BeautifulIdiot Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 My boss called me last night and asked if I'd heard anything from xmm and how he was doing because his wife has reached out to my boss and asked to meet him. He doesn't know why but they were friends and colleagues prior to xmm working with us. They have not, however, been in touch since xmm left (August) and really weren't in contact much the year and a half before that that, really all the time xmm worked with us. We've been completely NC since he left in August, there have been absolutely no attempts to reach out on either side so I can't see why this would be anything to do with me so far after dday. Obviously I've got no idea what happened since other than I know that at the time he lied to her about the extent of our A saying that it was only a drunken kiss and some emails. He worked with me for over a week after dday and she seemed ok to let that happen. He also told me at the time that it was unlikely that my boss would ever hear about it from her. So, should I be worried about this meeting and try to get ahead of it? The only thing that concerns me is that I outright lied to others in the company when I was asked why xmm left so abruptly. I said we had spoken about it but he gave me the same story that he gave everyone else. I dont think my position would be in jeopardy over this but it could damage the trust I have with colleagues due to the lying and I hold a position of trust. I would like to add that I know I've done this to myself, I should have been concerned about it happening all along, I probably deserve whatever is coming to me and everything else that goes with that. I'm not looking for justification that I don't deserve anything, I would just like to know if there is a likelihood that a reach out this late after dday with complete NC could be anything to do with me. For me personally if I were in her shoes I think I would want to put that part of our life behind me and not have to think about the time that he worked here. But, maybe she's already reached indifference about me and it's not a concern or a trigger for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Cymbeline Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 I wonder if they have had discussions/counselling and because of the earlier trickle truth she may like some corroborating information. Or just to find out a bit more from an independent source. She may wonder if the boss knew and he was asked to leave. She may wish to voice disquiet if the affair was known about and covered up by the boss. Some bs just want to verify as much as possible. Any damage to you would be to your reputation for integrity, not, I think, to your contract. Link to post Share on other sites
purplesorrow Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 (edited) A dday this past August would still be very fresh to a betrayed spouse just six months later. If she didn't think he was being honest with her, she likely kept digging. If she is looking for a little payback, the most it could probably do is harm your reputation as the above poster stated. Putting it far behind you this early after such a betrayal is much easier said than done for her. Good luck. Edited January 13, 2016 by purplesorrow 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 It's possible that she is trying to take revenge, but what you have working in your favor is that the A is long over and he's not at the company anymore. No one is perfect and every one has a past. It doesn't automatically mean they will disqualify you, and don't let anybody here tell you that it absolutely will. It just depends on how your superiors think. Hell, even Bill Clinton got to keep his job. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cymbeline Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 It is very possible she wants revenge. her husband's employment is no longer at risk as he has moved on. If you think she would want to forget all about it just yet, You may be a little naive and possibly have limited understanding of the hurt you have caused her emotional security and sense of identity. We are all different, but an opportunity to strike back without causing self harm would be most tempting to me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 3 months is about the time I started to wake up to realities as a BS. Initially it was all about 'thank god that's over' and plenty of HB and remaking connections. Then I began to think and wonder about what the hell I was doing and did I really want to be doing it..... H was quite straight with me and I happened to ge close to someone who knew OW's family so that helped a little. In your case MM's w may have been at this stage for a while but just plucked up the courage to contact someone else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 My boss called me last night and asked if I'd heard anything from xmm and how he was doing because his wife has reached out to my boss and asked to meet him. He doesn't know why but they were friends and colleagues prior to xmm working with us. They have not, however, been in touch since xmm left (August) and really weren't in contact much the year and a half before that that, really all the time xmm worked with us. We've been completely NC since he left in August, there have been absolutely no attempts to reach out on either side so I can't see why this would be anything to do with me so far after dday. Obviously I've got no idea what happened since other than I know that at the time he lied to her about the extent of our A saying that it was only a drunken kiss and some emails. He worked with me for over a week after dday and she seemed ok to let that happen. He also told me at the time that it was unlikely that my boss would ever hear about it from her. So, should I be worried about this meeting and try to get ahead of it? The only thing that concerns me is that I outright lied to others in the company when I was asked why xmm left so abruptly. I said we had spoken about it but he gave me the same story that he gave everyone else. I