Life Is Getting Repetitive and I'm Bored - Nothing is Clicking

[loveweary11]

I'm having a down day.

 

I feel like nothing I'm doing in life is working. I have no direction.

 

I was watching a Live Free or Die marathon this weekend while in NY. It really stirred up a lot of emotion because that's the way I used to live with my ex and the way I want to continue living with someone who shares my interest in living simply.

 

This couple, in particular, really hit me hard, because minus the hippie styling, this was my marriage before my ex's mental illness won. Check them out. Don't mind a commercial in the beginning...

 

Tony and Amelia's House Tour - Live Free or Die Video - National Geographic Channel

 

I have a lot of conflicting interests and nothing is working. Let me name some of them off:

 

1) I like living simply rather than having any type of career commitment

 

2) I strongly prefer to migrate with the seasons.

 

3) Local and organic foods are very important to me

 

4) Function over decorations are preferable to me

 

5) I 100% need a female influence in this type of life for it to be complete.

 

Complications are:

 

a) i make good money and have a lot of flexibility running my NY business. I'm very good at it. It's the #1 business of its kind in NY. I can run it from anywhere in the usa, but need to go there from time to time.

 

b) I have a fairly valuable world cruising boat that I'm too damn tired to continue working on the inside of by myself. If i had someone, we could easily complete it and run my NY business. I can no longer do both. I'm exhausted.

 

c) i have no where to take any girls to. Think not having a car is an impediment to dating? Try not having a finished house. Still haven't completed the first bathroom/shower. Too tired to do that plus work the NY business.

 

d) all the boat work prevents me from meeting people. Between 60hrs a week on the ny business and boat work, there is no way i can date in a meaningful way

 

I've inherited all of this as my ex went bonkers and took the money i had set aside to finish the boat.

 

I find i am far more motivated to complete projects when my spouse or girlfriend can be impressed by them. solo? i don't care at all happy to do nothing.

 

So... what can i do?

 

I'm lost in life.

 

I've been at this for so many years now. I'm just exhausted. I also need to mert people but can't develop anything meaningful without a proper home.

 

I love living on boats with others. Doing it alone basically sucks, as does traveling alone.

 

I'm not meant to be alone. I'm meant to be in a tight relationship where we spend our days and nights together, like the couple in the video above.

 

How can i get there?

 

I'm looking at a year of work, full time, to finish the boat, plus probably another $150,000-$200,000 not to mention all the annoying things like needing to buy another $2000 outboard, etc, etc. I've had about $10,000 in stupid expenses like that this fall.

 

For these numbers, it feels like I could be doing something else.

 

I'm so lost. I had a plan/life with my ex before the hereditary mental illness wrecked her.

 

Now what? I have the features of that same life, but it's too much for one person to keep up with alone while trying to have a social life and date

 

I'm having a chicken/egg problem.

 

Very stuck.

 

What should I do?

 

I keep going around in circles...

Edited January 12, 2016 by loveweary11

[loveweary11]

And boat life, by default, means you are not being as social because it's a huge effort to get ready and go places.

 

So,.. I'm missing out.

 

Plus, I have no idea where to meet my other half, but so far, nothing is working in that department.

[Imajerk17]

Write your book and use the royalties to finish your boat?

 

I'm confused though. Can't you table working on your boat for the time being, at least until when you have more time and money, and focus on your house. Or sell your house (if you own one) and just rent a place. There are plenty of people who live just fine in a rented apartment w no boat, this includes dating and travelling/living a life of adventure. There are also plenty of people who date just fine in an unfinished house.

 

Own your possessions LW, don't let your possessions own you.

Edited January 12, 2016 by Imajerk17

[loveweary11]

Write your book and use the royalties to finish your boat?

 

I'm confused though. Can't you table working on your boat for the time being, at least until when you have more time and money, and focus on your house. Or sell your house (if you own one). There are plenty of people who live just fine in a rented apartment w no boat, this includes dating and travelling/living a life of adventure. There are also plenty of people who date just fine in an unfinished house.

 

Own your possessions LW, don't let your possessions own you.

 

I'm owned. No doubt.

 

That's what boats (and the house in their video do to you).

 

It's a fantastic way to live when you share it.

 

I have no house. This is a very valuable boat, owned outright. It is my home.

 

Don't picture a little thing on a trailer. Using non boat speak, it's 4 bedrooms, 3 bath, seats 12 for dining in an indoor/outdoor al fresco setting, real kitchen and is capable of global travel.

