We lost our virginities together, is she done with me completely?

[loverage21]

None of us are entitled to a second chance....if you get one, you're lucky , but don't expect it.

 

I repeat......She's too young to deal with your problems. She doesn't need that in her life at all. She did a foolish thing meeting up with you. Hopefully, this is a lesson for her.

 

Find someone else - she's not the only girl in the world.....and even if she was......You've burnt your bridges there...............let it go.

 

I am here in her town right now. I am just walking the places where we met and walked. The tears are rolling down me right now. A lot of mixed emotions here.

 

If anything, I am hoping this will give me some closure at least. I miss her like crazy. And I wish I could of done things different. I wish I can win her heart all over again.

 

And I still don't think you understand. We are only less than 4 years apart in age. Just think, most 16 and 17 year old girls have boyfriends. And I can be just as good if not better

[boltam]

I can be just as good if not better

 

She obviously does not agree.

[almond]

You need to stop worrying about this girl now - it's in the past, and it's time to move on. And to be honest...you've got much bigger fish to fry at the moment.

 

You're young, and have your whole life ahead of you. It's a very important time in your life as you're just now moving into adulthood. You need to focus on yourself, and on becoming healthy and happy. You need to commit to treatment, and get yourself stable.

 

Get some help to deal with your issues now, so you can go on to live a good life and have meaningful relationships. The sooner this is sorted, the better.

 

Speak to your doctor.

[dragon_fly_7]

Your issues are enough to make any girl walk away. She doesn't really have to deal with those issues at such a young age.

 

Just because you both lost your virginities to each other, doesn't mean she was bound to be with you forever. Maybe she just wanted to experience. You need to really move on before charges are filed against you by her father or someone close to her. If she had to change her number than it must be bad; nope she doesn't like you at all if she had to do that.

[sandylee1]

 

And I still don't think you understand. We are only less than 4 years apart in age. Just think, most 16 and 17 year old girls have boyfriends. And I can be just as good if not better

 

I understand the age gap...but I don't want my 16 year old daughter having sex. If she dates a 20 year old, he'll be on her case to do it.

 

Just because it's legal, doesn't mean that approve or that it's in line with the standards I was raised with or that I'm raising my children with. Her parents may well be the same.

 

Sexual relationships can be very emotional and I don't want my daughter getting distracted from her education because of it. A 4 year age gap is okay at 21 and 25, but the experience of most 20 year olds, outweighs that of a 16 year old.

 

It's not a balanced relationship. Knowledge and experience make you a more powerful partner in such a relationship, although you don't come across as particularly mature for your age.

[loverage21]

I understand the age gap...but I don't want my 16 year old daughter having sex. If she dates a 20 year old, he'll be on her case to do it.

 

Just because it's legal, doesn't mean that approve or that it's in line with the standards I was raised with or that I'm raising my children with. Her parents may well be the same.

 

Sexual relationships can be very emotional and I don't want my daughter getting distracted from her education because of it. A 4 year age gap is okay at 21 and 25, but the experience of most 20 year olds, outweighs that of a 16 year old.

 

It's not a balanced relationship. Knowledge and experience make you a more powerful partner in such a relationship, although you don't come across as particularly mature for your age.

 

Yes...I am very immature for my age, emotionally that is. I have Aspergers but I am starting to gain some more maturity and perspectives.

 

But you really think she will block out our experience? I mean we went to the amusement park and everything the day after we had sex and she made me rid my fear of rollercoasters. And I spent the whole day with her holding her hand and it was more "innocent-like" the following day. Just puppy love.

 

And do you think at this point it is too late to be a girl's first love? Is it too late to imprint an unconditional sweet spot in a girl's heart forever?

[loverage21]

As I explained in another thread, me and this girl met up and had sex (full intercourse). We took each others virginities. She was 16 at the time (now 17); and I was 20 at the time (now 21). Just happened this past June.

 

It is eating me alive. Yes, I finally lost my virginity to another virgin like I wanted to. But I got my priorities screwed up. And I realized that.

 

In all reality I barely knew the girl. But am longing for her and miss her like crazy. I would do anything to get her back. I find myself romanticising her constantly.

 

I cannot pinpoint if it was the sex or the puppy love the day after that drew me to her. Or both...

 

There is something biblical unofficially known as a "soul tie". This is when to people are spiritually bonded after having sexual intercourse.

