jen1447 Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 A few minutes ago I sent him a text. I said I understood he had things to think about and problems to solve but I would like he does not leave me in the dark. If he needs time to say so, if he doesn't wish to pursue with me to say so as well, I'm a big girl, it's ok. Any person w/any decency would answer that honestly (it's not like you're asking him to confess to a murder or sth ffs), unless whatever trauma this is is so severe that he's literally psychologically addled from it. And if it's that bad he's got bigger problems than his job. (Coping mechanism deficiency etc.) Even a really distracted person has time to shoot a quick text, so if he doesn't or does in a way that's still a blowoff, that itself speaks volumes about who he is (and the level of consideration he should hold in your life). 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Amelie1980 Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 I am so sorry. I haven't had time to read the whole thread. But I have have read snippets. I have been on the receiving end of it's my job, stress at work. I checked the guy out on Facebook sometime later and saw he was with another woman and based on Facebook activity there was overlap with us. I think he's full of ****. Sorry. A sure fire way to tell they are seeing someone else is that when they are, they fall off the face of the earth. He hasn't even replied to your text. Why wouldn't he if it was just stuff. There's more to it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 There's this really cool microbiologist researcher that's been wanting to take me out on a date (before meeting current guy). I think I still got his number. I vote for give the cool microbiologist a call ..... today! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted January 14, 2016 Author Share Posted January 14, 2016 I vote for give the cool microbiologist a call ..... today! Done! He was super happy. We talked for a bit on our lunch break. He asked if he could call me tonight. But what if guy from France calls me tonight and tells me he can't live without me??? (ya right but you get what I mean). 3 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 Whichever milieu flows, goes. IMO, there is no right or wrong answer, only what works for you. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 Done! He was super happy. We talked for a bit on our lunch break. He asked if he could call me tonight. Awesome :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 Done! He was super happy. We talked for a bit on our lunch break. He asked if he could call me tonight. But what if guy from France calls me tonight and tells me he can't live without me??? (ya right but you get what I mean). I wouldn't worry about that at all. I've learned that things have a way of working themselves out when we don't worry too much and make sure our needs are being met. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 But what if guy from France calls me tonight and tells me he can't live without me??? (ya right but you get what I mean). Well I think you know what I would do..... Tell him - while you're sorry he's having difficulties at the moment....you're not thrilled with, nor appreciate, the way he's handled the situation with you, and therefore you wish to move on. Wish him well, and hope everything works out for him. Then get up, shake those feelings off....and have a great time talking to the microbiologist tonight! That's what I would do -- however as I always say, you need to do what's right for you. Frankly I think you deserve better... but it's your choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Robratory Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 I saw him last Thursday and we had a great time. Friday in a conversation he started showimg worries that he had not been contacted by his employer for Monday big contract. Saturday and Sunday he avoided seeig me. Monday l text him and nothing back. Tuesday morning he gave me a callled saying he was now very worried because when he showed up at work Monday his name was not on the team for new contract. He then said he'd call the big boss and clear things. In the afternoon l called, left a message and nothing from him since. Well, that must sting, but on the bright side, after only a month, you already know he's the type of fine weather friend who becomes not just emotionally unavailable but entirely unavailable as soon as some clouds form. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 Done! He was super happy. We talked for a bit on our lunch break. He asked if he could call me tonight. But what if guy from France calls me tonight and tells me he can't live without me??? (ya right but you get what I mean). If guy from France calls you tonight, you say "I bid you, adieu" Seriously, though, I was on the side of giving him the space (even though at that point it was only a day, I think, that he'd gone dark so no biggie anyway, but it did sound like it was going to be longer), but I've turned sour after reading/hearing more from you. This isn't the first time he kinda blew you off either. So, Au Revoir, Pierre . . . he's got too much stuff going on for 1 month of dating. Plus, there's the son who hasn't entered the picture yet. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 (edited) Not to mention....I will be VERY surprised if he calls you tonight Gaeta. Or ever. I would think if he cared at all...he would at least have the decency and courtesy to respond to your text this morning, if only to say he will call you later. But you never know. Too much crap has gone down for only one month in Gaeta.... he's been jerking you around for awhile, and I also don't think he's been 100% forthright with you either. JMO. Edited January 14, 2016 by katiegrl 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted January 14, 2016 Author Share Posted January 14, 2016 Can I vent? When we started dating he said a few times I know I am not a handsome man but I have a lot of love to give. That makes me mad because it reminds me of all those 'self proclaimed good guys - regular joe blow' that post on here saying they can never get a date with a nice woman. Well look what they do when they get the attention of a nice woman! They can't handle it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 Can I vent? When we started dating he said a few times I know I am not a handsome man but I have a lot of love to give. That makes me mad because it reminds me of all those 'self proclaimed good guys - regular joe blow' that post on here saying they can never get a date with a nice woman. Well look what they do when they get the attention of a nice woman! They can't handle it. Paleeze . . . self-deprecation is not an attractive trait -- but some guys use it like a "hat". They really are full of themselves, but if they show a little vulnerability, the woman thinks she sees his soft underbelly. What's this guy's history? I mean, he's got a son who is still in France? What's the story with the Mom? