SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 If a man has tried everything to improve himself and he keeps getting turned down by women (never past the first date), is that a good reason to commit suicide? No, of course not. You just, reinvent your life and your standards, and do the best that you can from whichever level you're at. Suicide is for people who suddenly see their lives plunging from one level to another far below what they used to know... (and you can always recover, but it is the sudden plunge that SOME people can't deal with) Link to post Share on other sites
JustGettingBy Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 If I couldn't attract women because of a disability or because I looked like a cockroach, then I wouldn't be suicidal. The reason for rejection would be known. I'm a logical person. The majority of women aren't attracted to disabled people or guys that are ugly as sin. I'm suicidal because there's nothing inherently wrong with me. There's this mystical vibe that I just don't get and it depresses me because I can't fix it. I make people laugh, I start conversations and get people in groups to talk. Guys like hanging with me. But not women...I'm not worthy of a second date. I think this attitude is closer to what basil was talking about, the notion that people believe people with disabilities have something 'inherently wrong' with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Curious-One Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 Nice cliche but no cigar on this one. One in four people become seriously depressed in their lifetime, perhaps not over the exact same issue, but depression feels the same no matter the cause of it. I've been depressed to point of planning my own suicide. Hence why I think I can speak on the matter. It took me over 5yrs to come out of a 10yr depression cycle. Thats one third of my life feeling like the OP does. I've walked more than a mile in his shoes thanks. I also know that no matter what anyone writes here it's all going to feel like a 'sucks to be you' sentiment to the OP. He has lost perspective, that's what depression is all about. It's blowing a problem up huge by obsessing about it until life loses it's flavour in all directions and a sense of hopelessness sets in. I also know that when you are in a depressive cycle you are generally clueless about how you are coming off to other people and don't understand why others distance themselves. It feels like a conspiracy, unjust, unfair behaviour. Yet it's not until you are beyond depression that you see yourself in others and think.....of course! I wouldn't want to be around that either. What depressives generally do is argue their point until it's a dead stinking maggot infested horse. Whenever someone offers a solution or insight, they argue why that person is wrong. They don't move from their perspective or consider other points of view. They are wilfully intent on proving why their perspective is the right one. We've seen plenty of that in this thread. We all have our issues Buddhist. I am not saying that you were not depressed but just because you were depressed about one thing doesnt mean you understand how he really feels regarding this issue. What i am trying to say is that to you it might not seem like a big deal that he cant get a gf/wife but to him it means the world. I am sure starving kids in Africa would laugh at majority of our problems that cause us to be depressed. Either way we both agree that suicide is not the way out ...it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. OP i am sure plenty of women in foreign countries would kill to come live in USA with you. Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 I was responding to the comment that there's so much more to life than relationships. If that's true, why do people with millions of dollars keep getting married and dating someone new every month? They can do so much that the average person can't. Because why should they limit themselves if they can do more? It's not either/or. They can have relationships AND do plenty of other meaningful things in life. Can any of you accept $10,000,000 but never ever have sex, kiss, or be in a romantic relationship of any kind for the rest of your life? I could possibly take someone up on that. There are lots of great things I can do with more money and time Link to post Share on other sites
Author kathoga Posted January 10, 2016 Author Share Posted January 10, 2016 (edited) Thanks for all the advice and different perspectives. I'm just tired of being rejected and told I'm not good enough (not explicitly like that, but that's basically what a female is saying when she rejects a guy). I am very jealous of guys that date and have relationships with many different women. It must be nice to have options. Of course, having options creates confidence. A man that has options doesn't care if Jessica rejects him because he has Amber, Whitney, and Bee who are all anxious for his time. [] I'm not saying women owe me anything. But if we have good conversation with no awkward pauses, we each have good laughs, and we have things in common and similar ideals...that's not a vibe? Is 'vibe' girlspeak? Susan says to Amy "I went out with this guy last night and we just didn't vibe" really mean "I went out with this guy last night and couldn't picture him and I ****ing"? I'm being crude because again, how can a person spend 5 hours with someone, laugh and talk, allow themselves to be touched in more intimate ways, but the next day say "i had a nice time but let's just be friends". I will be crude again....I wouldn't spend 5 hours with an obese woman and let her feel on me or try to kiss me because I'm not attracted to obese women. So, if a girl isn't attracted to me, why send false signals like there's a connection but throw the friends thing out afterwards? Edited January 10, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Topical content Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 You know that it is highly likely that you actually can attract a woman. Very few people can't attract anyone. But she may not meet your standards. It's possible that your standards are too high or inappropriate for you at this time. All of these women who you think can date every night of the week aren't getting 7 Brad Pitts or whoever. They may be choosing from the male equivalent of the pool you are selecting from and rejecting. Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 Folks, since this thread started with suicide on the table and apparently morphed into women having it easier than men in dating, I put a stop to that, as I did in another thread which appeared to go down the same road. Responses from the thread starter may be delayed. Please respond to the stated topic. