Brapting Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 (edited) I am speaking a little in hypotheticals here: Man shows interest in female friend. Female friend 'brushes off' man. Man immediately takes it in his stride and continues to be confident, relaxed, upbeat and self assured (there is no in-between where the guy is visibly reeling from the rejection). Man interacts with the female respectfully and friendly like with no hard feelings. Female becomes quite bitchy, mean and disrespectful towards the guy. She calls the guy out in front of other people and generally tries to portray him as worthless. My question is why would a woman behave like this? She brushed him off so surely she has no right to feel and act like this? Does she not understand that her judgement is just her judgment. It has nothing to do with objective reality, the guys opinion of himself and other people's opinion of him. Why would a woman try to sabotage a man like this after she had done the rejecting? Edited January 9, 2016 by Brapting Link to post Share on other sites
campeo Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 It's not worth analyzing the reasons why. Like you said, it's her, not the other person. Don't just say it, believe it. And be thankful she rejected them, because someone who acts like that is likely to be verbally abusive in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Wewon Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Regarding why... She most likely took being asked out as crossing some kind of unspoken boundary. She may have taken his relaxed attitude after rejection as some sort of sign that he hadn't gotten the point or worse that she didn't have enough of an impact. Let's face it, her reaction was pretty irrational, its like trying to explain a phobia. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Maybe someone recently rejected her, so she's pissed of that this guy likes her instead of the guy she wants. Or since this is supposedly a "friend," she might want to make it absolutely clear that it's never going to happen. This is her way of trying to get the guy to dislike her. (Would be a real s***** way though) Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 I've come across women like this. They actually jump to conclusions that you'll keep pursuing her regardless based on your interaction with her from now on. Even if you open her mouth to her, she'll think you'll be making another pass at her. Yes, there are some women presumptuous to think this. Others, will attempt to exploit this as, "Ah, he likes me...I'll call him to chat with him or be his shoulder to cry on, when I need him or just an ego stroke." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Saracena Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Let's face it, her reaction was pretty irrational, its like trying to explain a phobia. Absolutely. OP what exactly do you mean by 'showing interest'? Brushing him off? I can only hazard a guess here but perhaps she's annoyed he's not acting more upset at her 'brushing him off'. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 I am speaking a little in hypotheticals here: Man shows interest in female friend. Female friend 'brushes off' man. Man immediately takes it in his stride and continues to be confident, relaxed, upbeat and self assured (there is no in-between where the guy is visibly reeling from the rejection). Man interacts with the female respectfully and friendly like with no hard feelings. Female becomes quite bitchy, mean and disrespectful towards the guy. She calls the guy out in front of other people and generally tries to portray him as worthless. My question is why would a woman behave like this? She brushed him off so surely she has no right to feel and act like this? Does she not understand that her judgement is just her judgment. It has nothing to do with objective reality, the guys opinion of himself and other people's opinion of him. Why would a woman try to sabotage a man like this after she had done the rejecting? What you are considering friendly and respectful interaction, she is considering creepy and intrusive. My suggestion is stay out of her airspace. If you get labeled as a creeper by a woman in your social circle, the other women follow suit. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brapting Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 What you are considering friendly and respectful interaction, she is considering creepy and intrusive. My suggestion is stay out of her airspace. If you get labeled as a creeper by a woman in your social circle, the other women follow suit. Lol. Are you saying that I should pretend to be more disappointed by the rejection. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brapting Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 Absolutely. OP what exactly do you mean by 'showing interest'? Brushing him off? I can only hazard a guess here but perhaps she's annoyed he's not acting more upset at her 'brushing him off'. Sending the odd text message...lighthearted, asking how she is (just general chat). She just stopped replying (ignoring me). For what it is worth, the girl in question approaches me to talk after the event to be friendly and chat (and even acts flirtatiously at points). I do not approach her. I could be all pi$$y and avoidant...be annoyed with her and demonstrate it to her. But I don't, I just carry on as normal and assume that my texts were no big deal anyway...they (and her choice to ignore them and me) are not even mentioned. She then engages in the 'dissing' behavior when in front of an audience. I have not acted disrespectful or overly forward with her. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 (edited) I will tell you why...she feels lied to/deceived, that the friendship was a sham. You used friendship as a cloak so you could get closer to her. How do I know? because that is exactly how I felt, when guys pretended to be my friend. I treated them like crap to eliminate those feelings they had for me. Edited January 9, 2016 by smackie9 7 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 My advice....stay out of her orbit. Link to post Share on other sites
