Anybody consider they'll be alone for the rest of their lives?

[ZA Dater]

I can't make peace with it. The older I get, the more I desire a partner - but I am so far behind with so many hurdles to cross for me to get the partner I desire, that I feel like it is so hard to attain within the time I wish to attain it.

 

I want to love a young woman while I am young myself, and that is escaping me quickly - and it hurts.

 

I echo your sentiments completely.

[road]

Problem is not being alone.

 

 

Problem is people posting here complaining, yet not wiling to work on the changes in themselves needed to land a woman of their own.

[ZA Dater]

Problem is not being alone.

 

 

Problem is people posting here complaining, yet not wiling to work on the changes in themselves needed to land a woman of their own.

 

How does one work on oneself if I may ask, why should one need to work on oneself assuming one is slim, athletic, fit, intelligent and gainfully employed.

[Moy]

I wouldn't want one of those anyway, but if the best I can do is obese then Id rather have nothing.

 

Add to that the expectation on you to be fit and in shape in order to qualify as 'good enough' for the obese ones who have an interest in you.

[tasev1]

How does one work on oneself if I may ask, why should one need to work on oneself assuming one is slim, athletic, fit, intelligent and gainfully employed.

 

Because even those people have approach anxiety, can blank out when it comes to speaking with women. A man who is confident in a conference room making 500k per year can easily fall apart on a date.

 

You can throw MONEY at coaching, or be very self driven and determined to squeeze everything you can out of YouTube, then go practice it yourself hardcore.

 

Case in point: if I could afford it, I would hire a dating coach and a fitness/nutrition expert. The only thing I have right now is my guts to go out and try to practice what I CAN learn from YouTube.

[WaitingForBardot]

How does one work on oneself if I may ask, why should one need to work on oneself assuming one is slim, athletic, fit, intelligent and gainfully employed.

So you have clear evidence that being slim, athletic, fit, intelligent and gainfully employed is not your key problem with women. While you may need to work on yourself, first you need to keep working to identify your actual issue.

 

That being said though, one thing you might work on is your ability to recognize when women like/desire you. You can't do this by only talking to women you like and toward whom you feel romantically inclined. You need to talk to a large enough cross-section to get a real handle on it. And if none that you meet do (like you), you need to broaden your horizons.

 

I am not an especially desirable man to the average woman. However, I learned fairly young that I am in fact very desirable to specific women, and they themselves are pretty normally-distributed in terms of looks, personality, etc. The key for me was learning to recognize them and act accordingly.

[tasev1]

So you have clear evidence that being slim, athletic, fit, intelligent and gainfully employed is not your key problem with women. While you may need to work on yourself, first you need to keep working to identify your actual issue.

 

That being said though, one thing you might work on is your ability to recognize when women like/desire you. You can't do this by only talking to women you like and toward whom you feel romantically inclined. You need to talk to a large enough cross-section to get a real handle on it. And if none that you meet do (like you), you need to broaden your horizons.

 

I am not an especially desirable man to the average woman. However, I learned fairly young that I am in fact very desirable to specific women, and they themselves are pretty normally-distributed in terms of looks, personality, etc. The key for me was learning to recognize them and act accordingly.

 

Well said. That is where I am weak too - knowing if it is going well, reading body language, etc... You CAN get 9's and 10's, but like they say, your game has to be tight - and that will take years of work.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Well said. That is where I am weak too - knowing if it is going well, reading body language, etc... You CAN get 9's and 10's, but like they say, your game has to be tight - and that will take years of work.

 

Yup, I would say the only short-cut for a guy to have access to those types of women is be naturally born good looking

[ZA Dater]

So you have clear evidence that being slim, athletic, fit, intelligent and gainfully employed is not your key problem with women. While you may need to work on yourself, first you need to keep working to identify your actual issue.

 

That being said though, one thing you might work on is your ability to recognize when women like/desire you. You can't do this by only talking to women you like and toward whom you feel romantically inclined. You need to talk to a large enough cross-section to get a real handle on it. And if none that you meet do (like you), you need to broaden your horizons.

 

I am not an especially desirable man to the average woman. However, I learned fairly young that I am in fact very desirable to specific women, and they themselves are pretty normally-distributed in terms of looks, personality, etc. The key for me was learning to recognize them and act accordingly.

 

Sure the people who want me are ones I would never ever date. Just makes me feel ever less desirable.

 

Some people are beyond help I am one of them.

[ZA Dater]

Not meant to be though. I wasted my chances when in the top fifth of the crowd lookswise, and now I am somewhere in the lower tiers. Some pretty girls give me looks, but why bother with those when they can have anyone and know it.

 

Someone can be attractive just by giving them a chance. Making contact can over-ride your normal sense of what appeals. Chemistry can spiral and bonds can be made. And face it, once you get to 40s and 50s very few people have their looks left. May as well have someone for companionship and so not be dwelling on what could have been.

 

Most people out there have a kind heart... It's worth the effort. I can't make you change your mind but I can make you a bit more aware it's not as limited as you may want to assume.

 

Why should I give people a chance when I am not afforded the same courtesy?

 

I realised I wasted my life and its something I have to live with each and every waking day. More so when I see people walking down the sidewalk hand in hand or when I have to go and sit in a restaurant eating dinner on my own.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Why should I give people a chance when I am not afforded the same courtesy?

 

I realised I wasted my life and its something I have to live with each and every waking day. More so when I see people walking down the sidewalk hand in hand or when I have to go and sit in a restaurant eating dinner on my own.

 

That's why I think more people need to be deeply molded, psychologically drilled into their brain in their formative years that life, reality is NOT fair, and that includes the dating/mating game for humans, it would save or prevent a lot of frustration and depression, bitterness and resentment later on in life

[WaitingForBardot]

Sure the people who want me are ones I would never ever date. Just makes me feel ever less desirable.

...

So the problem is not that you don't attract some women, it's that you don't attract the ones you want, i.e., you're too choosy. This is of course your choice, but I don't really see the point of feeling sorry for yourself about it.

 

Why should I give people a chance when I am not afforded the same courtesy?

...

Perhaps because we should treat people the way we want to be treated?

[Robert]

Since this thread has drifted off-topic and the thread starter hasn't returned in a few days, we'll close this up for now. If the thread starter would like it reopened, they can use the Alert Us button on this post to let moderation know, and we will open it back up to replies.

 

Thank you for your participation. ~6