 

It represents the past 5 or so years of my life. It started as something my ex and I were doing to increase profitability in my main profession ( boats).

 

The only reason I have the business in NY was to fund this boat after she took the money to finish it and the rest of my money was in it (no loan).

 

It's killing me because I'm too exhausted to do this alone.

 

I'm thinking I'd sell it and get or build another RV. Then, that's also not a good place to take new love interests. They prefer the (finished) boat because it's bigger and cooler.

 

So stuck...

[loveweary11]

Would welcome abusive comments as well as anyone telling me why I'm an idiot.

 

Again, no gf or spouse to help in that department.

 

I can feel something is wrong, but I can't seem to realize what it is.

[Imajerk17]

Well, I don't really see a reason for you to be "abused" per se--you actually seem like a decent poster especially given the heat you take on here. But it sounds to me that you already answered a big part of your question.

 

Your possessions--namely your boat--own you and are sucking away your time and energy. Hence you are stuck.

 

I still don't know why you can't keep your boat, table the repairs needed for now, save up your money for the time being, and rent out an apartment to live in the meanwhile. Besides even that, your boat should still be fine for dating as long as it is liveable. The right woman won't care about the work needed to be done. Which brings me to my next point...

 

Meanwhile as for the rest of your lack of joie de vivre, I'm not going to try to fully unwind your dating strategy. But it does seem to me that your focus on a certain look is drawing you to women who are rather shallow and who aren't giving you joy back. I wonder if that is a reason why you are putting so much focus on a finished boat.

Edited January 12, 2016 by Imajerk17

[losangelena]

I don't know if I feel qualified to give you advice on your situation, but several things jumped out at me here:

 

You say this:

1) I like living simply rather than having any type of career commitment

 

2) I strongly prefer to migrate with the seasons.

 

3) Local and organic foods are very important to me

 

4) Function over decorations are preferable to me

 

5) I 100% need a female influence in this type of life for it to be complete.

 

But then you say this:

I find i am far more motivated to complete projects when my spouse or girlfriend can be impressed by them. solo? i don't care at all happy to do nothing.

 

These two sound quite contradictory to me. It would be one thing if you were supremely dedicated to that kind of lifestyle yourself, no matter who you're with, but you seem to require some kind of female component to sort of "show off" in front of. Have you thought about maybe why that is?

 

Couple more questions:

Can you hire someone to help finish the boat for you?

Can you rent a cheap apartment somewhere so that you're not actually living on the thing (as in, can you downgrade this to a weekend project)?

 

In my mind, getting YOURSELF off the boat for a while may give you the distance you need to see things more clearly. Having an apartment somewhere may also make it easier to meet women or facilitate relations, and you can always prioritize meeting women who have similar interests or aspirations.

 

I think you really need to sit down and prioritize things. Whatever they are—relationship, freedom, boat, work, energy, sanity, money, etc., figure out which are MOST important and then go from there. To me it sounds like you're at a place in your life where something has to go. It also sounds like, on some level, you want to hold on to this lifestyle because you're still holding on in some way to your ex. I may be wrong about that, but the way you mentioned her sort of sticks out. This boat sounds like an albatross. A money pit that sucks all your time and energy, is keeping you in some way stuck in the past, and is in part keeping you from meeting women.

[BlueIris]

Consider the thought and feeling, “This is a perfect time of my life, just as it should be.” Then be with that. Worth a try.

[loveweary11]

Thank you for posting. There is no one I can talk to about these things. It's very helpful to get outside input.

 

 

Well, I don't really see a reason for you to be "abused" per se--you actually seem like a decent poster especially given the heat you take on here. But it sounds to me that you already answered a big part of your question.

 

Your possessions--namely your boat--own you and are sucking away your time and energy. Hence you are stuck.

 

True.

 

I still don't know why you can't keep your boat, table the repairs needed for now, save up your money for the time being, and rent out an apartment to live in the meanwhile. Besides even that, your boat should still be fine for dating as long as it is liveable. The right woman won't care about the work needed to be done. Which brings me to my next point...

 

 

Some of the issue is that tabling a boat destroys it. Things that are already done will be broken or not working if I table it for years. Use seems to help boats run better. Tabling cars or planes is pretty much the same. Now, it's completely liveable to me. I'm plenty comfortable. I am happy living on it. However, it's not liveable to 99% of the female population. If fact, the only one to ever come out to it bailed immediately after seeing the inside (it's done and very impressive outside). She ghosted me after peeing in the portapotty.

