Author Michelle ma Belle Posted January 21, 2016 Author Share Posted January 21, 2016 That's quite a different angle in online dating and 3 dates in one weekend? Must be nice, lol. Think you can handle that much in one weekend? I prefer to schedule my dates at least a few days apart. I tend to do this as well. I've done the back to back dating and it's quite exhausting and nerve racking especially if they're first dates. At the same time, if you're into someone it's better to strike while the iron is still hot since OLD can be quite distracting despite best intentions. Link to post Share on other sites
TheArtist Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 Just as an update, the girl with the profile 'About Me: N/A' is still active. Still trying to think of a good opener. Link to post Share on other sites
Robratory Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 This time I'm cutting to the chase and dispensing with the whole build up of false intimacy...less of a let down if things don't work out...so after a few messages this evening, I mentioned meeting for coffee etc. Dates set up: Going out for Mexican tomorrow night, sushi Friday night and a drink this weekend. Good for you! I'd go even further and suggest sticking to coffee for meeting -- no going to restaurants. The main reason is that we almost always instantly decide if we like someone. And I don't know about women, but I think most men don't want to sit through a meal with a woman they're not interested in, especially when they're also disappointed because they had hoped they'd be interested. Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 That's quite a different angle in online dating and 3 dates in one weekend? Must be nice, lol. Think you can handle that much in one weekend? I prefer to schedule my dates at least a few days apart. Ya I'm pretty social and this time around I'll share very little during the date and just have a good time ...reduces the exhaustion part. Testing for chemistry mostly. When I first started dating post divorce about 1.5 years ago ...I invested too much emotionally into each date ...that was exhausting and I'm taking a different approach this time ...to reduce the exhaustion and disappointment. I'm so much more comfortable being alone now that I feel I have a healthier approach to dating ...it's just a fun night out ...and if something comes of it, great. If not, c'est la vie. Also, I have my kids on a week on week off schedule and don't date when I have them so have to carpe diem date during my off weeks. Really only date every other week so not as exhausting as one would think. This time, I'm not texting or calling between contact on the site and meeting. Not sure if this approach will work but giving it a shot. Like I said, I get my hopes up then it comes to nothing. I'm much more detached and wait and see. Anyone have any experience with this approach? Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 (edited) Good for you! I'd go even further and suggest sticking to coffee for meeting -- no going to restaurants. The main reason is that we almost always instantly decide if we like someone. And I don't know about women, but I think most men don't want to sit through a meal with a woman they're not interested in, especially when they're also disappointed because they had hoped they'd be interested. Well it was their idea so they know what they're getting themselves into. Sometimes I think guys just enjoy an evening out. I'm good company and easy on the eyes so to speak so I'm sure it won't be painful for them. It's an hour out of their life and mine and it's getting out there. That's what I want right now. My old approach was to really vet the person ...do a whole build up of like, hope, anticipation, excitement ...then meet the person and I didn't like them or I wasn't there cup of tea. I usually went on 4-6 dates and found someone ...I think I'll take my time this time. FYI ...I'm not the coffee date kind of person ..:it's always been lunch, dinner, drinks/apps or a hike and grab something after. It's always been a nice time even if things didn't work out. Edited January 21, 2016 by StBreton Link to post Share on other sites
Robratory Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 This time, I'm not texting or calling between contact on the site and meeting. Not sure if this approach will work but giving it a shot. Like I said, I get my hopes up then it comes to nothing. I'm much more detached and wait and see. Anyone have any experience with this approach? That's my approach too. I keep my contact on the site to a minimum too. My emails are not tongue-tied, but if I initiate contact and get a friendly reply, I immediately propose meeting. None of this "let's get to know each other first." Nuh-huh. Meet first, and then we get to know each other. Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 That's my approach too. I keep my contact on the site to a minimum too. My emails are not tongue-tied, but if I initiate contact and get a friendly reply, I immediately propose meeting. None of this "let's get to know each other first." Nuh-huh. Meet first, and then we get to know each other. So has that worked better for you? It's new for me ... I'm just a little jaded about the other way...talking on the phone and texting before meeting then poof...either I'm not interested or they aren't...though there have been some relationships that formed from OLD for me. All the pre meet communication just seems to build a connection where there is no true connection. My preference is to keep my life as solid and drama free as possible...and talking and sharing with all kinds of people adds too much up and down emotionally. Without that connection though, I'm starting to lose track of who is who...there's the rub. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 StBreton, I've really enjoyed your posts on this thread. It's prompted a rethink from my standpoint. I am not enjoying online dating at all. Most of the men who contact me I can tell are only after one thing, just after attention, we clearly have nothing in common or they don't seem to know how to spell the word 'you'. So I want to do your thing of hiding the profile and reaching out to people myself. Does OKC let you do that? Also, I agree about not chatting on the phone or texting before meeting. I feel it's too personal a thing to give out your number when you don't really know the person is legit. Although I should maybe get with the programme and get kik. I just hope I become less despondent about this... Link to post Share on other sites
