still_an_Angel Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 Sometimes quitting cold turkey is the effective way, but this is pretty cruel, he should have at least informed you what's on at his end. If he's sent you a message then he hasn't been taken to the hospital or in a coma or something like that. Its your move now. Best of luck OP, I hope the message is not to reel you back in, I think you've already got one foot out the door. Link to post Share on other sites
rainbowsandkittens Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 Did you read the email? I would want to know what it said. Not that I would respond but I would want to know. me too. you have to do what would feel best for you but i'm not sure i would be strong enough not to read it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JaneSmith526 Posted January 14, 2016 Author Share Posted January 14, 2016 I trusted my xMM, too, but he's still in his marriage. However, he never threw me under the bus and never did this thing of not talking to me without an explanation. If he had, I would've never spoken to him again if he tried to contact me later. There's just no excuse for being treated that way. Your xMM was perfectly willing to go against his marriage by cheating but, all of a sudden, what his wife dictates to him is gospel. Sorry, I wouldn't buy that. Did you read the email? I would want to know what it said. Not that I would respond but I would want to know. We text through an app. The message said that he deleted the app b/c he needed to clear his head. Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 My ExMM went NC with me with no explanation, apology or goodbye when things had been put in place for us to be together including his divorce papers being drawn up. All the whys, wondering and imagining that I did for months and I'm sure you are going through now boil down to this: You (and I and many more) were discarded like used pieces of toilet tissue, flushed down the drain like worthless trash. I take nothing away from your pain and hurt at having (and allowing as did I) a man to treat you like a sub par human being because you believed the hype. No matter what he does from today for the rest of your life, remember: He discarded you like a used piece of toilet tissue without a backwards glance like you were dirty trash. NL 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Forceawakensme Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 We text through an app. The message said that he deleted the app b/c he needed to clear his head. Prick (( He decides to clear his head without warning, meanwhile his sudden, cruel exit does the very opposite to your head. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JaneSmith526 Posted January 14, 2016 Author Share Posted January 14, 2016 Prick (( He decides to clear his head without warning, meanwhile his sudden, cruel exit does the very opposite to your head. Um, exactly what I said (to myself). Meanwhile I'm being mind ****ed. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 Unfortunately the very nature of these relationships make it hard to know if a guy is being a genuine jerk or just a married jerk. Of course it's a complex thing because of the double life. ..and maybe he wanted to clear his head without any influence from you to see how he felt. A single BF could be messing you around.... but you could drive over to his house or call him and get to the bottom of it. I remember years ago when an ex BF of mine just stopped calling me.. after a few days.. I went to his work to see what was going on. Turns out the fool met someone else, but couldn't be bothered to end the R with me properly ...he didn't want to have us both..but thought going NC was ok...Now had he been married.. I wouldn't have gone there to find out what was going on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JaneSmith526 Posted January 14, 2016 Author Share Posted January 14, 2016 Well ****. 5 days of NC, was starting to feel better. He reaches out to let me know he can't continue the relationship. Back to square 1. Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 How is that a step backwards? All it is confirmation. Just don't respond. Stay strong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Forceawakensme Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 Well ****. 5 days of NC, was starting to feel better. He reaches out to let me know he can't continue the relationship. Back to square 1. i know how that feels, its the death of hope. Even though you were NC for 5 days, there was still a little hope there, hope that he'd change his mind after having time to think. THe fact that he has only confirmed it again kills that litle bit of hope. Its excrucating, but this is a good thing. You can finally let go. Im experiencing exactly the same as i thought he'd change his mind after a few days and i reached out in an attempt to see and he confirmed he hadn't and wanted it over still. Ouch --- But long-term for the best, for both of us. Its truly time to turn the page and start a new chapter (for both of us). Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 In a way, even if it is truly sad (and I'm very sorry) it was closure. You hang on forever when they just dissapear. Im glad he verbalized it for your sake. Keep your dignity, do NOT reply in any way nor be polite. You have your life and freedom back. Analyzing, wallowing, it won't help. Take a few days to reflect, but begin to make changes like deleting photos, cleaning, rearranging, job search, a trip, a new route to work, a new job...anything change is good. Make him your past, hold your head high, you loved, you lost, you learned, you are better off now. Kick out his pedestal and his sappy memories your going to be ok. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JaneSmith526 Posted January 15, 2016 Author Share Posted January 15, 2016 i know how that feels, its the death of hope. Even though you were NC for 5 days, there was still a little hope there, hope that he'd change his mind after having time to think. THe fact that he has only confirmed it again kills that litle bit of hope. Its excrucating, but this is a good thing. You can finally let go. Im experiencing exactly the same as i thought he'd change his mind after a few days and i reached out in an attempt to see and he confirmed he hadn't and wanted it over still. Ouch --- But long-term for the best, for both of us. Its truly time to turn the page and start a new chapter (for both of us). So sorry you're going through something similar. Seeking comfort in music. So many good country songs that tell this story. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JaneSmith526 Posted January 15, 2016 Author Share Posted January 15, 2016 In a way, even if it is truly sad (and I'm very sorry) it was closure. You hang on forever when they just dissapear. Im glad he verbalized it for your sake. Keep your dignity, do NOT reply in any way nor be polite. You have your life and freedom back. Analyzing, wallowing, it won't help. Take a few days to reflect, but begin to make changes like deleting photos, cleaning, rearranging, job search, a trip, a new route to work, a new job...anything change is good. Make him your past, hold your head high, you loved, you lost, you learned, you are better off now. Kick out his pedestal and his sappy memories your going to be ok. Thank you. This helps. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 I'm sorry you're going through this. I still think it's crap that he didn't explain things to you but whatever. You have your answer, even though I'm sure it really hurts. Just be cautious that he may contact you again in a few weeks or months. I hope you're done talking to him and listening. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JaneSmith526 Posted January 15, 2016 Author Share Posted January 15, 2016 How is that a step backwards? All it is confirmation. Just don't respond. Stay strong. Logically that makes sense. Emotionally, it feels like a step back. Maybe I was holding out hope. Now I just feel like a clown that can't take off its makeup. Link to post Share on other sites
Forceawakensme Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 Logically that makes sense. Emotionally, it feels like a step back. Maybe I was holding out hope. Now I just feel like a clown that can't take off its makeup. Its a band-aid rip off.. it hurts 100 x more now but we can actually heal now vs the slow, drawn-out painful torture. i like privategals advice (and im going to take it) i am giving myself today to reflect, process and be sad.. i will journal and listen to sad music... and then its done. Monday I will remove all remnants of evidence he existed in my life or heart and write a list of things to be excited about. I refuse to turn into someone who obsesses over someone who broke up it off, regardless of the reason. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 Well ****. 5 days of NC, was starting to feel better. He reaches out to let me know he can't continue the relationship. Back to square 1. Tell him to F off and leave you alone, not to contact you ever again. Block him on all social media, your cell etc..etc.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 I'm going through something similar. His reaching out to you after 5 days to tell you he needs to clear his head was a ploy. He wants to keep you on the hook. Don't fall for it. If he cared, he would have told you that 5 days ago. Otherwise, he is just saying it now to reach out without reaching out. Mind games. Are you single? GO meet other men at least to distract yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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