The basics of the financial implications of a divorce.

[Naively.Sensitive]

I'm considering filing for divorce, to permanently separate from my wife who had an affair.

I want to first understand the financial implications of this.

In the state of Texas (communal property):

 

1) I believe the best I can expect on grounds of infidelity is perhaps a 55% of share (I guess adultery can grant an additional 5% for me) of the communal property? This is what I have casually heard from a question I posted on Avvo.com. Can a spouse who filed for divorce on grounds of infidelity in Texas, confirm such a fact?

 

2) If my wife is already earning an adequate salary, (95K+), then I'm assuming alimony won't come into play? She has a college degree in business administration.

 

3) I need to understand more about custody of the children. If we both fight for custody, what factors do the court use to decide custody and how does it work?

 

4) Is the non custodial spouse expected to pay for all the expenses for the children? I believe this is something like 20% for the first child and 25% of income for 2 children? Is the custodial parent not expected to contribute anything towards the expenses of the children? Is that 20% or 25% calculated to be a fixed amount (for all future years) based on the current salary? What if the salary changes? Does the amount get adjusted to reflect the same 20% or 25% or is a new court order needed to adjust the amount?

 

I wonder if there may be a training video, a book or a free seminar I can attend to know what to expect (financially and in terms of custody of the children) for such a divorce in Texas? Can someone suggest some good resources to learn about what is the typical outcome in my situation?

[LifeNomad]

Hi, best course is obviously to consult with an attorney some will offer free consultations, but from what I know

 

 

for #3 , for a full child custody trial they will want to have independent psychologist evaluations for your children, they will take everything into account including any kind of history of abuse or violence, as well how involved you are including with their schooling, lives etc. A full blown trial will basically involve airing out all the dirty laundry to the judge so anything you have on her or anything she has on you will be used, any people you have involved in your life, as well as the type of lifestyle you have. Ive heard when doing something like this you need to be very careful with what you do, don't be going out getting crazy drunk, if you have social media don't put pictures memes etc of anything that can be used against you. Basically keep a low profile and just be the best dad you can be to your kids, stay drug free obviously. From everything they will decide who gets full custody.

 

 

There is an alternate option of going thru mediation and coming to an agreement with your ex on making arrangements for custody however you both see fit. This would save you all the stress as well as childrens stress of everything involved.

 

 

If you can both agree to a 50/50 PHYSICAL custody, you can both split equal time with kids and neither has to pay child support, the only thing that would probably be split is probably their insurance. This cannot be ordered tho, so both you and your ex need to agree on this.

 

 

Once your kids are 12 I believe they have the option to choose who they want to live with.

 

 

for #4 once the child support is filed I would recommend talking to a lawyer and do not show up to the child support office/hearing without youu lawyer present, for 2 kids I think it is 25%. If you go without a lawyer, once the order is signed you have 30 days to petition for it. From what I understand once you are ordered to pay you cannot make any changes for 3 years unless there are any changes to your pay that equal a certain percentage, or if there is an extreme/emergency change in your financial, personal or physical situation. Also the 25% or whatever it is does not include insurance so depending on what you have it will be a little more with insurance added for the children.

 

 

As far as the child custody goes, the best thing is to do it NOW, sooner the better.

 

 

As far as outcome nobody will be able to tell you, even if she cheated but she can prove you were violent, had a drug abuse problem, bad parent etc she could still have custody of children.

 

 

These are not 100% guaranteed as many scenarios may play out that can change all of this, again the best thing is to talk to an attorney

 

 

Although its going to come down to the needs of your children , Ive also heard that when starting the child custody or child support, whoever files first will have a slightly upper hand, idk how true that is though.

[PegNosePete]

Yes, you should consult an attorney as the divisions of assets in divorce very much depend on the figures involved.

 

For example if a millionaire married a full time mother of 4, he would probably get a very different settlement if he married a woman who can support herself; and again a very different settlement if he married a millionairess.

 

Consulting an attorney with all the facts and figures is really the only way to find accurate information here. There's no way anyone can say 50% or 55% without knowing all the relevant details.

[carhill]

1. Is the cost and headache of proving infidelity to the judge, and it all being on the public record, worth the money or retribution/revenge? Those are the numbers I'd crunch

 

2. She's gainfully employed at a high salary. Unless you're a seven figure earner, don't worry about alimony. She can of course, motion for anything she wants. A Texas judge will look at her salary, then his or her personal salary, and, well, rule.

