Question to Women Here about Online Dating

[FerryCorsten]

I'm going to try online dating in a few weeks - I'm in the middle of an extreme weight loss cycle and when I get down to 7-8% body fat, I tend to look much much better (especially in the face). I'm going to take some really good pics and try online dating

 

For the ladies in here who are pretty attractive, I'm sure you get 800,000 messages a day. How do you pick out the guys who you go out with? Obviously attraction is important but is it 90% about how you're attracted to the pictures? Do you look for someone who is hilarious and extremely entertaining? Obviously it's important that someone be intelligent, relationship minded, mature, genuine, etc... but does that stuff even matter if they're not hilariously entertaining?

 

I have confidence that I will look pretty good in my pics but I'm just not one of those guys who can entertain non stop with how I write. I am educated, successful, genuine, etc... but I'm afraid I will come across as a little bland or generic

 

I obviously won't say or do any of the creepy stuff I see posted on here. I want a girlfriend 100%. I am not going to say anything sexual - hell I don't even want a girl who will be receptive to that. I want a really good, classy girlfriend.

[kodakgirl]

I can't speak for women in general, but as someone very likely to be described as a "good, classy girlfriend," who's considered pretty attractive, and just--finally--found an amazing relationship via OLD, here are my own thoughts:

 

Personally, how attracted I am to the pictures plays very little part in my decision to reply to a message (perhaps slightly more if I write first). A lot of really good men don't have that many pictures of themselves to choose from, and aren't experienced at trying to look good for a camera. Every man I've men from online has indeed looked like his pictures, but always better. So for pictures, as long as I don't find him unattractive, I'll consider the bigger picture (no pun intended!). There are types of photos that get an immediate veto--shirtless mirror pics, pics of him with a woman on his arm, pic of him proudly holding a gun (I don't do guns)--and others that do lower my interest based on their reflection of his personality, lifestyle, and self-image and the ways those may clash with mine, but if there's just a couple decent pictures (ideally at least one smiley), cool.

 

I personally was never looking for someone "hilarious and extremely entertaining"--this is always going to vary by person, but I don't know too many women of my type who would prioritize that over everything! Some degree of sense of humour is nice to see--even just the inclusion of one silly thing in "6 things I can't live without" if you're on OKC--but I think things like positivisty matter much more in general.

 

There's a good pretty recent thread in this section discussing some aspects of messages, so I'll let you peer at that first off (especially since I contributed some thoughts there as well).

 

It may sound cheesy but I firmly believe the best thing to do is try and represent yourself in the truest way possible. It may not be the representation that appeals to the biggest audience, but it's the one that will catch the people out there looking for someone like you, some of which will be the ones you are also looking for (if you give it enough time--don't except immediate success on this front).

[d0nnivain]

It's been a long time since I was on OLD & I hated it, but I looked at the photos 1st. If I liked the look of him (or at least wasn't repulsed) I would start reading. If I saw typos, spellings errors, bad grammar or worse, text speak, I immediately passed. 1-2 mistakes, OK fine. A whole profile full, no thanks. Then I read for content. Did I like what he had to say? Did he sounds intelligent, like he was somebody I could have a conversation with. It didn't have to be the most witty thing ever but did I generally agree with that person's outlook? I wasn't going to make both of us crazy trying to date somebody if I completely disagreed with his values. I also shied away from the negative guys; you know the people that give you a laundry list of what they don't want but never say anything positive about what they do want. If all that clicked: looks I found attractive, something interesting to say, & seeming general compatibility, I'd respond.

[deckard11]

I would like to ask women why they don't bother responding to a guys message after he has taken the time to read their profile and show general interest. It's common courtesy. Most men are fine with you writing back saying you aren't interested. But totally ignoring a message makes you look like a stuck up bitch.

[d0nnivain]

I would like to ask women why they don't bother responding to a guys message after he has taken the time to read their profile and show general interest. It's common courtesy. Most men are fine with you writing back saying you aren't interested. But totally ignoring a message makes you look like a stuck up bitch.

 

 

I always sent back a thank you, no thank you response. But there was a thread on here a while back where men said that was more cruel then silence because when they saw a message in their in box they were all happy so to have it be a rejection was doubly crushing. You can't please everybody.

[LydiaLong]

If you're thin-skinned, you probably should not register for a dating site. It's a numbers game. Some click and some don't. I agree that typos/bad grammar are immediate deal breakers. I would look for someone who can express himself intelligently, show a nice sense of humor, and enjoy the things that I do. He would have to be educated and have a good career.