 

And I feel bonded to her. Even saying her name. I miss her to death. And I sort of have the whole white knight syndrome going on as well. And I don't know if visiting her town gave me closure or what but I want her back bad. Or at least my mind is telling me that.

 

What can I do?

Edited October 30, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[CarrieT]

What can you do?

 

Wait. Just wait.

 

The pain will go away - but it takes time....

[PinkElephants]

But have I not made a strong, unforgettable impression on her by taking her virginity? Do you think I am in her thoughts at all?

Nope and nope. All men want to think their dick is the most amazing experience we'll ever have but, the truth is, they're largely interchangeable. I remember the biggest, the smallest, the most mind-blowingly incredible and the most pathetically terrible. If you ride the top of the bell curve in terms of size or performance you're probably not making much of an impression. Not all impressions are good, btw.

 

I lost my virginity at 16 to a fellow 16 year-old and I ended it with him a few weeks later. He and I stayed totally cool; in college, I introduced him to women he'd later sleep with/date (read: I didn't want his junk). Come to think of it, I don't even remember the sex with him. I do remember that he had cool posters tho.

 

At 17, I dated an older guy and dumped him too. He freaked out much like you're doing. Something you might consider beyond what she thinks or what her parents might do is what her friends are saying. My ex was the stalker, the creeper, the weirdo, the pathetic guy who can't let go, etc. There was a lot of eye rolling and laughter at his expense as he was ruthlessly mocked for years. 17 year old girls are merciless in their criticism of that which they don't respect. Don't give her any ammo to laugh at you about.

 

I mean we went to the amusement park and everything the day after we had sex and she made me rid my fear of rollercoasters. And I spent the whole day with her holding her hand and it was more "innocent-like" the following day. Just puppy love.

You're giving great importance to something that was likely just another day at the park to her. You're placing meaning, emotion and commitment onto her when she never indicated it was there.

 

And do you think at this point it is too late to be a girl's first love? Is it too late to imprint an unconditional sweet spot in a girl's heart forever?

This sounds like a control issue. Why do you need to be a first anything and why do you need an unconditional spot in a girl's heart? Why do you need to believe that she'll never get over you?

 

No one has ever had an unconditional spot in my heart. One guy thought he did and his head was probably spinning when I bailed. Conditions are otherwise called standards and anyone with self-respect will have them.

[sandylee1]

 

But you really think she will block out our experience? I mean we went to the amusement park and everything the day after we had sex and she made me rid my fear of rollercoasters. And I spent the whole day with her holding her hand and it was more "innocent-like" the following day. Just puppy love.

 

And do you think at this point it is too late to be a girl's first love? Is it too late to imprint an unconditional sweet spot in a girl's heart forever?

 

I'm sure the memory will always be with her, but she might just wonder how it went from good to bad so quickly.....and that's where my concern would be for a 16 year old, who is unlikely to have an understanding of mental health issues. She's not equipped to deal with or handle you.

 

I'm not sure what you mean about it being too late to be a first love.........you can't really set out to be a girls first love, as she may have already had that experience. Remember that your first time...doesn't always mean first love.

 

Even when you experience a first love...you move on with your life. I had a first love..........but now I'm married.........eith children.......I love my husband.......and that's the only love that matters to me in that way now........ I won't ever forget my first love.......but I wouldn't say he's imprinted on my heart..... .he was patient, sweet and caring .....but that's history.

 

Next time, don't focus on the sex and get time getting to know a person and doing other activities. The sex can come later....but at 16, if parents allow their kids to date...They aren't usually happy for it to be with a guy your age.

[loverage21]

I'm sure the memory will always be with her, but she might just wonder how it went from good to bad so quickly.....and that's where my concern would be for a 16 year old, who is unlikely to have an understanding of mental health issues. She's not equipped to deal with or handle you.

 

I'm not sure what you mean about it being too late to be a first love.........you can't really set out to be a girls first love, as she may have already had that experience. Remember that your first time...doesn't always mean first love.

 

Even when you experience a first love...you move on with your life. I had a first love..........but now I'm married.........eith children.......I love my husband.......and that's the only love that matters to me in that way now........ I won't ever forget my first love.......but I wouldn't say he's imprinted on my heart..... .he was patient, sweet and caring .....but that's history.