 

3. If you both fight for custody, figure blowing 100 grand of marital and personal assets on legal fees. Up to you. Personally, I'd find another way. Not to mention the toll on the kids.

 

4. Texas may differ. Here in California there's a set floor formula by DFS relating to the incomes of the respective parents. That stuff should be quantifiable independently or through your lawyer. Here in California, it's all on the DFS web site.

 

You can learn a lot about Texas divorce stuff online, through a free consultation with as many attorneys as you choose, and consulting with a mediator.

 

I'd suggest mediation is a prudent first step, even before filing anything. Once it's on the public record, it's there forever. Think it through. One day at a time. Hug the kids. Good luck!

[burnt]

Hi,

I've read some of your posts recently. Don't believe I responded to any. By the sheer content and the volume of your posts, I know you have gone through a lot emotionally.

 

To be absolutely blunt, I'm really glad you are considering divorce. Reading about how you feel, if you stay in this marriage it spells nothing but disaster.

 

But I must point out a few things:

 

WHATEVER you decide to do, do it with the best interest of your children. Whatever hate, disgust, anger you feel towards your wife, it's all valid emotion for you toward her, but don't allow that to interfere the children's relationship with their mother. Your anger will dissipate in time. You will find a new loving and faithful partner in time. But the children won't find another mother.

 

End the marriage as amicably as you can. Make the financial issue the least of your concern-don't fight over the money. No child wants to see their parents filled with nothing but hate for each other dragging each other to court with their dirty secrets brought out to public.

 

Instead of spending whatever money to pay to lawyers to make your wife pay for her wrongdoings, save the money for the kids's future--it will do more good.

 

You were hurt and betrayed--I'm not invalidating your pain, but it's bad for all of you as it is already, don't turn this into a bigger war--it's your children who will pay the heftiest price in the end.

[d0nnivain]

I know nothing about Texas law. But most states have no fault divorce. It doesn't matter why you are getting divorced / whose fault it is. That is not a factor in the division of assets.

 

See if any of this helps: Texas Free Legal Forms, Law, Pro Bono Help Finder, and Resources

 

Every state has child support guidelines. They must be followed to determine how much the custodial & non-custodial parent pays.

 

Custody is determined by what's in the best interests of the child. I once heard a judge say that if had to decide then both parents were screwed up because they were using the kid as a tug of war weapon.

[Miss Peach]

I'm not in Texas but divorced in a communal property state that has no fauly divorces.

 

I would highly recommend seeking out a few attorneys. Most do consultations up to an hour for free. It will at least let you know what is typically assigned in your area.

 

What I have learned is that even if you look at state laws, it might not take into account how your local court and judges look at the laws. If you have filed, often there is a judge that will be assigned with the filing. Even if you write up your own agreement using a mediator or an attorney, usually a judge has to sign it and it has to be filed with the court.

 

1) I believe the best I can expect on grounds of infidelity is perhaps a 55% of share (I guess adultery can grant an additional 5% for me) of the communal property? This is what I have casually heard from a question I posted on Avvo.com. Can a spouse who filed for divorce on grounds of infidelity in Texas, confirm such a fact?

 

In my state it is a 50/50 split of assets and debts accumulated during the marriage. It doesn't mean that every account has to be split down the middle. It means that the values of that account so it's perfectly fine to negotiate to keep 401K account A for bank account B. There are often a few exceptions (like inheritances, gift, etc.) which can be argued to be separate property during the marriage. Also 401Ks often require a lot more to split than an IRA and other investments so I highly recommend looking into keeping them intact rather than split them (perhaps offer something else in exchange for that value).

 

2) If my wife is already earning an adequate salary, (95K+), then I'm assuming alimony won't come into play? She has a college degree in business administration.

 

You can file for anything you want. My XH filed for alimony. In many states it's not limited to the woman to get support. Most states use a calculation formula as a guide. If your salaries are close I doubt this will be an issue. Many states also use the length of the marriage as a guide for the amount and length of support payments in the formula. In my area there is no minimum period; only a max period. That was the variable (the min time) the judge had discretion over. Since the law was vague here in my state it could also be used as negotiation point.