Robratory Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 So has that worked better for you? It's new for me ... I'm just a little jaded about the other way...talking on the phone and texting before meeting then poof...either I'm not interested or they aren't...though there have been some relationships that formed from OLD for me. All the pre meet communication just seems to build a connection where there is no true connection. My preference is to keep my life as solid and drama free as possible...and talking and sharing with all kinds of people adds too much up and down emotionally. Without that connection though, I'm starting to lose track of who is who...there's the rub. Yes, that works better for me. And to clarify, I don't mind a phone call just so we can hear what we sound like. You can learn a lot just from how people speak. But I'm talking about a ten minute conversation at most, and just one. Like you say, all that pre meet conversation requires some emotional investment, which makes the disappointment upon meeting so much worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Peachland Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 My profile isn't visible and I just contact the people I want. So in 1 hour, I contacted 5 people...had a conversation with 4 of them and set up 3 dates for this weekend. I quite like this approach! I may try it if the current guy I'm dating doesn't work out. I usually wait to be contacted. What a way to cut to the chase. Link to post Share on other sites
Robratory Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 StBreton, I've really enjoyed your posts on this thread. It's prompted a rethink from my standpoint. I am not enjoying online dating at all. Most of the men who contact me I can tell are only after one thing, just after attention, we clearly have nothing in common or they don't seem to know how to spell the word 'you'. So I want to do your thing of hiding the profile and reaching out to people myself. Does OKC let you do that? Yes, OKC lets you hide your profile, and you can still search other profiles. I forget if you can receive messages in reply when your profile is hidden, though. I think the secret to online dating is persistence without much investment. I know women get a lot of weird, creepy, or dumb messages, but you just need to catch one good one. If you're not paying for the online dating site, or if the cost is not an issue, you have nothing to lose! You just need one, and if it's not today, it will be tomorrow. I hope you feel better! Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 StBreton, I've really enjoyed your posts on this thread. It's prompted a rethink from my standpoint. I am not enjoying online dating at all. Most of the men who contact me I can tell are only after one thing, just after attention, we clearly have nothing in common or they don't seem to know how to spell the word 'you'. So I want to do your thing of hiding the profile and reaching out to people myself. Does OKC let you do that? Also, I agree about not chatting on the phone or texting before meeting. I feel it's too personal a thing to give out your number when you don't really know the person is legit. Although I should maybe get with the programme and get kik. I just hope I become less despondent about this... Hey Crucible I enjoy your posts in general:) With your doing the picking, you can choose with whom you feel some compatibility. I just send a general hello and mention something in their profile which resonates with me. So far so good. If I leave my profile up, I get a lot of unwanted attention from people I have zero in common with...and it's quite discouraging. I realize some guys hide their profile and they skim as I do so I'll never meet these guys...but that's fine with me. I don't know what kik is but I'll look into it. Still don't know if I'll want to talk with guys before we actually meet...I'd really rather not. Then if we meet and it's not a match, I just walk away...no blocking, no drama, no build up to disappointment...just "thank you had a nice time" and be done. In all my dating years, I've never had the experience of finding an adequate partner such a difficult experience...I'm picky as I've always been, but the available guys in my age group...oy vey! I've not used OKC...not sure if you can hide your profile. Maybe the app version and computer versions are different and you can hide on the computer version? I don't know any guys have contacted me for sexy time...but you're being in your 20s, maybe guys are a bit more into that ...more crass. I think you'd do better with choosing with whom you make contact...just keep it casual and don't come across as pursuing/chasing too much...a casual hello and mention something in their profile and let them take the lead from there. You're a very attractive girl and well spoken...hoping the best for you:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michelle ma Belle Posted January 22, 2016 Author Share Posted January 22, 2016 What might the reasons be for someone with a smartphone and data NOT to have/download Kik? Especially is they already have Viber?? Am I missing something here? Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 It's an interesting take, StBreton, Most women insist even in their profiles that they won't do the contacting. They say it's the man's job. Link to post Share on other sites
Otter2569 Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 I used to kick butt on OLD and had several LTR's as a result. More recently I noticed a big change. A lot of very attractive women contact me or respond to my messages - a way higher response rate than usual. We actually have good conversation. Many exchange numbers, text and trade pics BUT when it comes time to date / meet they almost all bag or make an excuse why they cant meet. I am a good looking guy with a fun profile and had only been stood up once prior to this recent round. NOW it seems more like the norm. I was told that the sites "plant" people on there to generate interest and to make it look like there is a lot of potential mates...IDK, its just frustrating! Link to post Share on other sites