 

 

Meanwhile as for the rest of your lack of joie de vivre, I'm not going to try to fully unwind your dating strategy. But it does seem to me that your focus on a certain look is drawing you to women who are rather shallow and who aren't giving you joy back.

 

Totally agree. And I'm past it. I posted about that around Christmas. I'm past the looks problem. I could be with the girl in the video above even. Because of how cool she is. This is what im looking for. This is what i don't know how to find. It was easy finding the hot girls. These good ones are definitely not around.

 

Very hard to locate. They aren't as obvious in social media as the ones I usually get. They don't pop up in dating apps. They aren't at Whole Foods.

[loveweary11]

This is good advice. The only thing I'd want to respond with is:

 

The motivation a partner brings to me isn't showing off. When I have a million things to do and my girl/wife/w.e. voices that they'd really enjoy X, it gives me great satisfaction to provide that for them. I like to please people. It gives me more motivation to put in some kind of feature or request for them than to put things together for myself. I'm not showing off. I'm showing love.

 

Apartments: Hate them. I don't want furniture, a lease, or to be stuck in one place year round. This is probably my main problem. Not many girls get this. I don't want to be stuck in an apartment. Might as well die imo. I prefer a stealth rv like i had earlier to a go-nowhere box with a bunch of junk in it. (being dramatic to drive home the point)

 

Boat: Very difficult, no doubt, but it's been my main source of income and why I can afford one to begin with. They rent for an obscene amount of money per week once done...if i can get it done...

 

 

 

I don't know if I feel qualified to give you advice on your situation, but several things jumped out at me here:

 

You say this:

 

 

But then you say this:

 

 

These two sound quite contradictory to me. It would be one thing if you were supremely dedicated to that kind of lifestyle yourself, no matter who you're with, but you seem to require some kind of female component to sort of "show off" in front of. Have you thought about maybe why that is?

 

Couple more questions:

Can you hire someone to help finish the boat for you?

Can you rent a cheap apartment somewhere so that you're not actually living on the thing (as in, can you downgrade this to a weekend project)?

 

In my mind, getting YOURSELF off the boat for a while may give you the distance you need to see things more clearly. Having an apartment somewhere may also make it easier to meet women or facilitate relations, and you can always prioritize meeting women who have similar interests or aspirations.

 

I think you really need to sit down and prioritize things. Whatever they are—relationship, freedom, boat, work, energy, sanity, money, etc., figure out which are MOST important and then go from there. To me it sounds like you're at a place in your life where something has to go. It also sounds like, on some level, you want to hold on to this lifestyle because you're still holding on in some way to your ex. I may be wrong about that, but the way you mentioned her sort of sticks out. This boat sounds like an albatross. A money pit that sucks all your time and energy, is keeping you in some way stuck in the past, and is in part keeping you from meeting women.

[Emilia]

Let's rewind a bit. If you had the boat finished and the woman you are compatible with, how would you want to occupy your mind? Obviously just drifting around wouldn't be good enough for you. What would make you happy?

[loveweary11]

Let's rewind a bit. If you had the boat finished and the woman you are compatible with, how would you want to occupy your mind? Obviously just drifting around wouldn't be good enough for you. What would make you happy?

 

Ooooh!

 

This is perfect!

 

A great part of the day, when you travel by boat (like the house in that video) is spent cooking, getting food, water, maintaining and running the boat.

 

Add to this the charter guests that come for a week at a time for work, the infinite amount of things to learn about weather, the ocean, cooking, wild animals/fish, various cultures, regions, countries, marketing and running the charter business, exploring all sorts of places, having the time to read... it's a very busy life mentally, but calm and peaceful at the same time.

 

Running a good size boat is a full time job in itself. It's what being a licensed captain is all about.

 

The rewards... sunsets, sunrises, independence, travel, living where people go on vacation, feeling close to the planet, nature, beaches, uninhibited islands, exploring... all make the work worthwhile.

 

It's also very rewarding financially.

 

This is my 3rd charter boat.

 

This all sounds great and that's what I'd like to share with someone, but the road doing and funding the whole thing myself after losing the money i had to do it is killing me.

 

I've already done nasa, tech startup, etc... offices bore me.

Edited January 12, 2016 by loveweary11

[Emilia]

But don't you believe that doing the same thing for months and years will become boring? Whatever it is? Because there is such thing as too much of a good thing. I really like sailing and really like travelling but I also NEED to conquer challenges that make me feel uncomfortable. I need the struggle and the controversy. Don't you?