 

Next time, don't focus on the sex and get time getting to know a person and doing other activities. The sex can come later....but at 16, if parents allow their kids to date...They aren't usually happy for it to be with a guy your age.

 

But what about the guys that came between your first love and your current lover? Are they forgotten but not the first? Do they not hold as much sentimental weight as your first love?

[Odinani]

When somebody blocks you and even changes their phone number so that they can get away from you surely it's clear they want no further contact. I think I read in your other thread OP that you even went to her home town in pursuit of her. Why?

[loverage21]

When somebody blocks you and even changes their phone number so that they can get away from you surely it's clear they want no further contact. I think I read in your other thread OP that you even went to her home town in pursuit of her. Why?

 

I didn't go to her hometown to contact her. I went there to walk the places we walked. And to drive the roads I drove when we met. I wanted some sort of closure.

[Popsicle]

"Suicidal"... yeah that'll do it for me.

[Mrlonelyone]

Let us not make too much out of you being 20 and her being 16 going on 17. A four year age difference like that is not much more than a 18 dating 14 going on 15. If it was legal where you were AND everything was otherwise consensual then that is just fine.

 

As for her changing her number etc etc etc.

 

Here is something to consider.

 

Perhaps she just wanted to loose her virginity to someone and get it over with?

 

It could well be that she wanted to notch her belt for the first time being able to say she did it with a 20 year old man and not a 15 or 16 year old boy. Once her belt was notched she moved on, and expected you to do the same. Why, because young women are often told that men don't attribute emotion to sex. WRONG but still that is the expectation of a 20 year old.

 

My recommendation to you is to find a 20 year old like yourself and try to have a relationship with them. Don't rule out women who are 4, 8 or how ever much older. You too are legal for a 45 year old cougar.

 

TL;DR His age isn't the issue since it sounds like the 16 year old may have been a bit predatory herself. The issue is she didn't want a relationship just to have some sex.

[Quiet Storm]

Although OPs behavior may not be criminal, her age is absolutely an issue because she is still a minor. She is still living with her parents. She is her parents responsibility. She is not an adult yet. She is claimed as a dependent on their taxes, they are required to provide for her, they make choices regarding her medical care. They control if she has a cell phone, her internet access, her bedtime, etc.

 

Once she's 18 and he's 22, it's a different story. But at 17, she is still a minor and that matters in many aspects of her life.

[PinkElephants]

But what about the guys that came between your first love and your current lover? Are they forgotten but not the first? Do they not hold as much sentimental weight as your first love?

Why is it so important to you that you cast your one night stand as love? Why do you need to believe that this "love" will be remembered by her forever? Are you asking people to say their first love was memorable because you want to matter to this girl and you're searching for outside "proof" that you do since her actions say you don't?

 

It was one orgasm and a little bit of hand holding which is neither a relationship nor love. I second Mrlonelyone in saying she just wanted to get it over with. For the record, my first love was not the guy I lost my virginity to. I really think you're trying to fabricate a love story where one doesn't exist.

 

It would of been different if I would of saw it as a hookup, but I even expressed how much I have feelings for her.

If she saw it as a hookup then there's nothing you can do to change anything. Please don't embarrass yourself any further.

 

Closure will be hard to find as long as you continue projecting feelings onto her that you wish she had and imagining that she'll never get over you. To find closure is to accept finality. This ending is irreversible. She decided she's better off without you and she doesn't want you in her life. Stop imagining things and work on yourself so you do better with the next girl.

[loverage21]

Why is it so important to you that you cast your one night stand as love? Why do you need to believe that this "love" will be remembered by her forever? Are you asking people to say their first love was memorable because you want to matter to this girl and you're searching for outside "proof" that you do since her actions say you don't?

 

It was one orgasm and a little bit of hand holding which is neither a relationship nor love. I second Mrlonelyone in saying she just wanted to get it over with. For the record, my first love was not the guy I lost my virginity to. I really think you're trying to fabricate a love story where one doesn't exist.

 

 

If she saw it as a hookup then there's nothing you can do to change anything. Please don't embarrass yourself any further.

 

Closure will be hard to find as long as you continue projecting feelings onto her that you wish she had and imagining that she'll never get over you. To find closure is to accept finality. This ending is irreversible. She decided she's better off without you and she doesn't want you in her life. Stop imagining things and work on yourself so you do better with the next girl.

