Life Is Getting Repetitive and I'm Bored - Nothing is Clicking

[loveweary11]

Which is why I feel like you're trying to hold onto the past in some way, as if simply replacing one woman (your ex) with another (future, hypothetical Mrs. Loveweary) will make the puzzle complete. But moving forward, which you desperately need to do, means dismantling parts of your past.

 

Again, most people cannot say, "I usually can do whatever I decide," without making some major changes—that's a LUXURY. You finally find yourself in a position where you need to change your plans a bit. This is not a bad thing. If you let it, it can be a humbling and character-building experience. But you do need to let go of what you think all of this should look like. That's just the beginning.

 

Ok, i hear this.

 

What about the fact that it's financial suicide to abandon the boat project?

 

My life's savings and lots and lots of future income rides on it.

[losangelena]

Ok, i hear this.

 

What about the fact that it's financial suicide to abandon the boat project?

 

My life's savings and lots and lots of future income rides on it.

 

I never said abandon the boat project. But you need to find a different way to move ahead with it. Why can't you hire someone else to work on it for a while?

 

You have unrealistic expectations. You've romanticized the notion of finding a woman who will be by your side as you fix up the boat together. Maybe let go of that fantasy and hire a dude or two who will just help you get it done quickly and reasonably. That will give you a break—for your sanity, and let you focus on other things. You desperately need to take a break from the boat. A break, not a complete jettisoning of it.

[loveweary11]

I never said abandon the boat project. But you need to find a different way to move ahead with it. Why can't you hire someone else to work on it for a while?

 

You have unrealistic expectations. You've romanticized the notion of finding a woman who will be by your side as you fix up the boat together. Maybe let go of that fantasy and hire a dude or two who will just help you get it done quickly and reasonably. That will give you a break—for your sanity, and let you focus on other things. You desperately need to take a break from the boat. A break, not a complete jettisoning of it.

 

Yes. This is probably the right way to go....

 

I had that happening for the past couple years.

 

Somehow, I thought I'd finish the interior "in my spare time ." That hasn't worked out.

 

I guess the best plan is to go back to that.

[preraph]

Just a few random thoughts. It isn't easy to find anyone who would be interested in that "living off the land" lifestyle, but they're out there. It's a ton of work. The best hope of finding someone who would do that is to find someone who grew up doing that. Like I have cousins who pulled water from the well, outhouses, etc. But most of them had more conveniences by the 1970s, though I bet there's still people in Arkansas and Missouri who are living pretty close to the bone like that.

 

I had an impression reading what all you were juggling that you get kind of manic for long periods of time and that now you're down. You might want to just have that looked at.

 

Lastly the way most people manage to live a little of their dream is by doing both. They have a practical place near their job and make enough money to get a vacation spot out away to escape to on vacations and weekends. They don't try to make it a full-time occupation until they retire -- which as I am of that age I will tell you that I could no more get up into a loft than I could fly and neither will you be able to at some point. You wouldn't be happy out in the middle of nowhere alone doing it on your own. I think you've got to find your bliss but not try to make it your entire existence. You know what they say: Balance in everything.

 

Since you are depressed you are currently indecisive. So flip a coin, but whatever you do, don't just sit still and stagnate. Flip a coin and move forward doing something so you don't spiral downward.

 

If you're searching for a religion, you might consider Amish! Now those girls know how to live spare. But....are they anywhere near water? I don't think so.

[Emilia]

There are lots of downsides to the couple's life. Hard physical work, discomfort, things like leaks on your bed when it rains you have to fix, setbacks, mistakes, etc. I embrace all of that. I enjoy those challenges. Keeps you healthy and in shape. I really just am having trouble doing everything it used to take 2 people to do, I guess. I will look at priorities.

 

It's a small house. I have more issues with the two larger properties I own. My neighbours flooded one of them, currently I'm sorting it - yes with physical work. Trust me, the novelty of fixing leaks wears off quickly.

[Emilia]

It seems to me that you need to find other things you like OP. That's why you feel 'suicidal'. You are too single minded, you need to diversify. The others mentioned the need for control, you need to allow other influences in your life that allow you to relax a bit. You will be surprised what else is out there. You need to experience other perspectives, there must be a whole lot of stuff you don't know about yourself because your view is so narrow.