Phoenician Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 Michelle, couldn't you bscly just walk down the street and get like 100 dates? At least that way you could really see them first. Why even play on OLD at all? (I get that it is playing more or less but it seems like a time sink when you could be getting RL traction everywhere else. ) make it 101 dates :love: Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 (edited) What's sad is, I recently signed up for POF after taking a year off from the site. I'm still seeing the SAME faces from women, some familiar...that have ignored me from back then. I emailed them again regardless though, considering there's a FINITE amount of UNattached people in my area, figured they'd change their mind on things. One that emailed me back said, "Thanks for the interest, we've done this dance before." I must not have remembered, because she put up new pictures, but one of those pics looked familiar, couldn't' quite place her. She told me it was from OK Cupid. LOL SAME across the board on the SAME sites. The singles, geographically, have the same profiles across the board. So I'm emailing the SAME women from a year ago, sometimes not knowing who is who. lol Edited January 22, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michelle ma Belle Posted January 22, 2016 Author Share Posted January 22, 2016 I used to kick butt on OLD and had several LTR's as a result. More recently I noticed a big change. A lot of very attractive women contact me or respond to my messages - a way higher response rate than usual. We actually have good conversation. Many exchange numbers, text and trade pics BUT when it comes time to date / meet they almost all bag or make an excuse why they cant meet. I am a good looking guy with a fun profile and had only been stood up once prior to this recent round. NOW it seems more like the norm. I was told that the sites "plant" people on there to generate interest and to make it look like there is a lot of potential mates...IDK, its just frustrating! This is in fact very true. I've posted about this in other threads. There is a British documentary that did an expose on this very thing. OKCupid was named as one of many. If they aren't "planting" fake profiles they have staff who are specifically hired to string non-paying members along until they buy a membership. Ashley Madison also came under fire about "planting" fakes which was revealed to be the majority of their female membership. It's diabolical. Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 It's an interesting take, StBreton, Most women insist even in their profiles that they won't do the contacting. They say it's the man's job. You call it the man's job. I'd say it's the man's opportunity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 You call it the man's job. I'd say it's the man's opportunity. I didn't call it that...the WOMEN say it in their profiles. Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 This is in fact very true. I've posted about this in other threads. There is a British documentary that did an expose on this very thing. OKCupid was named as one of many. If they aren't "planting" fake profiles they have staff who are specifically hired to string non-paying members along until they buy a membership. Ashley Madison also came under fire about "planting" fakes which was revealed to be the majority of their female membership. It's diabolical. I heard there are actual "work at home" opportunities for people to BE these plants. It's actually a paying job. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 What might the reasons be for someone with a smartphone and data NOT to have/download Kik? Especially is they already have Viber?? Am I missing something here? Ha - I didn't even know what Kik was until recently (tho I'm not an OLDster). Is this anonymous contact thing normal? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michelle ma Belle Posted January 22, 2016 Author Share Posted January 22, 2016 Ha - I didn't even know what Kik was until recently (tho I'm not an OLDster). Is this anonymous contact thing normal? OMG it's HUGE on dating sites. Most non-paid members use it as their profile name/heading. EVERY GUY asks me to jump on Kik within 30 seconds of connecting. And yes, it's a "safer" means of texting/communicating because you don't have to reveal your phone number. It's like Skype in that you have a call name. I don't like giving out my phone number to anyone until I have some sense of who they are. Regardless, 90% of the men that contact me and those I'm chatting with don't even live in my country never mind my city so there is no need to exchange phone numbers. It just seems very weird that someone would have Viber (phone number required) and Skype downloaded on their phone but will refuse to download Kik. Dunno Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 OMG it's HUGE on dating sites. Most non-paid members use it as their profile name/heading. EVERY GUY asks me to jump on Kik within 30 seconds of connecting. And yes, it's a "safer" means of texting/communicating because you don't have to reveal your phone number. It's like Skype in that you have a call name. I don't like giving out my phone number to anyone until I have some sense of who they are. Regardless, 90% of the men that contact me and those I'm chatting with don't even live in my country never mind my city so there is no need to exchange phone numbers. It just seems very weird that someone would have Viber (phone number required) and Skype downloaded on their phone but will refuse to download Kik. Dunno I met a woman that asked me to use KiK to contact her, I tried it, but I had a sneaking suspicion it was a set-up for a foreign money making scam. So I bailed on her. Thought she was fake. Figured it was some new kind of scam. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 OMG it's HUGE on dating sites. Most non-paid members use it as their profile name/heading. EVERY GUY asks me to jump on Kik within 30 seconds of connecting. And yes, it's a "safer" means of texting/communicating because you don't have to reveal your phone number. It's like Skype in that you have a call name. I don't like giving out my phone number to anyone until I have some sense of who they are. Regardless, 90% of the men that contact me and those I'm chatting with don't even live in my country never mind my city so there is no need to exchange phone numbers. It just seems very weird that someone would have Viber (phone number required) and Skype downloaded on their phone but will refuse to download Kik. Dunno Yeah well if it feels fishy ....you know the drill sister. Just thinking out loud, not editorializing, but sth about the anonymity thing as a prerequisite to interaction seems depressing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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