[loveweary11]

But don't you believe that doing the same thing for months and years will become boring? Whatever it is? Because there is such thing as too much of a good thing. I really like sailing and really like travelling but I also NEED to conquer challenges that make me feel uncomfortable. I need the struggle and the controversy. Don't you?

 

I'm assuming you've only day sailed then?

 

Because traveling by boat is doing the exact opposite of what you are saying.

 

It's extremely challenging and puts you outside your comfort zone on a nearly daily basis.

 

You do or learn something new every day, be it a new language, new marine knowledge, new mechanical issues, etc.

 

When you live and travel on a boat, it's not the boating that's interesting, it's everything around the boat that is constantly changing and challenging you. I don't just mean the weather, either. I mean everything involved in not being dependent on society and landing in various cultures.

 

I can think of very few professions that offer more excitement and challenges than that.

 

Oh, I beat last year's sales figures... whoopdie doo. Who cares?

 

This is actual life.... really living.

 

 

And possibly, we are hitting on why it's not working. Even as a woman who loves going sailing, you don't get what it's actually like to live/travel by boat, seeing it as boring.

 

If my stupid boat was done, I could just start taking love interests out for weekends traveling by boat, then a week, which has never failed to get anyone interested in it. Even my ex wife, who was miss teen ny, was on tv commercials and was on reality tv. Not at all who you'd expect to completely love it. But once people actually experience it, they have never seen such beauty and fun in their lives...and totally fall for it.

 

But, with an incomplete boat... hard to show anyone.

 

Maybe I need to hire help...

 

 

Oh, i definitely, definitely don't need controversy or drama. No thanks.

[loveweary11]

Emelia: Don't get me wrong... as great as traveling by boat is, you still need vacations. lol

 

As you travel by boat through places people dream of going, your dream becomes a snowboarding vacation, planting a garden, etc ha ha

 

Grass is always greener for vacation purposes.

 

Great thing about doing yacht charters for a living is you can very easily afford to do anything you want, any time you want. You have money and few commitments.

 

Trip to Aspen or Interlaken to snowboard? Sure. Take a few weeks and go.

 

Small plot of land for a cottage and garden? No problem.

[Emilia]

I don't think boats are boring. What I think is that sticking with one thing is boring. I think that you are daydreaming because you are struggling and losing a little faith but it's about taking a course in building resilience. You can't run away from things by dating young chicks and travelling. Not having a dig, I'm making the point that you need substance and balance. You are building a new life and that's tough.

[loveweary11]

I don't think boats are boring. What I think is that sticking with one thing is boring. I think that you are daydreaming because you are struggling and losing a little faith but it's about taking a course in building resilience. You can't run away from things by dating young chicks and travelling. Not having a dig, I'm making the point that you need substance and balance. You are building a new life and that's tough.

 

The penalty for not sticking this project out and switching paths on a whim is no career and a loss of around $300,000 and several years of my life full time hard labor. Completely finished, it's a $1mil boat.

 

What alternate suggestions do you have regarding substance and balance?

 

This is where I'm lost.

 

I crave substance and balance, but have none.

 

I've worked well past my physical and mental limits now for years. I'm just exhausted. Was working 60hrs a week, plus the boat project with employees on that as well for years. I have nothing left. I need rest (working a simple 60 hoursa week on my NY business feels like rest to me)

 

PS: Anyone can have a dig. I welcome digs in this thread. I will not take offense. I'm looking for outside ideas and criticism that will get me thinking.

[Rejected Rosebud]

One problem I see is that even though you think you are free and countercultural sort of - you are completely stuck in your thing and not free or open to outside influences at all. I think it has a lot to do with control, wanting to be in control of every aspect of your life at all times. That is why I don't see you finding your woman partner anytime soon. You want somebody who will magically fit into your scenario that YOU created - that SHE didn't have anything to do with creating.

 

An adventurous, alternative, free woman will be very unlikely to come aboard your boat and help you finish it, she will be following HER visions. She's not 20 with a porn star look, that is for sure - if she were 20 she'd be woofing or living out of a backpack in Malaysia or something like that, with her own chosen tribe. She may not shave her legs or wear deoderant! Not ready to help you fix your boat.

 

Also on your list you wrote:

 

4) Function over decorations are preferable to me

 

But your ideas about women are ALL about decorations. That's okay - I guess - but it doesn't jibe with the things you say about how you want to live.

