norro Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 I will be married for 4 years this coming march. I'm 29 years old my wife is 4 years older than me and from since our honeymoon our sex life sucks. She doesn't initiate sex, doesn't kiss, doesn't know how to be seductive, and doesn't like me to touch her, doesn't like wearing lingerie's. I've spoken to her about this countless times and nothing has changed. I love sex and I love for a woman be fully engaged with me. When we have sex I have to do everything it feels like I'm having sex with myself. This is the first ever experience with a woman that doesn't have a sexual appeal about herself. I don't know when shes horny, I don't know when shes turned on. When I initiate sex she doesn't even get wet. This really has me thinking that shes not attracted to me, but I've asked her and she says that is, but when she was younger her mom told her to never let no one touch her and she's kept that in her head. I've told her she's married now, but still nothing's changed. She's told me stories of ex's in her past and it seems like she was more engaged with them. I don't know what else to do, if I had known this I would've never married her. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 I'm sorry to hear it. How was she and your sex life before marriage? Has anything changed since the wedding? Stress, money, family stuff etc.? It does seem very strange for someone to go cold turkey which tells me there is more to the story than you're letting on. If she's 4 years older than you she should be heading into the sexual prime of her life. Or at least I did when I hit mid thirties. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 It reads to me like you two chose to not have sex until you got married; either that, or she's cut you off since getting married. IF what she says is true (that her mother planted some sort of sex-hang-up seed in her head), then you have very limited choices...most of which are NOT pleasant: * she gets counseling and gets cured; * you learn to live without sex; * you learn to live without sex within your marriage and start having affairs; or * you two get a divorce. Best of luck with your choice, OP. This is why I would never fall in love someone - let alone marry him - without several *test-drives*, first. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bilski04 Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 get out now or before you know it you will have been married 20 years and in a sexless marriage. (ask me how I know) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 if I had known this I would've never married her. So you waited until marriage to have sex? Honestly, if she doesn't see it being a problem, then you should cut your losses now because it will NEVER change and - as others have said - you will have a lifetime in a marriage like this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author norro Posted January 11, 2016 Author Share Posted January 11, 2016 Nothing has changed. We chose not to have sex while we dating, but we messed around and gave oral sex to one another but never fully engaged with sex. It seemed like she was more engaged before we dating. I thought that it would be even better the way she talked about things before we got married, but I guess I was wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author norro Posted January 11, 2016 Author Share Posted January 11, 2016 I've been with a 35 year old woman when I was 25 and the sex was amazing, in many cases I wish I could experience that with my wife but i don't see that happening. I need sex in my life can't live without it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Itsfriday Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 A wife who doesnt show loving and affection isnt much of a wife. Especially when it comes to sex, women know the importance of it. You need to tell her that this is important to you and it should be important to the both of you. If she cant fix it well i think you know what needs to be done. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 I need sex in my life can't live without it. Are you ready to call your marriage quits? Does your wife realize you are at a breaking point? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 Was she a virgin when you married? Maybe you need to read some books together. Watch some 'educational' films (I don't mean porn. I mean 'those' pretty tame 'training' but you see everything films) when I was young a friend got one of those & I found it more of a turn on than real porn & more realistic, less demeaning or hard core for her. Maybe she liked all the foreplay. Some women orgasm more that way. If she was innocent with hang-ups she just needs to 'find herself'. Know what I mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Author norro Posted January 11, 2016 Author Share Posted January 11, 2016 The thing is when I'm serious she takes things as a joke. Quits has crossed my mind multiple times and I have nothing to loose at this point, but I hope I dont have to route that yet. I don't want to be a cheater, but due to the situation it's very challenging. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 If it's me I sit down with her and let her know that your at the end of your rope with her and the way she makes you feel rejected. You don't have to holler or scream because when you do that, for the most part they don't really here what your saying so speak clearly and let her know that your just about done, your considering ending the marriage and if she wants the marriage to work the her actions will determine if the marriages can be saved or if you call it quits. Then say no more ans now it's up to her and if there is no progress then end it but beware that she just doesn't blow sunshine up your pant leg and then fall back to her old ways. Good luck. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 If you divorced her, would you be able to get someone better that was into you sexually? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author norro Posted January 11, 2016 Author Share Posted January 11, 2016 Virgin! Ha! Not at all. At the beginning of our marriage everything was so heated when it came to sex and divorce was really on my mind. My mom ended up buying those educational videos and we watched one, but I had to force her to watch that and their were more discs to the set. I told her and even showed articles, videos, etc on what she could do, but in one ear and out the other. She doesn't even like to take clothes off during sex (I can't stand it). I've told her how does she expect me to stay hard if she doesn't do anything. I remember times with other people when my penis use to be throbbing due the sexual intensity from the thoughts, texts, etc. I wanna be experiencing this all the time, but my wife is so cold or clueless on what it takes to keep a man happy which I don't understand. Isn't this something a woman should know to do naturally? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 Isn't this something a woman should know to do naturally? No. It *is* learned and there are people - not just women or men - who never learn it. At her age, it sounds like she isn't interested in pleasing you and is quite content with the status quo. Your Mom gave you videos and you didn't even watch them all? Sorry, my friend, you walked in to this marriage with hopes and expectations without having all the necessary discussions. Have you had children together? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 ...Isn't this something a woman should know to do naturally? Oh, boy...oh, no...not at all. Most girls/women learn to enjoy sex and how to make love by having an experienced and/or patient partner who can guide them through it... ...no, we are NOT created to innately know how to provide pleasure to a man...and how to enjoy it ourselves while providing pleasure to another person. Please remember...it's a relatively new development in the human species that we women are even allowed to enjoy the act; prior to that, it was viewed as simply an obligation we had to endure. Some men - and women - still view it as that...for the female in the equation, anyway. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author norro Posted January 11, 2016 Author Share Posted January 11, 2016 No kids at all. I watch videos all the time to make things better. She doesn't make any attempt to make things better or try to learn. She doesn't even wanna touch herself or try. Open to new thing that pertains to sex isn't in her vocabulary. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 I'm sorry but I doubt this will ever get better. You're going to have to make some hard decisions. A relationship/marriage/great sex requires both partners to participate. It doesn't sound like your wife is all that interested in any of it and you will only grow to resent her more every day. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 The thing is when I'm serious she takes things as a joke. Quits has crossed my mind multiple times and I have nothing to loose at this point, but I hope I dont have to route that yet. I don't want to be a cheater, but due to the situation it's very challenging. This kind of rationale is exactly what will keep you trapped with her for YEARS. She absolutely will not change. You can talk until the cows come home but you will end up exactly where you started. What you see and experience right now is exactly what the next 30 or 40 years of your life will look like. And, btw, her age has nothing to do with it. She is WAY too young to have lost interest in sex. Walk away from this before you waste any more of your life on this ridiculous relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 Book two appointments... one with a marriage counselor (who should be able to refer you to a sex therapist if necessary), and one with an attorney. Then ask her which appointment she'd like to attend with you. Women can be as stubborn as men sometimes. And just like men, they won't think you mean business until you actually do mean business. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Rachel 20166 Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 I will be married for 4 years this coming march. I'm 29 years old my wife is 4 years older than me and from since our honeymoon our sex life sucks. She doesn't initiate sex, doesn't kiss, doesn't know how to be seductive, and doesn't like me to touch her, doesn't like wearing lingerie's. I've spoken to her about this countless times and nothing has changed. I love sex and I love for a woman be fully engaged with me. When we have sex I have to do everything it feels like I'm having sex with myself. This is the first ever experience with a woman that doesn't have a sexual appeal about herself. I don't know when shes horny, I don't know when shes turned on. When I initiate sex she doesn't even get wet. This really has me thinking that shes not attracted to me, but I've asked her and she says that is, but when she was younger her mom told her to never let no one touch her and she's kept that in her head. I've told her she's married now, but still nothing's changed. She's told me stories of ex's in her past and it seems like she was more engaged with them. I don't know what else to do, if I had known this I would've never married her. I hope you married her for more than just a sex life.... I feel the same, I get rejected all the time by my other half even when I put sexy lingerie on. Its weird. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 Virgin! Ha! Not at all. At the beginning of our marriage everything was so heated when it came to sex and divorce was really on my mind. My mom ended up buying those educational videos and we watched one, but I had to force her to watch that and their were more discs to the set. I told her and even showed articles, videos, etc on what she could do, but in one ear and out the other. She doesn't even like to take clothes off during sex (I can't stand it). I've told her how does she expect me to stay hard if she doesn't do anything. I remember times with other people when my penis use to be throbbing due the sexual intensity from the thoughts, texts, etc. I wanna be experiencing this all the time, but my wife is so cold or clueless on what it takes to keep a man happy which I don't understand. Isn't this something a woman should know to do naturally? OP, please keep your mother out of your sex life. Sorry, but if your wife knows mommy is privy to these problems it's only going to further turn her off. Having said that,you two need to book an appointment with a marriage counsellor. This problem is already seriously affecting your marriage and if your wife refuses to consider or co-operate, I would advise ending the marriage. Neither of you will be happy with this forever. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 I will be married for 4 years this coming march. I'm 29 years old my wife is 4 years older than me and from since our honeymoon our sex life sucks. She doesn't initiate sex, doesn't kiss, doesn't know how to be seductive, and doesn't like me to touch her, doesn't like wearing lingerie's. I've spoken to her about this countless times and nothing has changed. I love sex and I love for a woman be fully engaged with me. When we have sex I have to do everything it feels like I'm having sex with myself. This is the first ever experience with a woman that doesn't have a sexual appeal about herself. I don't know when shes horny, I don't know when shes turned on. When I initiate sex she doesn't even get wet. This really has me thinking that shes not attracted to me, but I've asked her and she says that is, but when she was younger her mom told her to never let no one touch her and she's kept that in her head. I've told her she's married now, but still nothing's changed. She's told me stories of ex's in her past and it seems like she was more engaged with them. I don't know what else to do, if I had known this I would've never married her. Divorce before you have kids and are stuck for life. You can read thousands and thousands of stories on the Internet of sexless marriages (just google it) and nothing ever changes. It's only been 4 years married. That's not long. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 Virgin! Ha! Not at all. At the beginning of our marriage everything was so heated when it came to sex and divorce was really on my mind. My mom ended up buying those educational videos and we watched one, but I had to force her to watch that and their were more discs to the set. I told her and even showed articles, videos, etc on what she could do, but in one ear and out the other. She doesn't even like to take clothes off during sex (I can't stand it). I've told her how does she expect me to stay hard if she doesn't do anything. I remember times with other people when my penis use to be throbbing due the sexual intensity from the thoughts, texts, etc. I wanna be experiencing this all the time, but my wife is so cold or clueless on what it takes to keep a man happy which I don't understand. Isn't this something a woman should know to do naturally? I hope you're not watching tons of porn.... Link to post Share on other sites
Phoenician Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 Welcome to the club , I ignored red alerts early at marriage and now I am suffering hell from sex rejection .... From what I see I think your wife is like mine ; there are 2 possibilities : either she doesn't love you ; or more probably like my wife : -A spoiled lazy child , careless , with a border line personality caused by socio / religious/fake surrounding . -refuses/ doesn't care about what makes me or my kids happy ( not a giver personality type). her needs are valid whatever they are , your needs means nothing to her . I think they married us for social security only . If you want to end up like me , married 18 years , with three kids ; sexually rejected , suffer more because i am not a cheater, stuck and anxious all the time , masturbate 5 times a week and does a vanilla intercourse where you are not allowed even to give oral if lucky ; same feeling if you use a masturbator ; actually sometimes the sucking machine is even better . if you can handle all this , go ahead and stay with her . my advise , throw the towel , with minimum pain , divorce her . no training will make her better , she seems to be LD (or asexual); you seem to be HD ++. it is a suicide to stay in such a marriage . sorry , that's my opinion . * she gets counseling and gets cured; * you learn to live without sex; * you learn to live without sex within your marriage and start having affairs; or * you two get a divorce. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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