Not having a car and being in a relationship?

[Stuckdude]

I'm a guy, almost 20 and I don't have a car. And I would like to be in a relationship as I've never had one, but I can't help thinking it will not look good to a girl if I don't drive. So I wouldn't be able to pick up somebody and travel somewhere for a date for example. I am feeling so self conscious about this and wondered what others think and if its something I should worry about or not.

 

I stopped learning because it was such a stressful experience for me for so many reasons. One was that I have mild aspergers and OCD, and I found coordination of everything and concerning safety of others at same time challenging, which affected concentration. It was the cost as well and had dozens of lessons and the instructor still took over the wheel a lot.

 

So I think I'm doing everyone a favour me not being on the road but I look at other men like my age who do drive and think I'm less of a man than them. I'm sure having a car is a real sign of independence to a girl, and can't help think someone would judge me negatively if I said I didn't drive. A girl I liked before sounded disappointed when I said I didn't drive.

 

As I want to meet other girls and hopefully have a relationship, one of the biggest reasons I'm not doing it is because of this fear they won't be interested if I don't drive. I'm choosing not to because of the stress it caused me and I'm doing a course which is stressful enough.

 

But do you think its bad I'm not learning this skill however and will this impede greatly in relationships? Any advice I'd really appreciate.

Thanks!

[rana-rana]

Start working on bettering yourself now papi ok? Since u just 20 so young & whatever u got time to move things along. But get a car for yourself not for her.

Edited January 11, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
deleted unnecessary quote ~6

[carhill]

If you live in an area where driving is a necessity (I do), then it will crimp your dating style. If you can walk, ride bike or get around on public transport, less so. If in a city with relatively dense residential population, shouldn't be a problem.

 

The combination of not driving and your OCD/Aspergers may limit your dating pool but there are still opportunities. Better to stay safe and date fewer ladies. Plenty of time for that stuff. Perhaps, in time, with effort, the obstacles to driving will mitigate.

[brothers343]

This is a tough one my friend, I understand that learning can be hard becouse of what you have. Are you on any medications that would make you concentrate a little bit easier? One good thing about this world we live in is that everyone is different and you might find a girl that likes you and she has a car. You never know what can happen but saying that you will not find a girl that likes you because you don't have a car is a false statement. The good thing is that woman tend to look at the total package and not just the keys.

[loveweary11]

I no longer own a car.

 

U.B.E.R!!!

 

If you send a nice car to pick your girl up and bring her over or to dinner, it's not a negative experience for her.

 

I have not found that getting rid of my car has slowed me down at all.

[MissBee]

While having a car is easier and is less of an impediment than not having one, depending on where you live and how you compensate for it, it may not prove to be a huge problem.

 

There are men who don't have cars and still date and have relationships.

 

As someone else even mentioned, if, for example, you were to hire an Uber to pick your date up, I'm sure she'd appreciate it and would probably overlook the car thing. I live in a city where it's fairly common for most people not to have cars. Most people in their 20s simply rent a Zip Car if they need to drive somewhere out of town or grab an Uber or cab or take the train or bus. However, if you live in the suburbs or where public transportation isn't that great it will pose more of a problem. But like I said, if you can find ways to get around that aren't too inconvenient (Uber for example) then it may not register as a huge problem for your date.

[Stuckdude]

Thanks everyone, and yeah I'm in a small town where most people seem to have cars. Good public transport though. So getting cabs and buses seems the only viable option at the moment. In my lessons I just got so worked up I was gonna cause an accident, even if I had a car I would probably be so worried causing an accident with someone I could like with me!

If for example I said to someone I was dating there was this place which sounded great for both of us to go to, gave directions and she drove to it, that wouldn't be weird or anything would it?

 

I hope I can drive one day any case regardless of relationships, when health and budget allows. Everyone I know seemed to take it so quick and drive around with people they like!

[carhill]

Given your location, if the average woman in your dating pool drives, then IMO your lack of car or driving license will shrink your pool somewhat. While perhaps an adventure, getting around by bus, definitely cost-efficient, can be tedious. Cabs are expensive. Uber or similar may not exist. Nearest big city to me does have some Uber coverage and a ride from the airport to downtown runs about 9 bucks, nearly all freeway and perhaps five miles tops. That's much cheaper than a cab but still more than a buck for the bus. Push come to shove unless the lady is really into you, logistics will point her somewhere else. Heck, I had a car during my dating years, actually two or three and some were pretty cool and still logistics were a problem. 'Coolest' excuse? Well, the early 60's muscle car didn't have air conditioning. Heh. You'll run into stuff like that. Expect it. Good luck!

[central]

I didn't have a car until after college. In HS I had the use of one, but not all the time. I didn't even have access to one in college. My college gf had a car, but she was a commuter student and her parents gave her an old one. That became our car when we got married, but soon after graduation we bought our first car together.

 

 

So, whether you need a car to date depends on what you do and where you are, and to a large extent those circumstances will determine how much that affects your dating ability. If you are working and can't afford a car, then focus on advancing to make more money, or improving your education towards the same goal.

[WaitingForBardot]

I did not own a car until I was over 30 and it did not prevent me from getting/keeping gfs. The only observation I can offer is that women self-selected towards ones that owned a car. Seemed like at least one car was required for a relationship. If they didn't have one it was a big deal, but if they did they just drove, no biggie.

[StBreton]

As someone else stated, do the UBER driving service. It probably cost less than owning a car if you only use for dates.

[Stuckdude]

Unfortunately Uber dosen't operate where I live. I'm from the UK and the closest place they are to me is in London, and I'm in a pretty small town far away from there. Guess I'll have to knuckle down and learn some point then, if the logistics thing is going to steer people elsewhere. I'm not working but have a student loan as I'm at university, but I had dozens of lessons and my instructor said it will probably take me much longer to learn than people who don't have ASD.

Edited January 11, 2016 by Stuckdude

[E-Squared]

I understand the issues it could bring if one does not have a car, and I read it all the time on OLD that a girl would prefer a guy who has a car. I have a friend who does not have a license, but his girlfriend drives and they have been steady for a while.

 

A few years ago, I remember going through a funk because a girl didn't want to talk to me after having told her that I don't have a car. Her interest in me just died like that. Friends of mine told me that she was not worth it.