Cold turkey approaching women and getting her digits

[LookAtThisPOst]

First, pretty much ignore any thing said on these forums about "approaching a woman in public."

 

Ignore those here that say, "I don't like being approached <insert wherever venue here> it's all irrelevant." Why? Confidence. Women are attracted to confidence.

 

Afraid to approach her at the gym? Who cares, you're showing confidence.

 

Afraid to approach her at a the store, who cares, talk to her, ask her out, etc. = confidence.

 

Agreed?

 

I had been talking to a friend of mine and apparently he has success with meeting women in person. He's a sports buff and tends to hang out at sport bars/restaruants to watch the game. He's a social butterfly and will talk to anyone, usually about the game, but if he gets to talking to a woman he's attracted to for that evening...he has no qualms of asking her out or for her #.

 

He says too many men pussy-foot around saying, "I'll wait until next time I see her" or they need to have more time in being around here...like if you share a college class with them or a church group or what ever.

 

Even cold-approaches are favorable. His success rate has been well, but he's not without rejections either.

 

His point was to get over what other people think and just make clear your intentions. Whether it be a bookstore, or wherever, doesn't matter. You shouldn't care what she thinks or what the outcome is.

 

Say something basic like, "I think you're cute, I'd like to get to know you better...may I take you out?"

 

If she says "No", say "thank you" and move on...if she says yes, more power too you.

 

Thoughts on this?

Edited January 11, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redacted link to dating coach blog ~6

[GoodOnPaper]

His point was to get over what other people think and just make clear your intentions.

 

Coming from someone who did everything wrong, this point needs to be pounded a thousand times over. Between the brain-developing-until-your-mid-20s thing and always being in closed communities (schools) where you see and socialize with the same people all the time, I have to think that a lot of young guys who struggle just get too wrapped up in an "analysis-paralysis" cycle where they worry too much about what others will think. I know I did.

 

Anyway, if I could do things over again, the first thing I'd change is to adopt a when-in-doubt-just-push-forward mindset. Maybe when doing that, some women would be put off by the question being too soon, not enough setup, banter, etc., but that would be part of the live-and-learn experience. Better to err by being too assertive than too tentative.

[hasaquestion]

Coming from someone who did everything wrong, this point needs to be pounded a thousand times over. Between the brain-developing-until-your-mid-20s thing and always being in closed communities (schools) where you see and socialize with the same people all the time, I have to think that a lot of young guys who struggle just get too wrapped up in an "analysis-paralysis" cycle where they worry too much about what others will think. I know I did.

 

Anyway, if I could do things over again, the first thing I'd change is to adopt a when-in-doubt-just-push-forward mindset. Maybe when doing that, some women would be put off by the question being too soon, not enough setup, banter, etc., but that would be part of the live-and-learn experience. Better to err by being too assertive than too tentative.

 

Yes. You don't want to be rude. But you REALLY don't want to be, is a man who doesn't go get what he wants.

 

Once you've made eye contact with a girl it's go time. That's when Highway To the Dangerzone needs to start playing in your head and that's when you walk over and introduce yourself.

 

If you noticed each other, and you wait there twiddling your thumbs, you're telling her more about you than she could ever learn in a conversation.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Coming from someone who did everything wrong, this point needs to be pounded a thousand times over. Between the brain-developing-until-your-mid-20s thing and always being in closed communities (schools) where you see and socialize with the same people all the time, I have to think that a lot of young guys who struggle just get too wrapped up in an "analysis-paralysis" cycle where they worry too much about what others will think. I know I did.

 

Anyway, if I could do things over again, the first thing I'd change is to adopt a when-in-doubt-just-push-forward mindset. Maybe when doing that, some women would be put off by the question being too soon, not enough setup, banter, etc., but that would be part of the live-and-learn experience. Better to err by being too assertive than too tentative.

 

I know what you mean, thing is I know men of ALL ages that hesitate and figure, "Well, if I see her again, text her back and forth throughout the month, take things slow...be chivalrous, etc" This would lead to the friend zone.

 

There's no sense of romance going this route and she'll think of you as a a friend.

 

I know men in their 50s, I know a male single friend in his 50s that messed things up with a good woman...he kept dragging his heals and lollygagging with her when she was ready for the next step.

 

If she rejects you, say "Thank you" and move on. Don't care about what she THOUGHT about your "forward" approach.

 

All that bullcrap about "never approach a woman in the gym" or a woman out anywhere, don't pay attention to them.

 

Why?

