Ex boyfriend wants to work on our relationship - LDR

[emilylane33]

Long story short. Ex moved 5 months ago, we were together for 9 ish months, tried to have a LDR, and he couldn't handle it. After the breakup he started depending on smoking weed everyday. He basically dropped off the planet from me, his friends, and family , we wouldn't hear from him from weeks on end. That did leave me heartbroken, but I have forgiven him. He finally reached out 2 months ago and we talked and caught up. We've talked almost everyday since. He told me he would love for me to fly out and see him, and that he was going to be coming home for a few months (He might loose his scholarship/or decide to move back.

 

We've seen each other 5 times in the past 3 weeks since he's been home. We've been talking about us and what we are to one another. We're each others best friends and we tell each other everything, and I felt like we're a lot more honest and open with each other than we were before. We had some issues in the past, and we've talked about it and I have forgiven him. He's been taking me out on dates, and we've been doing all these fun things. I asked him what we are to one another, and he said he's been trying to figure that out too. He said he hasn't been with anyone since the breakup, and that he hasn't found anyone or anyone he has connected with. I asked him if he wants a relationship again, and he said "I don't see why not trying it again. you're really special and important to me." And then he mentioned us planning a trip for me to come out and stay for a week.So we've been talking about that for the past 2 days. But he didn't state if he meant trying to have a relationship now, or later after he gets his stuff together. Because he did once mention a month ago that he wanted to make sure he could 100% focus on me.

 

 

 

Right now I know he's not in the place to have a fully commited relationship, which we discussed and I understand he needs to work on somethings , like trying to get clean and work really hard to keep his scholarship. Before us, his gf was emotionally/ physically abusive to him and really manipulative. And sometimes I can tell its messed him up. His mom is actually taking him to get evaluated.

 

But I feel like I need to talk to him about our relationship some more. Like are we going to be exclusive? Do we want to openly date, like we start off together but if someone meets someone else, we need to let each other know? (Although I prefer not) I'm seeing him tomorrow so I wanted to bring up some ideas of what we can try. I want this to be something we both agree on. If anyone has any ideas they could suggest that I could bring up please leave them down below. He's my best friend and I'm really in love with him. Im willing to try it out, and see what happens.

 

At first he was so wishy washy about having an LDR, that was when we were together, and he had never expressed how he felt about it. But now he' saying he could be down for having one. We both said we still love and care for one another, and we both agreed that we wanted to take things slow and let things happen the way they should. But I just feel like we need some things set in stone.

 

But we both feel like that this is a sign to try and work it back out.

 

I know some LDRs don't work, but some do. We both have planned out how much we could talk with each other everyday right now due to both of our schedules. I'm self employed, and finically I could Fly out to see him once a month. This would only be for the next 4 months. Im planning on seeing him in late February or early march. He'll be back home In Late March, and then back home in May and will be here for 5 months. And then he is deciding whether to go back or move back home.

Edited January 12, 2016 by emilylane33

[d0nnivain]

Not everybody is built to handle an LDR or to live away from home for school. It sounds like he is incapable of doing either.

 

You can't fix this. Only he can. Hear him out but don't commit to exclusivity while he's away. It won't work. When he comes home permanently you can revisit the situation. Until then see him when he's home. Keep in touch. Fly out there if you want to & can afford it but keep things light.

[justwhoiam]

I think he needs to work things out on his own, stop smoking weeds & get back on track with his studies... I am sure you don't want to be involved in any decision about him leaving his studies. That's not good for his own future and, consequently, for his future family (whether it'll involve you or not). He made a decision and let you out. Don't underestimate that. This doesn't mean he can't have second thoughts, but it's not worth pushing him into one direction or the other. Let him figure out what he wants. If he'll figure out too late, that's life. You have nothing to lose so far.