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author kathoga Posted January 10, 2016 Author Share Posted January 10, 2016 You know that it is highly likely that you actually can attract a woman. Very few people can't attract anyone. But she may not meet your standards. It's possible that your standards are too high or inappropriate for you at this time. All of these women who you think can date every night of the week aren't getting 7 Brad Pitts or whoever. They may be choosing from the male equivalent of the pool you are selecting from and rejecting. My standards: Attractive (minimum 5/10) Smart (not Harvard, but can hold a decent conversation about a variety of topics) Isn't influenced by friends or family (if she talks about friends/family and it comes across that their opinions influence her decisions, that's a turn off) Likes to get out and do things on occasion Not obsessed with money and material possessions Those are my deal breakers. I personally don't think it's as bad as some women deal breakers which can be 20+ dos/donts. Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 Well, you could try loosening them further. What if she isn't that smart or is influenced by family/friends, or is heavier than you prefer? If you're at the point that you don't think that life is worth living, you can indeed attract someone and have intimacy. Or, if you can't attract people at the level that you want to attract them, then what can you do to make yourself more attractive to those people? Suicide seems extreme, but what kind of life is it without love or at least physical intimacy with another human being?... If a man can't attract a woman, then he's not a man and killing oneself will prevent a life of loneliness, jealousy (everybody else is doing it or have someone), and anger. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kathoga Posted January 11, 2016 Author Share Posted January 11, 2016 Sometimes it's very hard to believe that life can be good when you're depressed, but what happened to me today is a good example that we don't know what's going to happen. So I was upset that it seems like every female keeps rejecting me for a reason that I can't understand. And I felt like life will be pretty bleak being alone. The the last girl who put me over the edge really surprised me today. Like I said, we had a good first date and I thought we had a connection. But she didn't want to kiss and the next day when we talked she kinda said what many girls have said "we can just be friends". But while talking to her, I learned she was thinking about what would her parents and friends think. She's Chinese and I'm black and she admitted Chinese people and Asians in general are racist against blacks. I told her that I totally understand the pressure our families and friends can put on us so if she doesn't want the hassle, I understand. So, we kind of ended the conversation like we'll talk from time to time but that's it. Today out of the blue, she asked what I was doing. I thought she messaged the wrong person. But it turns out she wanted to hang with me. We went to a big mall because she needed a work outfit and I got a nice coat since it's finally getting cold where I'm at. The entire time she kept saying we should do this together and that together, etc. I didn't bring up what she said the day before...I just enjoyed spending the time with her. So, I drove back to her place thinking I'll just walk her to the door, but she invited me in. We watched a movie, she ordered some food for us, and we kissed a lot and did a lot of intimate touching. But she wants to wait on sex because it's only our second date and feels it will be more special if a little more time pass (which I agree). She kept saying how good it feels to cuddle with me and she feels safe and very relaxed around me. She's very attractive, petite, funny, share many interests, and very respectable. Anyway, the moral of the story is: 1) Life is truly unpredictable. A person really has to push through emotional pain and struggles because something good can be right around the corner 2) Women are confusing 3) One good-looking girl finds me attractive so that must mean something And I know relationships are challenging at all stages, so if her and I do fizzle out, I have to push through the negative emotions because I know I'm capable of finding romance. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 Suicide is never the answer to anything. Ever. Please don't ever consider that an option again. I'm so glad you got your second date! I hope it works out. Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 I was responding to the comment that there's so much more to life than relationships. If that's true, why do people with millions of dollars keep getting married and dating someone new every month? They can do so much that the average person can't. And my answer was because no matter how much money and freedom you have to do what you want, being with somebody whether it's sexual or long-term is a driving need of what it means to be human. My need for romantic companionship is not being met, so no matter what else I have going on in my life, there's still a deficit. Why? Because when you get so much, you are driven by success and must be SEEN to have it all even if its not quality. That's why so many rich people wash, rinse, and repeat. No quality, all ego. You my friend, are caught up in the material world where you believe that you must have X, Y, and Z to be complete and be happy. I PROPOSE TO YOU A THREE MONTH CHALLENGE before you do anything drastic. 1. I want you to, when you wake up everyday, be thankful of what you have and compliment yourself and do it three times. 2. Make friendly small talk with a woman whenever it presents itself with the mindset that YOU are setting up the friendly boundary with no intention or hopes in YOUR mind of anything coming of it. Adopt a ships passing in the night philosophy (Without the bedsheets though). For you, its all going to be mental engagement. 3. I want you to note this each day and your observations of how these women start to open up to you as lose the clunky floatsam "NEED!" and "NOW!" I think you will be pleasantly surprised at what you begin to attract. At the very least you'll be more self loving to yourself, confident, and comfortable in your skin. Will you try this for 90 days? Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 Annnnnnnnnd I just saw your recent post. However, the things I said above will still be of benefit. Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 You know that it is highly likely that you actually can attract a woman. He said earlier in this thread that he knows he can attract A woman. He wants to attract WOMEN, plural. Link to post Share on other sites
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