 

Because what's the worse that could happen if you do? You get rejected, right and at the same time you ARE displaying confidence. I think men get all wrapped up about being afraid to post until the PERFECT conditions are just right to approach.

[Rejected Rosebud]

I agree that you should do it. Everybody owes it to themselves to try for what they want in life!!

 

That said ... I'm sorry but I find it very intrusive if a man comes up and asks me for my "digits" when I am doing something like working out or whatever, it makes me uncomfortable and I wouldn't ever go for it. That is just me though and I KNOW there are women who would be happy if a man they found attractive approached her "cold turkey."

[rana-rana]

First, pretty much ignore any thing said on these forums about "approaching a woman in public."

 

Ignore those here that say, "I don't like being approached <insert wherever venue here> it's all irrelevant." Why? Confidence. Women are attracted to confidence.

 

Afraid to approach her at the gym? Who cares, you're showing confidence.

 

Afraid to approach her at a the store, who cares, talk to her, ask her out, etc. = confidence.

 

Agreed?

 

I had been talking to a friend of mine and apparently he has success with meeting women in person. He's a sports buff and tends to hang out at sport bars/restaruants to watch the game. He's a social butterfly and will talk to anyone, usually about the game, but if he gets to talking to a woman he's attracted to for that evening...he has no qualms of asking her out or for her #.

 

He says too many men pussy-foot around saying, "I'll wait until next time I see her" or they need to have more time in being around here...like if you share a college class with them or a church group or what ever.

 

Even cold-approaches are favorable. His success rate has been well, but he's not without rejections either.

 

His point was to get over what other people think and just make clear your intentions. Whether it be a bookstore, or wherever, doesn't matter. You shouldn't care what she thinks or what the outcome is.

 

Say something basic like, "I think you're cute, I'd like to get to know you better...may I take you out?"

 

If she says "No", say "thank you" and move on...if she says yes, more power too you.

 

Thoughts on this?

 

So right papi kudos! Coming at us on the spot works best because when a cute guy comes at me quick & hits me up its all gravy from there lol.

 

If a girl shuts u down so what, no biggie, because u not so invested in her anyhow .

 

[Alamo657]

Why? Confidence. Women are attracted to confidence.

 

Afraid to approach her at the gym? Who cares, you're showing confidence.

 

Thoughts on this?

 

Women are attracted by REAL confidence born from personnal success in your life.

Have a great carreer ? Musician in a band ? Important part of whatever community you're in ? People rely on you , look up to you , want to be you ?

You cannot fake all of this, you need to HAVE it.

So in essence cold approach MIGHT work ONLY if you have REAL confidence grounded in actual success with your life.

Then, and only then, will a woman be interested in your cold approach.

 

Also, if you're not good looking, then you better have lots going on.

Edited January 11, 2016 by Alamo657

[hasaquestion]

Women are attracted by REAL confidence born from personnal success in your life.

Have a great carreer ? Musician in a band ? Important part of whatever community you're in ? People rely on you , look up to you , want to be you ?

You cannot fake all of this, you need to HAVE it.

So in essence cold approach MIGHT work ONLY if you have REAL confidence grounded in actual success with your life.

Then, and only then, will a woman be interested in your cold approach.

 

Also, if you're not good looking, then you better have lots going on.

 

Shouldn't that (if you're not unusually good looking, you should have other unusually positive attributes) be common sense?

[mrldii]

OP, I believe your conclusion is what made the saying "Nothing ventured, nothing gained" so popular and so easily related-to by so many.

 

After all, the answer to the question ("Wanna go out?" "Can I have your number?") is always "no" if it's never asked; at least once one does ask, the odds go up to 50% that you'll get a positive response.

[Alamo657]

Shouldn't that (if you're not unusually good looking, you should have other unusually positive attributes) be common sense?

 

It is, but the degree of "positive" necessary has gone out of hand imo.

And physical attractivness gets your laid, but not keep relationships.

[Mrin]

Okay, a few thoughts on this:

 

- women are always way ahead of you in terms of thinking through any situation. By the time you get to "hi" they've already analyzed you several times over. That's just how it is.

 

- in person approaches can work great if you have some sensitivity to body language, timing and surroundings

 

- one timers: if you find yourself in a "one time" situation like a grocery store or a non-regular bar, then going for the digits is a good idea. You see, they're already ahead of you and have figured out that the likelihood of seeing you again is slim. So it is appropriate, if you've chatted them up and they were receptive, to ask for some way to stay in touch so you can take them out.

