DC77 Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 Grace is not my strongsuit and I'm trying to untangle a mess ive gotten myself into involving an ex boyfriend, mutual friends, and a trainer. I'm hurt and pissed but would like to get out gracefully... The predicament: On one hand I've been processing and trying to move on from a relationship that I walked away from 5 months ago. He was the first man in 5 years that I've had real feelings for but he turned on me. He was making it almost impossible to stay. I attributed it to a career change and him having to relocate a thousand miles away. I've at times questioned my decision that day. I realize I may have loved him, and I recently professed this to him in a closure email to move forward into the new year... In the meantime, I've been trying to balance a friendship with mutual friends. They are an older couple that are as much friends as they are parental types. They befriended me early in our relationship and have been there for me through the breakup. I value their friendship very much... All of my work towards closure and maintaining friendships has been thrown for a loop now. Being overly trusting of this man, I contacted a woman he introduced me to at an event to help me train for a race. She's a personal trainer. And I believed him when he said he wasn't interested in her and just friends. I started following her FB posts for her and her services and realized a recent breakup sounded too much like my ex and the timing of his departure were too coincidental. It was completely unexpected and never crossed my mind. Thank you Facebook... It's speculation and nothing is confirmed, but it sounds very likely they were involved. Yet I had already contacted her for training and paid for classes. I've already been to two, but have not come face to face with her. I'm really trying to be the bigger person in all this, but I can't help but be a little hurt and angry. Even worse, if he was cheating on me with her, it would explain his erratic behavior towards the end. He would snap at me over petty things like asking what he wanted for dinner. He flipped when I asked him about her too. She would send lengthy texts about her day and training. He would even show me. So I didn't want to be the jealous type and trusted when he said they were only training friends. He was very adamant that he was monogamous to only me, which is why I attributed his behavior to the move. Now I'm left with WHAT IF? What if it's true? Uhg, I'm such an idiot! How do I find out? Will finding out really accomplish anything? And if it's true, I feel so betrayed by our friends. I asked outright if she knew if he was dating and she said that she didn't know of him dating anyone. What if she knew he was. And what if she knew he was cheating!?? How do you even ask?? And how do you get out of something like this gracefully without burning bridges?? Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 I don't think you're going to get the answers you're seeking for even feel better for asking, because if this trainer has some investment in the situation (either as your ex's platonic friend or because she's currently involved with him or is interested in him), she's not going to be forthcoming with you. She's not obligated to be forthcoming to an ex-girlfriend either. I'm not sure what role the couple you're friends with played in this, but as difficult as it sounds, I'd suggest just detaching from the situation with your ex as much as you can. Don't contact him, don't ask mutual acquaintances about him, don't look him up on facebook, go out with your friends who are closer to you than to your ex. It will go a long way in helping you to move on from this relationship. If you feel uncomfortable continuing on with this woman as your trainer, just cancel with her and find another trainer. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 Just cancel with this trainer if you feel uncomfortable. Maybe you can get some of your money back if not just let it go. If you think the couple knew about the trainer and your ex, cut them off also. They are alot older than you anyway. Maybe find new friends closer to your own age. It really doesn't help you to keep going over your breakup and what went wrong. You made your closure with him so now it's time to put that stuff behind you and move forward with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
pro100pk2 Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 just a dangerous mix Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts