Are weddings only for women? Men feel indifferent on their big day?

[Bobbi7]

Awhile back, I went on a date with this guy who was married for like 2 years and ending up getting a divorce. I told him that I didn't care about much about getting married, etc. He then told me that the day of his wedding, he didn't feel any different walking down the aisle. I guess he wasn't feeling like the wow, bam, love, cloud 9 feeling...He said that weddings are for women-like the whole wedding dress, the bridesmaids, flowers-its basically all for show. Which, I think is true..I mean, every girl dreams of her wedding, right? While men don't care about it at all? Was he just saying that because his marriage didn't work out or do men generally don't care about their wedding day and the whole big show?

[d0nnivain]

I didn't dream about my wedding. I found planning it to be dreadful.

 

Most men I know especially ones who are happily married participated in the planning to some extent & felt something on their big day. I know DH shed a tear or two. It really was emotional for both of us, more so then I was expecting.

[MissBee]

Every woman doesn't dream about her wedding day. I have friends who, while they want to get married, aren't really into wedding planning and the whole shebang.

 

The wedding industry definitely markets weddings more towards women than it does men, but I think a man genuinely happy to marry a woman will care about the wedding. He may not be all giddy over color schemes and decor but might have certain aspects he cares about.

 

Caring about the wedding and being happy to marry this person are also different. I understand your friend not caring about the actual details of the wedding but if he says he felt indifferent seeing his wife to be walk down the aisle, and they divorced two years later, that's completely unsurprising. He may simply not have really wanted to marry this woman but went along with it. However, in other weddings I have been to, I've seen grooms simply beaming or shedding tears as they see their wife to be coming down the aisle. So they obviously aren't indifferent but feel quite elated or moved about the whole thing.

[CarrieT]

My new husband of two years was very involved in our wedding. It was my second (after 25 years of being single) and his fourth. He cried.

 

He stills brings up that it was the happiest day of his life and whenever there is a wedding scene in a movie or T.V. show, he remarks about how much he loved our wedding.

 

We are in our 50s...

[BettyDraper]

I agree that weddings are generally for women and most men don't care so much about the fanfare. For men, it is more about marrying the love of their life.

 

I will say that there are some women who don't care about their wedding day and I am one of them. I wanted something small and I hated all the emphasis on having a huge party to please my family. My husband felt the same way and he wept during our ceremony.

[carhill]

I mean, every girl dreams of her wedding, right? While men don't care about it at all? Was he just saying that because his marriage didn't work out or do men generally don't care about their wedding day and the whole big show?

 

Everyone's different. A lot of guys are like 'where do I show up and how long is this going to take?' and just want to get back to their normal routine. Others are really into it. Some depends on time of life, especially for folks who've been married a number of times. I've seen the gamut.

 

Personally, even though I'm no longer married, I won't forget our little, but lovely, wedding on the east side of Oahu at a beach house we rented and, yup, I was pretty involved in all the aspects of it, including getting the bride's family from all over the US there, down to going with her to pick out flowers and hire the photographer. To me, it was fun. To another guy, a pain in the butt. We're all different. Would I mind doing it again? Nah, life is about living. Each experience has value. Yeah, the people may come and go and we all go at some point. Make the now count in whatever way we personally value.

[basil67]

My dislike of weddings was one of the reasons my partner and I didn't marry. He wanted four attendants, flowers, dress, party - the whole shebang. I would rather stick pins in my eyes.

 

He wanted either a big wedding or an elopement with a party after. I just wanted a discrete thing with a dozen guests. In the end we used to money to renovate a bathroom.

[Mr. Lucky]

In the end we used to money to renovate a bathroom.

 

Money well spent .

 

I don't know a single male in my circle of friends that cared what color the tablecloths were, how many flowergirls participated or what type of petals were sprinkled. Most of their enjoyment, mine included, was by association in seeing our spouses happy with the proceedings.

 

To me the significance of the occasion was important, the details not so much...

 

Mr. Lucky

[MJJean]

I never dreamed of my wedding. I just wasn't a pretty dress and flowers kind of gal.