[clia]

I'm really not like most people. I can't do that. I'll become suicidal. The boredom would be more than I could handle. I like the balance, but not jobs/vacations. My life is a HUGE adventure the majority of which I haven't shared here. I don't plan on becoming normal or average until I'm nearly dead an unable to move. I don't have it in me to live like most people do. I just can't do it. I'm a fiercely independent entrepreneur and alternative lifestyle type. For most, chartering is puttering around while retired. For me, I've made all my money doing it. I'm already a successful professional in this industry. This is just my new (5th) boat.

 

I can accept that you haven't shared every detail of your life (), but you have told us you work 60+ hours a week on the NY business plus all the work on the boat and have little time for dating or fun. Based on that, I'm failing to see the benefits of the alternative lifestyle...which honestly doesn't seem that alternative at the moment, other than that you are living on an unfinished boat. There's a disconnect here. Working the long hours you work (if you aren't enjoying it) makes you seem the opposite of the free, alternative lifestyle you claim to be living.

 

You may not be a slave to the man, but you are a slave to yourself. You've created a situation where you have to work 60 hours (?) a week on the NY business in order to fund fixing up the boat. So in addition to your 60 hour "regular" work week, you are working more hours on the boat, which amounts to a very long work week. This would be fine if you were enjoying it and happy about it, but you obviously aren't.

 

If you want to live the alternative lifestyle, then I think your focus should be on getting to that point. In my opinion, you should focus 100% on getting your boat completed as soon as possible so you can move on to chartering it full time, since that is the life you want to be living. I know you claim to hate the business world (even though you are running a business), but I think it's worth putting together a project plan with costs and deadlines so you can map out how long it's going to take and how much it's going to cost you. And then you have to stick to the deadlines! Maybe having a light at the end of the tunnel (in a completion date) would help your situation.

 

As an aside, you seem dead set that people don't view you as "normal" and seem to like to put down anyone who you view as "normal." (For example, your dig above at someone who might find happiness at accomplishing more sales this year than last year.) But honestly...most of what you describe on this board (other than living on your boat or in an RV) seems pretty normal to me. You work long hours, watch TV shows, go to clubs and festivals, talk to women online, buy designer clothes, shop at Whole Foods, etc. Just like everyone else. There's no shame in that...

[Kamille]

Could you sell this boat as is to an investor who could finish it. Then buy yourself a smaller boat?

 

Downsizing is what homeowners do when they are in over their heads. And it sounds like you are in over your head.

[loveweary11]

It's a small house. I have more issues with the two larger properties I own. My neighbours flooded one of them, currently I'm sorting it - yes with physical work. Trust me, the novelty of fixing leaks wears off quickly.

 

Ture.

 

Fixing leaks is no fun!

 

I've already been living this simplified, much happier lifestyle for 12 years or so. I love it. Wouldn't go back to boring 9-5 life. It's just too confining.

[loveweary11]

It seems to me that you need to find other things you like OP. That's why you feel 'suicidal'. You are too single minded, you need to diversify. The others mentioned the need for control, you need to allow other influences in your life that allow you to relax a bit. You will be surprised what else is out there. You need to experience other perspectives, there must be a whole lot of stuff you don't know about yourself because your view is so narrow.

 

 

 

You did cherry pick the suicide bit out and misuse it here.

 

Suicidal is if I have to live a boring, typical life. Happy living my normal life. (which is this stuff)

 

I'm not sure how many perspectives I've missed. I've done all the types of lifestyles that people do. I grew up in your vacation home life, lived college life, lived yuppie life, lived tech startup entrepreneur life, lived fortune 500 life, lived nasa life, lived international sales life and have visited and lived throughout the world.

 

This is the best by far.

[loveweary11]

Could you sell this boat as is to an investor who could finish it. Then buy yourself a smaller boat?

 

Downsizing is what homeowners do when they are in over their heads. And it sounds like you are in over your head.

 

Unfortunately, that would be financial suicide.

 

Also, the larger boat is needed to travel globally and host more paying guests, which is why it pulls in $20,000 a week when running.

 

I'm definitely in over my head though after being dealt these cards.. 100%. lol

 

I guess I need to hire help again.

