Men and caving early on in a relationship?

[Gaeta]

He said he knew I was probably wondering about him but he never thought I'd conclude he's gone for good. Then he asked: Didn't your daughter and friends tell you to not worry and It's probably just an incident? I told him NO, no one took his defense and no one thought it was acceptable to leave me with no news for so long.

[losangelena]

Well, to be fair, some of us were suggesting a slower rush to judgement.

[Redhead14]

He said he knew I was probably wondering about him but he never thought I'd conclude he's gone for good. Then he asked: Didn't your daughter and friends tell you to not worry and It's probably just an incident? I told him NO, no one took his defense and no one thought it was acceptable to leave me with no news for so long.

 

he never thought I'd conclude he's gone for good -- but he thought you'd be distraught enough to talk to your friends and daughter about the fact that he disappeared for 5 days and didn't respond to your texts and messages????

 

Like you said, you'll need to keep observing for a while.

[Popsicle]

 

Internet illiterate: He's an Internet illiterate. He doesn't have Internet connection at home, only on his phone, he doesn't have a FB account, and is not on any other social media. Without his phone he doesn't have Internet to look me up or look a phone bill or something else.

 

Dang girl, you got lucky with this one! Good for you!

[katiegrl]

He said he knew I was probably wondering about him but he never thought I'd conclude he's gone for good. Then he asked: Didn't your daughter and friends tell you to not worry and It's probably just an incident? I told him NO, no one took his defense and no one thought it was acceptable to leave me with no news for so long.

 

Okay this will be my last post.... but I DO NOT like this guy now... and okay, will say it -- I now think he's 100% full of crap...and like jen said, conning you. Why is anyone's guess, but it's clear as day to me now.

 

I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt earlier, but with this new info.... I simply can't anymore.

 

His response to your feelings of worry was extremely dismissive Gaeta....his attitude being.... it was no big deal that he was incommunicado for nearly a week.... and that you were wrong (or silly) for worrying.

 

What does he have Asperger's or something not to realize that it's simply NOT acceptable to leave a woman he is in a relationship with in the dark about what the hell happened to him for nearly a week?!

 

His attitude about this boggles my mind quite frankly...and I am shocked you are not concerned about it either TBH.

 

It's bad enough he blows you off....then just disappears for nearly a week....but when he returns, he's just so dismissive about it -- there is something seriously seriously wrong with this picture, I am sorry you're not seeing it.

 

I'm sorry, just needed to say it. Like jen said, we care about you (I know I do) and worry for you that you may get hurt again.

 

Yes you do seem to be wearing blinders about this.

 

I HOPE I AM WRONG!!

Edited January 18, 2016 by katiegrl

[Gaeta]

You're missing the part where he said after that it's true 5 days is a very long time, he's sorry and he will not put me in this position again.

 

At this point the information is all scattered over this thread so it's difficult to follow chronically the order of what was said.

 

I know you guys have my back and I am very happy for that.

 

You also know I will not last in a controlling, abusive or dysfunctional relationship. Lets say he's on probation for now and we will see how that unfolds.

[Amelie1980]

Okay this will be my last post.... but I DO NOT like this guy now... and okay, will say it -- I now think he's 100% full of crap...and like jen said, conning you. Why is anyone's guess, but it's clear as day to me now.

 

I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt earlier, but with this new info.... I simply can't anymore.

 

His response to your feelings of worry was extremely dismissive Gaeta....his attitude being.... it was no big deal that he was incommunicado for nearly a week.... and that you were wrong (or silly) for worrying.

 

What does he have Asperger's or something not to realize that it's simply NOT acceptable to leave a woman he is in a relationship with in the dark about what the hell happened to him for nearly a week?!

 

His attitude about this boggles my mind quite frankly...and I am shocked you are not concerned about it either TBH.

 

It's bad enough he blows you off....then just disappears for nearly a week....but when he returns, he's just so dismissive about it -- there is something seriously seriously wrong with this picture, I am sorry you're not seeing it.

 

I'm sorry, just needed to say it. Like jen said, we care about you (I know I do) and worry for you that you may get hurt again.

 

Yes you do seem to be wearing blinders about this.

 

I HOPE I AM WRONG!!

 

For me the problem is, the explanation is far too detailed.