 

Bottom line to all that is that i don't think the woman part of your problem is going to be resolved until or unless you change some things about yourself and how you are approaching your own life.

 

Disregarding the woman part completely, I still think you need to step back from the way you envision yourself and allow different influences and ideas to come in.

 

I really do get the impression that you are "stuck" and you are going to have to shake things up and relinquish a lot of control, IMO.

[losangelena]

PS: Anyone can have a dig. I welcome digs in this thread. I will not take offense. I'm looking for outside ideas and criticism that will get me thinking.

 

We have been offering you outside ideas, yet you keep poo-pooing every single one. Why do you want "digs?" Why do you want to be criticized?

 

I agree with Rosebud. You say you want a different kind of life, but you balk at anything that might make your life different—you don't want an apartment, you don't want to give up the boat, you don't want to stop working on it, etc. But I think the reality of your situation is that, in order to get a life that is more to your liking, you're going to have to sacrifice something (money, freedom, etc.), at least temporarily. That's why I suggested that you prioritize your wants/needs, so you know where to make the kindest cuts.

 

The hardest notion will probably be letting go of some "ideal" version of things. Very few people live their ideal lives; you are not special in that regard. Everyone has to give up one or a few of the things they want in order to ensure they have the things they need. Even that couple from the video—the show producers have a vested interest in making their situation look as appealing as possible, so you don't hear anything about the downsides of living that kind of lifestyle, but they undoubtedly have some.

[clia]

I have a lot of conflicting interests and nothing is working. Let me name some of them off:

 

1) I like living simply rather than having any type of career commitment

 

2) I strongly prefer to migrate with the seasons.

 

3) Local and organic foods are very important to me

 

4) Function over decorations are preferable to me

 

5) I 100% need a female influence in this type of life for it to be complete.

 

What of the above five do you currently have in your life? All but number 5?

 

Complications are:

 

a) i make good money and have a lot of flexibility running my NY business. I'm very good at it. It's the #1 business of its kind in NY. I can run it from anywhere in the usa, but need to go there from time to time.

 

Why is this a complication? It sounds ideal to have a flexible job where you can work from anywhere and make good money.

 

b) I have a fairly valuable world cruising boat that I'm too damn tired to continue working on the inside of by myself. If i had someone, we could easily complete it and run my NY business. I can no longer do both. I'm exhausted.

 

You assume the woman you pick wants nothing more than to work on your boat and run your business. I think that's the wrong way to look at it. You need to figure out for yourself how to accomplish both by yourself. If you find a woman who wants to do that, great, but I think that woman might be hard to find for all the reasons that people have raised before. I think you are more likely to find that kind of woman in a woman who is closer to your age, who has already pursued her own dreams and goals and may be looking for something new and different.

 

As for finishing the boat, can you hire someone to do it for you? I think you had a thread about this recently but I can't remember what you decided.

 

c) i have no where to take any girls to. Think not having a car is an impediment to dating? Try not having a finished house. Still haven't completed the first bathroom/shower. Too tired to do that plus work the NY business.

 

I think you should rent an apartment or do an Airbnb or something. No wonder you are burnt out -- you are living where you are working (with no bathroom, no less) with no separation. Having time away from the boat and out of the conditions there might be helpful for your psyche and encourage you to want to work on it more. As it is now, you have no break from it because it's always staring you in the face. You don't have to take on a long term lease. Find something month to month. If you are that dead set against an apartment, then get an RV. I really don't see what the big deal is, though, if you plan to be in a location for six months (or whatever) anyway.

 

d) all the boat work prevents me from meeting people. Between 60hrs a week on the ny business and boat work, there is no way i can date in a meaningful way

 

You have to make some choices, then.

 

I find i am far more motivated to complete projects when my spouse or girlfriend can be impressed by them. solo? i don't care at all happy to do nothing.

 

It's worth exploring why you need this outer motivation to impress someone to make it worth doing. To be honest, I see a lot of that in your posts here. You seem to have a need to try to impress people with your accomplishments. Are you doing all of this for yourself or so people can be impressed by you? What do YOU want -- is it the same thing as what you think other people will be impressed by?

 

I think it's time for you to think seriously about where you want to be in a year, because you've been doing what you've been doing for far too long. As you've found, it's not sustainable.

 

Figure out what you want -- prioritize it all -- and start from there. What's most important? Finding a girlfriend? Getting your boat finished so you can start chartering it?

 

I'm looking at a year of work, full time, to finish the boat, plus probably another $150,000-$200,000 not to mention all the annoying things like needing to buy another $2000 outboard, etc, etc. I've had about $10,000 in stupid expenses like that this fall.