[clia]

All true, except the situation was created by my ex. I didn't create this bad spot I'm in. I was dealt it and am working with what I have. The NY business didn't exist before I was forced to open it by my ex draining out the saved boat project funds and vanishing. I'm trying tp recover from that... still.

 

Hasn't it been like three years since your divorce? That's a long time. You aren't helpless. There are things you can do to get out of the position you are in now, as have been suggested in this and your prior threads on this topic.

 

Pardon my laugh, but that's not at all how boat projects go. A boat is actually never complete. Not a used boat, not my boat, not a brand new boat built by Gunboat. There is a list you keep, scores of entries long, called your "boat list." This contains a few months worth of work. You whittle away at it here and there when not running the boat. In the case of building boats, a vast majority are never finished. There are several thousand man hours in each (it's why boats are so much more expensive than houses, etc). You cannot have milestones that have time (or money) tied to them because everything takes at least 2x as long as you think and usually 3x the money. Your advice is good. Very sound, but boats are an odd case. Another guy who is working full time with the help of his wife is building the same boat, starting a little before I did. He is not even in the water. Well behind me. I had 3 employees sanding full time for an entire year. That got me ahead of the other guy. You just can't predict how long anything will take with a project of this magnitude, spanning half a decade already.

 

I get that boats are ongoing work, but surely there will be some point where you will look at your boat and say "Okay, I can start chartering it now." Are you saying you can't even begin to estimate when that day might be? It could be another five years? Are you prepared to keep doing what you are doing for some indeterminate amount of time?

 

1) I work long hours *now* since I have to make up for a tremendous shortfall on the project, having had to open a company to make up for it. Since 2005, I've derived all my income living my normal life chartering and traveling. We came ashore to build a new boat. This is not my normal life.

 

And yet...this is the life you've been living for the past three (?) years. That's a long time. This is your new normal until you do something to change it.

 

2) I don't own a tv. I was in my hotel room in Manhattan on Sunday, exhausted and turned on the tv.

 

Okay, fine. I thought I remembered you watching TV from your laptop on your boat in the past.

 

3) Clubs and festivals: Need to have sex amd enjoy music. Win/win. I'm definitely not normal going to these at my age, fitting in and being accepted.

 

Are you serious? I'm around your age and I know plenty of people who go to all the same festivals and types of festivals you've mentioned around here.

 

4) Yes, I also use social media to kerp in touch with women and meet new ones. A biy too busy to do much else. Works quite well and is efficient. Totally normal. I'll give you that. I've been online since Gopher was how you got your content. Since before the Mosaic browser came out. Probably not going to be giving that up ever. Here I am talking on here the same way.

 

I'm not saying you should give it up.

 

5) Designer clothes... Gotta dress well for women. It's a costume. I see it as nothing more. At home? Wear just a pair of shorts or am naked if it's hot out. Normal?

 

Yes, normal.

 

6) Whole Foods.. I was a customer at an ancient company called Bread and Circus. Whole Foods bought them ages ago and gained me as a customer. I have survived 18 months with my ex purely on fish we caught, animals we trapped and foods we foraged as we traveled by boat. It was an experiment to see if it could be done. We were successful. I love foraging for food. It's all you can do when you don't have dirt. We also canned and preserved our food ourselves and we even wintered over in Maine, where we went ashore with a chainsaw and maul to cut fallen deadwood, split it and heat the boat, while digging rhizomes and eating out self canned food. We didn't charter for this period of time. It was one of the happiest times of my life. If i lived on land, I'd have a garden...a natural garden full of "weeds."

 

But you aren't living on the land now. You don't even live on land.

 

I mean...you keep talking about this life that you are no longer living and haven't lived for years.

 

If you want that life, figure out how to get back to that life.

 

I mean, honestly, if your life is so great then what is the point of this thread? I feel like all your threads on this topic go the same way. You complain about all of the work you are doing and ask for advice, people jump in with suggestions, then you tell us how great your life is.

[loveweary11]

Thank you, thank you, thank you! This is the type of conversation I neded.

 

 

Hasn't it been like three years since your divorce? That's a long time. You aren't helpless. There are things you can do to get out of the position you are in now, as have been suggested in this and your prior threads on this topic.

 

True. I think I got burnt out, tired and sick of waiting. You're right. I have to start making more of an effort by letting go of control. I need to hire help to get to back to chartering more quickly.