 

3) I need to understand more about custody of the children. If we both fight for custody, what factors do the court use to decide custody and how does it work?

 

Many areas are pushing for 50/50 custody unless the kids are babies. In my area anything less when both parents want custody is highly unlikely to be granted by the courts unless there is something extreme like rehabs, prison, etc. or have been an absent parent. This is something you'll want to talk to a lawyer about because different cities and judges rule differently around this.

 

My area forces an attempt at mediation for a parenting agreement before it can be heard in court. You'll want to figure out what type of schedule you'll want and how to handle decisions (medical, school, etc.). Be very thoughtful here because it can save a lot of headache later. Also think of things like college.

 

4) Is the non custodial spouse expected to pay for all the expenses for the children? I believe this is something like 20% for the first child and 25% of income for 2 children? Is the custodial parent not expected to contribute anything towards the expenses of the children? Is that 20% or 25% calculated to be a fixed amount (for all future years) based on the current salary? What if the salary changes? Does the amount get adjusted to reflect the same 20% or 25% or is a new court order needed to adjust the amount?

 

In my state they try to equalize the households. It's just a formula based on custody % (usually overnights), salaries, etc. Most states it's just a formula. Since they consider the household equal with the support payments, the extra expenses are usually split 50/50. Some areas (usually areas with less generous support) will do it per your income split. If you have 50/50 custody it's usually expected to maintain items at both houses. If you have very little or no custody some states make the custodial parent responsible for sending things. If it's not explicit in Texas law or you want to do something else this is something you need to put in your parenting agreement.

 

I wonder if there may be a training video, a book or a free seminar I can attend to know what to expect (financially and in terms of custody of the children) for such a divorce in Texas? Can someone suggest some good resources to learn about what is the typical outcome in my situation?

 

I would call a couple attorneys and see if they do free consultations. Most do. Local courts may interpret things differently so look for someone who worked heavily in your area (don't pick someone several towns away) IMO. As long as it looks reasonable (not one person gets 100%) most judges will sign off on anything the couple is able to agree on.

Edited January 13, 2016 by Miss Peach

[carhill]

Oh, tip I got from my lawyer, not related to divorce but in general. When choosing free, or even paid, consultations, and especially in an area with limited family law attorneys, one strategy is to engage as many as possible, or at least the most well-known and successful ones, for consultations. Why? Well, if they consult with you, they can't represent your spouse. Sound a bit mean? Probably! Your wife apparently stepping out on you was a bit mean too. Fair is fair.

[MadJackBird]

I'm considering filing for divorce, to permanently separate from my wife who had an affair.

I want to first understand the financial implications of this.

In the state of Texas (communal property):

 

1) I believe the best I can expect on grounds of infidelity is perhaps a 55% of share (I guess adultery can grant an additional 5% for me) of the communal property? This is what I have casually heard from a question I posted on Avvo.com. Can a spouse who filed for divorce on grounds of infidelity in Texas, confirm such a fact?

 

2) If my wife is already earning an adequate salary, (95K+), then I'm assuming alimony won't come into play? She has a college degree in business administration.

 

3) I need to understand more about custody of the children. If we both fight for custody, what factors do the court use to decide custody and how does it work?

 

4) Is the non custodial spouse expected to pay for all the expenses for the children? I believe this is something like 20% for the first child and 25% of income for 2 children? Is the custodial parent not expected to contribute anything towards the expenses of the children? Is that 20% or 25% calculated to be a fixed amount (for all future years) based on the current salary? What if the salary changes? Does the amount get adjusted to reflect the same 20% or 25% or is a new court order needed to adjust the amount?

 

I wonder if there may be a training video, a book or a free seminar I can attend to know what to expect (financially and in terms of custody of the children) for such a divorce in Texas? Can someone suggest some good resources to learn about what is the typical outcome in my situation?

 

Saw your post on here, jumping in from the other side. I see this has been a couple weeks out. Can you give an update on you pursuing this? Every state is different, consult an attorney. Have you done that yet?

 

General overall advice in divorce situations with kids is to take the higher road and not fight over things. It's hard especially when you are dealing with all the other emotions of getting divorced. Find a lawyer that believes in compromise and mediation for the kids sake, rather then one that may want to "screw" over the other person. In the end fighting over things and taking everything to court will just cost you more money. Sometimes significantly more.