 

The feelings I have are subjective to me and me only. For you to tell me my feelings for her were not love is bull crap. To me, I love her. Yes, it is a different type of love than you would see in a normal, adult long term relationship. Yes, I only saw her in person for two days.

 

But the feelings I had for her were surreal and nothing I experienced with other girls before. Yes, I had strong feelings for other girls before but she was unique. My feelings I had for other girls were more "forced" due to my circumstances. Like they were feelings I developed for them because they were the only girls I knew at the time and were close to without much selection. But she was the most beautiful girl I had ever been with. The other girls were trainwrecks but I liked them for different reasons.

 

It felt magical with her. When she tried to get me on that slingshot ride at the theme park and I refused, she said, "at least we would die together." It made my heart melt. We had the whole pregnancy talk and she brought up a bunch of times what if she were to get pregnant and I told her I would take care of her and the baby and it gave me the most heartwarming feeling. I always was holding her hand, I had my arms wrapped around her, I kissed her on her head and she would smile with a pretty giggle.

 

We would gaze each other in the eyes when we kissed.

 

I would die for her. I miss her so much my heart bleeds for her everyday. I LOVE her more than any girl I have been with so far. She is beautiful. She is my type of girl.

 

If she came back to me today I would take her back in a heartbeat.

Edited October 30, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[sandylee1]

Although OPs behavior may not be criminal, her age is absolutely an issue because she is still a minor. She is still living with her parents. She is her parents responsibility. She is not an adult yet. She is claimed as a dependent on their taxes, they are required to provide for her, they make choices regarding her medical care. They control if she has a cell phone, her internet access, her bedtime, etc.

 

Once she's 18 and he's 22, it's a different story. But at 17, she is still a minor and that matters in many aspects of her life.

 

Absolutely. The age DOES matter, if not to some posters, it does to me as a mother of a daughter that age and it would to many other responsible parents of a 16/17 year old. I question how a responsible parent would not be concerned about their 16 year old being in hotel with a man she'd never met before.

 

She's not an adult and you took a child to a hotel for sex....That's the basic fact of the matter.

 

Then throw in your behaviour afterwards......too scary for a kid to deal with.

 

Time to move on OP....it really is.

[sandylee1]

But what about the guys that came between your first love and your current lover? Are they forgotten but not the first? Do they not hold as much sentimental weight as your first love?

 

I really don't spend time thinking about them TBH. I haven't forgotten them, but they don't mean anything to me now. It was fun and enjoyable at the time while in the relationships.

 

Some of them...I regret.......but I don't spend any time thinking about it. I put it down to life and experience.

 

If I'm to think about all round pleasant memories of the relationship - then only 2 others come to mind. I wouldn't necessarily call it sentiment though and there's no weighting of one above the other as each relationship was different.

 

Actually I have a fairground memory like you had.......I was taken to the fairground as a suprise...but it's history. You'll get over it.

 

I prefer to focus on the present.....my life, my husband and our children.

[spanz1]

Well I started having mental health issues again and she barred complete contact with me. Even going as far as changing her number.

 

I miss her to death. And everyday I hope that one day she will talk to me again.

 

 

 

it is over. it might be hard for you to see that, but just stop obsessing over this woman.

 

 

Get your mental health back. see professionals, stay on the medications.

 

 

Maybe, when you are ready, you can find a new woman to have a relationship with. And you do NOT start a relationship with a woman by hoping into bed with her. You get to know her FIRST.

[TaraMaiden2]

There is something biblical unofficially known as a "soul tie". This is when to people are spiritually bonded after having sexual intercourse.

Yeah sure. If they stay together.

You're not together.

So there IS no "soul tie". You just had sex for the first time with each other.

(By the way, there's no such thing anyway. No 'soulmate', no 'the one' no 'permanent love'.)

 

And I feel bonded to Taylor. Even saying her name. I miss her to death. And I sort of have the whole white knight syndrome going on as well. And I don't know if visiting her town gave me closure or what but I want her back bad. Or at least my mind is telling me that.

Well you ain't dead yet, so hopefully, that's fading....

Your mind is telling you nothing of the kind.

your HEART is telling you that.

Your mind is just tacit and going along for the ride, because you refuse to listen to its logic.

 

What can I do?

Listen to logic.