 

- recurring: if you are in a setting where there is a high likelihood that you're going to see her again, then going straight for the digits is the wrong move. E.g. at the gym. They'd rather be chatted up a time or two before getting the "hey will you go out with me!??!" thrown at them. What's the hurry.

 

Again, it is just situational awareness. The other thing I'll say - unless your ego can take a lot of rejection, if you aren't feeling it back from her, don't bother with the invite out. She'll either: decline, give you the wrong number, ghost you or go out with you once because she feels guilty. None of those are desirable.

[hasaquestion]

It is, but the degree of "positive" necessary has gone out of hand imo.

And physical attractivness gets your laid, but not keep relationships.

 

Has it really? Or are people just more unreliable judges of other kinds of "positive" than they are at evaluating where they stand in terms of looks?

 

I mean, people on this site often lament that the 5% of guys who are the most handsome and tallest and hunkiest have it so good.

 

Well if you're a 5%-er in terms of being accomplished, intelligent, and popular then you are going to have a lot of power in your social life as well.

 

Does that mean women don't care about looks? No. My point is that both men and women tend to overestimate (sometimes wildly) what they bring to the table outside of looks, and then fairly appraise their looks, and then blame it on the looks if they don't have success.

[GemmaUK]

I had been talking to a friend of mine and apparently he has success with meeting women in person. He's a sports buff and tends to hang out at sport bars/restaruants to watch the game. He's a social butterfly and will talk to anyone, usually about the game, but if he gets to talking to a woman he's attracted to for that evening...he has no qualms of asking her out or for her #.

 

You should be asking him what he talks to them about and what signs he picks up from them both before he speaks to them and during their conversation.

[Els]

You know 'cold turkey' means either: (1) going 'cold turkey' off an addiction, or (2) literally a chilled fowl, right? I doubt any woman would be happy about a "cold turkey approaching her and getting her digits". In fact that sounds rather macabre...

[LookAtThisPOst]

You should be asking him what he talks to them about and what signs he picks up from them both before he speaks to them and during their conversation.

 

I have and since it's a bar venue where everyone thee is rooting for the same team usually, thus everyone is there for one thing, so it makes it easy to break the ice with the ladies. He basically would remark on a player scoring next to the woman he chatting up.

 

If he doesn't know her, he introduces himself by name, extends his hand to shake, makes eye contact in a friendly fashion, she'll shake it back, but if she doesn't say her name back...that's the que that she's not interested in talking and doesn't talk further.

 

Fortunately for him, this rarely happens and because he's exuding confidence as he introduces himself. Both being fans of sports helps in this fashion, even if he is just first meeting them.

[GemmaUK]

I have and since it's a bar venue where everyone thee is rooting for the same team usually, thus everyone is there for one thing, so it makes it easy to break the ice with the ladies. He basically would remark on a player scoring next to the woman he chatting up.

 

If he doesn't know her, he introduces himself by name, extends his hand to shake, makes eye contact in a friendly fashion, she'll shake it back, but if she doesn't say her name back...that's the que that she's not interested in talking and doesn't talk further.

 

Fortunately for him, this rarely happens and because he's exuding confidence as he introduces himself. Both being fans of sports helps in this fashion, even if he is just first meeting them.

 

Fantastic!

And he has given you an idea about what to talk about and the social cues you need to look for too (which you always tell me are not required/relevant )!

Go forth and try his tactics out for yourself LATP!

[ZA Dater]

It is, but the degree of "positive" necessary has gone out of hand imo.

And physical attractivness gets your laid, but not keep relationships.

 

I go out fairly often into public spaces, book stores, malls, walking in the streets and I have NEVER EVER seen anyone try this so called cold turkey approach and wonder up to some stranger.

 

 

Maybe it just doesn't happen here.

 

 

Logically unless you are super good looking the chances of getting yes are next to zero because the whole situation is already so weird to begin with that you would need very good looks to rescue it.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I go out fairly often into public spaces, book stores, malls, walking in the streets and I have NEVER EVER seen anyone try this so called cold turkey approach and wonder up to some stranger.

 

 

Maybe it just doesn't happen here.

 

 

Logically unless you are super good looking the chances of getting yes are next to zero because the whole situation is already so weird to begin with that you would need very good looks to rescue it.

 

ZA...okay, how about a venue of strangers say at a sports bar where everyone is watching a game. This means you'll be around strangers for an extended period of time, rooting for the same team probalby. lol

 

Or how about a local town fair or concert?