 

1) Like someone else says, most states are no fault divorce. Infidelity does not factor into anything. Also it probably isn't worth it to fight over it in court.

 

2) It would seem like alimony would not matter. If you are making a lot more then she is, she could maybe fight for it. Your lawyer can go over this. If you are both employed they will look at each of your salaries and there is a formula for child support based on who makes more.

 

3) Don't fight for custody for the children. Your best interest is to have a shared care situation. That will reduce your child support you have to pay. If she makes more then you, then she may have to pay you child support.

 

4) Actually in my state the non custodial parent is expected to pay almost no expenses. If you have shared care like I suggest in question 3 then you share expenses 50/50. (Way less child support or perhaps non/you get child support if you have equitable salaries/she makes more.) If she has primary care and you have parenting time you will be paying her more child support but you, as the non custodial parent, should not be paying for kids expenses. That is why you are paying child support. Don't ever ever fight over that type of stuff though. If the kids need stuff at your house, then get it for them. I fall into this trap with money and child expenses and it's sometimes better just to take the high road.

 

The only thing to consider is who is covering the kids on medical expenses. Usually one parent does, and the parent that isn't paying for insurance may have to cover the first so much out of pocket. In my case I cover the kids on my insurance, and my former wife must pay for the first $250/kid then after then it is split equitable to our salary difference. Other than medical expenses other kid expenses should be covered by the custodial parent.

 

Good Luck

[Miss Peach]

 

4) Actually in my state the non custodial parent is expected to pay almost no expenses. If you have shared care like I suggest in question 3 then you share expenses 50/50. (Way less child support or perhaps non/you get child support if you have equitable salaries/she makes more.) If she has primary care and you have parenting time you will be paying her more child support but you, as the non custodial parent, should not be paying for kids expenses. That is why you are paying child support. Don't ever ever fight over that type of stuff though. If the kids need stuff at your house, then get it for them. I fall into this trap with money and child expenses and it's sometimes better just to take the high road.

 

The only thing to consider is who is covering the kids on medical expenses. Usually one parent does, and the parent that isn't paying for insurance may have to cover the first so much out of pocket. In my case I cover the kids on my insurance, and my former wife must pay for the first $250/kid then after then it is split equitable to our salary difference. Other than medical expenses other kid expenses should be covered by the custodial parent.

 

Good Luck

 

Just to clarify - Kids expenses like toys, food, and clothing typically come from child support and are not typically split. Extra curricular and medical/dental expenses typically are split.

[Naively.Sensitive]

Hi,

I've read some of your posts recently. Don't believe I responded to any. By the sheer content and the volume of your posts, I know you have gone through a lot emotionally.

 

To be absolutely blunt, I'm really glad you are considering divorce. Reading about how you feel, if you stay in this marriage it spells nothing but disaster.

 

But I must point out a few things:

 

WHATEVER you decide to do, do it with the best interest of your children. Whatever hate, disgust, anger you feel towards your wife, it's all valid emotion for you toward her, but don't allow that to interfere the children's relationship with their mother. Your anger will dissipate in time. You will find a new loving and faithful partner in time. But the children won't find another mother.

 

End the marriage as amicably as you can. Make the financial issue the least of your concern-don't fight over the money. No child wants to see their parents filled with nothing but hate for each other dragging each other to court with their dirty secrets brought out to public.

 

Instead of spending whatever money to pay to lawyers to make your wife pay for her wrongdoings, save the money for the kids's future--it will do more good.

 

You were hurt and betrayed--I'm not invalidating your pain, but it's bad for all of you as it is already, don't turn this into a bigger war--it's your children who will pay the heftiest price in the end.

 

You are extremely wise. This is exactly what I want for my kids. I want them to have a good life and I certainly don't want to mess up their childhood experience of life.

I know how it feels to have a messed up childhood, because my father had an affair and even though my parents still lived together for 60 years+ until the kids grew up, the pain I experienced as a child seeing no love between my parents has affected me for a lifetime.

 

Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do about my feelings for my wife. They are what they are, in view of what my wife did and the pain I experience is excruciating, everyday, almost 1 year after she confessed her affair to me.

 

Thank you so much for your advice.