deoppressoliber Posted January 12, 2016 Share Posted January 12, 2016 I'm on an Android keypad here so forgive the bad grammar/ blunt writing. I'll try to condense the backstory, so here it goes. I'm in late 30s, she's in her mid 20s. Been dating for 7 months exclusively. We've had a couple small fights but nothing major but one reoccurring theme is her exboyfriends, guys and male friends. I understand she's a young woman and very attractive with a lot of guys hitting on her. Fine, no problem. She tells me in detail about it- she used to tell me on a daily basis even mentioning the 15 year old boys who said she's hot. Great. She used to regularly have dinner with a 55 year old single guy who "just wants to be friends and at sushi" Fine. She showed me a lewd text from another older guy. Big deal. My point being that she craves the attention. Fast forward. The first month she tells me of her last boyfriend who cheated on her twice, turned out to be a real dick. She broke it off. He pursued her but she claims that she refused to take his calls or talk to him. By the way, we dated about a month later. Then two weeks later she giggling at a text while we're at dinner. I ask who, she says her same ex she supposedly ended. When I called her out of it she refused to talk, got pissed then cried. Fast forward a couple of months. She came home all smiles telling me about a job offer. She said she happened to meet her same ex at a coffee shop in their old neighborhood. It was pure coincidence and they spent an hour catching up. She made sure to tell me that he said "I was a lucky guy". He also said he could pull a few strings to get her a job at his old place. She asked if it was a good idea and I said probably not. You're free to do whatever but there are other jobs rather than a favor from your ex. We calmly talked a little about her ex and eventually she told me they had been in contact- that he apologized for cheating etc. she said it was a significant event because it wasn't his nature to apologize. Maybe closure, not sure but I went along with it. Understandable. Again nothing serious and I feel funny even mentioning but now I noticed a rash of likes to each other's Instagram- a series of innocent back and forth. Additionally, there are others. She keeps in contact with another Ex too but he seems harmless. Then there is another guy she said was an old friend but she's remarked he's attractive. He asked her to lunch/ coffee but she said she agreed to coffee. Not sue if they met and she didn't tell me. There is another guy she said she talked to daily and used see his texts but they stopped a while back. Tonight I said I didn't understand why she continues to communicate with someone who hurt her, cheated etc- she knows I don't like it-he's bad news, so why she stays in contact? She said he's single now and i suspect he wants more but I'm not sure. She said I was making a big deal out of nothing and was overreacting. She then left for her apartment- she was packing all of her things but stopped and just to her clothes and left. She said I needed some space. She just shut down, totally blank and emotionless.cold and unwilling to say anything. one or two incidents would be okay but I see this guy slowly creeping back in the picture Link to post Share on other sites
Hughes101 Posted January 12, 2016 Share Posted January 12, 2016 Just my 2 cents worth.. best to do here would be to do the same - start meeting other women and be aloof towards what she's doing. I'm afraid it sounds like the beginning of the end though and also unfortunately she holds the power in this relationship. Sorry to hear about your situation Link to post Share on other sites
Author deoppressoliber Posted January 12, 2016 Author Share Posted January 12, 2016 Just my 2 cents worth.. best to do here would be to do the same - start meeting other women and be aloof towards what she's doing. I'm afraid it sounds like the beginning of the end though and also unfortunately she holds the power in this relationship. Sorry to hear about your situation Look, this is my first relationship since my divorce so I'm still a little new. I agree but people have told me conflicting advice. Some say well, it's just friendly banter others have said that if it bothers you then she should understand and stop. Before she left she agreed that he's not worth it but the fact I even have to mention this bewilders me. What specifically? Or is it the general direction you see? How does she hold the power? Link to post Share on other sites
Hughes101 Posted January 12, 2016 Share Posted January 12, 2016 I just meant that she has other options.. do you? Meaning she has more power because you need her more than she needs you. If you are talking to other women/have other options then i take it back. Some won't agree but just my 2 cents, sorry for the brutal honesty it's harsh I've been there Link to post Share on other sites
TheWoman Posted January 12, 2016 Share Posted January 12, 2016 I suspect your issues stem from simply being in a different life stage to your girlfriend, 15 years is quite a gap. A lot of women in their mid 20s are still closer to 20 in mentality than 30. Although of course everyone is different, so that by no means applies too all. But she sounds to me like someone not fully ready to commit to a relationship. For me personally I wasnt really in that headspace till late 20s. And if shes not there yet, you can probably expect more flaky behaviour. Link to post Share on other sites
Author deoppressoliber Posted January 12, 2016 Author Share Posted January 12, 2016 You're prolly right. I just figured since we spent 7 months sleeping in the same bed, exclusive and just did Christmas, Thankagiving and New Years with both families- figured we were good. Now I see why she's checking my phone all the time. Guilty and paranoid of me. Ha! Speculating here but it's probably true. She holds the power in the sense that she doesn't care and bolts, refuses to talk about anything. I can't do that- I like to talk and figure things out. She runs. That running is cold- I can't do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author deoppressoliber Posted January 12, 2016 Author Share Posted January 12, 2016 She says all the right things'- her idea to talk about kids, future, etc. really enjoys helping me paint- we talk about furniture and etc. Weird Link to post Share on other sites
Author deoppressoliber Posted January 12, 2016 Author Share Posted January 12, 2016 Reading my own initial post makes me sick. WTF am I doing? I'm a college educated, healthy, single, very athletic guy with a huge house, tiny debt, live in a great part of town. I have a wonderful supportive family and well paying job. Why do I even care about this???!!!! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
loverboy69 Posted January 12, 2016 Share Posted January 12, 2016 Reading my own initial post makes me sick. WTF am I doing? I'm a college educated, healthy, single, very athletic guy with a huge house, tiny debt, live in a great part of town. I have a wonderful supportive family and well paying job. Why do I even care about this???!!!! That's the spirit! She's not a bad person but according to your posts she sounds very immature. You don't need to babysit your date at this point in your life. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheTraveler Posted January 12, 2016 Share Posted January 12, 2016 Reading my own initial post makes me sick. WTF am I doing? I'm a college educated, healthy, single, very athletic guy with a huge house, tiny debt, live in a great part of town. I have a wonderful supportive family and well paying job. Why do I even care about this???!!!! Get out there and date! The space she needs is to go try other prospects. And you should too! Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted January 12, 2016 Share Posted January 12, 2016 Reading my own initial post makes me sick. WTF am I doing? I'm a college educated, healthy, single, very athletic guy with a huge house, tiny debt, live in a great part of town. I have a wonderful supportive family and well paying job. Why do I even care about this???!!!! Glad to see you write this; now, I hope you mean it. Are you right to be worried? Yes. Are you jealous? No. You should be worried about why you've been so patient and tolerant of someone who gets her validity from how many other men find her attractive...and feels the need to remind you of the fact. IF she's going to care about anybody finding her attractive, it should be the one-and-only person she's exclusive with...and that would be you. Her storming off in silence is a way to justify anything that may come next: think in terms of Ross-and-Rachel's "But, we were on a break!!!" The [forced] silence and distance between the two of you was deliberately manufactured so she could go get her wounds licked by someone(s) else, and if that leads to something else...oh, well...it's not her fault...it just happened. Chalk it up to the age difference; at her mid-20s, she's *allowed* to be immature and still trying to find her way in the world. Good luck, OP! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 12, 2016 Share Posted January 12, 2016 Yes she DOES know what to say....that's why there are so many guys orbiting around her. Next time never overlook your expectations just to stick it out with someone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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