Unrequited Love

[The D Train]

But you are young. Decide now, as hard and painful as it might be, to pick up on one and let the other one ride. The day may come, years from now, when you will have to admit to yourself that you had wished you had followed your heart, and by then it will be too late.

 

So I really want to reach out to her as explained above. My wife blew up at the FB messages and in the heat of the moment said I should call my ex to sort out my feelings. I told her she's in the past and means nothing and I would never call her.

 

 

Do I be honest and tell my wife that talking to my ex may help with some pain I have? This contradicts what I told her that she's in the past and my wife could blow up again.

 

 

Do I go behind her back and send her a FB message that I want to meet for a Starbucks to basically apologize for my past errors and help with the pain I have been carrying around? One my ex could FB message my wife that I have been contacting her. Two, my wife will eventually ask me if I ever ran into or talked to my ex and I will have to tell the truth. My wife knows when I am lying (again FBI interrogation skills).

 

 

We live about 40 minutes apart but I am near her area about once a month for work stuff. I could visit the local hot spots - gas, groceries, Walgreens, etc to increase the probability of a random meeting but this kinda stalker-ish. That way I did not go out of my way to meet up with her.

[Montsan]

D Train...........

 

 

If I were you, I would arrange to meet this girl to talk things over and to see where you both stand. You won't be able to get her out of your mind until you do. You don't have to tell your wife about your meeting. You're not planning on cheating, just planning on talking.

[Montsan]

Call again, leave a message if no answer. Done. Anything that results is the results.

 

I took your sound advice. I called again. No one home. But I'm not going to leave a message.

[The D Train]

D Train...........

 

 

If I were you, I would arrange to meet this girl to talk things over and to see where you both stand. You won't be able to get her out of your mind until you do. You don't have to tell your wife about your meeting. You're not planning on cheating, just planning on talking.

 

I can see where you are coming from. When I was in my late 20s I was still of the mindset that we would reconnect in some way maybe down the road. Same for when I was in my 30s. Now I am getting closer to 50 and as the Adele song goes "we are both running out of time".

 

 

I think just talking and seeing her would help me get rid of the pain I had and reinforce that I ended up with the right person. TBD tho there is a thought in the back of my mind that says maybe there's still something there and who knows where each of us will be in 5, 10 years.

[GorillaTheater]

It's great that you guys have bonded over this and everything, but Jesus.

 

 

Pandora, meet box.

 

 

The only closure anyone in this life gets, ever, is that which comes from within. There ain't an old lost love on the planet who can give it to you.

[carhill]

I took your sound advice. I called again. No one home. But I'm not going to leave a message.

Does the phone go to voicemail? If yes, is it generic or have a human voice? If human, male or female?

[Montsan]

I can see where you are coming from. When I was in my late 20s I was still of the mindset that we would reconnect in some way maybe down the road. Same for when I was in my 30s. Now I am getting closer to 50 and as the Adele song goes "we are both running out of time".

 

 

I think just talking and seeing her would help me get rid of the pain I had and reinforce that I ended up with the right person. TBD tho there is a thought in the back of my mind that says maybe there's still something there and who knows where each of us will be in 5, 10 years.

 

Looks like you and I and a couple of others are the only ones who understand where we're coming from. Again, feelings are what they are, and all the amount of therapy, counseling, and reasoning with yourself in the world won't change that. Follow your heart. The outcome will be what it will be. You're not pushing 50, you're on the lower side of your 40's, and trust me when I tell you that that is still young. Don't look back 20 years from now and regret never having met with her.

[Montsan]

Does the phone go to voicemail? If yes, is it generic or have a human voice? If human, male or female?

 

It is the voice of her husband. I'll try later this evening, later than I have tried, and if no one's home, I'll try Sunday mid morning.

 

 

Dammit. I joined MyLife to get her email, and It says that they are continuously searching for that information and will alert me when something becomes available. They say the same thing for a number of categories.

[carhill]

Does the phone number have an address attached? If yes, send her a card. If you're really anal, like I was, heh, send it for her birthday. I'll bet you know her birthday, right? ha, ha. Like I said, chewing on this takes you away from the lady you say you love and who loves you, I presume. Each minute of it you'll never get back.

