Venting - Left my girlfriend, months later, I regret it

[AlexanderFL]

Hey! Yesterday, I wrote a novel-sized post on this website about this issue of mine, but before I could post it, it was deleted for no reason. Regardless, this is my first post on here. I know exactly what I should do (No Contact), and I am definitely not initiating any conversation with her. However, I am confused about what she is thinking, so if anyone could perhaps help me understand, it would be greatly appreciated.

 

Me and this girl did not date for very long. We only dated for about two months, which I know is hardly any time at all. Regardless, the relationship had very strong emotion and I cared deeply for her. However, we began fighting almost daily about stupid, insignificant things. Eventually, I snapped, and rather than taking care of the problem, I left her.

 

I am not taking the entire blame for the relationship ending. I know that both of us had many flaws and we both made our mistakes that, unfortunately, led to the relationship ending. Either way, about a week after the relationship ended, we began talking again. She missed me, and made it clear that she still loved me. Initially, I ignored her, but eventually I began to warm up to her. Truthfully, I had been regretting my decision for a while, but I was trying (and failing) to power through it.

 

We started talking every night. We would call each other, and act like we were still dating. We would call each other pet names and say that we love each other. However, she was reluctant to get back together because I had hurt her and it's hard to take that back. I understand why she felt that way, as I would probably say the same thing if I were in her position.

 

Eventually, we stopped talking because she made it increasingly obvious that she didn't want to come back to me, since I had hurt her. A few weeks later in December, she contacted me saying that she got me a present. I was pleasantly surprised, and we slowly began talking once more. More on the present later.

 

We started talking much more frequently, making casual conversation throughout the next few days. One night, we began reminiscing over our relationship (our first kiss, first dance, etc etc). Eventually, she told me "Can I be honest? I'm happy your my first boyfriend. And my first kiss. And my first love. You're an amazing guy and I don't regret anything." Incorrect usage of the word "your" aside, this was one of a few green lights I thought she gave me. Also, a different girl had been messaging me pretty frequently, sending me unsolicited pictures of her body, and my ex was very vocal to me about it, and she got surprisingly protective of me.

 

We continued talking. She kept alluding positively to our past relationship, and I didn't mind at all. The night before New Years Eve, I sent her a Godzilla-sized text message detailing how I felt. it's far too long to include, so to sum it up, I told her that I am still in love with her, and I realise that I hurt her and I fully regret that, but the only way to make it better is to give it a second shot. Additionally, I told her that if we were both happy together, I don't see why we shouldn't look past our previous mistakes, especially since no relationship is perfect.

 

It took her a very long time to reply, but when she did, she said "omg thank you", which is something I'm still a bit confused about. Regardless, to sum up the ensuing conversation, she told me that she still loves me very much, but she is still scared that I will leave her again. I tried reasoning with her, but she replied "but you gave up on me". I told her how people make mistakes, and I am trying to fix my mistake, and she replied that she is sorry, but she is trying to move on, and just wants to be friends. I was crushed, but I am not dumb enough to argue with a decision like that, so I told her I understood, and we wished each other a good night.

 

Needless to say, neither of us had a very good night. In fact, she texted me at 4 a.m., saying "you can't sleep either?". We had a short exchange, but didn't talk for the rest of the day. The next day, I wished her a happy new year, and she said "Thank you my love!". We didn't talk for the next couple days, but we did get in contact eventually. I inquired about when we should meet up to pick up my gift, and she avoided the question numerous times. Eventually, we started chatting a bit, and she said "Who's [girl from my class]? :-))" when she saw that a girl had called me recently. It's strange that she got protective of me there, jokingly or not, since not ten messages later she told me that she has been seeing another guy, undoubtedly during the whole time we had been talking during December, whilst she was flirting with me. I know this guy. He is a student in the lowest level of learning, definitely not the most attractive guy, and wants nothing but to f**k her. I didn't get mad at her though, because if I get angry, then she gets all the power. So I remained calm, told her that I hope he makes her happier than I did (he won't, he is obviously a rebound), and wished her luck. She apologised several times, and I told her that I assume that we aren't meeting up to swap gifts at all, to which she just apologised once more. We bid each other a good night, and we haven't talked since. That was eight days ago.

 

So, basically, what I have gathered is she never had a present in the first place, and simply didn't know how to get me to talk to her, so she pretended that she had got me something so that I would interact with her, if not just for a present. Also, during this entire time, she had already found a rebound relationship that she didn't tell me about, for reasons unknown. I haven't had a real conversation with her since she confessed her new relationship, but today she nervously said hi to me at an after school meeting for an organisation we are both in. Speaking of such organisations, she "coincidentally" decided to join debate club after I had announced my interest in it.

 

So what the hell is she thinking? Under no circumstances shall I initiate conversation with her at this point. However, I know if she does contact me, she will be shy and hard-headed about expressing her feelings. She is a very stubborn person. So, once her rebound relationship falls apart, she will most likely contact me. What do I do then? Do I attempt to make conversation with her, and gradually let her steer the topic towards reconciliation? After reading some threads on this board, I have certainly become more confident, and have been thinking about her less, but if she came back, I would definitely consider (emphasis on consider) getting back with her. Rebound or not, it hurts to know that she is in someone else's arms. If you have read this far, please give me some insight on what she is thinking, or what I should be thinking. Thank you so much, and I apologise for the massive post!

Edited January 12, 2016 by AlexanderFL

[RySant]

I dunno, man. Seems like the guy is just to make you jealous and see if you're still interested in her that much. Both of you are obviously looking for signals that aren't verbal.

 

But if I were you, I will move on. She's with someone already. You deserve to have another shot with someone even if you're the one who broke this relationship.

[goldway90]

She rejected your offer to hangout, she's not that into you, plus there's another man ( her bf) in the picture idk it's not worth it to wait around. Don't contact her, move on with your life and do things you love.

[AlexanderFL]

I dunno, man. Seems like the guy is just to make you jealous and see if you're still interested in her that much. Both of you are obviously looking for signals that aren't verbal.

 

But if I were you, I will move on. She's with someone already. You deserve to have another shot with someone even if you're the one who broke this relationship.

 

 

She rejected your offer to hangout, she's not that into you, plus there's another man ( her bf) in the picture idk it's not worth it to wait around. Don't contact her, move on with your life and do things you love.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if the guy is either to make me jealous or to fill a hole in her life, but what do I do in the event that she comes back? Right now, it appears to everyone that I am over her. I have made a lot of progress, and I think about her less, but I would still be open for a reconciliation with her.

[ExpatInItaly]

Don't wait around.

 

She's met someone else and regardless of what you think of him, she wants to give that a shot. I doubt this is just to make you jealous.

 

And honestly, even if she calls it off and contacts you, it sounds like there's not enough of a solid foundation to build on anymore. You were together such a short time and it doesn't seem as though you meshed all that well, given the amount of arguing so early on. Probably better to just let this one go.