Poppygoodwill Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 I will tell you why...she feels lied to/deceived, that the friendship was a sham. You used friendship as a cloak so you could get closer to her. How do I know? because that is exactly how I felt, when guys pretended to be my friend. I treated them like crap to eliminate those feelings they had for me. I agree...because I too have had the situation where a guy whom I thought was just a friend suddenly declared himself to me and I felt a bit tricked. Funny, I was just talking to a girlfriend about this yesterday and sharing stories when it had happened to her too a few times. She also had the same reaction: yuk. So she's probably trying to send a clear message. She was acting like a friend to you, and (from her point of view) you somehow misinterpreted that as something more than friendship. So chances are she doens't trust that you're going to get the message she's not interested unless she's over the top. I'd say that you should suck it up and accept that you made an awkward move and give her a chance to see you're sincerely backing off and there's no problem. Give it some time. and the next time you like someone, make it clear from the beginning you're interested; it's much safer that way and won't risk your friendship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brapting Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 (edited) I agree...because I too have had the situation where a guy whom I thought was just a friend suddenly declared himself to me and I felt a bit tricked. Funny, I was just talking to a girlfriend about this yesterday and sharing stories when it had happened to her too a few times. She also had the same reaction: yuk. So she's probably trying to send a clear message. She was acting like a friend to you, and (from her point of view) you somehow misinterpreted that as something more than friendship. So chances are she doens't trust that you're going to get the message she's not interested unless she's over the top. I'd say that you should suck it up and accept that you made an awkward move and give her a chance to see you're sincerely backing off and there's no problem. Give it some time. and the next time you like someone, make it clear from the beginning you're interested; it's much safer that way and won't risk your friendship. Lol. The $hit that women get funny about. It's my fault now for taking a liking to her after we had become acquainted? I cant see that there was anything wrong in me expressing my interest after we had become friendly and I find it odd that women (or anyone for that matter) would pigeon hole someone as either a friend or a romantic partner (unless the issue was specifically raised). I just saw her as an attractive person with the possibility that something could happen. Even if she had 'friend zoned' me. I find it unusual that she continued to pay me excessive attention, with a lot of arm touching etc even after I had tried to back off after she ignored me. This is partly why I was so surprised with her 'dissing'. I cant see anything wrong with treating each other friendly and respectfully, even with the perceived rejection. All of this aside, the ignoring and 'dissing' is a very peculiar way of resolving the situation. Normally mature adults are upfront. They address something and move on. Indeed, I had mentally addressed the situation in my own head and had switched to being friendly and agreeable after she initially ignored my messages...but I guess at least I know what kind of person that I am dealing with now. Edited January 9, 2016 by Brapting Link to post Share on other sites
Saracena Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Sending the odd text message...lighthearted, asking how she is (just general chat). She just stopped replying (ignoring me). For what it is worth, the girl in question approaches me to talk after the event to be friendly and chat (and even acts flirtatiously at points). I do not approach her.. So this is all you did? Not declared feelings or made a pass at her? In that case I wonder if the perceived (rather strange to say the least) 'reaction' is due to something else entirely. I'd have a think about that. When all is said and done this on its own would be enough to put me off her completely. Not so nice behaviour at all! Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Yeah common mistake dude. Trying to warm up to a woman in "friendship" never ends well. I mean it may seem obvious to us that we like a woman and are taking our time. But they somehow always manage to feel blindsided. One thing I've learned in my years of experience is that you should separate women into two categories. 