[Montsan]

You went through this, too, huh? No, I want to talk to her. I have her address from MyLife. Ideally, I'd like to have her email address. But, that's impossible to find. I just paid to get on a site that supposedly has email info, but they don't.

[carhill]

Sure, not worth wading through 40K posts to find the details though. Suffice to say your situation is your situation and your results will be your results. Sitting on your hands won't get any results unless handprints on your gluts are the result you seek.

 

IME, once the thought process gelled, the nuts and bolts took an hour and, heck, that was a decade ago when the internet wasn't near what it is now.

 

Once you make the choice, you can never take it back. It'll go with you to the grave. If you're good with that, get going.

[Mr. Lucky]

The only closure anyone in this life gets, ever, is that which comes from within. There ain't an old lost love on the planet who can give it to you.

 

Not only is this true but D Train, you prove it by saying:

 

Fast forward 22 years, she is still married to rich guy but now he looks like humpty dumpty, bald with 3 chins. I have turned out to have a very successful career and have lost a lot of weight and am in really good shape. I know it is juvenile but I think it would help me with the pain I had to show her how I turned out.

 

This is about you need for current validation, nothing to do with her or past pain. There are a million ways, from acts of service to athletic competition, for you to address this in a healthy way.

 

TBD tho there is a thought in the back of my mind that says maybe there's still something there and who knows where each of us will be in 5, 10 years.

 

"I wonder if my wife will get mad at me when she finds out I'm planning to (at least emotionally) cheat on her"???

 

Mr. Lucky

[Montsan]

Originally Posted by The D Train TBD tho there is a thought in the back of my mind that says maybe there's still something there and who knows where each of us will be in 5, 10 years.

Mr. Lucky wrote:

"I wonder if my wife will get mad at me when she finds out I'm planning to (at least emotionally) cheat on her"???

 

 

 

 

Wrong. D Train needs to find out where his heart truly lies. And he'd better do it soon before time runs out.

[Popsicle]

As astonishing number of MM are really good at telling themselves that they are not having an EA. They think that sex is the only "real" way to cheat and sex is the only way that the men cheat. And of course, anything emotional is swept under a "just friends" rug.

[waterwoman]

 

Wrong. D Train needs to find out where his heart truly lies. And he'd better do it soon before time runs out.

 

What does that mean other than than he is contemplating ditching his wife for someone else? And that isn't something his w should know?

[Montsan]

Here's a true love story that might put things into perspective:

 

 

George Eiferman was Mr. Universe in 1962. He was in love with a friend's wife, and she was in love with him. He went to visit one day when her husband was gone and they ended up in bed together. She planned to leave her husband for George but then later told George that her husband had begged her not leave and she decided to stay.

 

 

Thirty years later her husband died, and when she called George to tell him, his response was, how does someone ask a woman who has just lost her husband to marry him?

 

 

They married and loved each other until the day he died. Moreover, her son was actually George's, the result of their tryst 30 years before.

 

 

How different and happier their lives might have been had she followed her heart and left her husband?

Edited January 15, 2016 by Montsan

[GorillaTheater]

Here's a true love story that might put things into perspective:

 

 

George Eiferman was Mr. Universe in 1962. He was in love with a friend's wife, and she was in love with him. He went to visit one day when her husband was gone and they ended up in bed together. She planned to leave her husband for George but then later told George that her husband had begged her not leave and she decided to stay.

 

 

Thirty years later her husband died, and when she called George to tell him, his response was, how does someone ask a woman who has just lost her husband to marry him?

 

 

They married and loved each other until the day he died. Moreover, her son was actually George's, the result of their tryst 30 years before.

 

 

How different and happier their lives might have been had she followed her heart and left her husband?

 

 

So leave your wife. Today.

 

 

Or do you want to make sure you have a branch to swing to next, in the form of your old love? That's no kind of sweet story; it's precisely what monkeys do.

[Popsicle]

Here's a true love story that might put things into perspective:

 

 

George Eiferman was Mr. Universe in 1962. He was in love with a friend's wife, and she was in love with him. He went to visit one day when her husband was gone and they ended up in bed together. She planned to leave her husband for George but then later told George that her husband had begged her not leave and she decided to stay.

