dgiirl Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 I was thinking about this during one of my crying sprees. Most people seem to hold onto a past relationship because we're scared we wont find someone better. What posses us to think this is the best we'll ever get? For me, people tell me how pretty and smart I am. It just doesnt register. I've never been one to have a ton of guys flock around me. I see women like Merin (sorry hun, i have to use u as an excuse), who is really pretty, and I see she gets guys hitting on her all the time, and I wonder how she got to be like that? Besides the fact that she's pretty, is it her personality, her confidence, how she acts towards guys? A friend told me, I probably intimidate guys because I'm beautiful and smart (her words, not mine). If that's true, how can you not intimidate someone?! If I see a cute guy, I automatically think he's out of my league. What posses me to think that? I'm the typical wallflower. Has anyone been able to break free and become a Merin? I think if I had the answers to these, I could probably realize that I do deserve someone better, and can let go of the past. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 Why does 'better' equate with appearance? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted June 4, 2005 Author Share Posted June 4, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme Why does 'better' equate with appearance? Heh, you're talking to the wrong girl, cos I have a tendency to go after the not so good looking guys. But i think if i felt confident in my own appearance, than I could pick and choose who will treat me better instead of settling. The reason why people are still hung up on their ex's? Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 Originally posted by dgiirl Most people seem to hold onto a past relationship because we're scared we wont find someone better. What posses us to think this is the best we'll ever get? Because people are scared of being alone. If I see a cute guy, I automatically think he's out of my league. What posses me to think that? The possibility of rejection. I'm the typical wallflower. Has anyone been able to break free and become a Merin? Some people are natural born Merins. Others are great at making walls look pretty. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 Then you should go read some books on confidence. Join clubs and accumulate some accomplishments. And never, ever settle. Having a man just to have a man is the worst possible reason to get yourself a bf. Link to post Share on other sites
immizunderstood Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 You will find someone who loves you and even better. What's even more important is that that person will actually be the right person for you. Right now I'm going through the same thing but I know deep down in my heart that someone out there is for me and that person will respect me too. Keep your head up because for you to know love you have to know pain. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme Having a man just to have a man is the worst possible reason to get yourself a bf. Nice thought but it does not apply to real life. THe world is built around COUPLES! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted June 4, 2005 Author Share Posted June 4, 2005 Yes, yes I know all this I never dated any of my ex's because I was desperate. I really was attracted to them. But when you're going through a breakup, you think if that guy didnt like me, noone ever will. How do you get over the fear of rejection? Am I the only one who's ever felt this way? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 Originally posted by dgiirl How do you get over the fear of rejection? By being rejected over and over and over so you become de-sensitized. And by having the WTF attitude. Am I the only one who's ever felt this way? Everyone who has ever walked the earth has felt like this at some point in time. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 Originally posted by dgiirl How do you get over the fear of rejection? Am I the only one who's ever felt this way? Just make yourself look really hot... Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted June 4, 2005 Author Share Posted June 4, 2005 Originally posted by immizunderstood You will find someone who loves you and even better. What's even more important is that that person will actually be the right person for you. Right now I'm going through the same thing but I know deep down in my heart that someone out there is for me and that person will respect me too. Keep your head up because for you to know love you have to know pain. The pain sucks I guess it is the fear of being alone. Cos you cant really guarantee that you'll find someone. You can hope, but there's a slight chance it wont happen. Originally posted by alphamale Nice thought but it does not apply to real life. THe world is built around COUPLES! Heh Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted June 4, 2005 Author Share Posted June 4, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Just make yourself look really hot... I guess to be the part you have to dress the part. I do dress hot sometimes, so I think it has more to do with my personality. I'm a programmer, so it's hard to lose the geekness? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 Originally posted by dgiirl I'm a programmer, so it's hard to lose the geekness? No. I work in the IT field as a functional software analyst and new ppl who meet me for the 1st time find it hard to believe I work with computers for a living. I sorta did fit the geek/nerd mold when I was much younger but now I got it going on baby! Some people grow outta that mold and some don't, depends on person. I'd estimate 80-90% of folks I works with are the geeky/nerdy/shy types but then again 10-20% are not. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 Guys couldn't care less about your geeky job if you look hot. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Guys couldn't care less about your geeky job if you look hot. ....it's ALL about the looks for a woman Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 OK. Enough with lessons in Shallow 101. Originally posted by moimeme Having a man just to have a man is the worst possible reason to get yourself a bf. Replied [color=brown]ALPHAMALE[/color] Nice thought but it does not apply to real life. THe world is built around COUPLES! Oh pishtosh. You can do whatever you want quite fine alone. And doing things alone is worlds better than doing stuff with someone who's achingly dull just so you have a male on your arm. Of course it takes a smidge of courage.... it is the fear of being alone There is nothing scary about being alone. Learn to love it. There's a great saying; "A life lived in fear is a life half-lived'. Don't hide in a house like a timid mouse. Get out there and do stuff. There's solo humans all over the place that can be at least friends but you won't meet them if you don't get out and you certainly won't meet them by 'looking hot' and going to bars. Oh, you'll meet guys, sure. Great. Instead, take up activities you like; there you'll meet folks with whom you share interests and you can make friends there, too. And eventually, if a guy comes along, great. If not, you're still enjoying life. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 Nothing wrong with looking hot. I like it when girls take pride in how they look, and I think most guys agree with me. Shallowness is part of the attraction... first thing you see is their looks. It's the first think I notice. If that's shallow, then I'm proud of it. