Girlfriend's emotional abuse so as to get rid of me

[PoleStar1989]

A a 26 year old North Indian male. For the first six months of the relationship, we were in the same city working for the same company (even the same project). There was a proper consensual relationship with all the physical and emotional intimacy and we used to spend 15-16 hours of the day together.

 

A couple of guys used to call & text on her mobile almost on a daily basis for those 6 months but she never responded to them, not at least in front of me. She told me these are some crazy dudes from her college days who are pursuing her and she never picks their calls or answers their texts, not even for once. Looking back, it was a major red flag but my judgement was so clouded by the adrenaline rush of the honeymoon period that I was not able to look beyond it. Because, come on, no matter how crazy anyone is, he won't call a person straight for 180+ days without the other person responding even for once.

 

Anyways, after 6 months I had to switch to another company (2000 kms away) marking the beginning of our long distance relationship. For the first 4-5 months, things were good (half a dozen phone calls and texts throughout the day with the usual sugary flowery talks and stuff).

 

But then the plot started to thicken. And once it started to thicken, it kept thickening by leaps and bounds. Classical red flags started to pop up. My calls being ignored too often, her phone's battery dying every other day, working late in the evening on weekdays, working weekends, etc. In short, she was making space for herself during the day. Everytime I tried to talk it out she either assured me of her eternal love in all sweet words or accused me of expecting too much and not giving her personal space. Yet her behavior kept on getting increasingly suspicious, and my frustration kept on compounding and went beyond my capacity to handle it.

 

I tried to call off the relationship 3 times but everytime she pulled me back by apologising and all (how much I regret believing those apologies, every single time). Still she wasn't available for me throughout the day for one reason or the other. This went on for another 4-5 months.

 

Then, one day the bomb shell dropped. I was told by someone that she is cheating on me. Cheating since months. I was another 'crazy college dude' for her new boyfriend. I tried to confront her but she said she is innocent and accused me of spying on her. She still says she is in love with me and wants this relationship to work despite all misunderstanding on my part. Me too dear, me too.

 

But here comes her behaviour after the confrontation happened. Since the last 4 months she became extremely moody, irritated, insulting and difficult to talk to. Anger is always on the tip of her nose and I feel like walking on eggshells everytime I talk to her. And, mind you, I have been with this girl since more than an year and I know this is not her real behavior. The suspicious behavior is still there. I have a strong gut feeling she is doing all this to get rid of me and is well settled in another relationship. Since months she is postponing meeting me under the pretext of project, leave, etc.

 

Its no more about love, its about ego. I feel I have been dragged as an option since months and my emotional suffering was completely neglected. Now when its convenient for her, she is kicking me out of her life.

 

The more time I'm spending in all this, the more difficult it is getting for me to get out of it because of the ego issues that have got involved.

[LifesontheUp]

What exactly are you getting out of this so called relationship? Do you think this is a good foundation to build from?

[PoleStar1989]

What exactly are you getting out of this so called relationship? Do you think this is a good foundation to build from?

 

@LifesontheUp

 

Yeah, I know. This is not a relationship. And I am not interested to be a relationship with this girl any more.

 

But I have been through a lot of stress in the past year because of her behavior. She kept me dangling by her side as a fall back option with her hot and cold behavior for months and when she realized that dealing with me is getting difficult and she is any ways settled and secured in another relationship she started to push me to the limits of frustration so that I leave on my own. It took me some time to realize what she is upto, and when I realized I had already endured so much.

 

I know 'karma is a bitch' and 'living well is the best revenge' and all that stuff. But I just can't let this girl go without making her answer for her behavior. And she is just postponing meeting me under one pretext or the other since a couple of months. And talking to her on phone is next to impossible because she is deliberately arrogant and insulting. Clearly she is avoiding confrontation.

 

Maybe I just wanted to know other opinions on this. Or may be I was just unloading what was there on my chest since a long time.

 

Any opinions @LifesontheUp

Edited January 10, 2016 by PoleStar1989

[d0nnivain]

At this point the only person causing you problems is you because you continue stick around. Square your shoulders. Dump her & walk away. That is the only way you regain any of your dignity. Sticking around you are emasculating yourself. Stop.