 

 

Thirty years later her husband died, and when she called George to tell him, his response was, how does someone ask a woman who has just lost her husband to marry him?

 

 

They married and loved each other until the day he died. Moreover, her son was actually George's, the result of their tryst 30 years before.

 

 

How different and happier their lives might have been had she followed her heart and left her husband?

 

 

 

Except your wife is not dead, and George Eifermanin was probably not married when they reunited.

[Popsicle]

Or do you want to make sure you have a branch to swing to next, in the form of your old love? That's no kind of sweet story; it's precisely what monkeys do.

 

As an xOW, let me tell you that this is not the case. lol

Most never leave their wife.

 

He just wants an EA. (consider that she lives on another continent)

[Ms. Faust]

I took your sound advice. I called again. No one home. But I'm not going to leave a message.

 

Maybe they don't answer the phone for strange numbers. My husband gets so much spam if it is a number he does not recognize (even if it is local) he let it go to voicemail.

[waterwoman]

How different and happier their lives might have been had she followed her heart and left her husband?

 

So you want to leave your wife then? Otherwise I don't see the point of this story.

[TaraMaiden2]

Montsan, Maybe they're away on a winter holiday, renewing their vows, on second honeymoon....

Jeesh, look at yourself...

For some weird, immature and juvenile-based memories, you are prepared to venture into unknown territory, possibly unwelcomed and intruding, merely to satisfy a decades-old whim and curiosity based on a fantasy of a week's acquaintance?

Really?

 

You've run this by your wife, have you? This petty smouldering little obsession you have, on the road to ruining your life and quite possibly hers?

 

WHat if she tells you to go away and quit bothering her? I know I would....

 

Maybe you can't find her email because she has deliberately withheld it, or sought to not disclose it.

 

It's a bit like Directory enquiries here in the UK. You can find an address, number of occupants, ages and genders, by searching a particular file (all based on the Electoral register and Nationwide poll) but if there is certain sensitive information the participants opt to NOT disclose, even a site purporting to give access to information on those people, will not reveal it.

 

looks like info deliberately withheld, to me.

 

And rightly so.

 

With so much current scaremongering about Intrusion into privacy, Government controls, right of invasion, I'm not surprised some folk don't want anyone and everyone to know their business....

 

Just pack it in, and leave it alone. What began as a whimsical stroll down memory lane, has rapidly turned into an obsessive trek into a wilderness of deep doo-doos.....

[Montsan]

What's an OW - other woman? What's an EA?

 

 

George Eiferman was married to another woman, but I don't know the particulars of that marriage.

 

 

A lot of people here seem to be of the mind that a person should stay married to their spouse, no matter what. No matter if they are, in fact, in love with another. I say follow your heart. D Train has an opportunity to once and for all find out where his heart lies, and he ought to resolve his feelings while he's got the chance.

 

 

Don't wait until the end of your life and then regret that you never did what you could've done, should've done.

[GorillaTheater]

A lot of people here seem to be of the mind that a person should stay married to their spouse, no matter what. No matter if they are, in fact, in love with another. I say follow your heart.

 

 

I'm with you. I've already suggested starting the divorce proceedings ASAP. Book an appointment with an attorney today and tell your wife tonight.

[TaraMaiden2]

What's an OW - other woman? What's an EA?

Emotional Affair - which can be every bit as hurtful to the BS (Betrayed Spouse) and a PA (Physical Affair.)

 

George Eiferman was married to another woman, but I don't know the particulars of that marriage.

Which is why it was a pointless example...

 

 

A lot of people here seem to be of the mind that a person should stay married to their spouse, no matter what. No matter if they are, in fact, in love with another. I say follow your heart. D Train has an opportunity to once and for all find out where his heart lies, and he ought to resolve his feelings while he's got the chance.

 

 

Don't wait until the end of your life and then regret that you never did what you could've done, should've done.

Yup, I'm with GT on this one (Gorilla Theater).

 

Speak to your wife about this, as you're obviously totally disatisfied, unfulfilled and contented with your marriage. The sooner you discuss the matter with her the better.