dont think my position would be in jeopardy over this but it could damage the trust I have with colleagues due to the lying and I hold a position of trust. I would like to add that I know I've done this to myself, I should have been concerned about it happening all along, I probably deserve whatever is coming to me and everything else that goes with that. I'm not looking for justification that I don't deserve anything, I would just like to know if there is a likelihood that a reach out this late after dday with complete NC could be anything to do with me. For me personally if I were in her shoes I think I would want to put that part of our life behind me and not have to think about the time that he worked here. But, maybe she's already reached indifference about me and it's not a concern or a trigger for her. You have no control. Dont bring it up or mention it. Even if it got back to anyone its heresay and Id say that was so long ago, he's not really part of my life and move on... You can't do anything about this but stay calm and realize its no longer part of your life. Whatever she says or does is her choice and out of hurt and you need to stay strong and minimize and get caught up in none of it as you've made strong choices to stay nc and put it in the past since he's left. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 You have no control. Dont bring it up or mention it. Even if it got back to anyone its heresay and Id say that was so long ago, he's not really part of my life and move on... You can't do anything about this but stay calm and realize its no longer part of your life. Whatever she says or does is her choice and out of hurt and you need to stay strong and minimize and get caught up in none of it as you've made strong choices to stay nc and put it in the past since he's left. I think the above is true. Every day of your life is an opportunity to live with integrity. I would say live in such a way that folks will doubt anything that may be said concerning past behavior. I would definitely not try to get ahead of the story or manipulate in any way. Also, August is not that far back, I agree with posters. One person, purple sorrow or waterwoman?, wrote that after three months she was just beginning to process what had happened. With this time frame, your AP's BS would have been ready to begin processing in November, and maybe she had to put processing on hold (as far as tackling the specifics not that she put her feelings aside) for Thanksgiving and Christmas as that is such a busy, energy-consuming time. Possibly she just now finally has time and energy to contact the boss. No way of knowing. To me, since her husband no longer works there it puts her in a bad light if she brings the situation to the attention of the boss. Drama is so unwelcome in the workplace and obviously from the bosses' perspective, how is she helping the company if she comes forward with dramatic information that is now a moot point. Hold your head high and make good decisions in your life from now on. It's a new day! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 Does the MM have a new job or is he now unemployed? If he is unemployed maybe she is trying to get his job back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BeautifulIdiot Posted January 13, 2016 Author Share Posted January 13, 2016 Does the MM have a new job or is he now unemployed? If he is unemployed maybe she is trying to get his job back. They're very financially stable so that wouldn't be something they would have to do. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 Sorry if I missed it. Why would the boss come to you to see what was up? Link to post Share on other sites
awkward Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 The boss probably already knows since he asked you about Ex-MM. Maybe the BS called him up and said she wants to talk about your relationship with her husband. He could be cheating again and she doesn't know its not you. Or she is just at this stage in her processing. I think it is highly likely that since BS and Boss are friends that she wants to meet with him about you and Ex-MM. She would feel comfortable talking to him. Don't worry. You are out of the affair. Keep your head held high. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 So, should I be worried about this meeting and try to get ahead of it? The only thing that concerns me is that I outright lied to others in the company when I was asked why xmm left so abruptly. I said we had spoken about it but he gave me the same story that he gave everyone else. I dont think my position would be in jeopardy over this but it could damage the trust I have with colleagues due to the lying and I hold a position of trust. All you can do is own it all IF the truth comes out and others find out. Sadly this is just a consequence of having an A with someone you worked with. Try not to worry too much, it could be something totally unrelated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BeautifulIdiot Posted January 13, 2016 Author Share Posted January 13, 2016 Sorry if I missed it. Why would the boss come to you to see what was up? It's not unusual for various people in the business to ask me if I've heard from him. He was well liked and (obviously) dropped off the face of the earth when he left and I would be the one people expected to stay in touch with him. Every so often I get a 'hey, have you heard from xmm and how he's doing'. I just give a very casual 'no, have you? I guess he must be really busy with the stuff he left to work on' *big happy face whilst dying inside and trying not to cry* In this instance boss doesn't seem to know what she wants to meet about so he called me to ask if I know what they're up to these days as it might be business related (they both freelance) and we discussed whether we still needed him in the business should him coming back to work with us come up. Thankfully the business no longer needs him so that's not a bridge I have to cross. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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