 

For these numbers, it feels like I could be doing something else.

 

It's a lot of money. Do you have that kind of money saved to just focus on the boat for the next year, so you can get that done? Will you be able to quit your NY business once the boat is done and you are chartering, or will you still need to do that, too?

[jen1447]

Would welcome abusive comments as well as anyone telling me why I'm an idiot.

 

Hmm, I'd be willing to smack you around but I think that's answering a different compulsion than your OT.

[loveweary11]

We have been offering you outside ideas, yet you keep poo-pooing every single one. Why do you want "digs?" Why do you want to be criticized?

 

Because I need a wake up call. Digs are good in this case. Criticism is fine.

 

 

I agree with Rosebud. You say you want a different kind of life, but you balk at anything that might make your life different—you don't want an apartment, you don't want to give up the boat, you don't want to stop working on it, etc. But I think the reality of your situation is that, in order to get a life that is more to your liking, you're going to have to sacrifice something (money, freedom, etc.), at least temporarily. That's why I suggested that you prioritize your wants/needs, so you know where to make the kindest cuts.

 

Damn... I was trying to just plug along, but I guess it's just not going to happen that way. Ok. Ill prioritize things. And yes... this is the problem. I want all of that. I usually can do whatever I decide. This would have been all done long ago if it wasn't for the one variable I didn't see coming...

 

 

The hardest notion will probably be letting go of some "ideal" version of things. Very few people live their ideal lives; you are not special in that regard. Everyone has to give up one or a few of the things they want in order to ensure they have the things they need. Even that couple from the video—the show producers have a vested interest in making their situation look as appealing as possible, so you don't hear anything about the downsides of living that kind of lifestyle, but they undoubtedly have some.

 

There are lots of downsides to the couple's life. Hard physical work, discomfort, things like leaks on your bed when it rains you have to fix, setbacks, mistakes, etc. I embrace all of that. I enjoy those challenges. Keeps you healthy and in shape. I really just am having trouble doing everything it used to take 2 people to do, I guess. I will look at priorities.

[Rejected Rosebud]

loveweary - I had never seen "live free or die" and I just looked at the link and a few others.

 

I have been reading your threads. You represent yourself on here as completely OPPOSITE of that kind of life as anybody could possibly be. I am sorry - yes I know you say you want to grow your food, be sustainable, simple, etc - but you don't even have any actual connection with EARTH in your life!!

 

You say all that stuff, but you ALSO have spent a great deal of time telling us - Bragging, I dare say - about your brand name clothing, your clubbing, the whole super plastic girlfriend thing, how rich you are, your extensive top tier traveling, etc.

 

Anyway I live in Oregon, on a sustainable farm, this area is FULL of people like on "live free or die." If you actually yearn for that lifestyle you will HAVE to step away from the grandiosity and superficial stuff and towards HUMBLENESS and SIMPLICITY. There is not going to be skiing in Telluride, slick disco places, designer clothes for you and extreme hair products for the lady. I mean, you could have that stuff if you have the $$ but it's a direct conflict of priorities. "Live free or die" means: I REJECT ALL THAT. That would be step one.

 

If that is not a step you are going to actually take in real life, you will be SO MUCH HAPPIER if you just accept that you aren't.

[losangelena]

Damn... I was trying to just plug along, but I guess it's just not going to happen that way. Ok. Ill prioritize things. And yes... this is the problem. I want all of that. I usually can do whatever I decide. This would have been all done long ago if it wasn't for the one variable I didn't see coming...

 

Which is why I feel like you're trying to hold onto the past in some way, as if simply replacing one woman (your ex) with another (future, hypothetical Mrs. Loveweary) will make the puzzle complete. But moving forward, which you desperately need to do, means dismantling parts of your past.

 

Again, most people cannot say, "I usually can do whatever I decide," without making some major changes—that's a LUXURY. You finally find yourself in a position where you need to change your plans a bit. This is not a bad thing. If you let it, it can be a humbling and character-building experience. But you do need to let go of what you think all of this should look like. That's just the beginning.

[Rejected Rosebud]

How about this: Since your boat is mechanically sound and seaworthy, sail it to La Paz, Mexico and life the life of an expat for a while. You can take people out on your boat. Just do it up simply inside. There are really cool people from all over the world there living a simple life. Some of them are rich but they STILL have chosen a simple life. There are also lots of really pretty short brunette women.