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Memorial


mortensorchid

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mortensorchid

I posted on this before but am now in a state of concern about it...

 

In August I was with someone. I'd known him for a few years, we became good friends in the last two years. He and his wife had been separated for the last two years, as in he had moved out of the house into his own apartment. Since August of last year, for the next three and a half / four months, he and I were having an affair. No one knew about it of course. And then one night after he had been at my place, he said he was feeling dizzy and he was going to go home and sleep it off. He went home and DIED in his sleep. I found out three days later that he had died. I chose to go to his funeral and didn't say much to anyone. It was a bit, awkward to say the least. I did not introduce myself to his wife and wasn't about to, I mean I was her estranged husband's lover showing up at his funeral, I wanted to just pay my respects and leave. Which I did.

 

There is now a memorial planned in another two weeks, for his birthday. I don't know if I should go or not, I think it might be disrespectful of me to attend. I think some people suspected that there was something going on between me and him, I posted a few "I miss you" posts on his wall. I don't want to fuel fires with others, namely his estranged wife and others of his friend group. What do others think?

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I chose to go to his funeral and didn't say much to anyone. It was a bit, awkward to say the least. I did not introduce myself to his wife and wasn't about to, I mean I was her estranged husband's lover showing up at his funeral, I wanted to just pay my respects and leave. Which I did.

 

There is now a memorial planned in another two weeks, for his birthday. I don't know if I should go or not, I think it might be disrespectful of me to attend. I think some people suspected that there was something going on between me and him, I posted a few "I miss you" posts on his wall. I don't want to fuel fires with others, namely his estranged wife and others of his friend group. What do others think?

 

I mean no disrespect, but I don't know why you would attend this, or have posted "I miss you" on his FB wall given that there seems to be some issue. I hardly know why you would have attended his funeral although I understand that one better.

 

You can do grief in private. You aren't getting any consolation from these people, and you seem to be adding confusion to their mourning. Stay away.

 

What would you hope to get out of going?

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mortensorchid
I mean no disrespect, but I don't know why you would attend this, or have posted "I miss you" on his FB wall given that there seems to be some issue. I hardly know why you would have attended his funeral although I understand that one better.

 

You can do grief in private. You aren't getting any consolation from these people, and you seem to be adding confusion to their mourning. Stay away.

 

What would you hope to get out of going?

 

I think that is the best thing to do, to not go to it. I was wrestling with it in my mind and thinking I would, but I think my presence would be ... Not the best thing to do.

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The respect was paid and granted at the memorial. He must have been a good man to you. I'm sorry for this loss.

 

Show respect now for his family and friends. They knew him and grieve him .

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You might make a private memorial altar with some mementos, if you still feel the need to say goodbye. That helps a lot of people.

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