thekarmacist Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 been a long time since i've posted. after 8 months silence, i get an email indicating he'd like to get my stuff back to me and that we 'should probably talk.' he knows where i live. just mail the sh*t back already, no discussion needed. we 'should probably talk.' well, i should also probably switch to decaf, too, but i won't be doing that, either. i've got nothing more to say, finally. i didn't realize how well i was doing until i got that lousy 2 line email. it brought back all the anger and pain his depression caused me.
BC1980 Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 Tell him you would appreciate him mailing the stuff back, but you have no desire to talk.
wow123 Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 You haven't had your stuff for 8 months. Do you really need it back? Just seemed a bit odd. That's a long time to go without stuff that's valuable to you. You probably didn't even know if he still had it since you've been NC.
Author thekarmacist Posted January 12, 2016 Author Posted January 12, 2016 i emailed back and let him know to trash it and that there's no need for talking. 4
Neffer Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 He's feeling guilt, remorse, what have you...but its likely to do with him not you or your feelings. I got the "I would like to talk/touch base/email you" message too - what there is to talk about?....um nothing. I am at 8 months or so out too - maybe its something they do. Dunno. My guess is he is working through his issues and thinks sharing any progress or lightbulb moments is something you would need to know/care about. Its selfish really. (just my theory) Anyhow, I am re-angered too. But also not making contact. Losing the "stuff" is a small price to pay for not reopening any of the crap you scrubbed off via NC. Every now and then I regret a book or cd that I lost in a breakup - but its really just a tax for getting rid of a jerk who caused me pain (generally). Stuff can be replaced. Maintaining NC is priceless. Hang in there. Let it fade and roll off. Remember you are free 1
Author thekarmacist Posted January 12, 2016 Author Posted January 12, 2016 it's a setback as all of the negative emotions have resurfaced in full force- but at the same time, it's cathartic in that i now realize that i do not want him back. i ended our almost 10 year relationship when he became impossible and depressed and refused to seek treatment. you know you've reached the end when you don't even care to give them the dressing down they so desperately deserve. the stuff consists of about 5 boxes of books and cds, none of which are of any concern to me. i also have no room for them.
Author thekarmacist Posted January 13, 2016 Author Posted January 13, 2016 after telling the ex to toss my stuff, he has the nerve to write back and ask if that is really what i want. i simply repeated my request that he trash the stuff. hopefully he gets the message. 1
ExtraSpice Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 Obviously the stuff is more of an excuse to establish contact again. Why? I don't really know. Maybe he has hit a difficult point in his life/move on process and is reaching out to the one person he knew for so long. It is selfish but honestly we are only human. I feel majority of people do something like this at some point. That being said you don't owe him anything so your reply of trashing the stuff and not talking is definitely the right approach. 1
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