valparaiso2 Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 Male, 26 years old. I feel bad even by posting this message. However; this is my situation. I am in a long term relationship and I believe I love my girlfriend. However at the same time - and over a long time - I have been very interested in another girl who I only know distantly. I feel bad about it in a sense, because in all I am quite happy. However I can not forget the other girl, and I can not stop thinking about whether life could be better with her. It is not a simple question. In my world, I can not flirt with the other girl, because I want to stay loyal towards my girlfriend. The other girl may or may not be interested in me. Of course there is the option of risking it all, break up with my girlfriend, and invite the other girl out. But I estimate my chances to be low with the new girl. And even though it might be the most right thing or the most proper thing to do - to do it that way (breaking up and trying), I find it overwhelming to give up my whole life which is quite good, only to chase a very abstract dream. On the other hand, that dream could never be realized if I dont act (but I cannot to that unless I quit the good relationship, I suppose its not a good idea to try to talk to the other girl before I would be available). Is there any advices on this problem. I feel like a coward, but I believe I love my girlfriend. Its only that I have the feeling that things could be even better. I know I sound like a bad person, but this is the situation. Thanx for any reply. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 Sounds like you're not inlove with your girlfriend anymore. Maybe you need to be on your own and see if you miss your girlfriend, if you can live without her for a while. DO NOT PURSUE this OW until you sort out what you truely feel for you gf. It is not fair to yourself, let alone her, to settle. 6 years is a long time and if you're not feeling a long term life love with this woman, END IT NOW. Do not ever get married if you feel this way. Don't live a lie and don't ever settle. Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted June 5, 2005 Share Posted June 5, 2005 When you love someone you usually know it. You should break up with your gf. You only stay with her because you're afraid of being alone. You're just settling for her. If you knew it would work out with the other girl you'd leave your gf in a heart beat. Thats why you stay with the gf, out of fear. What will happen is eventually you'll meet another girl for whom you know is a sure thing, and you'll either break up with your gf or cheat on her. Why not treat her with the respect she deserves and leave her so she can find someone who loves her. She doesn't deserve to be someone's 2nd choice, or the girl they settled for out of fear. She deserves to be someones entire world, their soulmate, that someone most likely isn't you. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted June 5, 2005 Share Posted June 5, 2005 Why risk a relationship over a crush you have maintained throughout the years? If you want to take a break, be prepared that it most likely will be a break-up. And then you might be wondering for the rest of your life why you threw your happiness away, even if it works out with this other girl. But you can't undo your actions. If in subsequent relationships this might come to haunt you. If it does not work out, and your current gf will give you another chance, she will have a scar. She might be wondering when you are leaving again, for the rest of her life. And perhaps be looking for another man, who would not inflict this injury on her. You and her would have a hard time dealing with that. If it does work out, which is questionable, the new-gf might be afraid that you are doing something similar to her. Remember, she is an idealized person in your head, so chances that things work out are slim. I don't think your settling feelings are caused by your gf, but by your life-style. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted June 6, 2005 Share Posted June 6, 2005 Also keep in mind that the idea of leaving one person for another person tends to suggest that you're not entirely able to be happy/fulfilled without SOME person. You might like your g/f just fine, but you're looking for a person to plug up something in you. It's possible. If it's not the case, then the answer is (1) you're not really for full committment (nothing wrong with that) and (2) you're into someone else and your g/f doesn't have the attributes to overcome that. Assuming you're whole on your own, just sounds like you don't dig your g/f anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
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