Am I wrong to be uncomfortable with my boyfriend and his mothers relatioship?

[hopelessandinlove]

I am 20 and my boyfriend is 22. We have been together for 3.5 years. We've lived together for the past 2.5 years. Between his mothers house and my half families house. The relationship between my boyfriend and his mother makes me sick to my stomach. I actually thought he was cheating on me with his mother when we lived with her the first time.

 

--She is always telling him (us) about her sex life and her personal hygiene issues. (UTI, Period, Weird smells)

 

--When they fight she will tell my boyfriend (her son) to go suck a dick and he will get mad at tell her the same thing and then she will go into detail about how good she is at oral sex. (I've heard this fight probably about 8 different times throughout our relationship)

 

 

--She moons and flashes both her son and I (He looks away and gets grossed out)

 

--She always talks about how she could not live without her son and she's so in love with him. (she has 2 other kids)

 

--She always tells me that my boyfriend could live without me but if she died then he would die too.

 

--She always try's to cuddle my boyfriend and when she's drunk;she'll get angry and call him names if he doesn't want to cuddle with her. (he doesn't cuddle with her)

 

 

--He talks about our relationship problems and runs to her when we fight

 

 

--He will pick her up and bridal carry her around the house

 

--She buys him valentines present, but wont buy him anything for Christmas

 

 

-- She is always texting him paragraphs and paragraphs of her love for her son or constantly calling him and when he doesn't answer she will call me and ask for him.

 

 

--She caught us having sex before and then made a comment about how her, her man, and my boyfriend and I should have a sex competition to see who can be louder.

 

 

--She is always tagging him in love quotes and pics on Facebook. (Its always about my boyfriend, NOT her man, NOT her other 2 kids)

 

--She goes to him (my boyfriend) when her and her man fight or when she needs money. (He will give her money if she asks)

 

--She always tells me the reason he loves me so much is because I look like her and act like her. (NOT TRUE. She actually dyed her hair the same color as me recently and is now growing it out just like me.)

-She also buys clothes and shows us making comments "I like this because this looks like something (ME) would wear"

 

 

Ugh I could type on and on for days about everything that freaks me out, but its actually bugging me as I type about it.

My boyfriend try's to set boundaries with her and gets angry with her most times about how he doesn't like her acting like hes her husband.

(His mom is actually in a serious relationship with another man her age.)

 

But then there is also times when my boyfriend will act like nothings wrong and its not his fault his mother acts that way and that I am over reacting.

(I get upset and make comments about how I AM the one he's in a relationship with, NOT his mother)

 

 

Am I crazy to so deeply upset about their relationship?

I love my boyfriend so much, but his relationship with his mother stresses me out.

Is this something that can be changed?

Or is this hopeless and I should just run away as fast as I can?

Edited January 11, 2016 by hopelessandinlove

[Poutrew]

If his momma asks you to pull her finger and when you oblige she breaks wind and everyone laughs, this would be crudely funny but not concerning. If she serves you a cup of coffee and, when you ask for some milk she asks you which tit you want her to squeeze it from, this would be concerning...

 

There recently was a post by a girl whos boyfriend was weirded out when he found out she regularly took semi-nude spa - baths with her own step brother. That was a girl who was not uncomfortable with a honking strange familial relationship. I am glad to see you are not that girl! Not only should this thaaang this mom & son have going on be concerning to you, you should be running non-stop for the nearest doorway. Do not stop. Do not cease running until you are in your car and have put mileage between you and these wanna-be incestuous posers. If you don't, the next time you are having sex with the boy, his mom and dad and probably Cousin It will also join in... btw, those 2 examples I gave at the beginning of my post actually happened to me, thankfully a looong time ago.

[bathtub-row]

This mother/son relationship is off-the-charts-inappropriate and insane. At your age, I'm sure you won't understand this but if you stay with this guy, this crazy relationship with his mom will dominate your life and make you completely miserable. I personally would end this relationship and move on.

 

First of all, the two of you got too involved too young. What you both should be doing is going off to college or trade school, making new friends, and changing your worlds. I'm sure your bf is a good person but he is most likely the product of incest. At the very least, there's no doubt that it's emotional incest. No mom in her right mind would EVER behave, speak or act in such a way toward her son.

 

While this is not your bf's fault, it will take a lifetime for him to get past this. The fact that he defends his mom is very telling in how unlikely he is to completely extract his mother from his life. And, the truth is, unless he moves far, far away from her, he'll never be free of her.

 

I would suggest two things for you if you insist on staying in this relationship: 1) stop going to his house for any reason, and don't associate with his mom. Let him know that his mother's behavior is extremely disturbing to you and you no longer want to be around it, and 2) insist that the two of you go to therapy and talk about this issue. Your bf grew up with this and doesn't see how bad it is.

 

I will add that I think it's incredibly irresponsible of both of your parents to let the two of you "live" together in their homes if you were doing that before you were at least 20. I have no idea what people are thinking sometimes.

Edited January 11, 2016 by bathtub-row

[smackie9]

This mother/son relationship is off-the-charts-inappropriate and insane. At your age, I'm sure you won't understand this but if you stay with this guy, this crazy relationship with his mom will dominate your life and make you completely miserable. I personally would end this relationship and move on.

 

First of all, the two of you got too involved too young. What you both should be doing is going off to college or trade school, making new friends, and changing your worlds. I'm sure your bf is a good person but he is most likely the product of incest. At the very least, there's no doubt that it's emotional incest. No mom in her right mind would EVER behave, speak or act in such a way toward her son.

 

While this is not your bf's fault, it will take a lifetime for him to get past this. The fact that he defends his mom is very telling in how unlikely he is to completely extract his mother from his life. And, the truth is, unless he moves far, far away from her, he'll never be free of her.

 

I would suggest two things for you if you insist on staying in this relationship: 1) stop going to his house for any reason, and don't associate with his mom. Let him know that his mother's behavior is extremely disturbing to you and you no longer want to be around it, and 2) insist that the two of you go to therapy and talk about this issue. Your bf grew up with this and doesn't see how bad it is.

 

I will add that I think it's incredibly irresponsible of both of your parents to let the two of you "live" together in their homes if you were doing that before you were at least 20. I have no idea what people are thinking sometimes.

Sounds to me she has Hyper sexuality. Hypersexuality is known to present itself as a symptom in connection to a number of mental and neurological disorders, like Borderline Personality Disorder.

 

Her erratic compulsive inappropriate behavior is a sign of mental illness that obviously hasn't been diagnosed or treated.

 

You really need to have a serious discussion about this with your BF. He may not see that she needs psychological help because he has grown up with this, and thinks she is just being a crazy b ich, but he needs to step up a tell his mom to seek out therapy.....she is not right.

[sandylee1]

I would have no desire to be in such a relationship. They both behave inappropriately..but his mother moreso.

 

If you want marriage out of this... why would you sign up to deal with a crazy . matriarchal dominant and overbearing MIL. .. and if you don't want marriage...why waste your time.

Either way.. it's not the place to be....way to weird .

[JS84]

Imagine having children with him and how he would act towards the children with his mother as a role-model. Imagine how she would behave around her grandchildren.

 

Sorry but I'd pull the plug on that relationship with both hands, and maybe my feet as well for good measure. Their relationship sounds disgusting.