 

Not to mention that I wouldn't have been able to get past the money. So, I'm going to spend enough to put a down payment on a house and what do I get for months of stressful planning and all that money? I get a dress that will either be donated or live in my closet forever, some pictures and video, and party lasting a few hours or so. Totally not worth it to me.

 

My DH and I got married at city hall. It was great. The trip to get the marriage license, a phone call to set an appointment with the JP, a ceremony on the appointed day, and done!

 

I don't know a single guy that gave a hoot about the actual wedding. Most of them had no desire for a wedding. They just wanted to get married.

[Sassy Girl]

I wanted to elope. He insisted on the traditional wedding. I was actually indifferent to marriage but he felt so strongly about it I agreed.

[devilish innocent]

To me the significance of the occasion was important, the details not so much...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I think this quote sums up my husband. He wasn't interested in the details of wedding planning like I was. However, I'm pretty sure he still felt the significance of the event. There was a moment during the wedding rehearsal where it hit him, and he had to take a few deep breaths.

[understand50]

We did elope. She did not want a big wedding. Me, I just wanted her, so it worked out.

 

I think everyone is different, so you can not make generalizations.

 

My two cents

[dreamingoftigers]

I didn't dream about my wedding. I found planning it to be dreadful.

 

Most men I know especially ones who are happily married participated in the planning to some extent & felt something on their big day. I know DH shed a tear or two. It really was emotional for both of us, more so then I was expecting.

 

That was about my experience. The only inkling I had about my wedding was that I wanted it at Banff Springs Hotel, which was really put of my financial league at the time, but he single-handedly made it happen! What a guy!

 

My father pressured me to exclude my husband from planning the wedding saying he would "pay for the whole thing" if I cut him out. Which of course is the standard manipulation tactic my father uses frequently and smartly we set the precedent of saying, "no thanks, we'll plan together, its our day, and we've already planned on paying for the whole thing anyhow."

 

So father refused to come for weeks up to the event. Too bad he finally made it. A litany of complaints about how it was "alcohol-free" so this "must have been a personal attack on him."

 

So husband abd i did plan it together. Start to finish in seven weeks. It was beautiful. My husband cried at the altar. Friends were great. We both were very much in love.

[dreamingoftigers]

My dislike of weddings was one of the reasons my partner and I didn't marry. He wanted four attendants, flowers, dress, party - the whole shebang. I would rather stick pins in my eyes.

 

He wanted either a big wedding or an elopement with a party after. I just wanted a discrete thing with a dozen guests. In the end we used to money to renovate a bathroom.

 

Basically for us: 17 guests.

 

Made sure everything was "pretty."

 

Main wedding colour was red because we could get four bridesmaids outfits in red in under seven weeks. Made sure the dresses were fairly plain so that the girls could re-use them for other occasions if they so chose. Also was easy to get guy stuff with red accents in that time-frame.

 

Husband was picky about his tux.

 

Flowers were roses and not too many because they are expensive.

 

Reception was a meal at one of the many high-class restaurants there. So we didn't have to worry about "tablecloths" and "DJs" etc.

 

Plus I couldn't wait to get to the bedroom LOL.

 

Friend played the piano. Everything was fairly easy.

[Anderlie]

We had a very small, night time wedding for 36 guests at a pub. I didn't want to spend a bundle and husband would have been happy with the courthouse so that was a nice compromise. He actually did get into it a little bit, probably because it was very minimal planning and he found my thriftiness sexy lol. I always asked for his input and if he cared he offered it, otherwise he let me do whatever. It worked really well actually.

[TX-SC]

My wife and I had a very small wedding. Total guests:10. Total cost: $25. We married, then had no reception. We went home, got dressed in some shorts and a t-shirt then left for our honeymoon. This was her idea. She, nor I, had any interestin abig weddiing.

 

BUT...

 

I was nervous and excited! It was a big step and a huge commitment. No regrets here.

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

Spent 50 bucks at the JoP. Took 15 minutes. No guests. I was wearing jeans.....if that tells you anything. Lol.