1) Women you want to date that you ask out right away. 2) Women you're fine being actual friends with that you never pursue. But to add to the topic, the one area I think women get it wrong in rejection is when they do it with compliments. I think why some guys keep getting rejected over and over is these compliments re-enforce bad behavior. I mean think about it. A guy is told by countless women how nice, great, wonderful, etc he is. That he'll make some other lucky woman happy. Yet he never has any luck. Imagine if a few of those women had been tactfully honest and given advice on what they're actually attracted to. So my advice to women rejecting a guy would be not to say how nice he is, etc.. Just be tactfully direct and honest. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Don't mock us, we are trying to give you some insight. She may have not felt "tricked" at all, since you said you were just "acquaintances". The dissing can be her way of making sure you don't approach her about it again and I know why, trust me on this, from my experience there were A LOT of guys that did not take no for an answer when I just carried on like nothing happened. We get a lot of threads on here of guys saying "she is still nice to me, I don't get it that she said no to me. Do I still have a chance? What can I do to change this? I still think there is hope if she spends more time with me." UUUUUGGGGHHHH! You may feel our way of thinking is way off, but you are not being perused all the time. It's a different pair of shoes, that men can't wear. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brapting Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 So this is all you did? Not declared feelings or made a pass at her? In that case I wonder if the perceived (rather strange to say the least) 'reaction' is due to something else entirely. I'd have a think about that. When all is said and done this on its own would be enough to put me off her completely. Not so nice behaviour at all! I do not deny that I have made mistakes that I want to address for the future. Namely that (as another poster has mentioned) I need to perhaps express my intentions more directly, earlier...rather than indirectly trying to initiate chat. However, all of this aside, her behaviour is making me think that either: 1.) She has decided that I am a 'loser', that this is the reason for her rejection and that she is so insecure, that she needs everyone else (including me) to believe in my own lack of value and worth so that she can justify the choice to herself and feel that she has made the right decision. 2.) She wants to groom me as an 'orbiter' 3.) She thinks that she is the best thing since sliced bread and she is annoyed that I am not devastated by her 'brush off' 4.) She is trying to 'put me off' 5.) She is trying to 'game' me 6.) She is just a rude, immature, judgemental and unpleasant person ...none of these are good and I should probably be thanking my lucky stars that I dodged the bullet! Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Yeah common mistake dude. Trying to warm up to a woman in "friendship" never ends well. I mean it may seem obvious to us that we like a woman and are taking our time. But they somehow always manage to feel blindsided. One thing I've learned in my years of experience is that you should separate women into two categories. 1) Women you want to date that you ask out right away. 2) Women you're fine being actual friends with that you never pursue. But to add to the topic, the one area I think women get it wrong in rejection is when they do it with compliments. I think why some guys keep getting rejected over and over is these compliments re-enforce bad behavior. I mean think about it. A guy is told by countless women how nice, great, wonderful, etc he is. That he'll make some other lucky woman happy. Yet he never has any luck. Imagine if a few of those women had been tactfully honest and given advice on what they're actually attracted to. So my advice to women rejecting a guy would be not to say how nice he is, etc.. Just be tactfully direct and honest. Be honest to a guy??? There is a reason why we don't. There is a backlash that can be pretty fierce. Being blunt honest has got me called b*&^%, sl*&, whore, FU I know nothing, etc. I even had bad reactions even trying to sugarcoat things. We just can't win. That is why you see women choosing to ghost, or flake, it's to avoid being trashed on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 I do not deny that I have made mistakes that I want to address for the future. Namely that (as another poster has mentioned) I need to perhaps express my intentions more directly, earlier...rather than indirectly trying to initiate chat. However, all of this aside, her behaviour is making me think that either: 1.) She has decided that I am a 'loser', that this is the reason for her rejection and that she is so insecure, that she needs everyone else (including me) to believe in my own lack of value and worth so that she can justify the choice to herself and feel that she has made the right decision. 