memomma Posted June 5, 2005 Share Posted June 5, 2005 I have been in an unhappy marriage for years and have finally made the decision to divorce. My husband is waiting to receive the papers in the mail. At this point, he continues to live here but I have asked him to leave. He is in denial about the demise of our relationship and keeps trying to convince me "it can work". I told him the other night that the only way it could work would be if I still loved him.......that is no longer true. Okay....here's the recent event that muddles that waters tremendously. We have lived in the same house with the same neighbors for almost 7 years now. My male neighbor and I have always just gotten along well....talking at the driveway, etc. Nothing romantic has ever occurred. Suddenly now that I have signed the divorce papers...our conversations have become more intimate and I have learned that he is attracted to me and I to him. I guess I always have been but for the sake of my marriage never followed up on my feelings. Our marriage failed because we are just too different to make it work.......there are lots of reasons for the failure but another man was not one of them. So now I know this guy likes me....alot. Needless to say, my head is spinning. It has been years since anyone has paid any attention to me or told me that I was attractive. This man is telling me he can't sleep at night. I know it may be just a line, he could simply be taking advantage of my situation, it is probably just a hormonal thing....it's been a long time. However, it is exciting. It makes me feel good. I didn't seek him out...it just happened while we were working in our yards. Now what? How does this complicate matters even more? I feel like I need to avoid him but like I said above....these are some feel good feelings that have been absent in my life for a long time. Any suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
tonia Posted June 5, 2005 Share Posted June 5, 2005 My now ex lived in the home until the day we signed the papers and left. He was/is in denial too and claims not to understand what the problem was. There is a neighbor of mine who I was friendly with but I was married and I never paid more attention to him than just to say hi. After the ex left this guy told me he had been looking at me, how good I look ect... all the 'right' lines. I stupidly slept with him the night after the ex moved out. I say it was stupid because even though the compliments were great and made me feel good, when it was over, I felt more alone than ever. So, be careful. Now when I see him outside, it is hard to speak to him and I try to go the other way. I have heard all the advice too. "Be by yourself for awhile",'Decide what you really want".... all of it. And it's hard to do when after years of being married and lonely some guys pays attention to you. I am interested to see if anyone out there has advice for us! Link to post Share on other sites
blink Posted September 25, 2005 Share Posted September 25, 2005 Wow, I can so relate to all this even though I'm not even half way through with my divorce. My suggestion is that just avoid any kind of relationship for at least 6 mos to a year. A divorce is very emotionally draining, so don't waste your time right after divorce on a relationship where you know the person is taking advantage of you and get hurt again. Most man knows what a woman in our situation wants - emotion support, listening ears and maybe even sex. Some men will do just about anything to make you sleep with them, which mean they can make themselves seem like the perfect guy at the moment. And women just gone through a divorce is just desparate for attention. I would just tell him straight up that you don't plan on having any kind of relationship with anyone for what length of time you chose. If he is sincerely into you, he would respect your decision and if he wants you bad enough, he stay around and support you as a FRIEND. You definitely need time to think about what happened with you last relationship and figure out what you are looking for in the future. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
JayKay Posted September 25, 2005 Share Posted September 25, 2005 When you're divorcing you're in a very emotionally vulnerable state. My mom ended her 33-year marriage about 7 years ago. Immediately after her divorce, men were hitting on her right and left. She made some not-so-great decisions at that time. I agree with the other posters. Take your time to sort out your own life first. If this guy REALLY likes you, he'll stick around Link to post Share on other sites
wanda1974 Posted September 25, 2005 Share Posted September 25, 2005 Definitely have some alone time. I've been divorced for 2 years now, and it is the most draining and emotional experience I have ever dealt with...can actually be compared to a death in the family. If yo ujusp into a relationship right away, the feeling you may think your having at the time may not be genuine. You will need time to get over things first. Even if it feels like you have no more love in your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
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