 

As I said "The lady doth protest too much methinks"

 

For him to protest so much and come up with such an elaborate explanation, it actually makes him look guilty.

Edited January 18, 2016 by Amelie1980

[Kamille]

I'm skipping a lot of details but Gaeta, you're expecting men who have nothing going for them to step up and offer you a relationship.

 

So far, what I've gathered about this guy: takes him 5 days to replace a phone because he can't afford one. Has lost a job. Doesn't have internet at home. Isn't sure he can stay in the country.

 

Until this man gets his act together, he's good for a fling, not a relationship.

[Amelie1980]

I'm skipping a lot of details but Gaeta, you're expecting men who have nothing going for them to step up and offer you a relationship.

 

So far, what I've gathered about this guy: takes him 5 days to replace a phone because he can't afford one. Has lost a job. Doesn't have internet at home. Isn't sure he can stay in the country.

 

Until this man gets his act together, he's good for a fling, not a relationship.

 

Yes....you deserve so much better.

[dobielover]

I'm skipping a lot of details but Gaeta, you're expecting men who have nothing going for them to step up and offer you a relationship.

 

So far, what I've gathered about this guy: takes him 5 days to replace a phone because he can't afford one. Has lost a job. Doesn't have internet at home. Isn't sure he can stay in the country.

 

Until this man gets his act together, he's good for a fling, not a relationship.

 

I completely agree.

 

If he'd caved because he'd lost a contracting job that was keeping him in the country and went off the radar for a few days to deal, I could in turn deal.

 

But that he disappeared because he lost his cell phone, couldn't afford a new one, couldn't even remember her last name, doesn't have a job (doing construction, there's plenty of that work everywhere), isn't sure he can stay in the country... this isn't a person who's relationship-material, let alone able to step up and offer one.

 

Problems on both sides here, with him, and with G even thinking he was a good option.

[MidwestUSA]

Didn't it start out that he thought this job may be in jeopardy and he was waiting to hear?

 

Why would anyone in that sitch let their phone die?

 

Wait, okay, he lost it. Wouldn't you still want a PHONE?

[getsmartie]

He said he knew I was probably wondering about him but he never thought I'd conclude he's gone for good. Then he asked: Didn't your daughter and friends tell you to not worry and It's probably just an incident? I told him NO, no one took his defense and no one thought it was acceptable to leave me with no news for so long.

 

 

Ok then, I thought I didn't like him before but after reading this I am sure of that. This man was ALL over you, called every night and then he says this??

 

When I started dating my boyfriend, maybe about 3 wks in (so only about 3 or 4 dates) he would always send me a quick good morning text. But one day (only wks in) he leaves his house but forgets his cell. He's sort of upset that he can't send me a text and thinks I may wonder so he gets a hold of our mutual friend (who introduced us) so he can send me an email. This is a President and CEO of a large company....he's days are jammed. You see where I'm going with this....

 

I hope it works but I am not sure I would have given him another chance and I would for sure not rewarded him a sleepover.

[Gaeta]

Didn't it start out that he thought this job may be in jeopardy and he was waiting to hear?

 

Why would anyone in that sitch let their phone die?

 

Wait, okay, he lost it. Wouldn't you still want a PHONE?

 

Because now it's up to us to let our phone die ? lol c'mon. Some of you are taking this to the extreme.

[Gaeta]

 

Problems on both sides here, with him, and with G even thinking he was a good option.

 

Because I am suppose to see all that in his face on a first meeting? You have to date someone to know if he is a good option. That is what I have been doing, dating him, and up to a week ago he was doing just fine.

[carhill]

IMO, call it resolved and move on. I may have missed how his job resolved but presume that bump is over as well. Hopefully he'll be able to remain indefinitely. Meanwhile, I think I'll queue up Notting Hill for a reprise later today. Reading here, I was reminded a bit of that plot and, hey, it did have a happy ending even if a bit bumpy ride.

[MidwestUSA]

Because now it's up to us to let our phone die ? lol c'mon. Some of you are taking this to the extreme.

 

It's up to us to keep a phone if it means a possible job, isn't it? You said this:

 

"He said he has no idea what is going with the job as his phone was dead so no one could reach him. He added he is probably off the team for good but it's ok"

 

 

I guess he doesn't care if he may have actually still had a chance at work. Sounds like a winner to me.