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme OK. Enough with lessons in Shallow 101. In actuality these are lessons in Reality 101 There is nothing scary about being alone. Ask a senior citizen who lives by themselves and have no family and mutiple medical problems what it is like to be alone. Ask a child who's parents died what it is like to be alone. Ask an not-so-attractive overweight man who cannot find a g/f or wife what it is like to be along. The world is built for groups and families and couples. It does not cater very well to single indiviuals. And with that, I'm off to the Pistons game. Go Pistons!! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 Ask a senior citizen who lives by themselves and have no family and mutiple medical problems what it is like to be alone. Ask a child who's parents died what it is like to be alone. Ask an not-so-attractive overweight man who cannot find a g/f or wife what it is like to be along Oh fergawdsakes. She's not a senior citizen or an orphan and I'd say the same to the 'not-so-attractive overweight man'. I know plenty of people living healthy, happy, and fulfilled lives on their own. Sure, they'd like someone but they don't stay home alone and pining away, nor do they grab onto any old human just to have another human around. You only get one life - best not waste it staring at the walls and wishing for different. If that's shallow, then I'm proud of it. Be still my heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 Hi dgiirl, In my opinion, I believe that people tend to hold on to the past relationships because they grow so accustomed to the other person. They develop such strong feelings for the person that we tend to say to ourselves that "this is the one" "I have never been so happy". We grow to close to these people that we believe that this is the type of person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you want to cure this, you need to look at yourself and realize what the good qualities are that you possess. Repeat them over and over in your mind and you will gain the confidence that you need to realize that you are this type of person and you deserve better. Like your signiature reads, "don't waste your time on a possible relationship. There is always something better". Your past relationships obviously ended because it was impossible to continue on with. I personally believe that one door doesn't close without a new one opening. All of us are pretty in our own ways. I am sure that you are very beautiful. As a guy, I can admit that I have seen many beautiful women before and I was afraid to approach them because I felt that they were out of my league. Did you ever think that maybe you don't have the ton of guys flock around you because they feel the same way that I use to? The fear of rejection is definently a reason. It is all about the confidence. The only way that you can stop the intimidation is to initiate the conversation. Now I am not saying that you are, but I know that some people, guys and girls alike can come off as stuck-up. maybe you come off as that to certain individuals, whereas initiating a conversation with them is a great idea. When you see a cute guy and you think that he is out of your league, it's the confidence factor. If you really are interested in wanting to talk to one of these lads, again, stand back and point out all the good qualities that you have and that should gain you the confidence to strike up a conversation. If the unfortunate happens and he is not interested, keep your head up high and realize that tomorrow is a new day, with endless possibilities and many more cute guys. You will meet your Mr. Right, I am sure of it. To become a Merin, again look at your good qualities and you will soon realize that you are beautiful and amazing in your very own unique way. Just like you for who you are and your knight in shining armor will come to you when you least expect it, that is how it usually works. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted June 4, 2005 Author Share Posted June 4, 2005 Thanks Riddler! I never really thought about the stuck up thing. Perhaps you might be right. I am a bit of an introvert and shy, and a lot of people associate that with being stuck up. Starting a conversation is difficult, but I guess I have nothing to lose by trying Also, the self confidence thing does play a part in it. Instead of talking negatively to myself, I need to figure out my traits and keep replaying them in my head. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 Originally posted by dgiirl Thanks Riddler! I never really thought about the stuck up thing. Perhaps you might be right. I am a bit of an introvert and shy, and a lot of people associate that with being stuck up. Starting a conversation is difficult, but I guess I have nothing to lose by trying Also, the self confidence thing does play a part in it. Instead of talking negatively to myself, I need to figure out my traits and keep replaying them in my head. Your very welcome. Glad to help out. My ex was a bit shy as well and she came off as stuck up as well. You have nothing to lose at all by starting up a conversation. Some guys find it as a good quality for a female who initiates a conversation. Life's too short to be wrapped up in your negative qualities. Think positive. Best of luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 5, 2005 Share Posted June 5, 2005 You just aren't ready yet to find somebody else. I think everybody thinks they'll never meet another "right" person for them. You're not in a good place right now and there is healing still going on. Somebody will catch your eye and knock your socks off when you're least expecting it. And with that, I'm off to the Pistons game. Go Pistons!! They're gonna lose. (*Now I run and hide!LOL*) Link to post Share on other sites
BigB Posted June 5, 2005 Share Posted June 5, 2005 I think wwiu is right, sounds like you not quite ready yet, but it's still good that your trying. Your a cool chick, and the geeky-ness is attractive to some of us.. it's sort of like the librarian thing, when they loose the glasses, take the hair down, put on a skirt, and some makeup, WOAH! Plus geeky chicks often have more in common with us geeky guys. I mean if I found a girl who wanted to play video games with me, instead of complain that I play them to much Or a girl who likes sci-fi movies and understands me when I'm talking geek Now you guys have me wondering if my own shy-ness/introverted-ness is putting people off... Maybe it makes you a little un-approachable? I'd bet if you just walk up and say hi to guys they will start talking.. I love it when girls do that, it takes out all the guess work.. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted June 5, 2005 Share Posted June 5, 2005 I think you'll be way off track if you go comparing yourself to women like Merin who appear to have their pick of the litter when it comes to guys. Being pretty is going to make it easier to get a guy, but it won't make it easier to get a good guy. When it comes to finding a good guy, I'd say women are pretty much all in the same boat. So you'd be better off just valuing yourself and not worrying about not being pretty enough. When you value yourself for more than just your looks, you should find those around you doing the same. Link to post Share on other sites
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