What do you consider to be effort in a friendship? Do friendships even require it?

[MissBee]

When my friend is in need, I make an effort to be there. A visit, bringing a meal, helping move, watching a kid, etc.

 

Otherwise, no effort really. My friends are as busy as I am, and we just enjoy seeing each other when we can.

 

Pretty much.

 

Unlike romantic relationships, my friendships are less work and require less concerted effort. We can go for long periods without speaking or hanging out necessarily and pick right back up and we don't hold it against each other. We also do make time for each other and if they or I should need something then we make the effort. But on the day to day it's not something that requires constant attention and pruning like a romantic relationship.

 

I also don't like having extremely needy friends. In the sense that they constantly expect to talk to me, constantly want my time, think my world should revolve around them and their problems etc. Those types of "friendships" are draining and often one-sided and I've encountered such emotional vampires before and had to extract myself as it was simply too much for me and never felt easy, comfortable and beneficial.

[basil67]

Thank you for that and you know what? Now I will be honest, I do have a crush on this friend

 

hehe - I saw that coming a mile off

 

Three weeks without contact? I didn't realise just how much you'd had to back away from them. Now that I know this, I'd say that they are lying about wanting to be 'close friends'. They are ditching you but haven't shown you the courtesy of being honest.

 

I'm so sorry. You can do better.

[star platinum]

Pretty much.

 

Unlike romantic relationships, my friendships are less work and require less concerted effort. We can go for long periods without speaking or hanging out necessarily and pick right back up and we don't hold it against each other. We also do make time for each other and if they or I should need something then we make the effort. But on the day to day it's not something that requires constant attention and pruning like a romantic relationship.

 

I also don't like having extremely needy friends. In the sense that they constantly expect to talk to me, constantly want my time, think my world should revolve around them and their problems etc. Those types of "friendships" are draining and often one-sided and I've encountered such emotional vampires before and had to extract myself as it was simply too much for me and never felt easy, comfortable and beneficial.

 

 

No I don't always want this persons time, I only talked to them like twice a day

[star platinum]

hehe - I saw that coming a mile off

 

Three weeks without contact? I didn't realise just how much you'd had to back away from them. Now that I know this, I'd say that they are lying about wanting to be 'close friends'. They are ditching you but haven't shown you the courtesy of being honest.

 

I'm so sorry. You can do better.

It was over a school break and normally we would chat. But in general with everyone they don't initiate and they bother to remember my bday, so I'm still unsure

[preraph]

Thank you for that and you know what? Now I will be honest, I do have a crush on this friend

 

Well, it should be blatantly obvious that they do not have a crush on you and that you are wasting your time. This info would have been helpful at the beginning. You can't make someone like you or force them to be around you. You are misrepresenting yourself to this friend, being sneaky about it. They are going to figure it out if they haven't already.

[BettyDraper]

No I don't always want this persons time, I only talked to them like twice a day

 

Twice a day is often.

[star platinum]

Tbh I'm not sure if I still want to continue this friendship. Even when we do talk, they are tired and not really engaged and now its just small talk and we mostly talk mainly just about school stuff for like 5 mins. They've made it clear that they don't care if we talk or not anyway and their insistence of 'good friends' doesn't make sense too me and now we feel more like acquintances.

[BettyDraper]

Tbh I'm not sure if I still want to continue this friendship. Even when we do talk, they are tired and not really engaged and now its just small talk and we mostly talk mainly just about school stuff for like 5 mins. They've made it clear that they don't care if we talk or not anyway and their insistence of 'good friends' doesn't make sense too me and now we feel more like acquintances.

 

Don't continue your friendship then. Just fade out; no reason to have a big confrontation. Never chase anyone to be your friend again.

I would also refrain from confronting people about their lack of interest in your friendship because that puts people on the defensive.

[star platinum]

I'm starting to agree. After school sometimes when I'm on the bus waiting for it, I see them talking to others just before they get on the bus, so I'm not sure I buy this whole tired thing. During the bus ride they text people, so it has me thinking you're too tired to even talk for like 5 mins but not tired enough to text? I admit with that last part maybe I'm being irrational and texting needs less energy than talking.