[Gaeta]

I don't know about his job. Maybe he is filthy rich and doesn't need it. People don't resettle in a new country with nothing in their pockets and nothing to fall back on when they come from France. He's not a refugee! Before establishing himself here in March 2015 He came here 3 months, than another trip of 6 months. You have to be able to afford these kind of trips and living abroad.

 

I did not say he didn't have the money to buy a new phone, I said he did not want to spend 800$ on a new phone. Not the same.

[dobielover]

Because I am suppose to see all that in his face on a first meeting? You have to date someone to know if he is a good option. That is what I have been doing, dating him, and up to a week ago he was doing just fine.

 

You know now, and you're still seeing him.

[dobielover]

It's up to us to keep a phone if it means a possible job, isn't it? You said this:

 

"He said he has no idea what is going with the job as his phone was dead so no one could reach him. He added he is probably off the team for good but it's ok"

 

 

I guess he doesn't care if he may have actually still had a chance at work. Sounds like a winner to me.

 

Yeah, I ... don't understand any of this.

 

So worried about losing his job, that when his phone dies, he doesn't care enough to charge it or get a new one so that he can maintain contact with his employer.

[katiegrl]

Because now it's up to us to let our phone die ? lol c'mon. Some of you are taking this to the extreme.

 

I don't agree. If you are waiting to hear back from your employer re your job, then through hell or high water, you go out and purchase a new phone.

 

If I were waiting to hear back re a job, and my phone died, I would be stressing big time until I purchased a new phone. Anyone would in that same position.

 

When you asked about his job....which was such a concern for him last week, so much so that he needed to withdraw from your RL (which he admitted even though he claims that is not why he did not call)... his response was also very dismissive.

 

Almost as if he didn't give a shyt whether he heard from them or not.... to confirm the renewal of his contract (otherwise he would have purchased a new phone)...when just last week, it was such a concern for him.

 

See how none of this is jiving?

 

Anyhoo, glad to hear you're keeping eyes open and have him on probation.

 

It will be interesting to see how this unfolds.

[Gaeta]

You know now, and you're still seeing him.

 

Aren't you the one who thought it's normal for a man to disappear for 5 days to cave?

 

it's like it's ok for him to intentionally ignore me for 5 days while caving but it's a complete fabrication if his phone dies!

[Amelie1980]

Presumably he knew where you work?

 

He could have called reception and asked to speak to you.

 

Or if he didnt know your last name, maybe he doesnt know where you work.

[Gaeta]

Presumably he knew where you work?

 

He could have called reception and asked to speak to you.

 

Or if he didnt know your last name, maybe he doesnt know where you work.

 

No he doesn't know the name of my company or where my office is. We've just been enjoying spending time together not thinking we should hurry to give each other our full coordinates.

[Gaeta]

guys and girls.

 

Him and I have been dating 6 weeks, it's not my business at this point what is going on with his work. As long as he can support himself and he can provide to our outings/dating he can do what he wants with that facet of his life.

 

I don't know much detail about his work, maybe he was not happy there, maybe he had been thinking about quitting and starting his company earlier than anticipated, maybe sh$t hit the fan with his boss and he got fired or he quit...all of this is NOT by business at this time.

[dobielover]

Aren't you the one who thought it's normal for a man to disappear for 5 days to cave?

 

it's like it's ok for him to intentionally ignore me for 5 days while caving but it's a complete fabrication if his phone dies!

 

Ahhh, you're throwing red herrings.

 

2-3 days, not 5. That's when I was talking to you about this. And to cave, to address the loss of a job, yes, that's okay. To me that's a perfectly normal, common male reaction to stress or handling an immediate crisis, and one that should be initially tolerated without freaking out, especially when you're given a head's up that (1) he's about to lose his job, and (2) that's how he handles stress.

 

But as you said, that's not why he disappeared.

 

It's okay to need time to handle a crisis.

 

But this phone thing makes no sense whatsoever. So either he:

 

A. Lied to you about why you went MIA, or

 

B. He's incapable of functioning like an adult, because an adult who's worried about losing his job would have rushed out to buy a new phone to make sure he's in contact with his employer...

 

Neither of which are acceptable under any circumstances.