 

I get that boats are ongoing work, but surely there will be some point where you will look at your boat and say "Okay, I can start chartering it now." Are you saying you can't even begin to estimate when that day might be? It could be another five years? Are you prepared to keep doing what you are doing for some indeterminate amount of time?

 

Doing myself in my "spare time", I'd have no hope of knowing when it's charter ready. With hired help, should be less than a year, full time for 1-2 employees. Again, you're right. I think I've been overwhelmed for a long time. Maybe just redouble my money making efforts in NY, hire 1 or 2 full time guys and still live in my quarters on the boiat, which are separate from the main areas and other rooms, with kitchen and bathroom separate as well The employees could build out the other rooms under my close supervision that way, while I work my other business.

 

And yet...this is the life you've been living for the past three (?) years. That's a long time. This is your new normal until you do something to change it.

 

I don't want to admi that! Right again though.

 

Okay, fine. I thought I remembered you watching TV from your laptop on your boat in the past.

 

 

 

Are you serious? I'm around your age and I know plenty of people who go to all the same festivals and types of festivals you've mentioned around here.

 

Um... I'm close to 40. Really? I've almost never seen anyone close to my age at them.

 

I'm not saying you should give it up.

 

 

 

Yes, normal.

 

 

 

But you aren't living on the land now. You don't even live on land.

 

I mean...you keep talking about this life that you are no longer living and haven't lived for years.

 

If you want that life, figure out how to get back to that life.

 

I mean, honestly, if your life is so great then what is the point of this thread? I feel like all your threads on this topic go the same way. You complain about all of the work you are doing and ask for advice, people jump in with suggestions, then you tell us how great your life is.

 

That's not my intention. My intention is to get ideas. To get input. To have a discussion that narrows options down a bit, then decide on what to do. By poking holes in the unworkable ideas (unworkable because people can't know every little detail), it narrows things down.

 

You are the first person to really stick it out and take me to task, asking all the right questions and pointing out the holes in what *I'm* saying. This is exactly what I was hoping for. Between your questions/directives, a few others suggesting compatible ideas, I think a plan has solidified. I've got to double down on NY work, hire 2 guys and get this done soon. within a year. I will live in my separate quarters/galley/headbin my area and supervise the project from there, while working on my business. I can also get off the boat for variety and stay in Manhattan here and there. I think I've been putting too much focus on girls. Need to get this buttoned up, then worry about girls.

 

Thanks again for participating in my insanity. Your input was very helpful. .

Edited January 13, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix formatting

[Art_Critic]

I'd dump the boat.... and move on... you are living the dream of a past relationship.

 

Oh I know, it's worth sooooo much money.. WTFC...

 

When I divorced 15 years ago I dumped the ghost house and the boat (nothing like yours I assure you) but it still is the same in the fact that the boat and house were parts of a previous life I no longer lived.

 

You seem to cycle right back to this point all the time and until you dump the boat and create a new life you like then finding someone to REPLACE your ex isn't going to happen...

 

Notice I bolded REPLACE... you seem to be looking to fill her slot in your life rather than create a new one.. girls are all different, dude... this dream seems like a nightmare and no longer a dream.. BTDT... time to clean house.

[loveweary11]

Cila.. one point about the food/land paragraph.

 

We did that FROM the boat, not from land.

[loveweary11]

I'd dump the boat.... and move on... you are living the dream of a past relationship.

 

Oh I know, it's worth sooooo much money.. WTFC...

 

When I divorced 15 years ago I dumped the ghost house and the boat (nothing like yours I assure you) but it still is the same in the fact that the boat and house were parts of a previous life I no longer lived.

 

You seem to cycle right back to this point all the time and until you dump the boat and create a new life you like then finding someone to REPLACE your ex isn't going to happen...

 

Notice I bolded REPLACE... you seem to be looking to fill her slot in your life rather than create a new one.. girls are all different, dude... this dream seems like a nightmare and no longer a dream.. BTDT... time to clean house.

 

I definitely hear this.

 

The ex joined me though. I've been avidly owning boats ans sailing since I was in college.

 

I can't be boatless... and this is what *I* like.

[Robert]

Thread closed per OP's request. If they wish to reopen it, they can use the Alert Us button on this post. Thanks. ~6