My boyfriend wont have sex, I've found out he's chatting to others and more... (Gay)

[Pixelite]

Hey guys,

 

 

Sorry this is a bit of a long one but really need some advice!

 

In need of some relationship help! I'm 29 and in a relationship for just over a year with a 26 year old guy. It's my first relationship in many years. We met on Grindr of all places, but started dating and didn't start getting sexual in any way until quite a few dates in.

 

It was quite awkward though, we would often be fully clothed and teasing until eventually took it a bit further, but it was still just a little awkward. I thought it was because he was perhaps a little frigid and inexperienced, as he was making me do all the work, like it was me all over him instead of the other way round. Unfortunately it didn't happen often, and it was always me trying, then a few months in, every time I tried, he would reject me, and even get angry and frustrated at me making an attempt to get intimate.

 

I assumed this was just a phase or he just wasn't feeling into it, however this went on for about 6 months. During this time, he started to get very short with me quite often, ill tempered, seemed bored all the time around me, and also made less and less effort to see me. I'm quite naive and I put up with it all until a friend found him active on Tinder which pushed me over the edge. I confronted him about it, but he denied it was him, quickly claimed it was fake and avoided talking to me about it. Shortly after this we kept arguing and I sat him down to tell him I can't do it anymore, he just doesn't seem to care about me or the relationship and I give up. He had nothing to say to me, just shrugged. However when he went to leave, he started getting upset and I gave in to him. He gave him another chance, and that night for the first time we had the only non-awkward sex ever. It was what I wanted from the beginning!

 

However, it never happened again. This was back in May and I have made many many attempts to try again but he angrily rejects me each time. I may get as far as trying to erm, pleasure him, but he doesn't seem to enjoy it and just pushes me away quickly. I have asked him why this is happening a few times, but he keeps shrugging and saying he just doesnt want to. At one point he said he had no sex drive.

 

Our relationship now involves us seeing each other every weekend, but we are more like good mates who kiss, and thats it. We are rarely all lovey dovey or anything. I also find it difficult to communicate with him during the week, its as if hes not really interested and its always me sending the first text or asking to do something.

 

Just recently, I've made some discoveries. He let me borrow his tablet computer for a while as mine had packed in, but had forgotten to log out of everything. It was also synchronised with his phone. It revealed loads! The whole thing was riddled with porn and filth. There were hundreds of torrent videos which were mostly daddy porn and XXL c*ck porn. He had Dropbox and Box accounts with naked photos and masturbating videos of himself that he had taken recently and while I was seeing him. I can also see that they had been sent out just the past week. There was lots of other men too. I also noticed videos that seemed to be of him with other men. Oh and I can see he had been using the app Scruff on there too.

 

As it was synced with his phone, I could see his Facebook messages popping up and emails. I avoided looking as much as I can but I could clearly read them, they were him flirting and talking dirty with other men. The most difficult thing to find though was an email pop up which was part of a conversation about him hooking up with a guy travelling to the local area. He had responded to a casual encounter ad on Craigslist. Whether this happened or not im not sure, but he often goes quiet some days, I have no idea where he is, or he clearly lies about where he is or has been.

 

I feel bad but I got curious about Scruff, downloaded the app to have a look, and low and behold, there he is, topless photo (i recognise it) and a profile stating that hes looking for everything from relationship to random play, looking for jocks, geeks and muscular guys. He was online just yesterday.

 

For some reason I'm finding it difficult to confront him about it. He gets angry and defensive very quickly. I want to know why I have spent all my time and effort waiting for him to have some physical interest in me, only to find he's been giving his body away to other people. i cant prove hes actually met anyone, as he could just like the fantasy of talking to other guys. But why would he talking about meeting people? Do guys do this?

 

I'm wondering if this is a common scenario or if its happened to anyone before or if anyone can make out what's going on here? I dont understand why he wouldn't want to be intimate with me as I'm a good looking guy, I have a decent body and I love him. He says he loves me but it doesn't feel mutual.

 

The only other things worth mentioning is that he seems to have very sensitive testicles, even if I touch them gently by accident it makes him feel a 'painful tickle', what he describes as someone punching him there on every touch. Another thing is that I randomly noticed that he had searched for syphillis and neurosyphillis and his local sexual health clinic details which is concerning.

 

Sorry for the long text, would really really appreciate some help here to find out what's going on and what I can do....

 

 

Thanks!

[ExpatInItaly]

....what in the what?

 

OP, you need much more self-esteem and much stronger boundaries Why have you tolerated this for so long? His Tinder account wasn't fake, and you both know it. That is where this should have ended.

 

What do you mean, you're wondering what you can do? You leave him. He doesn't love you and honestly doesn't even seem that into you. Get rid of him. He will know exactly why.

 

And get yourself tested for STIs. His searches for syphilis are huge warning bells clanging.

[RySant]

Hi!

 

I am a gay guy, too so let me be frank and truthful to you.

 

You are his back-up. That's all.

 

He's not into you anymore and obviously he is fooling around. This is NOT normal and if I was in your position, I would leave the relationship IMMEDIATELY!

 

Dude, you are a good looking guy (As you claimed) and also very loving and attentive (As you relayed in here) why would you settle on someone who clearly doesn't give anything back to you?

 

Again, I am positive he is cheating. No people, gay or straight, will keep logging in to date apps and have nude photos and videos plastered online without any plans to hook up with whoever will like what they see.

 

I am sorry that you're experiencing this but you are 29. You'll definitely FIND someone much much better. Dude, he's not worth it. At all.