jaynesnow Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 My BF cheated on me sometime back with my friend. He was sorry he messed up but assured me he did not sex her. i did not believe him but i chose to overlook it and forgave him. However after sometime of feeling betrayed i did the same thing he did but i did it with an ex of mine. Later on he came to find out of what i had done from me and was hurt. because of what he did i couldnt trust him yet he trusted me enough, i was hurt. so, i chose to make the trust issue equal and decided to see my ex behind his back..he forgave me but it still haunts him.. maybe my goal was to start things a fresh with us being at per. did i salvage the r/shp or i made it worse?? :(:( Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 Fresh? How old are you? 18? What you did was demonstration of poor boundaries and lack of self esteem. You should have dumped him and walked away with your pride. Not engage in immature childish games 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 yep, it certainly does make the trust issue equal, but it's better if you just leave a cheater after they cheat. (for good) Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 If the revenge was the right thing to do, your relationship should be awesome. So, is it awesome? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaynesnow Posted January 10, 2016 Author Share Posted January 10, 2016 Fresh? How old are you? 18? What you did was demonstration of poor boundaries and lack of self esteem. You should have dumped him and walked away with your pride. Not engage in immature childish games woah...go slow, we all go through ****..i forgave him not to revenge but because i loved him...but wat i did, happened on one of those days i was down..you right what i did was immature. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaynesnow Posted January 10, 2016 Author Share Posted January 10, 2016 yep, it certainly does make the trust issue equal, but it's better if you just leave a cheater after they cheat. (for good) sure Popsicle... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaynesnow Posted January 10, 2016 Author Share Posted January 10, 2016 If the revenge was the right thing to do, your relationship should be awesome. So, is it awesome? not really because he has not come out of the betrayal issue yet... Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 My BF cheated on me sometime back with my friend. He was sorry he messed up but assured me he did not sex her. i did not believe him but i chose to overlook it and forgave him. However after sometime of feeling betrayed i did the same thing he did but i did it with an ex of mine. Later on he came to find out of what i had done from me and was hurt. because of what he did i couldnt trust him yet he trusted me enough, i was hurt. so, i chose to make the trust issue equal and decided to see my ex behind his back..he forgave me but it still haunts him.. maybe my goal was to start things a fresh with us being at per. did i salvage the r/shp or i made it worse?? :(:( Well based on how you feel and by writing this post you don't feel any better about it do you? Basically paying someone back in their own coin has a good outcome in bad movies and even worse TV shows. Initially you may have thought that it would start things as fresh, however I guess you realize now that evening the score did not have the desired effect that you initially thought it would. So sinking to the level of your boyfriend kind of backfired on you huh? Remember that you made a choice to do what you did not out of starting fresh, but purely out of spite. You can call it anything you like, but that was exactly what it was. Now you can't undo it. Instead of building your relationship, you have done nothing more than to water the seeds of destruction that your boyfriend initially planted. Your best option right now would probably be to end the relationship. Maybe seek some counseling of some sort to attempt to learn why you thought this a good idea. I can understand your wish to perhaps make him feel the pain you felt, I get that. But by doing so you showed yourself for who you truly are at this point in your life. And that person is not someone you obviously like very much right now. It sucks to look in the mirror and loathe the image that is reflected back. I have done the same thing in my life under far more serious circumstances. It's something I don't wish on anyone. And neither should you. Revenge is usually bittersweet and rarely has the outcome we envision. Again that is the stuff of TV shows and movies and has no basis in reality. So you have an opportunity to learn from this experience and change yourself and who you are. I suggest you take that opportunity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaynesnow Posted January 10, 2016 Author Share Posted January 10, 2016 Well based on how you feel and by writing this post you don't feel any better about it do you? Basically paying someone back in their own coin has a good outcome in bad movies and even worse TV shows. Initially you may have thought that it would start things as fresh, however I guess you realize now that evening the score did not have the desired effect that you initially thought it would. So sinking to the level of your boyfriend kind of backfired on you huh? Remember that you made a choice to do what you did not out of starting fresh, but purely out of spite. You can call it anything you like, but that was exactly what it was. Now you can't undo it. Instead of building your relationship, you have done nothing more than to water the seeds of destruction that your boyfriend initially planted. Your best option right now would probably be to end the relationship. Maybe seek some counseling of some sort to attempt to learn why you thought this a good idea. I can understand your wish to perhaps make him feel the pain you felt, I get that. But by doing so you showed yourself for who you truly are at this point in your life. And that person is not someone you obviously like very much right now. It sucks to look in the mirror and loathe the image that is reflected back. I have done the same thing in my life under far more serious circumstances. It's something I don't wish on anyone. And neither should you. Revenge is usually bittersweet and rarely has the outcome we envision. Again that is the stuff of TV shows and movies and has no basis in reality. So you have an opportunity to learn from this experience and change yourself and who you are. I suggest you take that opportunity. yea i don't feel good about it..what worries me the most is that it might turn out to be a series of events. he might do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 Two wrongs don't make it right. Yes you did balance it out, now you both are hurt and can't trust each other. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 yea i don't feel good about it..what worries me the most is that it might turn out to be a series of events. he might do it again. And he probably will. I mean, you think that you evened the playing field. Yeah, he broke your trust and messed around. He said that he didn't have sex with her and you don't believe him. So, since you didn't believe him, I can assume that you had sex with your Ex. But, what if he was telling the truth and he didn't have sex with this other girl? Then, you can hardly say that your two are even. Actually, you're ahead. So, what's to stop him from going out, having a few drinks and thinking about that? He's pissed off and thinking about ways to get even with you? Personally, this relationship is way too toxic and needs to end. You BOTH screwed up. You BOTH were responsible for the demise of this relationship and I think it would be best for you two to break ties and go your own ways. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 You've definitely just made the relationship worse. Sorry, but this is not likely to end well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
