to go with dating them probably because that's the best you could likely do.

[AMJ]

Do you have difficulty with intimacy in general? Do you think kissing, cuddling, and other forms of physical affection are enjoyable or threatening?

 

I'm also curious how this subject comes up when dating a girl. Do you ask her on the first date if she's ever made out with someone, or is still a virgin? Do you ask these questions before even asking her out on a date? And what types of responses do you get from women when you ask these questions?