idlgirl Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 Hi So I am new here. Basically, we had our first child 18mths ago. Before our baby we were most of the time happy. It has always been a love hate relation ship (15yrs) but most of the time happy. My weight has fluctuated over the years and I know when I am a little iver weight he isnt attracted to me, he always judges me and tells me what to eat and what not to eat - this (my weight) leads to him not wanting to be intimate with me and as I had a medical condition at the end of my pregnacy which lead to a big weight gain and not losing it fast enough, it has been probably 2yrs. So, we are really flat mates that share a bed and parenting. The last few months I have felt like "what is the point?" I k ow it is important for our daughter to have two loving parents but what happens when they dont love each other? He also compares me to people at his work who he hates when he gets pissed at me which I dint like and when I tell him, he blows it off. I feel like a maid, cook and door mat. I feel like i have checked out but something (our daughter) is making me hold on which makes me miserable. There is no one else. The way he has made me feels, I just think no one would ever want me so he is my only option. I dont know what to do. I have so many emotions and most of the time it is anger and feustration which is horrible because I want to be a positive role model for our daughter. What do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 Have you tried speaking to him about your relationship? Would he go to marriage counselling with you? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 OP, if you have reached the stage of 'what's the point', then - what IS the point? The point - the only point - immediately apparent from what you tell, us, is your daughter. The above poster has suggested counselling, but the truth has to be within you: Do you WANT counselling? Because as I see it, purely based on the information you post, I don't think he needs counselling, I think he needs intense therapy to come to understand that his attitude, behaviour and opinions are seriously flawed, controlling and destructive. Whatever you decide, the primary focus of your attention would appear to be your daughter's well-being and development. And under the influence of her father, it will be neither balanced nor productive. If you feel so distanced from him that you consider him to be a mere controlling flat-mate who treats you like a doormat, please consider that you DO have choices, and the choices you are making up to now, perpetuate that existence. You DO have alternative choices. Perhaps your best option is not to think that you are stuck, but that you should be thinking, in practical terms, of what you can do to change things. Where would you like to start? And if it means making a list - make it. Prioritise, and think about what it would take - what you need to do - to extricate yourself from your current situation. If you want to change the way things are - then you are going to have to change them. Because he sure as hell won't..... Link to post Share on other sites
BlackHat Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 Understand that the purpose of this message is to help you understand your situation and to help you, and in no way is to hurt you or your feelings. However, I have a problem being politically correct and a horrible tendency to blunt honesty. 1. Your message does not say anything about what you want. It is a rant (which is fine) and much nagging about him (which is usual) but I cannot see what do you want. So: - Do you want to continue your relationship with him? - Do you want him to treat you better? - Do you want to split? We (as in YOU) can hardly move forward until you realize what is that you truly want. 2. Here I am going to shoot in the dark, so understand that this whole part can be completely wrong as it is based on my personal assumption. If I am wrong, then skip it. I am going to assume that you want to stay with him, but improving the conditions. For you and for your daughter (statistics are out there and you know what happens to kids of single parents). It seems that he has the capacity to be nice and kind to you, but as you explained your weight conditions that. Also, I am sorry to say that, to an extent, he is completely correct when he says that other men will not like you. The extent is how dead beat that man is. Sorry for my bluntness, but if you were a single nice financially stable guy, would you date an overweight single mother? And yes, there are guys who do, but (again sorry for my bluntness) you know the type of guys. Obviously you are suffering now, but...have you considered that his behavior towards you (which I do not condone, mind you) is also the result of his suffering? Maybe if you want to fix your relationship, you should analyze the source of his frustration. In fact, you already know it. Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 (edited) Understand that the purpose of this message is to help you [ Sorry for my bluntness, but if you were a single nice financially stable guy, would you date an overweight single mother? And yes, there are guys who do, but (again sorry for my bluntness) you know the type of guys. Obviously you are suffering now, but...have you considered that his behavior towards you (which I do not condone, mind you) is also the result of his suffering? Maybe if you want to fix your relationship, you should analyze the source of his frustration. In fact, you already know it. You should change your name from black hat to stupid hat. Why dont you tattoo the quote of dating a "overweight single mother" on your forehead and see how many dates you get. As far as "those type of guys" who love curves, well we for the most part enjoy the hell out of a woman and they know it. OP, carefully read this idiots post. This is the kind of guy your H is. One of the defining characteristics of this type is that they are "small" men and cannot reach, therefore they have to project their" inability to hit that spot" on the woman. And they are stupid enough to write about it. Never think that you can not find love again. Whoever you are, whatever you look like there are thousands within driving distance who will say "OMG, I will take it, yumm" Guys like limp hat should voice their opinions to any woman they date. This way they can practise their masturbation techniques. Strength and Honor Edit: Ever hear about the joke of "the skinny guy" with a peice of rice stuck in his throat? Edited January 10, 2016 by 66Charger Link to post Share on other sites
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