 

 

It was fun though! The judge was babysitting her daughter's dog that day and was holding it throughout the ceremony, if you can call it that. Funny stuff. Totally something that would happen to us haha! We have some fun pictures with her and the dog.

[Aniela]

My parents were both tipsy on the big day, thanks to the people around them, and nerves. My Dad dropped off to sleep when they were kneeling in front of the minister, and my mother had to tighten her grip on his hand, to wake him up (he started to fall forward). She started to laugh, and so did my aunt (a bridesmaid). A little old woman leaned over to her, and said, "This is the happiest wedding I've ever been to!"

 

I've known men who have called it the happiest day of their lives. Not just women. And not because they were tipsy. Because they love their wives, and can't imagine their lives without them. (My dad was very happy. You can see it in the photos, but he has also said it.)

Edited January 17, 2016 by Aniela

[road]

Awhile back, I went on a date with this guy who was married for like 2 years and ending up getting a divorce. I told him that I didn't care about much about getting married, etc. He then told me that the day of his wedding, he didn't feel any different walking down the aisle. I guess he wasn't feeling like the wow, bam, love, cloud 9 feeling...He said that weddings are for women-like the whole wedding dress, the bridesmaids, flowers-its basically all for show. Which, I think is true..I mean, every girl dreams of her wedding, right? While men don't care about it at all? Was he just saying that because his marriage didn't work out or do men generally don't care about their wedding day and the whole big show?

 

 

 

 

It's the wedding night that we look forward to.

[georgia girl]

My husband and I planned our wedding together. It was small-ish - only 75 guests - and it was uniquely us. We chose a venue where we have hiked often. My brother-in-law, who is a judge, married us and while we wrote our own vows, he wrote a beautiful ceremony around our vows. We chose catering from the restaurant where we had our first date, wines from our favorite wineries and craft beers from a brew house near us. The band were personal friends and my husband and I both walked up the aisle. He walked his parents up the aisle to "Simple Man" by Lennard Skynnard. I walked up to "I Can't Help Falling In Love with You," by Elvis Presley.

 

It was the most beautiful, amazing day of my life... And painfully non-commercial. It was so personal to us and it needed to be. This was the moment we became a family.

 

My advice to anyone getting married is don't get sucked into the Pinterest wedding drama. Focus on becoming a family and the rest will follow.

[SJS]

We both just wanted to be married and both didn't want the drama or cost of a big wedding, so we went on vacation and got married then. Everyone knew we were going to get married so it wasn't technically eloping. Turned out just the way we wanted.

[Cablebandit]

My involvement was "what time do i show up?" We got married in Italy....my wife, I and a couple of witnesses. It was AWESOME. Everything was pretty much planned by the wedding coordinator and it made it so stress free for my wife. We came back to the states and had a reception for friends/family.

 

With that being said, I felt incredible at our wedding and knew that I was doing the right thing and doing what I wanted to do.

[lemondrop21]

I've seen men cry during their wedding ceremonies and find it very touching. Not that I think every man has to cry, but I think it's an indication that some men feel a great deal. Personally I will be nervous if my future husband says he isn't interested in the wedding and doesn't feel anything about it.

[sambolini]

I personally think that the entire institution of marriage is for women. Men need marriage like a fish needs a bicycle. That would include the wedding day as well.

 

It's all inexplicable to me, anyway. Buying a lump of shiny carbon for the same cost as a major trip just seems like the most ludicrous thing on the face of the planet. I'd rather travel.

 

I'd rather celebrate divorce. THAT'S worth an expensive party!

[Rejected Rosebud]

Men need marriage like a fish needs a bicycle.

Statistically women fare better unmarried than men do, and men have more difficulty when divorced. So I guess SOME men seem to "need" or at least benefit from it!!

 

Buying a lump of shiny carbon for the same cost as a major trip just seems like the most ludicrous thing on the face of the planet.

Buying an engagement ring is not the same thing as getting married.

 

I'd rather celebrate divorce. THAT'S worth an expensive party!

 

That's great! :bunny: You def should be doing that!!