Need a serious for me and my friend before I lost our friendship

[totallylostgirl]

Hi all. I need some serious help regarding the boy I like, Joe and I. Your help may give me a light to save my friendship with my friend. Any advice will be greatly appreciated and welcome.

 

All names are being altered for the protection of the people involved.

 

Joe and I has been friends ONLINE for a long time. I developed a feelings for him since then. I was so nice to him and giving him special treatment. I have seen him through webcam and we've been talking through skype. Then, I was working in a IT company with a ridiculous working time schedule and deadlines that I have less time with social except for ONLINE since I'm working in front of my computer. I was a workaholic. I have a big debt on my head.

 

To make a fast forward, he met this girl named Jane online (we were on the same online community) and he developed feelings for her. According to our online community she's really hot, and as I checked our community forum under "post a picture" section, they were right, she's really a hot girl. I felt jealous because I wasn't gifted with such beauty. I admit, I'm a jealous type of girl. I don't have self esteem not even have a self confidence. Joe said that she's really nice. It came point I asked myself, "I'm nice and friendly but why don't guys like me more than a friend? Is there something wrong with me?" I guess you also heard it from other girls. To move a little forward with my story, Joe and Jane's relationship didn't last. Jane was jealous of me too being Joe's best friend and found out that I also have feelings for my best friend. Jane's true personality color showed. She hurt my friend's feeling. I stood up for my friend at the end of their relationship. I helped my friend to stood up after being tripped over.

 

After their relationship ended, I also lost my job, that's the time I went downhill depressed and diagnosed with a mental disorder. Instead to continue to pour love and affection to my friend, I changed dramatically. I got insecured, more jealous. I even got jealous with my friend's girl friends. I hurt Joe emotionally. I even got more jealous when he fell in love with other girls (now his ex-es). I didn't get friendship with his ex-es. Joe said that I reminded him of Jane.

 

For 4 years, Joe has been a great friend though. He helped me through all of my problem.

I didn't even think about what's causing this jealousy. There has never been like this before Jane, and he was also with a relationship with a friend of ours. Maybe I just denied my true feelings or maybe I haven't gotten over with Jane the hot girl, and the bitch. Everything started after Jane. He tolerated my jealousy and all of my flaws. Joe knew this wasn't me and that I could change.

 

Not until yesterday that again, I hurt him again reminded him again of Jane's bitchy attitude (the thing that he really hates from her). He realised that I still look up at Jane like my idol. I'm hurting him because he chose other girls but not me. I feel resentment and I want to revenge. He said that Jane made my love turned into a toxic, psychotic, and tainted love.

 

I'm willing to change not only for both of us but also to the people around me. But our friendship is important. I will admit to all of you that I am not ready for a relationship because I have personal problem to fix (like immaturity, my self-confidence, my self-esteem and etc), I can be ready if I fix myself. Friendship is the foundation of a love relationship, and I'm willing to start all over again. I'm still working in an IT company but I have refrained being workaholic and no more debts on the top fo my head. I can live with social life now.

 

Any advice would be lovely. I'm desperate.

 

Thank you.

Edited January 11, 2016 by totallylostgirl

[d0nnivain]

Do you & Joe know each other at all IRL? Have you ever met?

 

 

If not you have a crush on the fantasy you created in your mind because your relationship with Joe isn't real.

 

 

You also have to stop referring to him as your friend. He's not just your friend because you want to have a romance with him. If he only wants to be your friend, just end this now because it's too painful for you. You don't need another front row seat to the next Jane, when she starts dating again & it's still not you.

 

 

Try to make a plan to get together to go on a real date.

 

 

You say you are not ready for that but that is on you. You can't expect him to wait while you deal with whatever you need to deal with.

 

 

The fact that he recognizes the toxic changes in you isn't good & doesn't bode well for a relationship between you. Your desire for revenge (on Jane?) is also bad. Do discuss this with your therapist because it's not healthy.

 

 

Best wishes.

[preraph]

I'm glad you realize that you need to just work on yourself before attempting a relationship. I'm happy you know you have self-esteem issues. Because they will ruin a relationship. Truthfully, where he's concerned, if he ever thought he wanted to be romantic with you, he would have done so by now. I wouldn't bruise my brain thinking about it all and would just go to therapy and sort it out there and not let him be a big deal. You have that power, you know -- or you will once you get your self-esteem and self-respect you seek. Good luck.

[pro100pk2]

if you are true friends

then you can make up