royposh Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 My BF cheated on me sometime back with my friend. He was sorry he messed up but assured me he did not sex her. i did not believe him but i chose to overlook it and forgave him. However after sometime of feeling betrayed i did the same thing he did but i did it with an ex of mine. Later on he came to find out of what i had done from me and was hurt. because of what he did i couldnt trust him yet he trusted me enough, i was hurt. so, i chose to make the trust issue equal and decided to see my ex behind his back..he forgave me but it still haunts him.. maybe my goal was to start things a fresh with us being at per. did i salvage the r/shp or i made it worse?? :(:( you didnt think before u acted. you said u never trusted that he didnt have sex so went nd did the same with an ex does that mean you had sex?? you're one step ahead nd he will probably even the playing field which in the end will make everything worse Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaynesnow Posted January 11, 2016 Author Share Posted January 11, 2016 And he probably will. I mean, you think that you evened the playing field. Yeah, he broke your trust and messed around. He said that he didn't have sex with her and you don't believe him. So, since you didn't believe him, I can assume that you had sex with your Ex. But, what if he was telling the truth and he didn't have sex with this other girl? Then, you can hardly say that your two are even. Actually, you're ahead. So, what's to stop him from going out, having a few drinks and thinking about that? He's pissed off and thinking about ways to get even with you? Personally, this relationship is way too toxic and needs to end. You BOTH screwed up. You BOTH were responsible for the demise of this relationship and I think it would be best for you two to break ties and go your own ways. i did not sleep with my ex...we just sat down talk about how life has been and how am doing and nothing else happened Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaynesnow Posted January 11, 2016 Author Share Posted January 11, 2016 you didnt think before u acted. you said u never trusted that he didnt have sex so went nd did the same with an ex does that mean you had sex?? you're one step ahead nd he will probably even the playing field which in the end will make everything worse i did not sleep with him...smh...do you know how it feels to feel betrayed? how that one person you trusted 100% plays around with your feelings and 'sleeps' with your friend...how would you feel if you found a picture of your friend on your S/O bed sleeping and when you ask they try and lie about until the last minute when they admit to having gone behind your back?? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 i did not sleep with him...smh...do you know how it feels to feel betrayed? how that one person you trusted 100% plays around with your feelings and 'sleeps' with your friend...how would you feel if you found a picture of your friend on your S/O bed sleeping and when you ask they try and lie about until the last minute when they admit to having gone behind your back?? Yes, I do. And you know what? We broke up because of his infidelity. Why did you stay? You should have walked away after being disrespected like that. I still think you trying to level the playing field is backfiring and not going to help in the way you hoped. Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 Your relationship is over sometimes it can recover from an affair sometimes but revenge affairs? Its over the trust is gone the love is gone no matter what your relationship is now built on anger and betrayal you can stay together but it will just be problem after problem there's no coming back from this, as you guys mature you'll realize that there's no foundation for a relationship anymore and eventually break up when its hit its peak. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 i did not sleep with him...smh...do you know how it feels to feel betrayed? how that one person you trusted 100% plays around with your feelings and 'sleeps' with your friend...how would you feel if you found a picture of your friend on your S/O bed sleeping and when you ask they try and lie about until the last minute when they admit to having gone behind your back?? Sweetheart, have you not read any threads here? This forum is full of betrayed people trying to recover from issues far worse than yours. Sorry hun - grow up. Revenge is immature, and always, but always backfires. As you have patently discovered. If you want to be fair to yourself - and him, end the relationship. Neither of you seem to have the right mentality or adequate level of maturity to engage in a relationship, at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 i did not sleep with my ex...we just sat down talk about how life has been and how am doing and nothing else happened So says you. You can not prove that you did not have sex. You can not prove that you did have sex. Your BF does not know what to believe. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 Your posts make no sense to me. First you say you think your bf had sex even though he claims he didn't, but you do not believe him. Then you say you did the same thing. Now you say you only talked with an ex about life and how you are doing..which isn't the same thing at all. Did you mean sexT instead of sex? Like sexting? But then that still makes no sense for you to say you did the same thing since you said you just talked about how you are doing which isn't sexting. You also realize that nobody here can tell you if it was worth it but you, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 Regardless of who slept with who or who didn't sleep with someone. You still betrayed each others trust. And, I'm just going to give my honest opinion. If you only sat down and talk with an Ex just catching up on life and that's it, I don't think you would be here. Because that is completely innocent and you would have nothing to feel guilty about. I believe guilt brought you here. So, if I were you, I would just end the relationship before you invest anymore time or effort into it. Trust has been broken from both of you. So, the relationship you once had with him is over. It's gone and never coming back. You are never going to have that blind trust in him that you once had and he's not going to have that with you either. So, I think that you only have two options here. Either end the relationship or get into couples counseling. But, if you do counseling, then you need to be completely honest with the Counselor, your boyfriend and yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 i did not sleep with my ex...we just sat down talk about how life has been and how am doing and nothing else happened You didn't cheat then. Link to post Share on other sites
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