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted January 14, 2016 Author Share Posted January 14, 2016 Paleeze . . . self-deprecation is not an attractive trait -- but some guys use it like a "hat". They really are full of themselves, but if they show a little vulnerability, the woman thinks she sees his soft underbelly. What's this guy's history? I mean, he's got a son who is still in France? What's the story with the Mom? 10 years with a woman = 2 adult sons 10 years with another woman - 1 daughter 15 I did not ask details Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 Pretty normal stuff for folks our age. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted January 14, 2016 Author Share Posted January 14, 2016 Paleeze . . . self-deprecation is not an attractive trait -- It did not come across as self depreciation but more as realistic. I attest he is not what we would consider a handsome or good looking man. He was tall, lean, nice teeth and clean cut, that played in his favor but not at all the type to turn heads. I even warned my daughter she'd be surprised of my choice but he was really nice and I felt attracted after a few dates. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 It did not come across as self depreciation but more as realistic. I attest he is not what we would consider a handsome or good looking man. He was tall, lean, nice teeth and clean cut, that played in his favor but not at all the type to turn heads. I even warned my daughter she'd be surprised of my choice but he was really nice and I felt attracted after a few dates. Doesn't matter now. Nice teeth -- buying a horse? Good luck with microbiologist! Take your time . . . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted January 14, 2016 Author Share Posted January 14, 2016 Doesn't matter now. Nice teeth -- buying a horse? Good luck with microbiologist! Take your time . . . I have a thing about teeth lol 4 Link to post Share on other sites
xcupid Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 I agree with this. I should not mention seeing him. I think letting him know that I'm thinking of him is ok but no more than that. I don't know how long to wait. I think waiting 2 weeks for a man I have seen 5-6 weeks is generous enough. Agree. Good approach. If he resurfaces, fine. If not, c'est la vie. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 I have a thing about teeth lol I get that actually. I dated a man for about a month who had such a beautiful smile, it melted me. I moved on because he was 53 and had a two year old daughter by a 20 year old woman and seeking sole custody . . . I didn't care about the 20 year old, but I don't want to raise another kid . . . Link to post Share on other sites
dobielover Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 Am I understanding that it's been like 2 days since you heard from him and you've now decided it's over because he's not handling the loss of his job well? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted January 15, 2016 Author Share Posted January 15, 2016 Am I understanding that it's been like 2 days since you heard from him and you've now decided it's over because he's not handling the loss of his job well? It's not a matter of not hearing from him. It's a matter that he is ignoring my call from Tuesday in which I left a voice mail and he is ignoring my text from earlier today. He is 48, I am 50. We're no kids anymore to be playing these games. He is lacking basic consideration toward a woman that opened her herself and her home to him. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 I don't know if this is the case with him but for some men it is extremely difficult for a man to show weakness in front of a woman. They tend to close up whenever they don't feel at their best. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dobielover Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 It's not a matter of not hearing from him. It's a matter that he is ignoring my call from Tuesday in which I left a voice mail and he is ignoring my text from earlier today. He is 48, I am 50. We're no kids anymore to be playing these games. He is lacking basic consideration toward a woman that opened her herself and her home to him. Why are you assuming these are games? That he's ignoring YOU? He's shutting down from everything, he's taking care of an immediate crisis in front of him. The world does not revolve around you. This might be his coping method of dealing with the loss of his job. Is it the best? No. But that you'd respond to that loss by thumbing your nose at him and dating another man, that quickly, is pretty heartless, IMO. I mean, this is unbelievable to me. 2 days. He lost his job. Give the guy a break. Wait until he circles back around to address that you don't like how he handled it, but don't do what you're doing now. It's not right. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dobielover Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 I don't know if this is the case with him but for some men it is extremely difficult for a man to show weakness in front of a woman. They tend to close up whenever they don't feel at their best. This is common sense to me. It's like Male Psychology 101, actually. Moreover, how she responds to this first crisis will determine whether he caves the next crisis. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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