My ex has come back 7 years later - he's had a gf for 2.5 years

[redglass]

Hi all.

 

Apologies is this is in the wrong forum - Please move if so...

 

I'm not really sure where to start with this, but I'll try to be as direct and succinct as possible.

 

Seven years ago I was in a relationship with a man (12 years my senior). We were good friends before we became a couple and we were together for four years.

 

Two years into the relationship, my ex went to a gig and met another girl. He started texting her, I found out and needless to say this didn't go down very well. We stayed together and got over it - or, so I thought. Four years into the relationship, I became suspicious, checked his phone and found texts along the lines of 'I wish we'd ended up together.' 'I should have made a different choice at the time'... He admitted he had texted her during this time. It was incredibly hurtful and these texts spelled the end of our relationship.

 

Around three years ago, this ex got in touch to apologise, try to explain himself and asked to be friends. We talked, he failed to explain himself (obviously) but we have, to a degree, repaired our friendship to the point where we have seen each other five or six times and exchange news every few months. To give a bit of background info, I've been in a relationship for six years and I'm now happily engaged. My ex has been in his current relationship for 2.5 years.

 

So I was left rather surprised a few days ago when my ex sent me a long email with old (long forgotten, on my part) pictures of the two of us, asking me to leave my fiancé and be with him again. The email was long and I won't go into details, but it was a rather gushy declaration.

 

At this point I should probably point out that I've told my fiancé about all of this - we are in a very loving and open relationship. I replied to my ex with an honest and, I feel, pretty reasonable email outlining in no uncertain terms that we would never be getting back together. He replied basically saying OK and told me he would be staying with his current girlfriend.

 

I haven't replied to this message, but I feel incredibly irritated - it feels almost like I have become THAT woman who he messaged so dishonestly when we were a couple. I am rather surprised he emailed me like this in the first place - seven years later - and I do not appreciate it. Should I even bother to try to persuade him to come clean to his girlfriend? If I was his girlfriend, I would definitedly want to know - but I realise no good can come from me wading in. Telling her would surely be a disaster and I'm never going to come across well.

 

I was probably a total idiot becoming friends with him in the first place, and should probably just take a step back from this whole thing. I'd definitely welcome any thoughts??

[Darren Steez]

Dude's a toad. He took the friendship you gave him as a sign of weakness and tried to muscle in. I'd certainly send his GF the text then block him from your phone and be done with it.

 

You can imagine he probably does this alot. Poor girl might marry the slob and find out his true colours when it's too late.

[dreamingoftigers]

I agree with Darren.

 

He's not going to come clean to her EVER and you know exactly what this mindscrew is like. Forward the info to his gf and completely cut contact with this douche.

 

I have no idea what you mean that "no good will come from you wading in." He invited you in.

 

Now go shut that cheater-party now before he impregnates her and she's stuck. Otherwise, you're just enabling it.

[ExpatInItaly]

I would just send her the email (if you know how to contact her) and not reply to him any more. It's not your job to give him a conscience.

 

After that, I would cut him off forever. You don't need to stay in touch with a man who disrespects you and your relationship with your fiance.

[Space Ritual]

Hi all.

 

Apologies is this is in the wrong forum - Please move if so...

 

I'm not really sure where to start with this, but I'll try to be as direct and succinct as possible.

 

Seven years ago I was in a relationship with a man (12 years my senior). We were good friends before we became a couple and we were together for four years.

 

Two years into the relationship, my ex went to a gig and met another girl. He started texting her, I found out and needless to say this didn't go down very well. We stayed together and got over it - or, so I thought. Four years into the relationship, I became suspicious, checked his phone and found texts along the lines of 'I wish we'd ended up together.' 'I should have made a different choice at the time'... He admitted he had texted her during this time. It was incredibly hurtful and these texts spelled the end of our relationship.

 

Around three years ago, this ex got in touch to apologise, try to explain himself and asked to be friends. We talked, he failed to explain himself (obviously) but we have, to a degree, repaired our friendship to the point where we have seen each other five or six times and exchange news every few months. To give a bit of background info, I've been in a relationship for six years and I'm now happily engaged. My ex has been in his current relationship for 2.5 years.

 

So I was left rather surprised a few days ago when my ex sent me a long email with old (long forgotten, on my part) pictures of the two of us, asking me to leave my fiancé and be with him again. The email was long and I won't go into details, but it was a rather gushy declaration.

 

At this point I should probably point out that I've told my fiancé about all of this - we are in a very loving and open relationship. I replied to my ex with an honest and, I feel, pretty reasonable email outlining in no uncertain terms that we would never be getting back together. He replied basically saying OK and told me he would be staying with his current girlfriend.

 

I haven't replied to this message, but I feel incredibly irritated - it feels almost like I have become THAT woman who he messaged so dishonestly when we were a couple. I am rather surprised he emailed me like this in the first place - seven years later - and I do not appreciate it. Should I even bother to try to persuade him to come clean to his girlfriend? If I was his girlfriend, I would definitedly want to know - but I realise no good can come from me wading in. Telling her would surely be a disaster and I'm never going to come across well.

 

I was probably a total idiot becoming friends with him in the first place, and should probably just take a step back from this whole thing. I'd definitely welcome any thoughts??

 

You did nothing wrong.

 

This guy had buyers remorse more than once, and one of those times being when you were together.He is a creep who would love to get you in the sack again for his own purposes and contribute to screwing your current relationship up.

 

I can understand the thought of people wanting to be on friendly terms with an ex, although I don't personally believe it a good thing for a host of reasons that are not important to anyone but myself.

 

Sounds from what you have written that this guy is one of those that you would be best to simply discontinue having any type of friendship with. He will be more than happy to attempt to throw another monkey wrench into your engagement if he has the opportunity.

 

Good for you for telling your fiance all about it. That actually bodes well for how much you actually love him. So Kudos to you for keeping him in the loop. Many of us would have loved to have had our S.O. or spouse let us know if someone from their past was coming back into their lives like this instead of trying to deal with it on their own. It shows good character on your part.

 

Better safe than sorry. Cut this ex out of your life completely and block him. If you don't he will come back like a bad meal at a diner.

[Space Ritual]

I would just send her the email (if you know how to contact her) and not reply to him any more. It's not your job to give him a conscience.

 

After that, I would cut him off forever. You don't need to stay in touch with a man who disrespects you and your relationship with your fiance.

 

Agreed.

 

Let the other girlfriend know exactly what happened. she deserves to know who she is dating.

 

Remember how awful you felt OP when you discovered what he did to you? Imagine how you would feel if this guy married that poor girl and never had the chance to know who it was she was marrying?

[Popsicle]

Yes, take a step back from the whole thing. He will probably never contact you again.

[Lois_Griffin]

LOL. It's just more typical dirt bag behavior from a dirt bag.

 

 

He showed you years ago what a low life he is. Why should you be the least bit surprised that he's STILL a low life?

 

 

I wouldn't even think TWICE about forwarding that email to his latest victim that's he's been with for 2.5 years. I'd do it so fast his worthless lying head would spin.

[smackie9]

I am absolutely appalled at this guy. You have been victimized by him when you are with him, and now years later he has done it again. He falsely became your friend, and had the audacity to ask you to leave your fiance when you are happily engaged. He is a sick s hit.

 

I don't usually recommend letting the GF know BUT since he has victimized you (AGAIN), he needs a lesson taught that his behavior is unacceptable. DO IT, send her that email, whatever it takes.