2.) She wants to groom me as an 'orbiter' 3.) She thinks that she is the best thing since sliced bread and she is annoyed that I am not devastated by her 'brush off' 4.) She is trying to 'put me off' 5.) She is trying to 'game' me 6.) She is just a rude, immature, judgemental and unpleasant person ...none of these are good and I should probably be thanking my lucky stars that I dodged the bullet! I think what the women here are saying though is that the reason why she's acting that way is because you weren't honest about your intentions. So while she may behaving that way towards you, it doesn't mean she's rude, judgemental, rude, etc in general. It's just towards you because you tried to be her "friend" instead of being honest from the start. So really dude, it's on you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 I do not deny that I have made mistakes that I want to address for the future. Namely that (as another poster has mentioned) I need to perhaps express my intentions more directly, earlier...rather than indirectly trying to initiate chat. However, all of this aside, her behaviour is making me think that either: 1.) She has decided that I am a 'loser', that this is the reason for her rejection and that she is so insecure, that she needs everyone else (including me) to believe in my own lack of value and worth so that she can justify the choice to herself and feel that she has made the right decision. 2.) She wants to groom me as an 'orbiter' 3.) She thinks that she is the best thing since sliced bread and she is annoyed that I am not devastated by her 'brush off' 4.) She is trying to 'put me off' 5.) She is trying to 'game' me 6.) She is just a rude, immature, judgemental and unpleasant person ...none of these are good and I should probably be thanking my lucky stars that I dodged the bullet! Hey whatever gets you through the rejection..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brapting Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 from my experience there were A LOT of guys that did not take no for an answer We get a lot of threads on here of guys saying "she is still nice to me, I don't get it that she said no to me. Do I still have a chance? What can I do to change this? I still think there is hope if she spends more time with me." UUUUUGGGGHHHH! For the record, she never specifically said no. She just used ambiguous and indirect cues. If more women learnt how to respectfully but directly express their lack of interest to guys when they appeared to be expressing an interest, maybe less guys would be posting this issue on the forum...but I guess its a different pair of shoes that women cant wear. Also, I think its pretty presumptuous of women to interpret friendliness and respect as something conceited after a rejection. Even my texts wern't that obvious in their tone and content...they could easily be interpreted otherwise. 9 times of a 10...a woman ain't that special and there are plenty other alternatives out there...this shouldn't stop a guy being pleasant to the rejecting woman. and for what it was worth, she flirted with me! Even after she had ignored me. If women want to avoid these kind of situations...perhaps they should lay of the flirting after rejecting! Either way, I am going to continue being friendly, relaxed and confident in her presence. Why not imply that it was her that interpreted my intentions wrong...for $hits and giggles? Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 I will tell you why...she feels lied to/deceived, that the friendship was a sham. You used friendship as a cloak so you could get closer to her. How do I know? because that is exactly how I felt, when guys pretended to be my friend. I treated them like crap to eliminate those feelings they had for me. I get this. It's why I don't hang out with women friends one-on-one. Only in groups. one-on-one with women is for dating. I just can't be one of those guys who spends time hanging with a woman hoping something will happen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Be honest to a guy??? There is a reason why we don't. There is a backlash that can be pretty fierce. Being blunt honest has got me called b*&^%, sl*&, whore, FU I know nothing, etc. I even had bad reactions even trying to sugarcoat things. We just can't win. That is why you see women choosing to ghost, or flake, it's to avoid being trashed on. Well smackie, I did say "tactfully honest". Not blunt honest. There's a difference. I mean obviously if you're extremely blunt that can lead to backlash. Also, of course there are guys that aren't well adjusted and will throw temper tantrums. But I truly believe that the average guy that's well adjusted would rather have tactful honesty over some lame blow off cliche like being told how nice or wonderful he is. Let's say you had a date w/kiss permission guy. He asks to kiss you, you get turned off at the lack of confidence, and don't want to see him again. Then he asks you out. You simply say "I just didn't feel a connection. But for what it's worth, I wish you wouldn't have asked permission". Something like that gives helpful advice but isn't overly rude. At least that way he can improve for future women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 So damned if we do, and damned if we don't. The attitude will never change eh? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brapting Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 Hey whatever gets you through the rejection..... Lol. Don't worry about that. As with most, she ain't all that, and there are many to choose from. Onwards and upwards. Link to post Share on other sites
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